Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast is Available to Watch or Listen Here:
T-BOSS TAKE 9: Over-Desire and Urges
In today’s episode Shannan teaches how to come into awareness and recognize over-desire for food. If you have been on the weight loss journey and the diet roller coaster, over desire and urges have shown up for you. Shannan teaches us about desire, urges and over desire and how they show up in weight loss. You will learn a three-step process that will help you to stop an urge and desire something less.
In this episode…
≫ [2:30] Desire is a feeling and we take action on that feeling.
≫ [4:07] Urges are feelings that come from a thought.
≫ [5:03] You can have a feeling, an urge, and decide what you want to do next.
≫ [5:12] Over desire is when we over desire something that isn’t giving us the results we want in our life.
≫ [8:00] Understanding and building the evidence that you can desire something less starts with understanding and becoming aware of where you are over desiring something and why do you want to change it.
≫ [8:25] Awareness is the first step in the process of desiring something less.
≫ [9:45] The second step in the process is deciding. Do you want to have the urge?
≫ [10:06] After you decide whether you want to eat or not eat, you stop, disrupt and breathe which is the third part of the process.
≫ [11:49] You can take an extra step and ask yourself questions. Why don’t I want to desire it any longer?
Featured on the Show:
Learn more about Transform Boss here – My Monthly Membership program to take this work deeper.
Follow me on Facebook – @bflycoaching
Follow me on Instagram – @shannanchristiansen
Follow me on YouTube – @shannanchristiansen
You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 180. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.
Hello love. So happy to be back with you. First, before we get into the show, I just wanna make sure that you’re following me. Hit the plus sign or subscribe wherever you listen to the podcast, or if you’re watching on YouTube. This way every Wednesday, I’m always in your app or I’m always on your channel. Yes. You don’t wanna miss a thing. This stuff is juicy. I know. The podcast is so good.
Okay, so first, before we get into it, I just really do have to talk about the weather for a moment. I actually told someone the other day that I felt like I had moved to Kansas, Toto. The weather in Arizona, I mean, nothing against Kansas, love Kansas, but it has been windy, cold, rainy. I just don’t even know what’s happening. Like today, it’s gonna be 70 degrees and I cannot wait. I’m going out.
I’m getting out there because it has been the coldest, I think maybe even on record, I know for at least the last decade, the coldest. So, you know, wherever you’re at, I’m wishing you warm thoughts. It is gonna be 70, I won’t complain. 70 today. It’s gonna be nice and warm today. But we have been in like highs of 40s and 50s. I mean, what is happening? I know, I know. We had a windstorm the other day. I, it was crazy. I was like, oh my goodness, what is happening? So I hope wherever you are, you have lots of warmth. And if you don’t, I hope this brings you some warmth today.
If you have not signed up for the Masterclass, I know it’s happening on Saturday, you do not wanna miss it. March 11th, 2023. So if you’re listening before then, we are doing a masterclass. And if you are a member of Transform Boss Weight Loss, do not worry, you’re already in. But if you’re not, I’m opening this up to the public. I don’t do it very often, but I wanted to do it. This masterclass is all about how to lose weight like a Boss. And I’m gonna go through some fundamentals, but more importantly, I love the fundamentals. They’re amazing, and we’re gonna just dig deeper in on them because this is a masterclass and we are going to do some work together.
And we’re gonna do some actual exercises with food. So your favorite food, make sure you bring it. It is gonna be amazing. You’re gonna walk out of that masterclass knowing what to do, having a plan. I’m feeling like a boss and feeling better that I know for sure. So go to bflycoaching.com/lose, L O S E and get registered. You want to, it’s $19. I mean, come $19, it’s the best $19 you’ll spend. I know that too. All right. And I wanna make sure you walk outta there with some wins. So #wins.
Yes. So today’s TBOSS take is all about our favorite. It’s not. It’s really not. I know ladies, it’s the scale and the number. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I had a love-hate relationship with the scale. It was formed through many years of just disappointment and frustration. And you know, the love part came if I was losing weight. And so when I would get on the scale and I was losing weight, I’d feel really good. And so I’d be like, ah. And it would change how I felt in the day. And if I got on that scale in the morning and I had gained weight, or I had maintained weight, a lot of times I would feel really bad. Like bad, like angry bad, like disappointed, frustrated, feeling like I was broken. Something was wrong, feeling like nothing was gonna work.
I really want to just dig into this today and give you my take on it because you know, this is what I do ladies. I coach women on how to live their best life in a body that they love and how to lose weight for the last time. And so much of this work is this, changing your mindsets and beliefs about things like the scale and what the number means. And I’ve done a previous podcast on the number and what it actually means. So you’ll wanna listen to that. We’ll put it in the show notes so you have it. But today I wanna talk about this idea that when you get on the scale, you are good, and when you get off the scale, you’re bad.
And then also, how to start to actually focus on something different. I always challenge my ladies to get on the scale, but I wanna tell you the difference and why. So let’s get into it. You have probably been on the scale. Maybe you are one of the ladies who you haven’t been on the scale. You can’t tell you, you threw it away. You got so frustrated, you threw it away and you just didn’t want anything about it. But I wanna tell you about this time when I was on the diet rollercoaster, I was obsessed. I was following a new, you know, diet. I was actually working with a nutritionist and I was on this very strict diet, and I was getting on that scale multiple times a day.
I had no concept of how our bodies fluctuate. I was restricting and it felt obsessive. My day, if I got on that scale and I had lost some weight, great. And then I would get on it later and if I hadn’t moved, or maybe I gained some during the day, which that’s what happens when you drink and you know, whatever, I would start to feel bad. I would start to think, oh my gosh, this isn’t working. And I would go through this whole puddle, puddle, puddle of like, I’m never gonna lose the weight. This is always gonna be my struggle. This is so hard. I’m doing everything perfectly and I’m still not losing weight. So I would feel this extreme amount of just pressure, it was like a pressure cooker. Have you ever felt that way?
Just like this number was everything. It came from this original thought that was really good, that I wanted to go to this nutritionist. I wanted to lose weight. I want, right? The intentions were good, but the execution and what I was focusing on, what I was, you know, gauging my success on was this one data point. One data point. This number on a scale didn’t matter how I was feeling, didn’t matter that I was learning new things. It didn’t matter, any of that. It didn’t matter how I felt in my clothes, it didn’t. None of that mattered. That one data point.
You know, as you embark on this journey, and especially if you’re a client, I mean, all of you are students of mine, as you embark on this journey to lose weight for the last time, there are many data points, there are many parts of the process.
The number on the scale is the least valuable as a predictor of your success. I know you’re like, Shannan. What I know, when you’re just solely focused on that number, you will have so much mind drama around if it’s going well or it’s not going well. And so what will happen is you will start to doubt the process. Whenever you gain a pound or you start to maintain weight, you will start to look at that as bad. And then this is what happens.
I wanna take you through this thought cycle. You have been following your realistic plan. You have set your minimum baselines. If you’re new to me and you don’t know what those are, we will link some episodes for you in the show notes. But whatever you’re doing, if you’re eating less or you’re checking in with your hunger, whatever part of the process you’re doing, you’re feeling good about it, you’re feeling amazing about it, you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m, I’m doing something for myself. I’m showing up. And then you get on that scale. And let’s say that you gain two pounds. Suddenly all of those amazing thoughts, all of the things that you have been doing, the feelings of committed, confidence, proud, all of that goes out the window.
You just throw it all away. You’re like, oh my gosh, I gained two pounds. And then you go into the puddle of these thoughts, I can’t do this. My body doesn’t work. I’m too old. I’m hitting menopause. All the things. It’s not for me. My parents, my genetics. And then it ultimately boils down to I’m broken. I can’t do this. My, you know, this has always been my struggle. Who am I to think that I could even lose this weight? And when you think those thoughts, my love, when you think all of that, you feel defeated, you feel destroyed, you feel just disappointed, sad, like all of those feelings come rushing in.
And then you do the thing that you have always done. When you are seeking comfort and escaping negative emotion, you start to buffer, you start to disconnect, you start to overeat. You start right though, because ladies, if you’re listening to this and you’ve struggled with your weight, you have buffered, you have put something in between you and your feelings, which most likely most of the time is food. And so you have this thought, I can’t do this. And this all stemmed from you jumping on the scale and seeing that it went up, and then, or even that you maintained it. And then you start going and feeling all these negative emotions, and then you start taking negative action against yourself. And then you repeat this cycle over and over and over again.
I did this, I know this. I know this because I did this for so long, and I just wanna offer you that there is a different way. I wanna give you my take on it. The scale is just data. It’s just data for you to use. You are not good when you lose weight or bad. You are not bad when you gain or maintain weight. The number on the scale does not define who you are and your progress. This is so important.
So there’s two ways I want you to think about this. If you want to look at Shannan, I have this goal, I want to lose this much weight, and you wanna look at the progress that you’re making on your goal, then I want you to look at it as one of many data points.
And I want you to look at this monthly, quarterly, and yearly. I don’t want you to look at this daily and weekly, and I’m gonna talk to you about getting on the scale daily and weekly and what that means. A better gauge of your progress towards your goal when you’re looking at the number is looking at it on a monthly, quarterly, or yearly basis. Because then you can see your true progress in that number. Are you maintaining weight? Are you losing weight? And maybe you’re new to me and you, you know, you’ve gained weight when you look backwards. No worries, my love. Moving forward again. And that’s just the one data point.
But also monthly, quarterly, yearly. I want you to look at like what is the progress in how I’m showing up for myself? How am I following the fundamentals, the basics of what I teach? How am I checking in with my hunger? How am I thinking about myself? Has that changed? How’s the conversation with myself? There are so many other data points to look at in Transform Boss Weight Loss. Every month we do what we call a Boss review and we just look at progress and successes. And you know, we do this every month because looking at what you’re doing right, looking at your successes will help you to have more of them.
We think weight loss is just this number, but it’s so much more. It’s how you feel about your body, it’s how you feel in your strength. There’s just so many other things. And we focus on this one data point. And so even when you’re looking at it monthly, quarterly, or yearly, I want you to look at those other pieces. How are you feeling in your clothes? How is your strength and movement and flexibility? How are you showing up for yourself? How are you talking to yourself? Have you changed the conversation with yourself? How are you, you know, this is for my Bosses, how are you showing up in the community? How are you doing the course? How are you putting in your minimum baselines?
There’s so many parts of the process that you can focus on to see your progress. Ladies healing your relationship with food and getting off the diet roller coaster for good. This isn’t a 30-day quick fix. This is learning how to implement these one to two steps at a time. Now the second part of this is the daily or weekly weigh-in, and checking that number. And the reason why I tell my clients that they should do this has nothing to do with progress on the goal.
This is important, this is very disconnected from this. This is to get on the scale, look at that number and see all the thoughts that come up. So if you get on the scale, maybe you’ve lost weight and you start thinking, oh my God, I’m so good and this is working, I want you to really challenge those thoughts, because remember, your worth or the progress you’re making, connecting that to that number just keeps you on the diet rollercoaster. Because you are through this process, going to get on the scale and it’s gonna go up a pound or two, or it’s gonna stay the same, and when you can disconnect yourself from that, and you’re like focused on the process and you #trusttheprocess, that is when you get on there monthly, quarterly, and yearly and you’re like, holy moly, I’m releasing weight for the last time.
So the challenge for the daily and weekly is so that you can work on your mind. The daily looking at that number, the weekly looking at that number, it’s so you can start to work on your mindset. So you can start to disconnect your worth from that number. Because whatever you weigh, you’re worthy, lovable, beautiful, all the things, ladies. All the things my love, all of them. And so when you disconnect from that, that is where the real work comes in. Because when I started to do this and I started to disconnect my worth from that number, I started to follow the process and love the process. I loved becoming the scientist of my body. I loved, you know, seeing if I was hungry or not, or what food fueled me. I started to fall in love with food that fueled me. And then, and then also when I loved the food that I always loved, like cookies and sugar cookies, cakes, or you know, whatever the deal was sugar wise, I’m a sugar girl, then I could also slow down, really enjoy it, taste it, and also figure out do I even really like it?
I know it’s this whole process I just started to fall in love with. And when you start to fall in love with the process, weight loss becomes easy. It becomes like, oh yeah, this is what I’m doing. You start to get curious instead of beating yourself up. Because you got on the scale and maintained weight, we talk about plateaus, and when you look at it as just data, then you can get curious, well, why? Am I getting enough sleep? Am I getting enough water? So this brings you back to questioning about, oh, I’m doing the basics, the body basics or the brain basics or the eating basics, and they’re my fundamentals. And we have lots of episodes in the podcast on ’em. We’ll link a few in the show notes if you’re new to me.
Again, just focusing on the basics of long-term weight loss instead of beating yourself up and then going through that whole process of I beat myself up, I tell myself I’m not good enough, then I feel defeated, I feel frustrated, and then I go back to not wanting to feel that feeling. I want the comfort and the dopamine hit of eating, and then you overeat. And then it’s the whole cycle repeats over and over and over again. And my love, there’s just a different way. There’s just a different way.
And it’s looking at that number in two different ways. One, you wanna track your progress. And so tracking your progress means the scale number. How are you making progress on showing up for yourself, changing the conversation, right? All of those things. And then the second part is that daily and weekly looking at the number in that way. And again, this is just to start to become aware of what you’re making that number mean so that you can challenge it and start to change your thought and mindset around what the number is.
You know, it’s so interesting because I think we all have had this number in our head of what we should weigh. And it’s just I, I tell you, when you can disconnect and that number is just data and it just doesn’t mean that much, and you start focusing on the process, you will start to find like, whoa. When you weigh in monthly or quarterly or even yearly, whatever you decide to do, you’re like, whoa. Like I’m releasing the weight. But more importantly, I’ve started to believe new things about myself. I’ve started to change the conversation with myself. I’ve started to focus on the care and started to treat myself with kindness and love. And when that starts to happen, it’s just magical. It’s magical. And you know my love. I want that for you. I want that magic for you. #trusttheprocess and focus on the process.
Number one, pick one to two things from the things that I teach. The fundamentals, the basics, checking in with your hunger, or it could be the realistic plan. And then two, disconnect your worth from the number. Now this is a process of starting to get on the scale, see that number, be aware of what’s going on, and then decide to believe something different. And number three, right? Know what you’re getting out of the scale. Are you looking at it as data, right? Just a number.
And it’s a way that you want to actually celebrate the progress that you’re making in other areas. And in that, again, understanding like what is it that the scale is bringing me? What is this number? What am I making it mean about my worth and disconnecting it from your worth. When you start to focus on the process and you start to focus on what you’re doing right and the successes, it is amazing what happens. It’s amazing how you start to release the weight when you focus on the process and loving the process.
For so long, I thought weight loss was just the hardest thing. I thought, oh, I’m never gonna do it. But the hardest thing was my mindset. It was what I was thinking about it and believing about it, and how I was making my worth and that I wasn’t good enough and making my worth about the number on the scale when I’ve always been worthy. You’ve always been worthy, you’ve always been enough.
Next week I’m gonna teach you all about how sabotage is sidelining your success. We’re gonna get into some sabotage. Sabotage sounds like this big word, and I wanna just make it not mean as much, and to start to “shine a light on it.” That’s from Gay Hendricks from the Big leap. And as always, if you wanna take this work deeper, come join us in Transform Boss Weight Loss. We’d love to have you. I’d love to be your coach and help you start to change your mindset about the scale and what it means in that number so that you can release the weight, so that you can lose weight for the very last time. You can go to jointransformboss.com to check it out. All right, bye.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B F L Y coaching.com. See you next week.