On April 8th, I published my first blog. I was challenged to write 30 blogs in 30 days. I stayed true to the commitment, every day I showed up, every day I wrote. This experience of writing the blogs has been challenging and I have experienced a lot of feelings a long the way. When I first started, I thought I could not do it, I had all of these thoughts that I was not a writer, that it would take too much time. But I showed up anyway. I let the negative feelings be there and just took action. When I wrote the “before after before” post, I felt so vulnerable, like I was wide open for the world to see. I did a lot of thought work that day on my thoughts and feelings, a lot of work to be ok to feel shame, vulnerability, and embarrassment. None of those feelings would kill me. Learning to feel anything and still taking action has made me think and feel that I am unstoppable. I am so proud of myself. I love feeling this way about myself. I love that I can feel proud and accomplished, that I live this 50/50 life and feel all of it. I am connected to my body and love it.
Have you ever been obsessed about a sugar cookie? Ok, no I mean seriously obsessed. When I lived in Utah, (the baking capital of the world, maybe not officially but for real, they had some serious baked goods) I was introduced to this cookie called the “smart” cookie. It was a thick sugar cookie with a ton of cream cheese frosting on it, for real, it was amazing. I used to sit and think about this cookie and how was I going to get one. I would go wayyy out of my way to drive to get one. A little crazy but seriously I was obsessed.
Sugar cookies was not the only food I would sit and obsess about. I would think about food all of the time, when was my next meal, what should I eat, do I have any sweets at home, if not I better stop on the way home, I mean so much of my brain power would go to thinking about food. It was a way that I could avoid thinking or feeling about what was really going on. Whether I was on a diet or off in a full binge, I was always thinking about food.
One of the tools that has helped me is learning to sit with an urge. An urge in this context is a feeling that comes from a thought in your brain that tells you to “eat it, you must have it”. Most of the time it was more like an impulse to me, I would think, “I want to eat that cookie”, then I would feel this impulse in my body to act. Sitting with an urge/impulse is having the thought, acknowledging it, and then “not” acting on it. Just allowing it to be there. When you allow it, it comes and goes, and then over time the thoughts that create the urge quiet, the can even become non-existent.
It was Easter a few weeks ago and I had Easter candy at our house, I did not have one piece. Crazy, right, anyone who knows me, knows I love Cadbury eggs, like for real loved them. When I first bought the candy at Target, I had an urge, I knew it would be there, I allowed it and then I moved on. Crazy part is that the candy sat in a candy dish for days after the party and I never had an urge for it. That is the power of this process. The power to free yourself from this obsessive and destructive thinking. A way to permanently lose weight.
I am on a work trip to Greensboro NC this week. I travel for work quite a bit. In the past whenever I was out of my routine, I would use that as an opportunity to overeat. I would not plan and just eat whatever I encountered. I remember having certain places at the airport I would frequent where I could get my fix. I would overeat at night and bring back dessert to eat in my hotel room. This was my little secret. I could do it when no one was watching.
But I was watching. I would then beat myself up after for eating too much and would feel out of control. I would feel shame because I was eating against my own will. I used “being out of town” to disconnect from myself and avoid the emotions I was feeling. It is so freeing to travel now; I plan what I am going to eat and then keep the commitment to myself. I don’t use it as an opportunity to disconnect. I don’t binge eat and have a secret eating party for one in my room. I follow the same process that I do at home when I travel. I don’t get confused about what food to eat or how I take care of myself. Learning how to retrain your brain takes time but it is possible. I have learned a process that has helped me and now I feel more freedom and self-love than I ever have. It is possible for you too. I am opening my new program on June 1st, with limited availability. Stay tuned…
We spent yesterday afternoon with our 2 oldest grandchildren. We decided to go swimming, I went and put on my swimsuit and walked out into the living room, my granddaughter looked up at me with the biggest smile and said, “Mimi, I love your swimsuit, it is my favorite color”. It was so sweet and genuine. I remember not wanting to get into a swimsuit, being so self-conscious, and avoiding anything that had to do with me and a swimsuit. Now, I feel so good in my swimsuit. I do not have any negative thoughts about it, I feel free in my skin. I watched my granddaughter and she does not have any thoughts about her body, she walks around freely and not self-conscious. She has her own mind and is not afraid to tell you what she thinks or how she feels. She is perfect.
When does it change, when do we become imperfect? When do we start hating our bodies, the way we appear on the outside? It is my passion and mission in this life. There is a different way. There is a way to fall back in love with ourselves and our body. I promise it is possible. If you want to work with me, keep following…. New program launching June 1st and it is AMAZING!
I love to talk about the lizard brain… It has only been in the last 5 years that I have really understood how that part of my brain thinks. It is always trying to keep me safe and in comfort. I love watching my lizard brain, love seeing what it thinks. Today, it told me to go back to bed because I don’t really want to write copy for my website. It told me that it is hard, I won’t know what to write and it won’t be good enough. I love that I can separate those thoughts and think something different. Wait, then it told me to go pick up my G-babies and go swimming, I mean that is more fun right?
But I am writing my copy, I set a deadline for noon today and I will get it done. I am in charge; I know how to manage my mind. I know how to allow the thoughts, give them a little kiss, and move the “F” on… When I get stuck or I am not getting the results I want it is always, I mean ALWAYS me and what I am thinking. Then I just do the work. Then I get the results I want. I love watching my clients mind, I have so much love for them. I love watching them change their thoughts and do the work. I love when they get results that blow their mind. If you want to work with me, keep following…. New program launching June 1st and it is AMAZING! Ps. Just showing off how cute those babies are…but seriously I am writing my copy…..
This one time, about 9 years ago, I decided to put up a backsplash. I had no idea how to do it, but I thought I could. I had never had a backsplash in a house before and really wanted one. We were having a big party at our house and I had it in my mind that we were going to update the kitchen. So, I did it. I put it up, luckily Paul helped at the end because I thought my back was breaking.
I had no evidence that I could do it. I just was determined to do it. I changed a thought about not being able to do it to, I can do it. I am always looking for evidence that I can do something. My brain will tell me that I can’t do it because I have not done it or because I have failed before. But I now believe I can do anything. I do not need evidence. I can think thoughts from my “future” self, and ask myself “what would she think and do?” When I have doubts and my lizard brain is feeding me all of these negative thoughts, I stop and ask, “would she stop, would she eat that cupcake, would she procrastinate?”. It does not matter what you have done before, just what you do today. What are you capable of? What if you did not have evidence that you could do something, and did it anyway? What if nothing mattered about yesterday or anything in the past, who could you be?
I have always loved calendars, if you look in my office, I usually have 2-3 just on my desk. I like thinking about the future and what goals I am going to accomplish. We went to Europe last November. We had booked the tickets and decided to go in February. We thought about this trip for months, planned all the things we would do and all the places we would go. It was super fun planning it. Every time I thought of it, I would feel excited. We went on the trip and it was awesome.
The trip was fun but short lived. The months prior was also an exciting part of the trip. When we have goals, the journey to reach them often can be the best part. We underestimate the thoughts and feelings we have about the journey to a goal. It is often the best part. Once we reach the goal, we are on to the next. I think about this in the weight loss journey, losing weight can be fun and exciting, watching the scale go down, buying new clothes or fitting into ones in the back of your closet, or making yourself a priority. The journey to losing weight can be as amazing as hitting your goal weight. We often want to rush to hit our goal but paying attention to every part of the journey is where the real magic lies…. Don’t forget the journey to any goal. Pay attention to the thoughts that are creating your feelings during the process of losing weight. Even the negative emotions and failures can be good lessons along the way. Be right here in this moment so happy and grateful for exactly where you are.
I have gained and lost 20-70 pounds repeatedly throughout my life. I had been on the diet roller coaster most of my life. I would either be in a “gaining” weight phase or a “diet” phase. It has consumed so much of my brain since I was 8. Every time I would lose weight, I would self-sabotage to start to gain again. This has been my “struggle”. I held on to the “struggle” like a security blanket.
I read this book a couple years ago called “The Big Leap” from Gay Hendricks. This book is about how we all have these “upper limits”, where when we reach them, we start sabotaging to stay under our upper limit. We do this in many areas of our lives, financial, relationships, weight, and career. Understanding that we have this “upper limit” and understanding what thoughts are driving them is the key to any long-term change. Our lizard brain will start feeding us these negative thoughts to keep us safe, to bring us back down. “You can’t be too successful, you can’t do that, you need to stay the same or something terrible will happen, you can’t be too happy, you can’t be too thin, who are you to think you can be that successful”. Watch these thoughts, the Lizard brain is often going behind your back… How often have you seen this in your life? Are these thoughts driving your results? Maybe nothing is wrong with you, maybe you just have to allow the negative thoughts and still take the next action that will help you reach your goals?