Ep #10: Why Fear Keeps Us Stuck

Fear is the biggest dream-stealer there is, ladies. Fear kept me carrying extra weight for such a long time, it keeps people in jobs and even relationships that they got bored of a long time ago. So, why does fear have this ability to keep us stuck in uncomfortableness?

We don’t trust ourselves when we’re terrified of messing up, depriving ourselves of even the slightest bit of joy in the process, and that is no way to approach a healthy lifestyle. It took me years, but I have developed a process that has enabled me to avoid the fear and place real trust in myself when it comes to food, and I know you can apply this in your own life too.

Our lizard brains feed off of our fears. They tell us things are scary because they don’t know any better, but there is no room for fear when we’re losing weight for good. So listen in this week as I discuss the 3 types of fear that keep us stuck and how you can work past them once and for all.

How is fear showing up in your life right now? And what would you need to think to feel a different emotion other than fear?

My Jumpstart program is opening up again in January 1st. If you sign up for the waitlist today, you will receive a worksheet to accompany this episode that will allow you to take this work even deeper.


What You’ll Discover:

  • 3 things that we fear the most when it comes to changing our eating habits.
  • Why our fears lead us so often to just give up and quit.
  • How to spot when you are living in and acting out of fear.
  • My own experiences that stemmed from a fear of hunger.
  • How to face your fears in a manageable way, so you can start to see beyond them.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 10.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello, loves.  I just cannot believe we are at episode number 10. I mean, 10 episodes. I remember wanting to have a podcast, wanting to work with Pavel and Angela, my podcast producers, and it just really is a dream come true.

I want to thank all the ladies that are listening and who rated and reviewed the show. I am so appreciative. And at the end of today’s show, I will announce the 12 lucky listeners who will receive a $50 gift card, and five lucky listeners who will receive some BFLY swag. I mean, so fun, right, ladies?

So, because this is number 10, I really wanted to go a little deeper and talk about something that keeps us stuck on the diet rollercoaster; fear. I’m going to talk about the different ways we let fear take over, also known as the lizard brain. And then, of course, I will leave you with a couple of transformational questions so that you can start taking action today.

But I also added a little bonus, because this episode is so special. So my Jumpstart program is going to open again on January 1st and I currently have a waitlist. So you can get on that waitlist now. And when you sign up for the waitlist, you’ll also get a freebie in your email inbox. And the freebie is this free worksheet that goes along with this episode. We’ll tell you how to get the freebie at the end of the show.

As always, I want to do a listener shout-out. This is where I will read a review of the podcast every week. This week’s listener shout-out is to AuntTonya89. She wrote, “Real life put into plain and easy terms. It breaks it down into simple steps and step by step for lifelong changes, not just diet changes. Thank you, Shannan.” Well, thank you, AuntTanya89 for the amazing review.

So, I was in California for last week. I love going to California. I go there once a month every month, and I have work there. But I love going to California. It’s beautiful. The weather was a little chilly and foggy, I won’t lie, but always in the afternoon, there’s sunshine in California.

And this week coming up, I’m going to Greensboro, North Carolina, and Delaware. And I travel a lot, some for work, and I always get to throw in a little pleasure too. I remember always overeating on work trips, and using it, honestly, as an excuse to binge.

Work trips are usually pretty busy for me. Lots of people and I’m an introvert. So at the end of the day, for real, ladies, I am running back to my hotel room so I can get some alone time. And it used to be a hotel room plus whatever sugar I could pick up.

It’s just so interesting to me how things have changed. I’ve learned to be uncomfortable, even feel fear. And now, work trips are not something I want to avoid. I look for the good in them. I stick with my daily routines, even when I’m out of town.

So, in today’s show, I want to talk about fear and how fear keeps us stuck on the diet rollercoaster. We have the fear of failure, so we quit or we don’t even start. I have done that numerous times, loves. We have a fear of hunger, a fear that somehow, we might feel uncomfortable or even hungry. And we will do anything to prevent those feelings. And lastly, a fear of change. These fears are often unconscious, so we might not even be aware of them.

So, a fear of failure – I talk about this a lot because it is such a dream-stealer, ladies. We decide we want to start something like making a realistic plan and we do it for a couple of days, and then our brains start telling us why it’s hard, why we will fail, and why this won’t work. Then we listen to our brains. So, we quit.

We tell ourselves it’s because we are busy or it takes too much time or that it is hard. Those thoughts are just poison to our dreams. The real truth is we have failed. We have quit on ourselves. I did this so many times, love, so many times.

And we don’t trust ourselves any longer, so we develop a fear of it. We would rather stay in the uncomfortableness of carrying extra weight, staying in a job we don’t love, not taking care of ourselves. We would rather have the pain of all of that than face the fear of failure, the fear of mistakes.

When I was losing my weight, I had to watch my lizard brain. Learning to become a watcher of my thoughts was one of the most important things I did to lose weight for good. I had to notice the poisonous thoughts that were rattling around in this brain of mine because my thoughts cause a feeling and then I act on that feeling.

I had to notice when I was fearful of food, when I was scared to eat a cupcake because I thought I could not control myself and I would go into a full binge. I know, ladies, I know you feel me on this. You know, loves, we fear food because we’re so scared that we are going to start overeating again.

But my process works. I have a process that works for me. I know now what to do. If I want a cupcake, I just put it on my realistic plan. And then, when it’s time to eat, if I still want it, I eat it. I slow down. I enjoy it. And when I start to feel satisfied, I stop.

I’m watching my Jumpstarters go through this now, the fear of failure. They’re starting to notice thoughts that they didn’t’ even know were there. they are noticing that they don’t want to make their realistic plan or they start comparing themselves to others in the group. And when they go deeper, they see it’s just old thoughts and beliefs of failure.

I had tons of overeats, not making my realistic plan, not getting enough sleep and water, eating too many non-fuel foods while I was losing my weight. I’ll still have some of it now. I just use my process, my fundamentals. I’m not afraid of failure or mistakes. I know that it’s part of the process.

I actually write down my failures, and then I ask myself questions on why I overate. Why did I not make my realistic plan? This is one of the secrets to losing weight for good. It’s learning how to stop fearing failure and welcoming it.

The second fear I want to talk about today is the fear of hunger. OMG, loves, I did not ever want to be hungry. I had done enough of the restrictive 1000 calorie diets that I would do anything not to feel hungry. I would pack enough snacks when I would go on airplane rides. I would bring a snack in my purse if I went to a conference.

Or you know when you go to someone’s house for dinner and you’re scared they’re not going to have something that you like? So I would literally pack a snack or eat right before because I would be so scared, again, of this fear of hunger.

I was so fearful of the sensation of hunger, I would actually tell myself I would pass out if I felt hunger, or, “Oh my goodness, I’m feeling light-headed, I must be hungry.” And, loves, for real, we can go without food for three weeks.

Now, I’m not telling you to do that, but I’m saying our ancestors for sure were not eating every two hours, and maybe not even every day, and our bodies are made to go periods of time without eating. And I’m not telling you not to eat for three weeks. I want to make sure that that is clear. But I’m saying that you can have a few-hour food breaks, is what I like to call it, and live to tell the story, love. As long as you don’t have a medical condition that is relevant, so always make sure that you check with your doctor.

It makes me laugh because, seriously, I would panic if I thought there was not going to be enough food.  I mean, seriously panic. But, Loves, our body, every night, takes a food break while we’re sleeping. It needs the break so it can repair and regenerate our bodies. It is okay to feel a little bit of hunger.

And when you let yourself feel a little hunger, you know then what hunger feels like in your body. If you don’t know what it feels like, and let me tell you, loves, I did not know what it feels like, then you’ll stay on the diet rollercoaster because, when you learn what hunger feels like and what being satisfied feels like in your body, it’s the only way to get off diets.

And when you learn what physical hunger feels like versus emotional hunger, then you can begin to choose to eat only when you feel physical hunger. And, loves, you can stop eating your feelings.

I know, ladies, your lizard brains are saying all kinds of stuff right now. I really do. Like, “Shannan, I can’t feel hunger.” But when I learned that physical hunger, what it felt like, and I stopped fearing it, then I could choose to eat when I was physically hungry. I didn’t need to count calories or follow a food plan.

My body had all of the mechanisms built right in. I just had to stop fearing them. One of the ways I learned what hunger felt like was I extended my nightly food break. So around 10am, I usually would eat breakfast at 7am or 8am and what I would do is extend that to about 10am. And then I could actually feel what hunger felt like in my body.

Another way is, when I think I’m hungry, I ask myself if a chicken breast would take care of it. If yes, then I know that it’s physical hunger. But if the only thing that would satisfy me is a donut then I know it’s some emotion that I’m trying to avoid or resist.

Now, loves, the third fear that keeps us stuck is the fear of change. Our lizard brains are wired to keep us safe and safety is familiarity and change is danger in our brains. We are wired to fear change.

I named my company BFLY Coaching because I love butterflies. I love that they start out as caterpillars and transform into butterflies. The scientific process of that transformation is crazy. Like, they get down to a liquid. How scary is that?

But we would not have butterflies if they didn’t go through that transformation. And, loves, we were all made to be butterflies. We are never supposed to stay a caterpillar.

Our lizard brain is always going to tell us to stay the same, that we should fear change, that it is scary. I would have thoughts when I was losing my weight, like what if you become a different person when you lose the weight? What if you have loose skin? What if you gain the weight back? Those were just poisonous thoughts that I was thinking to keep myself stuck, stuck on the diet rollercoaster.

To lose weight for good, we must change. We have to talk to our brains more than we listen to them. We have to understand that we’ll have fear, but we can feel it. We can allow the feeling of fear and still take action that serves us. Loves, we can step into the light, even when our brains tell us to stay in the cave.

Fear is just an emotion. Our thoughts are just sentences in our brains. We can feel a feeling. We can change. You’ve got this, love. Just becoming a watcher, knowing that you’ll have fear and walking through it anyway is the key to getting off the diet rollercoaster for good.

So here are a couple of transformational questions. How is fear showing up in your life right now? And what would you need to think to feel a different emotion other than fear?

Now, loves, if you want to take this work and you want to take it deeper, then head on over to bflycoaching.com/waitlist. This is the waitlist for my Jumpstart program. It opens again on January 1st. You’ll also get a free worksheet in your email when you get on the waitlist and it accompanies this episode, so you can really take this work deeper.

Okay, ladies. We did the drawing for the 12 Amazon $50 gift cards. I am just so thankful that you are listening and so grateful that you rated and reviewed the show.

So, our winners are Diana Ford, Pam Osborne, Sonya, Tina Angel, Tammy Mulliner, Jill Mackary, Shelby Lazerine, Sonya Kirkman, Tonya Sanders, Penny Eiber, Christine Wade, and Sharon Edwards. I am just so excited for you ladies.

And we also wanted to throw in a little BFLY swag, so we drew five winners for BFLY swag and they are Bonnie Esposato, Lisa Madigan, Emily Wells, Francis, and Dawn Richards.

Ladies, I am just so grateful that you’re listening and that you rated and reviewed the show. Thank you so much.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

Enjoy the Show?

Ep #9: Become the Scientist of Your Body

I spent 38 years on the diet roller coaster trying absolutely everything. Low-fat, Atkins, keto, you name it, I’ve tried it. We have spent so long being taught that some foods are healthy and some aren’t, but I’m questioning this belief on the podcast today.

I’m sharing how truly learning how food feels in my body has changed my life completely and I want to show you how you can start doing this for yourself too. Different foods feel different to each of us, and one thing that works for one person won’t necessarily work for you too. Becoming the scientist of your body and tuning into your body signals is key, and I’ve got some tips for you on how you can start doing this.

I’m giving you permission today to listen to your own body. We can stop listening to others or asking people who we think are experts on what we should be eating, and this could be the thing that alters your diet journey forever.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. What beliefs do you have around healthy and not healthy food?
  2. What would you have to think to start becoming the scientist of your own body?

I am so excited to be bringing you this show, and to celebrate the launch of the podcast I’m giving away $50 Amazon gift cards to 12 lucky listeners. To find out how to enter, click here!


What You’ll Discover:

  • Why I believe we have all been on the diet roller coaster.
  • A look into what my dieting journey looked like in the past.
  • Why I don’t teach or recommend a specific diet to lose weight.
  • What I’ve learned when I started listening to my body.
  • How to start figuring out what foods fuel your body.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number nine.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves. This past week has been so amazing. I have been working with my ladies in my jumpstart program and it’s my signature program that my ladies are in, and we just finished week three. And week three is all about feeling the feelings.

You know, we had our group coaching call on Thursday and they just inspire me. They are showing up and taking action even though it is super hard. I just have so much love for them. They really have just made my week.

The breakthroughs they are having are life-altering and I just cannot wait to see their transformations. And I am so loving this show and so grateful that you are listening each week. Today we’re going to talk about food and a different way to think about it.

For so long, we have labeled food as either healthy or not healthy. We’ve been told that one day a food is good for you, and then the next day it is not. Learning how food feels in your body and if it fuels you is important when getting off the diet roller coaster for good. And then of course, I will leave you with a couple transformational questions so you can start to take action today.

But before we get into today’s show, I want to do a listener shout-out. This is where I will read a review of the podcast every week. This week’s listener shout-out is to Sarah Turner. She wrote, “I’ve been listening to these, and the way Shannan breaks things down makes perfect sense and it feels so easy to follow. Anyone who thinks they’ve tried everything should really listen to this to break open their minds to a new way of thinking.”

Sarah, I love that review. I am just so grateful for it and I love that you’re listening. So we just came back from Sedona and my husband and I went up there for a really quick getaway. We have been so busy and we just needed a little break.

It is so gorgeous up there and honestly, I always feel so peaceful when I am there. We stayed at this beautiful resort and had a beautiful room with a fireplace and an outside patio. And the views were spectacular.

And I posted some of those pics in our Weight Loss for Successful Women private Facebook group and we’ll put the link in the show notes so you can see them. I just love taking some time for me and for us. It is absolutely the best.

So I feel really rested and I’m so excited today to talk about food. And I get asked all the time, what should I eat? I even have ladies email or comment asking for a food plan. I know that you want to know what to eat to lose weight. We have all looked for that magical food that we lose tons of weight on.

But everyone’s body is different. What my body needs for fuel and what your body needs are two different things. This is one of the reasons why I believe we have all been on the diet roller coaster. We never learn to pay attention to our body and what fuels it.

So in today’s show, I’m going to talk about another one of my four fundamentals that I teach and it’s all about fueling that beautiful body you’re in. When I first started dieting, it was all about counting calories.

So I remember I was on 1000-calorie a day diet and I would make sure that every day, part of the 1000 calories, I had a Snickers bar because I loved a Snickers bar. I still do. And almost Snickers, I love it. So 200 and some calories would be nothing that fueled me and ladies, I have to be honest. Some days I had all 1000 calories full of sugar.

I would feel terrible but I was sticking to my 1000 calories. Then entered the low-fat era where everything was low fat. Do you remember SnackWell’s? I loved the chocolate ones with the marshmallow filling. I mean, they were chocked full of sugar. They didn’t really make me feel that good, but they were low-fat and you all remember Susan Powter.

If you’re old enough, you remember her with her blonde hair, running around really telling us that low-fat was the way to go. But then ladies, everyone changed their minds. Then Atkins came and it was completely high fat. And now keto.

I have to tell you this really quick story, but honestly, I did Atkins many, many times and let me just tell you, I’ve eaten enough cheeseburgers with bacon for a lifetime, even though I still eat them today. For real, I did.

And this one time when my son, he was younger, we got a little George Foreman grill in our third-story apartment and I was making hamburgers every single night. Now, my son was always a meat eater. He loved it. But after about a month of hamburgers on that little George Foreman grill, he looked at me and said, “Mom, I just cannot eat another burger. Please stop.”

So you know, this is the things that we do, ladies. We listen to everyone else and what they tell us. It’s funny. My husband just reminded me, I don’t know, maybe a month or two ago, that I actually once went to a hypnotist. I actually had forgotten that I had went to her.

And I went there because I thought I needed to stop eating cheese. And I know that sounds crazy, but I love cheese and I thought that – I mean, I was convinced that if I just stopped eating cheese, I would lose the weight. So I went to her and she was so sweet and nice. I didn’t stop eating cheese, and the crazy part is I still eat cheese today.

I eat it, I’ve lost weight on it, and it actually feels good in my body. First, fat was horrible, and now eat 70% worth of fat on keto. I mean, all of this happened in my lifetime. The change in philosophy.

So loves, our bodies are amazing. Some of us produce humans out of them. I carried a human. I have a son who now I have four beautiful grandchildren and my son was once in my body. I mean, when you really think about it, it’s so crazy.

And even for those of us who don’t produce humans, I mean, our liver reproduces. We get a cut and it heals. I mean, I can go on and on about our bodies. They have these built-in signals that tell us what feels good and what doesn’t.

The problem is we’ve become so disconnected, loves. So disconnected because we have listened to everyone else tell us what we should eat. I do not teach or recommend a specific diet because I have found a better way to lose weight and keep it off.

I will never tell my jumpstarters what to eat. I will never give a food plan. I just don’t believe in diets because our bodies, loves, they know what fuels it. My body knows when something feels good in it, and when I eat something that is non-fuel, my body knows that too.

When I eat foods that fuel me, I feel energized, I feel good. When I eat foods that do not fuel me, I feel heavy, sluggish. My body now craves good food. It wants food that fuels me. All kinds of different foods. There is no major food group that is out of my diet and I have lost weight on all of that.

I eat potatoes and carbs. I know, ladies, it sounds crazy. But I do because it feels good in my body and I can lose weight and maintain my weight on it. We have to become, ladies, the scientists of our own body. We have listened long enough to the “experts” on what we should or should not eat.

And what I’ve learned is that when I listen to my body, it knows. Have you ever had flowers that maybe you had not watered and they are wilting? And then you give them a little bit of water, I mean, they just spring up. That is how your body feels when you eat food that fuels it.

It can also feel neutral. There are foods that I eat that I don’t feel good or bad, I don’t feel as energized, but that’s okay too. I still consider those fuel foods. And you know, for so long we have labeled food as good or bad, but honestly loves, it’s not good or bad. It’s just neutral. It just is.

Foods either fuel you or they don’t, and ladies, some “good food” might not fuel you. So for example, when one of my clients, she eats fruit, she comes alive. She loves berries and they feel so good in her body. They make her feel energized. Now ladies, when I eat fruit, it makes me feel sluggish. It kind of gives me a belly ache.

I don’t eat fruit very often because for me, it’s not fuel. Now, a banana is probably the easiest fruit that feels okay, sometimes neutral in my body. But loves, a baked potato feels great in my body. It energizes me. I can lose and maintain weight having some potatoes in my diet.

This is what I’m saying ladies. We all have these different bodies and we have to – I want to say it again – become the scientists of our own bodies. So you ladies know, protein shakes are all the rage. I mean, so I decided I was going to drink them with almond milk, another “all the rage.”

I started to notice that I felt tired after I drank one. Almost a little sick. And I was crazy hungry 30 minutes after I would drink one. After some testing, I realized it was the almond milk. Almonds, although many would say is healthy, was not good for my body.

It’s funny because I ate a Kind bar the other day because I do like them before I shot some videos for my jumpstarters and I kept having to stop the video because I wasn’t feeling that good. And my son edited the videos and he – I’m not even kidding. He was over here in my office. He was like, “Mom, seriously, stop eating almonds.”

I was like, okay, I know I got to stop eating the almonds. So loves, stop relying on everyone else to tell you what to eat. Stop looking through Pinterest to find the next food plan. Test foods in your body and see if they feel good.

Ask yourself 10 minutes and 30 minutes after you eat how did the food make you feel? Do you feel energized? Do you feel satiated? Or do you feel sluggish and have a belly ache? I’m teaching this to my jumpstarters and they are having amazing results.

And you know love, sometimes you’re going to choose to eat foods that do not fuel you and that is okay. Put it on your realistic plan and make the decision to do it. Loves, you can eat the donut or not. It has always been your choice. I’ve learned how to do this successfully, not like the past where I would eat a donut and then it would end in a full out three-week binge.

It’s funny, when we went to Sedona, I just had a New York cheesecake. It was awesome. And I put it on my realistic plan and I ate it. I stopped after a few bites because I was full, but I got to enjoy it and then I was done. No drama, no deprivation, no crazy stomach ache.

Loves, that is the power of learning the foods that fuel you and that don’t, and then making the decision that if you want to eat a food that doesn’t fuel you, you just put it on your realistic plan. I am telling you loves, this has changed my life. Honestly, I was on that roller coaster for 38 years and these fundamentals have just changed it for me.

So loves, here are the transformational questions. Number one, what beliefs do you have around healthy and not healthy food? And number two, what would you have to think to start becoming the scientist of your own body?

So loves, spend some time over the next week paying attention to your body and what fuels it. You are so worth the time investment. Become the scientist of your own body.

So much fun loves, spending some time with you, and to celebrate the launch of the show, I am going to be giving away a $50 Amazon gift card to 12 lucky listeners who subscribe, rate, and review this show on iTunes. It doesn’t have to be a five-star review, although I sure hope you love the show.

I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides a ton of value for you. Visit bflycoaching.com/podcastlaunch to learn more about the contest and how to enter it. I’ll be announcing the winners on the show in an upcoming episode. So much love to all of you and I just can’t wait to spend more time with you on next week’s episode.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #8: Stop the Beatings

Getting off the diet roller coaster takes some deep inner work, and today I’m sharing a method that can be hard for us to really harness. This process takes time, but it is the key to getting off for good and living your best life.

I hear so many of my clients tell me, “No way can I love this body I’m in,” and I was in that boat for a very long time too. Our brains love to pick at all the negative parts of ourselves, and when you think you’ve overcome one negative thought, another one seems to pop up elsewhere. Today, I’m diving into what self-love really means and how you can stop beating yourself up for how you look or what you weigh to produce really lasting change.

Join me this week as I show you how loving yourself can transform everything for you. Self-love can be difficult to practice when we see so much we don’t like about ourselves, but beating yourself up is not the way forward.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. What are the prevalent negative thoughts that you have about yourself?
  2. What would change for you if you were your best friend?

I am so excited to be bringing you this show, and to celebrate the launch of the podcast I’m giving away $50 Amazon gift cards to 12 lucky listeners. To find out how to enter, click here!


What You’ll Discover:

  • How our lizard brains love to highlight the negatives.
  • What self-love really means and how to practice it.
  • Why your relationship with yourself is the most important one to take care of.
  • How beating yourself up doesn’t produce long-lasting change.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number eight.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello love. I am so loving this show and just so grateful you’re tuning in each week. Today we’re going to talk about self-love and how we can stop the beatings. It is so important when getting off the diet roller coaster for good. We have to learn to love ourselves.

And ladies, stay with me. I know when I say that, your lizard brains start to go crazy. And then of course, I’ll leave you with a couple transformational questions so you can start to take action today. But before we get into today’s show, I want to do a listener shout-out.

This is where I will read a review of the podcast every week. This week’s listener shout-out is to Zoey’s Journey. She wrote, “Listening to these podcasts, I couldn’t help but cry. I honestly feel like I’m not alone on this roller coaster for the first time in a long time. Listening to this felt like she was telling my story, the story I’m currently living, and giving me the courage and advice to change the storyline. My storyline. Figuring out my honest why and making a commitment to myself. I’m going to do this realistically, as suggested. Thank you so much for these podcasts. Can’t wait to learn more.”

I love that review. And I’m so grateful, Zoey’s Journey. It is such a powerful and impactful review. Thank you so much. And we are getting close to drawing for our winners, so for those of you who have reviewed and rated the show, we are going to do our drawing in episode 10.

Now, if you haven’t done it yet, there’s still a couple weeks so please subscribe, rate, and review the show and details on that and how to get entered, it will be at the end of today’s show.

So a couple weeks ago, I went to a retreat in Nashville. It was hosted by one of my teachers. She posted something back in April. It said something about a retreat plus her. So I was totally in. I signed up as soon as I got the payment link. I wasn’t even sure what the topic was.

But then I learned that it was a photo confidence retreat. Now, I have done a lot of work to love my body. I used to hate it no matter what weight I was at. Whether I was thin or not, I just didn’t like my body. I actually had so many negative thoughts about it.

But I learned through my process to really love it and you know, when I talk to my jumpstarters about the concept of loving their body, their first response, most always is no way, Shannan. No way can I love this body I’m in.

It’s so hard for us to believe as women that we could love the body, the skin, the fat, the stretch marks, the wrinkles. But loves, it is possible. So I received the pre-work for the retreat. I honestly had the thought, well, mostly I’m good with photos and this work will be fine.

The challenge was to take a selfie each day. I decided I was going to do it. All in. And in all kinds of positions, lighting, no makeup, and I realized I still had a lot of negative thoughts, especially about my neck. Now, stay with me ladies, I know, my neck.

I used to weigh 315 pounds. I have loose skin. And as I get older, the looser it gets. So I show up in Nashville, stay at this amazing hotel. It was the Thompson and it was beautiful. And honestly, we were so lucky. They upgraded us to a suite.

So it was beautiful and they had a bathtub, it was amazing. It was this older clawfoot tub. It was beautiful. Now, I have a rule about bathtubs in hotels. I honestly never use them but it was so beautiful so I washed it out and I took a bath every day. It was amazing.

So I show up the first night at the retreat, and honestly loves, I had all the thoughts. Don’t show up, Shannan, why did you do this? Call in sick. Stay at the hotel, it’s so beautiful. I mean, my lizard was in full effect. I was going to a retreat where I didn’t know anyone but my teacher. And I was super nervous and scared.

But I made a commitment, and I have learned that I can allow those crazy thoughts and still show up for myself, so I showed up. I made a commitment in the ride over to the retreat house that I was going to be vulnerable. I was not going to sit in the back row and be an observer.

So the first night, I put out that I had a lot of negative thoughts about my neck, and that in photos, I could see the loose skin. And of course, all the ladies were like no, you’re beautiful, what are you talking about? But ladies, I understand. When I look at my neck, I see the loose skin. There are times that I am hyper-focused on it.

So part of the retreat was a photo shoot on Sunday. I decided I was going to love the photos and my neck. We had this amazing photographer and I’ll ask Pavel and team to put her information in the show notes but she is amazing. She’s on my Instagram. You can follow me on Instagram @bflycoaching or @shannanchristiansen and she’s on there. It’s @teresaearnestsocial, and amazing photos. And she is quick.

So I received my photos Sunday night and I looked at my neck and loved it. But then, loves, my brain went to, ugh, that eyeshadow is too heavy. It started going after other parts of the picture. Loves, I just stopped and I realized again that my brain is always going to try to show me the negative.

It doesn’t mean that it’s true, and most of the times, it is not true. Loves, negative thoughts will never fully go away, but learning how to allow them and then know that they are not true is where the magic is.

Today’s show is all about finding self-love and stopping the continual beating up of ourselves. I remember my mom telling me that I should love myself. I did not understand it until I started to do this work. It’s about learning how to keep commitments to ourselves, to stop lying to ourselves, to show kindness and love to ourselves as we would show a stranger.

I moved a ton when I was younger and I was always having to make new friends. I put a lot of energy into my friendships and relationships. I wanted to fit in. I cared about what others thoughts. I was taught to be kind to others. But loves, there is one person that I am around the most who I know intimately and who is always there, and it is me.

As I’ve aged, I’ve learned the most important relationship is the one I have with myself. In my early adulthood, I never thought about that. I was always worried about pleasing others. I never stopped to think, what did I think of me?

I learned that the most important relationship is the one I have with myself. That I have to care for myself first, that I am my best friend. That I have to please me, take care of me, be kind to me. Because when we are neglecting ourselves, the other relationships in our lives, they feel heavy. They feel like burdens.

We’re missing the gifts and joy because we’re neglecting the relationship we have with ourselves. And then loves, we start to resent others around us because we’re not taking care of ourselves.

We also spend a lot of time beating ourselves up, thinking negative thoughts about ourselves. I made a conscious decision that I was not going to beat myself up anymore, which means when I have a negative thought about myself, I just allow it, and then I just say something like, “Love, that is not true.” Or I replace it with, “Love, that neck is beautiful.”

I talk to myself as I would someone I loved. I talk in a way that is kind, understanding, direct, and I hold myself accountable. My jumpstarters are really learning how to notice their thoughts right now and it is difficult at first. We have lived so many years pushing down our feelings and ignoring our thoughts.

So this process takes time and a whole lot of patience and kindness to ourselves. We have to learn to have self-thoughts, similar to how we would talk to our best friends, our children, our grandbabies. We need to be our best friends.

I am kind to myself but I don’t lie to myself either. That’s part of loving myself. I tell myself the truth. When I’m justifying a behavior, I can be honest about it. If I choose to eat the donut, it’s a conscious decision. I do not lie and tell myself I deserve it or that I need it.

I don’t beat myself up for my failures. I ask myself, what am I learning? What can I do better next time? And I don’t live in the lie of perfectionism. Loves, I am not perfect. I am a beautiful human and have learned to love myself in the skin and all of the imperfections that I am in.

And I know loves, that it can be hard because we have so many negative thoughts about ourselves in a day. But love, you can start to become a watcher of those thoughts. You can allow a thought and challenge it. No one ever had long-lasting change by beating themselves up. It just does not work.

Loves, we have done that enough for a lifetime. Love is the only way I have found to get off the diet rollercoaster and lose weight for good. Loving myself, working on the relationship I have with myself, caring and wanting the best for me.

And when you start to care for yourself, you will want better things for yourself. You’ll want better food that fuels you, you’ll want to move your body more, you’ll want to speak kinder to yourself, and then loves, something starts to shift. You’ll start to dream again. You’ll start to want better things for yourself. This is what happens.

So I want to leave you with a couple transformational questions to ask yourself and really reflect on this concept because this concept of learning to be your best friend and learning what really loving yourself is, it is life-changing, loves.

So number one, what are the prevalent negative thoughts that you have about yourself? And number two, what would change for you if you were your best friend? Love, decide on purpose to stop the beatings, to be your best friend, to love yourself. You are worth this, love.

So much fun loves, spending some time with you, and to celebrate the launch of the show, I am going to be giving away a $50 Amazon gift card to 12 lucky listeners who subscribe, rate, and review this show on iTunes. It doesn’t have to be a five-star review, although I sure hope you love the show.

I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides a ton of value for you. Visit bflycoaching.com/podcastlaunch to learn more about the contest and how to enter it. I’ll be announcing the winners on the show in an upcoming episode. So much love to all of you and I just can’t wait to spend more time with you on next week’s episode.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

Enjoy the Show?

Ep #7: Feelings

Halloween has just passed as I record this podcast, and I remember a time when this would be the start of a three-month overeating season. Ladies, if you notice yourself thinking this way too, that January will be when you get yourself together, I hope this episode gives you some insight into why we do this and a new way to stay motivated throughout the holiday season.

We’re diving into feelings this week, loves. Understanding how feelings play a role in your journey is really important so that you keep to your realistic plan and reflection work. There are various ways we handle our feelings, and I’m showing you how they result in the actions you take from there.

I’m so excited to be here with you again this week, and I hope the examples I’m sharing with you give you a clearer sense of why tuning into our feelings is so crucial.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. What if you could feel any emotion and still take an action that serves you? What would your life be like?
  2. What emotions are you trying to resist?

I am so excited to be bringing you this show, and to celebrate the launch of the podcast I’m giving away $50 Amazon gift cards to 12 lucky listeners. To find out how to enter, click here!


What You’ll Discover:

  • How everything we do (or don’t do) is because of a feeling we want to create or avoid. 
  • The different ways we handle our feelings.
  • What buffering is and how we most commonly practice it.
  • What indulgent emotions are and how I see this come up with my clients. 
  • Why allowing a feeling is the only way to lose weight for good.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:

  • To celebrate the launch of the show, I’m giving away $50 Amazon gift cards to 12 lucky listeners! To find out how to enter, click here!


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number seven.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello, love. I am just so excited to be here again. I cannot believe it’s already episode number seven. Lucky number seven. So I’m so excited about today’s show. We are going to talk about feelings. Oh yes, loves. Feelings.

It is so good, and then of course I will leave you with a couple of transformational questions at the very end of the show so you can start taking action today. But before we get into today’s show, I want to do a listener shout-out. This is where I will read a review of the podcast every single week.

This week’s listener shout-out is to DawnInATot. Dawn wrote, “I really enjoy Shannan’s material. It is practical and a simple plan that works on your mind. She helps you love yourself. Within loving yourself, you learn that losing weight is not about food. It’s about dealing with your thoughts, changing them for good, and managing your mind. Definitely worth listening.”

Dawn, I love that review. Dawn, thank you so much. Okay loves, we are going to announce the winners in episode 10, so please subscribe, rate, and review the show. I would so appreciate it more than you know. Details on how to get entered in will be at the end of today’s show.

So loves, October honestly has been an amazing month. I told you about Dallas and the amazing stuff that happened there and the BFLY workshop in last week’s episode. But I haven’t told you about my launch of my jumpstart program. My Jumpstarters began two weeks ago and loves, it is so amazing.

I just love watching them and how these beautiful women show up. They want to change and they are honestly doing the work. We had our first group coaching call this week and it was so good. I just cannot wait to see their mind and body transformations. I feel so much love and admiration for them and I see their future selves and it just fills my heart.

So as I record this, last night was Halloween. I just remember a time where I would eat my way through bags of candy. I mean, bags of candy. I would buy it and then have to re-buy candy because I would eat so much of it.

And honestly, October would be the start of the holiday binge fest. Starting with pumpkin items. I mean, you know ladies, we wait for pumpkin season and the pumpkin muffin at Starbucks, and then it would just be three months of overeating and telling myself I would get it together in January.

Loves, October has been a very busy month for me. I travelled to Nashville, California, and Dallas, launched a podcast, my jumpstart program, I mean, honestly, I could go on and on. But guess what, loves? I lost three pounds. I got on the scale today, I wasn’t even trying to.

Because I just stayed with my process. I made my realistic plan, did my reflection work, and felt all the feelings. And this month was full of all the feelings. Good and bad, which leads me right into today’s episode.

Everything. I mean everything we have ever done or not done is because we want to create or avoid a feeling. We have a thought. So I’ll give you an example, the thought, “I always fail on my diet,” and it creates the feeling of maybe disappointment. And when we’re feeling disappointed, we usually then take an action.

And it’s not an action that serves us, right? So when we’re feeling disappointment, we can overeat. And when we overeat, then the result of that is gaining weight or being at a weight that we don’t want. And that’s the whole process.

We think something, it creates a feeling, we then take an action from that, and then it creates our results. So I want you to take a moment and just really think about this again. Everything we do is so we can either feel something or not feel it.

Just sit with that for a moment. We do so many destructive things to ourselves because in the moment, we don’t want to feel a feeling. I’ve done this so many times. I mean, bazillions. I don’t even know how many times. I would buffer, also known as avoid my feelings, by overeating. It became an automatic response for me.

So I’ll give you an example. I would get out of a meeting at work and maybe I was feeling irritated or even overwhelmed, and I would head straight to the pantry to get some form of sugar. You know, usually a Snickers bar or a bag of cookies.

And I did this over and over and over again. But feelings, love, they don’t go away. So if we try to avoid or push down, they just come out sideways or in some other form. Everything positive and negative comes from us wanting to avoid or feel a feeling.

Feelings, love, are just a vibration in our body. They last about 90 seconds if we feel them. Then we can have another thought that creates another feeling. I want to go into the different ways we handle feelings and emotions. So we either feel it, avoid it, resist it, or indulge in them.

So let’s talk about how we avoid. Also known as buffering. A buffer is something we place in between the thought and the feeling to avoid the feeling. Some common buffers include overeating, over-drinking, overspending, so on and so on. There’s so many ways.

We buffer with social media, we buffer with Netflix. And we do this to avoid a feeling. So here’s a couple examples I want to give you of buffering. So we go to, let’s say a holiday party and we don’t want to feel the feeling of being uncomfortable, so we drink or we overeat.

We don’t want to feel the grief for losing a parent, so we overeat. We keep trying to fill up this invisible hole but as you know, loves, never, no matter how much we try, we just can’t fill the hole with food. So let’s talk about resisting. Resisting a feeling.

This is where we try to push down the emotion. We resist it. We might have some past trauma that we’re still trying to push down and avoid the feeling. So we keep pushing it down, but it never works.

I love this example. Have you ever tried to push a beachball down in a pool? I’ve tried and it just keeps popping back up. The harder you try to push it down, the more powerful it comes back up. I think about this with the loss of my mom. In the first couple months after she passed, I mostly let myself feel the feelings of grief.

But then I told myself, enough. I didn’t want to feel it anymore. Get over this, Shannan. Life goes on. So every time I would feel grief or want to cry, I would tell myself, no, you are strong, you are not doing this. So I’m a pretty healthy person. I rarely get sick. I have never had bronchitis, not in my entire life.

So this was 43 years of never having bronchitis, but boy did I get it the year my mom passed. I was so sick. I had bronchitis for six weeks. I even broke a rib from coughing so much. Loves, my body was going to feel the emotion even if I was trying to resist it.

The interesting part is that once I learned how to feel my feelings no matter how much I’ve traveled, been busy, had negative things happen, or how many places I’ve been on, I’ve not been sick. Not even a cold. So interesting that we try to resist these emotions, but they come out in different ways.

I want to talk a bit about indulgent emotions. These are emotions like worry, confusion, indecision. These emotions we like to “play in the puddle” with. It’s what I like to call it. We like to worry or be confused about what to do, even though we really know what to do.

I see this with my clients and the realistic plan, and these emotions are just dream-stealers. These emotions are just drama with our lizard brains. I mean, worry sounds good, like I’m worrying about something. But we just indulge in it. It keeps us in inaction.

It keeps us from focusing on what we want to do. It keeps our minds busy, usually with something we can do nothing about. So watch when you’re in confusion or indecision or worry. Catch yourselves.

Loves, I still catch myself doing this. I do this a lot now with my business. I’ll be confused about what to do, even though I know what to do. So I just notice it and I change my thoughts.

Loves, allowing a feeling is the only way to truly become your best self and lose weight for good. Now, allowing is just noticing the feeling identifying it, and sitting with it. It lasts about 90 seconds. I identify the thought that’s causing it, and then I either continue to sit with it, or if I want to continue to feel it, or change the thought.

So sometimes we want to feel bad. I want to feel the grief of losing my mother. So my mom’s birthday was just last week. October 29th. And I allowed myself to cry. I miss her. I wanted to feel the emotion of it. I didn’t want to push it down.

And then when I was ready, I changed my thoughts to how grateful that she was my mom and how I know she’s still with me. And I’ve learned to feel any feeling and be okay with it. If I get an urge to eat something that’s not on my realistic plan, I just ask myself, what am I feeling? What am I thinking? What am I trying to avoid through buffering with food?

Sometimes it’s stress, discomfort, sadness, but sometimes it’s just the feeling of being bored or tired, or even excited or joy. We do so much to avoid, resist, or indulge a feeling. A 90-second feeling, love.

For some of us, we are so disconnected from our bodies we do not even know what we’re feeling. One of the keys to losing weight for good is coming back into our bodies, feeling any feeling without resisting or avoiding. Learning how to identify the thought that is causing a feeling, and then seeing how the feeling feels in your body.

I like to do this when I just sit there and feel a feeling. And I try to notice things like is my heart beating faster? Do I have a tightness in my chest? Is my thread tight? Do I feel flush? I ask myself, what does sadness, anger, love, excitement, what does it feel like in my body? In your body?

Loves, I am so excited because my Jumpstarters are going into week three and this is where we just take a deep dive into feelings and emotions. And honestly, I just can’t wait to watch them go through this process. It really is life-changing.

Loves, life is 50/50. 50% amazing, good, joyful, and 50% painful, boring, all the other negative emotions. Every human, I mean every human on this planet has a 50/50 life. I remember when my teacher first taught me this concept. I wanted to argue with it.

I wanted to say, no, I want a 70/30 life. 70 good, 30 negative. But as I’ve done this work, I’ve learned that every human, 50/50, and that’s what I want. When we learn to feel our emotions with our buffering, resisting, or indulging, everything, I mean everything starts to change for us.

And love, you are so worth this. So you know I want to leave you with a few transformational questions in your reflection work. So what if you could feel any emotion, like uncomfortable, shame, pain, and still take an action that serves you? What would your life be like?

And the second one, what emotions are you trying to resist? What is your beachball emotion that you’re trying to push down in the pool? When I learned that I can feel any emotion, not buffer, and still take an action that serves me, it changed everything for me.

And this is what I want for you, loves. So join me too next week. I’m so excited. I’m going to tell you all about a retreat I went to in Nashville. It was a photo confidence retreat. I can’t wait to talk to you about it next week.

And to celebrate the launch of the show, I am going to be giving away a $50 Amazon gift card to 12 lucky listeners who subscribe, rate, and review this show on iTunes. It doesn’t have to be a five-star review, although I sure hope you love the show.

I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides a ton of value for you. Visit bflycoaching.com/podcastlaunch to learn more about the contest and how to enter it. I’ll be announcing the winners on the show in an upcoming episode. So much love to all of you and I just can’t wait to spend more time with you on next week’s episode.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Transform Boss Weight Loss

TRANSFORM BOSS FREE CHALLENGE!

The Transform Boss Free Challenge is BACK! Learn the tools Shannan still uses today – to get you off the diet roller coaster, for good. Register now for the 7-day challenge beginning July 10th!

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