You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 182. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. So the weather in Arizona, I know I am sure it’s been this way all over the country, but we’ve had a really cold winter. We’ve had lots of rain and wind. It’s just been very unusual. But I do have to say, we’ve had some days where the sun come out, and I know we’ve had a lot of cloudy days too. I tell you ladies, it’s just been very different than what it’s normally been, which is fine. I don’t wanna complain about it. The rain is good. You know, I’ve worn a lot of sweaters, which is fun, but we’re starting to warm up a little bit, I think. My fingers are crossed. We’ve had days in the seventies, so I love that. So wherever you’re at, I hope that you are starting to see a little glimmer of spring, maybe not quite yet, but I’m wishing you some sunshine for sure.

So I want to talk about in this episode and give you my take on, you know, going solo versus having support. I’ve done both. Mostly I’ve been solo, and it’s not that I haven’t tried, you know, I remember early on my cousin and I doing some diets together, but I do have to say this because I felt a lot of shame about gaining weight, especially, you know, I had weight loss surgery, and then I gained, you know, more than half of it back. And I remember just carrying a lot of shame. Like here I did what I thought was the ultimate thing that was gonna bring me all the success. And here I was again, gaining weight. I was headed right back up to 300 pounds and just had a lot of shame. And so I wasn’t sharing that I was trying new diets. I went back to WW, I did Atkins, you know, I was trying all of these different things and I wasn’t sharing that with anyone.

I mean, Paul probably knew a little bit, but I really wasn’t sharing it with a lot of folks because I, again, felt so much shame about it. You know, I think if you’re early in your diet rollercoaster, trying it with some of your community, but if you anything like me, and you’ve been on the diet rollercoaster for a long period of time, you really try to do it yourself because you feel like I’m smart, I am successful in many areas. I have this beautiful life. Why can’t I figure this out? Why can’t I figure this one thing out? I think it just because it, it creates, you know, there’s frustration, confusion, shame, disappointment, right? You feel so much disappointment in yourself, and you don’t wanna tell anyone that you’re starting the new next great thing, because what if it doesn’t work out?

And I think this shows up too, because you know, you don’t even really want others to notice as you’re losing weight or to comment on you losing weight because you, you have this fear of, you know, if people start commenting, if people start saying something, I’m gonna gain it back. And so there is just so much built into that, and we have so many different emotions about it because of this long history of being on the diet roller coaster. I think too, I’m an introvert, so this is for all my introverts, or I always think there’s a mix of introverts and extroverts, meaning you’re a little introverted, but you got a little bit of extrovert too, so I’m talking to all of you. Because I would get my energy from being alone. And so I was processing a lot of this, you know, diet mentality, a lot of my shame, a lot of my feelings by myself.

What it did was kept me what I like to call thought looping, where you just think something over and over again. And then it kept me in what I like to call the puddle, where I was just feeling really bad about myself. I had a lot of negative self-talk, a lot of chatter going on in my head, and a lot of it was in my subconscious. And so the next thing I would know, I would be in the pantry eating, or in a fast food drive through, and not really understanding like, why was I doing this? It really was because of all of these thoughts that were just happening. A lot of them, this chatter was in my subconscious. And I say this because when you do this by yourself, you, you know, tell yourself this is the time, you know, I’m starting Keto, I’m starting Octavia, I don’t know all the many diets out there. And you’re like, I’m going back one more time, and this is the time.

And then, you know, you’re like, I’m not gonna tell anyone because you know, I know I have ladies in Transform Boss who have not told anyone because again, of this shame. So you are not alone in carrying the shame about your weight. I just want you to know that one. And two, I want you to know that you don’t have to go it alone, that there are women out there who are like you. There are programs like Transform Boss Weight Loss, where there’s a community of support of like-minded women. Going it alone just keeps you, and especially if you’re an introvert, in this really negative mind chatter.

And so even though you might start taking action, you try to get yourself pumped up, you know, you’re like, I’m motivated. Motivation is fleeting. It’s, you know, 15 to 90 seconds maybe. Maybe if you can keep it going. It’s a feeling, right? So it can, it can go really fast, actually. And so you can feel really good, and then you’re like, you know, two hours later something happens, or you feel a negative emotion, you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m eating again. Why can’t I figure this out? And I think about when I was growing up, right? We had friends and my parents had friends, and we knew all the neighbors, and I don’t know, it was just different.

And now, you know, we’re becoming where we’re on social media, and I think it just gives us this false sense of community and connection. We’re just watching things. You know, we’re watching videos or maybe we’re putting a like on someone’s post, or maybe a brief comment, but we’re not really having this sense of connection and community where we’re interacting, where we’re checking in with each other, even some accountability or some inspiration, right? We’re not having that. And so I think social media too can attribute to this, right? It can give us this false sense of connection. And I think more importantly, it actually is a really big proponent in us comparing ourselves with others and making us feel bad.

And so my take on this is that you can go solo. And I think that it’s harder, and I think it’s harder because you don’t have a community where you have real connection. I think about my community in Transform Boss Weight Loss. There’s real connection. Ladies are getting to know each other. They’re in mini tribes, and they’re sharing very vulnerable things, inspiration, and they get to know each other. They’re doing things like happy hours and having fun together. Or they have these chats or direct messaging each other, or they start to share their phone numbers, and they have this real connection. It’s not just some, you know, random person that we knew one day that we put a little heart on, you know, or we say some random comment, or someone says that on ours, right? This is real connection.

And so having a community with like-minded women who are going through the same thing. I think about all the shame around keeping weight on, losing weight. I wanted everyone to know that I had it together. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I wanted everyone to think, oh yeah, she’s a successful this. And I didn’t feel that way. I mean, I was on my way home from work, going to the gas station and buying Cinnabuns, and I was doing a lot of secret eating, and I had so much shame, you know, I would take food into my office and just eat it in there.

It’s not that people couldn’t see the weight on me, but, oh, I tell you ladies, it’s a very strange thing, because people can see the weight, yet we carry a lot of secret shame about it. For some of you, I think about all my extroverts out there, who, you make fun of yourself, you make yourself the butt of jokes because that’s how you cope with it. And so having this community where you have love and you have support is a place where you can start to feel like you belong. I think one of the core things as humans we want is connection. And we want to feel like, like we belong.

And when you’re a part of a community that’s loving and supportive, there’s no perfectionism, there’s no judgment, there’s no shaming. You’re not on the outside. And this is for all, you know, I wanna talk to all my Transform Boss ladies. And I just wanna say, I’m proud of the community that all of you have built, because it’s not just me. It’s everyone is a part of in the fabric of our community. All of you are part of it, and all of you belong, and you’re all a part of creating it, and it’s such a beautiful place. So for all my ladies who are listening today, you can go solo, you can keep doing it. I think it’s really difficult, and I think it’ll keep you on the diet rollercoaster way longer than you ever, ever want. My take is have a community, find a community. Find a community of women who will support you, who will love you, who will challenge you, inspire you.

And so number one, find a community of like-minded women to support you. Number two, lean into the community. Lean into it. Be a part of it, whether you’re a lurker, especially when you’re beginning, right? But then as you start to feel comfortable, share and really lean into it. Go to the community for support, for inspiration, for accountability. And then number three, allow yourself to feel the connection. Allow yourself to believe that you belong, because you do.

So allow yourself to believe that you belong. For many of us carrying weight, we have built a wall of weight around us. You know, we did it for many different reasons, coping reasons, safety reasons, all sorts of reasons. But we have this huge wall in between us and the other humans. And when you have a community where you can start to feel safe, where you can start to feel accepted, just lean into it and allow yourself to feel that connection so you can start to safely break down some of those walls. I know for me, when I go to our community, I can share anything. I share my challenges, I share my successes. I share things I’m struggling with. And I know that I’m gonna go there and feel nothing but love, nothing but acceptance. And they know that I’m a human, just like, like everyone is.

So one, find a community to support you. Two, lean into the community. Three, allow yourself to feel the connection. Allow yourself to safely let some of your walls down. All of this will help you expedite your success in living your best life in a body that you love. And I wanna tell you ladies this. Friday, March 31st, we are closing Transform Boss Weight Loss. We’re not gonna open again until the summer.

So if you’ve been on the fence, you’ve been thinking about coming and joining us, maybe you wanna take this work deeper, or you want the community. This is my monthly membership program where you’re gonna learn how to lose weight for the last time with support and love, and accountability and inspiration. And you can learn more about it at jointransformboss.com.

And next week is all about success. It’s the magic sauce to your dreams. Yep. All right, bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B F L Y coaching.com. See you next week.