You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen episode number 143. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello my love. I am so happy to be here with you today. I’ve been thinking a lot about today’s episode actually, not only for all my ladies, I think about you all the time. I have to tell you in my own life, this is something that I struggle with. So I can’t wait to talk to you about it.

But before I get into that, I have to tell you, I’m so excited. I’m going on vacation this week with my grandbabies and I cannot even deal with it. I have to tell you ladies, I know I’ve said this before, if you’re not new to me, you’ve heard me say this before, I, before the pandemic Paul and I, we would go on lots of vacations. And since we just have not, I mean, you know, a little bit here and there, but nothing. And I have a couple of grandbabies that I’ve never been on vacation with. I mean, it’s crazy to me, my two youngest. So I just can’t wait. We’re going to go to the beach. It’s going to be a really chill vacation. And I am so excited about it. You know that anticipation before you go on vacation. It will be 50/50 for sure.

That’s how they always are. It’ll be amazing. And then there’ll be moments, you know, where you’ll be like, ah, okay, take a breath. But it’ll be amazing. I hope summer is treating all of you, well, I know there’s been a lot of heat waves. It’s pretty okay here in Arizona, but I know around the country. So I am just wishing you lots of coolness, lots of air conditioning, for sure.

So let’s get into today’s, because I love today’s topic. So when I was on the diet rollercoaster, I was so focused on the number. You know what I’m talking about. The number was seared in my brain. I could be watching TV or in a meeting and suddenly 232 would pop in my brain, or 250, or 270, wherever I was, that number, my weight, represented so much failure, disappointment. It meant that no matter what I was doing, no matter where I was, no matter even the successes that I had going on in my life, it meant that I still was a mess. Still not good enough. I still wasn’t, you know, 120, 130, right?

I had this old belief that that’s what I needed to weight. I would start new diets and all I would think about was getting to the number – the outcome. I think for so many of us we’re so goal driven. I mean, if you think about it, this has been just, you know, planted in our brains since we were kids, right? Get the good grades, set a goal with work, life, our careers, money goals. We have so many goals. And once we set a goal, that goal, that outcome that we wanted, it was like the prize. This is important because the more I do this work, I realize that even some of the things that I thought helped me actually kept me stuck. Kept me longing for something, instead of being present where I was. What would happen when I was on the diet roller coaster is if I overate or I didn’t lose weight in a week, then I wasn’t doing enough.

When I was focused on this outcome, this result, it kept me stuck, kept me thinking it just wasn’t good enough. Then I would overeat. Then I would say, well I might as well eat it all because I’m going to start over tomorrow. I’m going to be good tomorrow. I see some of my clients struggle with this too. They tell me, I didn’t lose any weight for the last two weeks. And then they go down a spiral. I’m not doing anything right. And then as I start to coach them, as I start to get into it, they’re doing a lot right. But they’re focused on that number, that outcome, that result.

And so what happens is focusing on the number, how many pounds you lose, it actually stalls your progress. Because when you don’t get the outcome you think you should have, right, I need to lose a pound this week, or two pounds, or five pounds, whatever it is, doubt starts to creep in. And then you feel discouraged, disappointed. And then you overeat. You start sabotaging, and you have thoughts that you’re starting over again. You’re at the bottom again. Even if you’re maintaining and not gaining.

Because you’ve not reached the outcome, the goal, the number. And everything that you do until you reach that is not good enough. I want you to really think about that, and how this has shown up in your own life. One of the secrets to losing weight for the last time is to focus on the process, the basics, find successes you’re having, because when you feel successful, you keep doing the things. You keep doing the process. If you want to understand my basics, listen to episode number 6, 9, 11, and 19. We’ll place those links in the show notes. And if you’re a Boss, you know, get into the course. We talk about them, there in module one, and I go way deep in on them.

Focus in on the simple fundamentals, the basics, without the outcome attached, you will have more success. See weight loss, it ebbs and flows. When I was losing weight, I would have plateaus that would last weeks. If you focus on this number, instead of what you’re learning, how you’re failing, how you’re growing, what your data is, what pieces are working for you, it just keeps you stuck. It slows, and it can even stall your progress. Another part of this process is to understand what you really want out of it. You know we set this weight loss goal, but there’s so much more. We want to feel better, have better relationships with ourselves, others, reconnecting with our body, starting to pay attention and love it.

The result of a number on the scale is so small compared to stepping into that next version of yourself, understanding what success really means. I want you to live your best life in a body that you love. And it means so many different things. When we focus on a number, we make it mean if we’re not at that number that something’s gone wrong and that we’re not enough. It’s just not the truth. Because the number on the scale is just data. It’s just a data point to tell us, Hey, I want to do this. I want to do that. When I think of my journey to where I am today, it’s full of failure and successes. The number, it’s really meaningless. I know how my body feels because I’m connected to it.

I feel physical hunger versus emotional hunger. I talk to myself more than I listen. I consistently redirect my brain to think thoughts that serves me. My relationship with myself is better than it has ever been. Releasing yourself from the number and learning to love the process is so that you can get off this diet rollercoaster. Because when you’re focused on this outcome, this, you know, whatever, and this can, I’m talking weight loss, but I tell you my love, this really has shown up for me in business, in career, right? When you don’t get that job when you think you should get it, or you don’t get the raise when you think you should get it, or, you know, it shows up in so many areas of our lives. And if things are not coming quick enough, your brain will start to look for something new.

This is just such a part of the diet roller coaster. You’ll just start, right, if it doesn’t come quick enough, you don’t start losing the weight fast enough, then you just start looking for the next thing. When you’re focused on the outcome, the number and the timeframe, you start to feel disappointed, and you start sabotaging. And when you do that, you really start to feel kind of paralyzed. And for many of you, you don’t take action. I know, I did this for so long. Now you might start something and then white knuckle it and buckle down and restrict. But you can only do that for so long. You can only cut the carbs for so long.

And so to lose weight for the last time, here are five keys for you. One, focus on the process, the fundamentals, the basics. Losing weight is an inside job. It starts with changing your mindset, your beliefs, reconnecting with your body. And how to use your brain to make it easy. How to start talking to yourself rather than listening to all those old records that keep you stuck.

Number two, celebrate your successes. All of them. Even the tiniest of tiniest of things that in your brain is tiny. I’m sure it’s not, but this is how we talk to ourselves. We make our plan. We eat on plan and then we’re like, oh, but I could have eaten less. I could have done this. I could have moved my body. Right? I want you to start to celebrate your success. See you’re not wired to see them. You have to intentionally look for them. You are wired to only look for what is wrong. I just saw this reel of Justin Prince. He’s like a business guy. And he was talking about how we’re wired. Your brain is always looking for danger, right? I mean, that’s just a known thing, but I loved the example that he gave.

He gave the example of seeing like a car crash, right? Seeing, you know, people pulled over on the side of the road and you’re, oh, you always slow down. You always pay attention. You want to see it. Your brain is like, what’s happening? What’s going on there? Right? Because our brain is, again, always looking for the danger. But you can drive by a sunset every single day and not really notice it. I like this example because this is just how we’re wired. And I think for many of us, we just think something’s wrong with us. And it’s literally how our brain is wired. We have to look for our success. We have to practice looking for them, celebrating them.  Being in a community where you can celebrate your success without judgment. I think about my Transform Bosses. Part of our program is our community, and really being able to celebrate successes and not feeling weird about it, feeling amazing about it. It’s so important in your weight loss journey.

 Two, remove yourself and thoughts from the outcome. You can have a goal, I like goals, but spend 99% of your time thinking about the process and what you’re thinking and believing about it. It is who you are becoming when you focus on the process. And then when you fail or you have challenges, you just keep doing the process, because you will have success. Successes like I made my realistic plan, I ate on my realistic plan, I checked in with my hunger. These small successes, they just build on one another and they keep building. If you’re just focused on that number on the scale, you will cause more of this drama in your brain, that you’re not doing enough, even if you’re doing so many things that are good, that feel good. I think about this. I like to be strong. It’s something as I’m aging that I’m really focused on. I like to lift weights. I like to stretch my body. This has nothing to do with a number. It’s interesting because I don’t really have a goal around it. I just know that I like to feel strong. I like to build my muscle. I like to stretch my body.

I tell you my love, number three, this is it. Remove yourself and thoughts from the outcome. It makes such a difference when you just focus on the process. Number four, it is not better when you reach the goal. And I know so many ladies will be like, oh, if I just could lose this weight, then everything would be better. Now I know, right? You’ll love certain things about it. You will. But you’ll still have to manage your brain. And your life is still going to be 50/50. This is why so many of us, and I know you’re listening to me right now, and you’ve probably lost and gained hundreds of pounds. This is the diet roller coaster. Because you didn’t learn to love the process while you were losing weight, it wasn’t something that you could always do.

When you lost a certain amount of weight you started sabotaging, because you always take your brain with you. All those old thoughts and beliefs. This is why diets are so unsuccessful. You can restrict for so long. You can, you know, do the thing. You can, you know, exercise for however long it is for you. But then at some point, all those old thoughts, like I just want to be normal, I don’t want to do this anymore. Why can’t I be normal? And then you just start sabotaging and gaining it back. When you get to whatever that number is for you, it’s just, you’re still gonna have this 50/50 life. But if you learn how to love the process, see, I love making my realistic plan. It takes two minutes and then I don’t have to negotiate about food all day. I learned to love the process.

How I lost weight is the way that I’m going to live my life as long as I’m on this planet. The outcome and the results of the process, honestly, it’s just fleeting quick success. And then your brain is going to move on to the other 50%. Have you ever lost 20 or 30 pounds, and you’re feeling good, but it’s just for, you know, a little bit till you try on those jeans and you’re like, Ooh, this feels good. And then your brain’s like, oh, this isn’t good enough. Oh, you have loose skin. Oh my goodness. You know, you need to lose more. You need to do better. You need to buckle down. And then you start sabotaging. My most successful clients are focused on the process, the fundamentals. They start to believe new things about themselves. A successful outcome is just what happens when you love the process. And you’re just all in, even when it’s no longer exciting and new.

Number five, release the timeframe. I know my love. It’s one of the most powerful things. When you can unattach yourself to the time. This, you know, I need to lose 20 pounds before the wedding, before school comes back in, before the vacation, you know, I’ve got to get it off, then I’ll feel better. My love, what happens is you put all this pressure on yourself, then you feel overwhelmed. Then you do nothing. Or you start to binge eat. You start to overeat. You start to disconnect. Release the timeframe. Because when your brain starts thinking, it’s not happening quick enough, you start to feel discouraged. And then it gives you an excuse to overeat, disconnect, and start to search for the next quick fix. When you focus on the steps of the process, the basics, you’ll be amazed at how you feel, how you show up and the results that you get.

My love, I love this episode because it’s so important in losing weight and getting off the diet roller coaster. It’s focusing on the steps. It’s focusing on the moment, the day, instead of this goal and being obsessed about it and the number on the scale, so that every time you see what you actually weigh, you have so much mind drama because it makes you feel that you’re not enough. And I just want to remind you, you are enough. You always have been. And that number on the scale, it’s just data. It doesn’t mean anything about you.

My love, if you want to go deeper into this work, take my free course at freebosscourse.com. I will see you next week. Bye my love. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.