I felt like an alien at my new firm, but that was OK!

About 3 months into my new job last year, I started to have a lot of negative feelings. I had thoughts around, “why did I do this?”, “can I do this?”. I was overwhelmed and confused. I wanted to be farther along in the journey than I was. I wanted to know everything about my new job, I wanted to have deep relationships with my peers and my people. I wanted the future state right then. I did not want to feel the negative emotions that come with learning and growing. We all do this all the time. We want the future right now without all the pain and negative feelings. We want the quick fix. We stay in “indulgent” emotions like overwhelm and confusion. When we are in those emotions, we do not take action. We shutdown. We buffer. We avoid. 

But we can feel all those emotions. I quickly realized what my lizard brain was doing, through self-coaching and coaching from others. I felt like an alien in my new firm and that was ok. When I showed up as my true self then eventually it would all work out. It just takes time. I have great relationships with my team and peers now. But it takes time. There is no quick fix.
The same is true for weight loss. You have to go through all of the negative emotions, and it takes time. We must reprogram our brains from years of diet mentality and beating ourselves up. We must pay attention to our lizard brain and what is really going on. We have to feel uncomfortable and feel like aliens in our own skin. It is the change process. It is possible to lose weight and never gain it back. It is possible to love the body you are in, to come home to it.

Freedom is Planning

I would say in my earlier life I thought I was a free spirit, I did not like to plan, and I always showed up late. I have this “optimistic” view on time which means, I never give myself enough time. I always think I am going to do things quicker than I can. I did not like to plan. I thought planning felt like handcuffs, I had these dreams that being more spontaneous was freedom.

But I have learned that freedom is planning. It is sitting down each week and looking up from this whirlwind we call “life” and planning what I am going to spend my time doing. I call this Time Leadership. Instead of the whirlwind (or my lizard brain) leading my week, I lead my week. I choose what I am going to eat, what I will accomplish, my work time, and my free time. Planning has given me the ultimate freedom to use the 168 hours I get each week. I get more done with less stress than I ever have.

How do you lead your time? Is the lizard brain making decisions behind your back and leading what you are going to do? Do you buffer or avoid because you are not planning?

Loving the Good, Loving the Bad. Finding balance.

Yesterday, we had a team meeting with our team that is supporting our new company. I have been so excited all week because this is the first meeting of the great new adventure we are on. I just could not wait for it. Yesterday, I started to notice I was having some negative feelings; overwhelm, anxiety, and I was nervous. I noticed the feelings, and then I recognized the thoughts that were twirling around in my brain. Can we do this? Is this too much? Are we going to let the team down? Is this going to be productive? Can we figure out all the tech? None of the thoughts were serving me. I sat with the feelings. I let them come in. I did not resist or try to push them down. I gently welcomed them. I did not reach for food. I always thought I should be happy. I always thought I should feel positive emotion 100% of the time. Isn’t that the way “those” happy people on Facebook feel. But honestly, I have learned it is 50/50. 50% of the time it is positive and 50% negative. When I first learned about this, I wanted to change the scale, I wanted it to be 70/30. I wanted 70% happy emotions and 30% negative. I was arguing with reality. Every day I feel a balance of emotions. I now know that it is ok to have negative emotion. I do not resist, avoid, or buffer. I allow it, I expect it. I notice what thoughts are causing the feelings. I ask myself, is this something I want to think, is it true, and does it serve me? We had our 1st team meeting yesterday and it was awesome! But there were all kinds of different emotions that were present. We just sat with them, allowed them, and moved on to the creation of something amazing!

Learning to Love Transition

The last eight years I have been in transition a lot, whether it was moving to Chicago, Utah, back to Phoenix, losing my mom, or moving firms.  I was thinking about this yesterday and how I have called transition “hard”.  In the past when I was in transition, I let my lizard brain take over.  I would eat out of control, stop exercising, basically let “me” go. I get so focused on what is hard about it that I forget to look at the beauty of it.

I am in another transition of growing my business. I will not lose “me” as I go through it. I have made some boundaries for myself to ensure that I am taking care of “me”.  I know that allowing negative feelings is ok. That I don’t have to be positive all the time. I can sit with a negative feeling allow it and move on. I don’t have to let everything go; I don’t have to let my lizard brain take over.

Transition is a part of life, when I look back at the last 8 years, I would not change any of it because that is what was always going to happen. It was always going to be that way.

Transition is beautiful. It is growth. It is uncomfortable. It is change. We do hard things.
Are you in a transition right now? How are you ensuring you are taking care of yourself?  Have you stopped and noticed how you are thinking about it? Is your lizard brain in full effect?

We keep showing up

I am just so full of love and gratitude today. I get to be a coach. I get to work with beautiful women who inspire me and make me better. I am so proud of them. I am so excited for them. I have so much love for them.

Women are such beautiful souls. We have stories. We do really hard things. We are vulnerable. We keep wanting more. We keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are a total Bad A$$!

We keep showing up.

To all the women out there…

I am just so full of love and gratitude today. I get to be a coach. I get to work with beautiful women who inspire me and make me better. I am so proud of them. I am so excited for them. I have so much love for them. Women are such beautiful souls. We have stories. We do really hard things. We are vulnerable. We keep wanting more. We keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are a total Bad A$$! We keep showing up. To all the women out there, you are beautiful, and you are worth it.

One action at a time.

We just went through the process of building a home. We moved in a couple of months ago. We were so lucky to watch it being built. There were so many phases and so many moving parts and small details that had to get done. It was just one action and then another, then another. It was supposed to be finished in November, but we moved in on January 30th. It took longer but we would not have had any other way. It all worked out; it was perfect. We all build a home, our careers, our lives, one action at a time. The smallest action leads to the next action and so on. I was thinking about this and weight loss. We are always looking for the silver bullet, the next shiny object, the quick fix, the magic pill. But they don’t work. They cause years of frustration, years of beating ourselves up. Years of thinking something is wrong with us. Losing weight and changing your thoughts about it takes time but it is worth it. It is worth never dieting again and finally loving your body and yourself.

What is “Normal”?

I just wanted to eat like a “normal” person. I had this friend who was thin and she would eat dessert every time we went out. I would watch her eat and just want to be like her. I would always watch what “thin” people would eat. I just wanted to eat like a normal person who was not overweight. I wanted to eat in moderation…. A little bit of cake, just a couple of bites. I would hear that “moderation” was key but a few bites would turn in to a slice of cake, then a couple more bites of another piece and maybe after a couple of pieces I would stop or not. I once remember eating half of a pan of Texas sheet cake, one small bite at a time. I thought something was wrong with me. I would beat myself up for overeating, it was a cycle I was in for many years.

So, what is “normal”, a normal person in the United States is overweight. In a 2015-2016, 71.6% of adults over the age of 20 were overweight (CDC). Less than 1% of people who go on diets lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off. Yet, there are so many diets, pills, supplements, weightless programs, keto, whole30, WW and so many more…. I know, right, 71.6%, that is crazy… I thought so too… We have self-driving cars and still we have not figured out how to lose weight?

What if everything we have been taught has been wrong. What if nothing is wrong with you? That it is not your willpower or lack of motivation to lose weight. What if you could change your desire to overeat, what if you could learn to change the way you think about food and that amazing body you are in?

Chocolate milk, please

When I was in my twenties, I loved soda, all the sugary goodness of a big bottle of soda. I liked all kinds, I did not like diet drinks or water at all. I loved orange juice, chocolate milk, anything sugary I would drink. I had grown up on Kool-Aid, I LOVED sugary drinks… Water, Diet soda was not anything I liked or even thought I could do. But I started one of my many diets and I had to give up “drinking my calories”. I started thinking about how many calories I had for the day and the sugary drinks did not make the cut. I stopped drinking them cold turkey……

So, what happened? I started to change my thoughts around “drinking my calories”. It happened over a period of time but eventually I just did not want the sugary drinks. I did not like the way I felt after drinking one, it was not fueling my body, I was hungrier after I drank one. I just decided that it was not worth it. A couple of weeks ago I bought chocolate milk for my granddaughter, she drank a little and I put the rest in the refrigerator. I realized it had expired and I threw it out. I saw it for a week in the refrigerator and I never had a thought about it, I never wanted it. How could I go from wanting sugary drinks all the time to not desiring it or thinking about it at all?  The way I thought about sugary drinks changed and because my thoughts changed, my desire for them is gone. Yes, gone. Is it possible to change our thoughts and beliefs? I know it is. Learning that I can change thoughts and beliefs that I have had for most of my life has changed my life.

I coach successful women who want to lose weight and never gain it back again and
want to transform their bodies and minds.

Avoiding our feelings may be the answer to why we struggle to lose weight, ladies

Have you ever watched Netflix for 8 hours straight? Or spent hours mindlessly online shopping? Or gotten to the bottom of a bag of chips and wondered what happened?  We spend a lot of time disconnecting, buffering, and avoiding our feelings. Humans go to a lot of extremes to avoid a feeling.  A little ole feeling, why do we go to such extremes to avoid a feeling? Feelings are just vibrations in our body, that is it. Nothing more.  A rush of blood, a tightening in our chest, or a sick feeling in our stomach…

The worst feeling, I have ever felt was the moment my cousin called me to tell me my mom had died. The grief and pain that washed over me was enormous and all encompassing.  But it did not kill me. I got dressed, booked a flight home, and planned a funeral.  I am still here. I have felt all kinds of feelings from happiness and joy to shame and fear. I use to resist my emotions or try to disconnect from them. If I was feeling a negative emotion, I would reach for something to make me feel better, mostly some form of sugar. It never worked, it never really made me feel better.

Feeling our feelings and being present in our bodies is key to losing weight and keeping it off. Feeling all of them, the good and the bad. If we resist feeling our emotions or try to bury the feelings, they just gain power and momentum.  They always rise to the surface. If you have a negative feeling try relaxing into it, notice the thought that is causing the feeling and observe how the emotion feels in your body. Don’t resist the feeling. Let it come and then release it.