Ep #23: Why Weight Loss Is Lonely

I remember a time when trying to lose weight was this vicious cycle of overeating and keeping secrets from my family, friends, and coworkers. Loves, this left me feeling isolated and lonely, and I know you’ve experienced the same. So today, I’m showing you why weight loss can feel so lonely, and how you can break out of this cycle to get off the diet rollercoaster for good.

I hear from so many of my clients – and I have thought this myself – that the way to lose weight successfully is to feel disgusted at my body, to hate it into thinness. While this can feel like the right course of action, loves, it’s only going to leave you searching for more food to comfort you.

Join me this week to learn how you can fall back in love with yourself to end the struggle and free yourself of shame and judgment. Freedom from all of this negativity is possible for you just by making different choices, and I’m giving you a couple of ways you can start doing this today.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. When is the last time you hid what you ate?
  2. What secrets are you keeping when it comes to weight loss?
  3. What could you do today to break free? 

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • Why weight loss can feel lonely.
  • How to stop feeling lonely on your journey to weight loss. 
  • Why hating your body won’t produce a positive action. 


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 23.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves, so excited to be back today. I just love spending some time with you ladies. So I have been thinking about all the secrets I used to keep around overeating. I felt alone, and on today’s show, I want to explore why we feel lonely when it comes to weight loss, and how we can stop feeling lonely. And then of course I’ll leave you with a couple of transformational questions to help you start taking action today.

We think if we’re just disgusted enough that it will force us to lose weight, but loves, it has never worked. Hating ourselves and our bodies will not produce a positive action. When we think thoughts that make us feel disgust, sadness, or disappointed, we overeat. I mean, that’s just what we do.

It’s a vicious cycle that I think so many of us have done. This Valentine’s Day, as I think of all the love in my life and how I want to celebrate it, I think about the love I have for myself. How I love the body I’m in, how grateful I am for this body, and how grateful I am for me.

So today loves, think about you. Ask yourself, how can I fall back in love with myself? Because only with love will you be able to get off the diet rollercoaster for good.

Ladies, it is time for our listener shout-out. This is where I read a review of the podcast in each episode. This week’s shout-out is to Peggy Dub. “I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. People think because I’m not hundreds of pounds overweight, it’s not a big deal, but it is to me. I’m ashamed of how I look and I’m not even comfortable in my own skin.

When I came across Shannan’s page and free mini sessions, it was really a sign from god that someone is here to help me. I really enjoy listening to her and she is so inspirational to me that I’ll continue to listen. I’m very new to this but I’m also very hopeful and encouraged by what I’ve heard. Thank you, Shannan, for being here for us all. God bless you.”

Peggy, thank you so much. That was the sweetest review. I do know how it feels to be uncomfortable in your own skin. I lived that way most of my life. To always be worried about how you look and overall just not feel great about yourself.

So let’s get to today’s show. I want to talk about our secrets and how it leads us to feel isolated and lonely. I remember feeling so much shame around my weight. I was successful in many areas of my life, but I just could not figure out how to lose weight and keep it off.

And ladies, weight is not a secret we can keep. Everyone can see us. They can see the weight. But it still does not keep us from hiding what we eat, sitting in our cars eating, or sneaking in the pantry while everyone is sleeping to eat.

I remember this story my mom used to tell. She loved Ho Hos. And this one day, she ate the entire box, and because she didn’t want my dad to know, she went to the store, bought another box, and ate a couple just so that he would not know that she had finished off the box.

I can’t tell you how many times I would stop at a gas station to get cinnamon rolls or candy, and then I would eat it before I got home, or go through a drive-through and order food for my family and order extra. And again, eat it before I got home.

I would sneak food in my office and eat it while no one was looking. I had so much shame around eating. I did not want anyone to know that I was overeating. I didn’t want my secret to get out. It just made me feel like I was alone. I had one of my beautiful clients email me. She wanted to know if I’d ever taken food out of the trash and ate it.

She felt so much shame around this and just thought something was wrong with her. I have totally thought, “I’m going to throw this away because I’m being good and I don’t want to eat it.” And then love, later I think, “Well, it’s still in the package and I can pull it out of the garbage without anything touching it.”

And then love, I pulled it back out and I’ve ate the cookies, right out of the trash. We carry these secrets and it just makes us feel so ashamed. It makes us feel like we are out of control. I think about how many times I would start a new diet. I would have it all planned in my head, or I might have even bought some new program.

And loves, I would not tell a soul. I did not want my coworkers or family to know that I started a new diet. I was so scared that I would fail that I did not want to tell anyone. I felt completely alone. And when I feel lonely, I just want to eat more. I want the comfort of food.

Here are a couple of ways to stop feeling lonely in weight loss. The first is to stop dieting and looking at quick fixes. I write a realistic plan every day, and if I’m going to eat cake, I put it on the plan. No shame, no hiding it. I made a decision that I was not going to hide anymore. I was not going to eat in private, I was not going to have any more secrets.

When I made that decision, it was so freeing. I did not care if someone made a remark or if I thought they would judge me. I decided that the only opinion that mattered was mine. When you live in integrity with yourself, when you fully open yourself up, it creates a freedom, a liberation from the prison we have been living in.

And I also needed a community. I needed women who were like me, who could support me, and also hold me accountable with no judgment. So I hired a coach years ago and I’ve had several since. I’m also part of a monthly group coaching program.

I did not want to feel alone anymore. I wanted to share my struggle that I had been going through. It was scary the first time I told someone my secrets, but loves, it was so freeing. And now I’m putting it on a podcast.

I mean, you do not have to do this alone, love. We have this beautiful community of women who support and love each other. We have a private women-only Facebook group of amazing women who are struggling with the same things, who are learning something different.

You can search Weight Loss for Successful Women on Facebook, and we’ll also put the link in the show notes. See loves, feeling lonely, keeping secrets, it just keeps us stuck on the diet roller coaster. It keeps us in the prison of our minds, and to escape we must decide to do something different, to come out of hiding, to be honest with ourselves and others, and then find a community where we can feel support and love.

My transformational questions for you today are when is the last time you hid what you ate? What secrets are you keeping when it comes to weight loss? And what could you do today to break free? So much love to all you ladies.

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #22: Stop Overeating on Weekends

I know you’re going to relate to the topic we’re discussing on the podcast today, loves, because I hear it from pretty much all the ladies I work with, and I myself have struggled with this in the past: overeating on weekends.

Weekends, vacations, celebrations, events, these are all things that lead us off-course, eating off-plan and eating more than we want to. Fridays were my trigger because, at the end of a hectic workweek, I just wanted to relax and find comfort, which I often found in food, and I know this is your experience right now. While it can feel like a never-ending cycle that’s impossible to get out of, I promise you, this isn’t true.

Join me this week as I show you how it’s completely possible for you to stop overeating on the weekends, to not go into a full-on binge and beat yourself up over not following your realistic plan. If pleasure and joy is what you’re seeking at the end of a busy week, I’m sharing some tips on how you can incorporate more of it into your day-to-day and end this struggle once and for all.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. Why are weekends triggers for you?
  2. What thoughts are you have on the weekends that leads to overeating?
  3. How much joy and pleasure do you have throughout the week?
  4. How can you get more rest, joy, and pleasure throughout the week?

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • Why so many people struggle with overeating on the weekends.
  • The pattern of overeating that I repeated for years. 
  • Why we have to incorporate more real joy and pleasure into our week.
  • How to stop overeating on weekends.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 22.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello love, so excited to be back today. You know ladies, I love recording these podcasts. I love spending a little bit of time with you. So today, we’re going to talk about weekends. So many of my ladies struggle on the weekends. So I’m going to talk about weekends, and then of course, I’m going to leave you with a couple transformational questions to help you start taking action today.

Ladies, it is time for our listener shout-out. This is where I read a review of the podcast in each episode. This week’s shout-out is to L76X. The title of her review is, “Must listen.” And she writes, “Shannan is amazing. She gives great insight.”

I mean ladies, I love all the reviews. Short and long. I love that you take the time to give a review of the show. I really appreciate it so much. And you know ladies, leave a review, I might read yours.

So today I want to talk about my granddaughter. Oh my goodness, this is my oldest granddaughter. She’s six years old and she’s in the first grade. I am just so proud of her. I cannot stand it. Belle will often say, “I’m shy,” and when she gets around people she does not know, or in front of a lot of people, she gets a little quiet.

She recently volunteered for a program at school where she would write and give a speech. She’s in the first grade so I’m like, what? And she did her speech on Rosa Parks. So cute. She rehearsed it and rehearsed it. I mean, she even did it for myself and my husband.

It was the day of the event and all the parents, grandparents, everyone was there, and then a microphone was there. Yes, a microphone. She walked up to the microphone and she looked at us in the audience and she shook her head no, I can’t do this.

So the teacher who was so kind walked her to the side and my daughter-in-law and the teacher, they were talking to her, encouraging her. Everyone in the audience was encouraging her. And so she ended up doing the speech. She turned her back to us, but she talked into the microphone and she gave her speech.

It was amazing. She was the only person from her class to volunteer to do this, even though talking in front of people makes her uncomfortable, and she was so scared and she still did it. I’m not sure when I was six if I could have gotten up in front of an audience and done anything.

She inspires me so much, to face my fears, to be uncomfortable. Even though she did not win and go to district, she still did it. And next time, it’ll be a little less scary. What have you done lately love, that scares you? That’s just a little inspiration from my cute g-baby.

So on today’s show, I see and hear this a lot from my clients. “The weekend was a struggle, Shannan. I was doing good all week and then I overate and went totally off plan. I did not even make my realistic plan.” So today I want to dive into some of the reasons why and then leave you with a few things you can do if this has been a struggle for you.

And this could be weekends, vacation, any time that you think you’re out of routine. So I remember that Friday nights were always a struggle for me. I mean, I was tired, I wanted to rest and relax. I wanted comfort. So I would eat. Mostly overeat. Then because I overate on Friday, I just kept overeating. And then I would beat myself up, and then I would just say, screw it, and go full-on binge.

I repeated this pattern for years. I mean, for many of us, our weeks are full of routine, business, work, family, kids’ sports, I mean, all the things. Then the weekends come and we’re craving rest, joy, relaxation, and we have tied food and comfort together.

When we think of comfort, we think of food. When we think reward, we think of food. When we think of relaxation, we think of food. We have made a brain connection that weekends equal overeat fest. We have done this because we’re craving more. We’re craving more rest, joy, and pleasure.

For many of us, we’ve had these false pleasures in our lives like food, social media, shopping, I could go on and on. But loves, they are not real pleasure and joy. They’re just ways we disconnect, buffer, avoid, resist our feelings.

I asked my Jumpstarters to tell us what joy or pleasure they’re planning to do for the week. And for so many of them, it’s so hard to come up with. We’ve been walking around like robots, just doing all the tasks in our lives that we’ve not looked up to see, do we even like it?

And when I say like it, I mean our lives, loves. Loves, we have to look up. We have to find ways to have more pleasure and joy in our everyday lives so we can just love this life that we’re living. If we do have joy or pleasure, we’re saving it for the weekend or a vacation we take once a year.

We must put more joy and pleasure throughout our week, our everyday life. Real pleasure. Like reading a book, taking a walk, laughing with your spouse, playing a game with your kids, I mean, there’s so many ways to get real pleasure and joy.

Another reason we overeat on the weekends is we’re not doing enough around self-care, like getting enough sleep and water. So when the weekend hits, our lizard brains take over. Have you ever thought, “I’ll catch up on sleep this weekend?” I know so many of us have.

I mean, I used to think this all the time. But we cannot catch up on sleep. It just does not work. When we are tired, it’s a trigger that leads to overeating. We have to rest, loves, throughout the week. We have to make it one of our priorities.

Another thought we have is, “I’ve worked hard all week and I need a reward.” And loves, we believe food equals reward. So we have this false thought, “I’ve worked hard, I need a reward,” to, “I’ve worked hard so now I get to eat whatever I want.” But loves, we know where this leads to, an overeating fest and then we beat ourselves up. We break the commitments we made to ourselves.

I understand that we have events on weekends or celebrations, but loves, if you make your realistic plan, you can add in a piece of cake. Weekends are not rewards. They’re just two additional days in the week where our schedule might be different.

We can continue our daily routine of making our realistic plan and eating on plan. I mean, you got this, love. Another thought some of us have is just, I have more time on the weekend. I’m not as busy. So I overeat because of boredom or loneliness. I have all this time to think and all the stuff comes up, so I want to eat to push it back down. I want to buffer.

Loves, remember that feeling a feeling is the only way to stop avoiding and buffering our feelings. Listen to podcast number seven again. It’s where I teach you how to feel a feeling all the way through. And love, no feeling will kill you, and no cupcake has ever solved our problems.

The way to stop overeating on weekends is to know what thoughts are leading you to overeat. Is it not enough joy or pleasure? Is it that you think food is reward? Is it that you don’t want to feel your feelings? Once you know what thoughts are causing it, you can change the thought. You can also construct your life in a way where you’re getting real pleasure and joy throughout the week, so you’re not craving it during the weekends.

Also loves, don’t forget about rest. We have to get enough sleep and water throughout our weeks. So here are a few transformational questions to ask yourself. Why are weekends triggers for you? What thoughts are you having on the weekends that leads to overeating? How much joy and pleasure do you have throughout the week? How can you get more rest, joy, and pleasure throughout the week? Loves, so good.

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #21: How Confirmation Bias Is Keeping You Stuck

As you know by now, our lizard brains need to be challenged consistently. They like to go out and look for evidence for whatever we believe to be true, whether it serves us or not… the good news is that you have all the power to change what your brain finds to ensure success in whatever you do.

So today, I’m introducing you to the concept of confirmation bias and how it might be showing up in your weight loss journey. If you’re thinking about weight loss as hard, or as something you just can’t do successfully, loves, you never will.

Join me this week to discover how your confirmation biases might be keeping you stuck and how to start asking different questions so the process starts working for you, instead of against you. I love using this process in all aspects of my life, including business, which has never been easier, so trust me on this one.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. How is confirmation bias showing up as a negative in your life right now?
  2. How is confirmation bias showing up as a positive in your life right now?
  3. What do I want to believe about losing weight?

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • What confirmation bias is and how it shows up in weight loss.
  • Why two people with the same experience can have different interpretations of what happened. 
  • How our brains look for evidence of what we believe to be true. 
  • Why we have to continually challenge our thoughts and beliefs. 


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 21.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves. I love being back with you ladies today. I was just outside and it is beautiful here in Arizona. The sun is out and honestly, I just love it. I love being in the sun. Something about it just energizes me. So today we’re going to talk about confirmation bias and how it shows up in weight loss. And you know, as always, there will be a few transformational questions at the end to help you start taking action today.

Okay ladies, it’s time for our listener shout-out. This is the part of the show where I read a review of the podcast. This week’s shout-out is to Fsn Forever23. She wrote, “Great, consistent material. Shannan is honest and genuinely wants to help women lose weight. Her material is different from the standard meal plans or diets. I’ve been following her for months and her weight loss tools and processes really work. I’m a fan forever.”

Well, thank you so much Fsn Forever23. I mean, you ladies know I love these reviews. I read every single one of them. This morning my husband and I were looking over the next few months of travel and all the things we’re doing. We like to plan out our time and ensure we have plenty of joy and lots of rest.

I mean, we have a lot of trips planned over the next three months. I mean, some for work and some for fun. I mean, we are going to California, Maui, Marco Island, Delaware, Dallas, and Utah, just to name a few. The next three months are really busy for us.

Now, I’m excited about traveling. I mean, my husband and I love to travel. But I will not lie. I also feel a little stressed, and more importantly, overwhelmed. In the next three months, BFly also has two free five-day challenges and Jumpstart will be launching again. And add in my amazing day job, family, g-babies, birthdays, and all the things.

I mean, honestly love, it can just start to feel like a lot. But what I’ve learned is to feel the feeling of overwhelm and then change my thought so I can feel something different. I want my focus to just be today. I want to enjoy everything that is going on today. I don’t want to worry about the future or what might be.

I mean, I know how to plan now. I know how to be a master of my time. I know how to add in all the fun things and ensure I’m getting plenty of rest and self-care. The next three months will be no different. I will stick to the commitments I’ve made myself, follow my plan, and just have the best time.

And loves, know that it will all still be 50/50. So I’m excited about today’s show because we’re going to talk about confirmation bias and how it shows up. So have you ever texted a friend and they don’t respond, so then you start thinking, “What have I done wrong? Are they mad at me?” Then you go back and you look at your last text to see if you could have made them mad or you replay the last interaction you had with them to see if you said something wrong.

I mean, honestly, you drive yourself mad thinking about what you could have done because obviously they’re mad at you, right? I mean, obviously. You’re looking for evidence to prove that to be true. I mean, it could be 100 other things like they don’t have their phone, they thought they texted you back but they didn’t hit send. I mean, it could be all sorts of things, but your brain is searching for evidence to prove what you believe to be true.

This is called confirmation bias. The official definition is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories. Our brains are always looking for evidence to prove our thoughts and beliefs true. So whatever we believe or think, we just keep reinforcing it over and over.

Have you ever seen two people tell a story from 10 years ago? It is very different. Like, very different. It’s because we have an interpretation of what happened in the past and then we have filtered it through our own thoughts and beliefs.

I see this with clients. One client will have had trauma from the past and they believed they were strong and that they overcame it, and that they made them who they are today. They feel power from it. Then I’ll have another client with a very similar trauma and they feel disempowered and like a victim. They’re still suffering from it.

The reason two people can have similar things happen but view it different is because of confirmation bias. The first client in this story who believed that they are strong and that they overcame the trauma is looking for evidence that they are strong. So their brain is focused on finding that evidence, that they are powerful.

While client two feels disempowered, like a victim, so their brain is looking for evidence to prove that true. Looking for evidence that they’re a victim. I mean, think about that for a moment. Whatever we believe or think, our brain is just looking for evidence to support it, good or bad, for us or against us.

As a bonus in my Jumpstart program, I teach a relationship module. I mean, I love this module and this often comes up for spouses. So let’s just say you’ve been married for a while and you start thinking that your spouse does not love you. Your brain then goes to work looking for all the reasons this is true.

He could come home late because there was an accident on the freeway, but your brain will turn that into, “He does not love me.” I mean, he could forget to take out the trash. Your brain, “He does not love me.” Even if he did 52 other amazing things, your brain is not looking for how amazing he is. It’s looking to prove that he does not love you.

I mean, loves, just think about that for a minute. Your brain is always looking for evidence of what you believe is true. I see this all the time with my weight loss clients. They come to me and say, “I can’t lose weight,” or, “Weight loss is hard.” So when they think or believe this, the brain is going to dig in deep to find the evidence that this is true.

It’s going to give you all the reasons why you can’t lose weight. All the failed attempts, all the negative thoughts that you’re not good enough, that you can’t do it. Also, if you think weight loss is hard, then your brain actually goes to work finding all the reasons losing weight is hard. Even if you’ve been losing weight and you’re doing so much good, your brain will start looking for evidence of why it’s hard. And then love, you will start to sabotage.

it’s so important to understand how our brain works because loves, so much of what we think or believe, it’s just not true. We have to challenge our thoughts, challenge the way we think. We have to talk to our lizards in our brains more than we listen to it. We cannot continue to let our lizards run free.

Just because you have a thought or belief, it does not make it true. And remember that if you think something, your brain is going to get to work and go find the evidence, good or bad, knowing that if you have a thought, “I can’t lose weight,” then you’re more likely, you won’t lose weight.

What you’ll have to do is change the thought from I can’t lose weight to something that you can believe, and that’s so important. And then your brain will get to work looking for evidence to support it. So first you can start out with I could lose weight, or I have lost weight in the past. And then watch your brain start to go to work looking for evidence to support that thought.

You can also try I am losing weight, or weight loss is easy. I mean, I love that thought. I use it in my business. Business is easy. Find the thought that you can believe right now and start practicing it. And then ask yourself some of these transformational questions.

How is confirmation bias showing up as a negative in your life right now? How is confirmation bias showing up as a positive in your life right now? And what do I want to believe about losing weight? Oh loves, so good. If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #20: How to Stay Clear of Indulgent Emotions

When we are faced with a new challenge, indulgent emotion is something that comes up for everyone. I’ve experienced it lately with the tech aspect of being a podcaster, but this is nothing new. I went through it on my weight loss journey, and I see so many people doing exactly the same thing.

Getting caught up in indulgent emotion is inevitable. It’s one thing we can rely on our lizard brain to do every time we start something transformative. But, love, you don’t have to stay stuck there.

Join me on the podcast this week and discover what indulgent emotions are most common when coming up with your realistic eating plan, and how you can see these emotions for what they are, so you can stay clear of them when they come up instead of getting trapped in inaction.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. Is what I’m thinking right now true?
  2. What would I need to think to stop feeling confused, worried, or self-pity?
  3. What would I need to feel to take action right now that serves me? 

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • What indulgent emotions you might be going through.
  • Why our lizard brain gets caught in indulgent emotions when we have something new and important to deal with.
  • How to stay clear of indulgent emotions.


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 20.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello, love. So excited to be back today. Can you even believe it, episode number 20? I just am so excited about this podcast. And I love doing it every week and I’m just so happy that all of you ladies are listening.

And for today, we’re going to talk about indulgent emotions. And, as always, there will be a few transformational questions at the end, so you can start taking some action today.

Ladies, it is time for our listener shout-out. This is where I read a review of the podcast in each episode. And this week’s shout-out is to TerriLynn67. She wrote, “I really like that Shannan has been overweight and has lived what I’m living and is willing to share how she succeeded by changing her thought process to lose weight.”

Thank you so much, TerriLynn67. I mean, I love these reviews. I really do understand what it’s like to be overweight. I was that way most of my life. And every time I read one of these reviews, it just touches my heart. Thank you, ladies, all of you ladies who have taken the time to leave a review. I read each and every one of them.

As I sit here today, we have been busy in BFLY. I mean, I love watching our company grow. I love watching all our Jumpstarters show up for themselves and all the ladies. It is just such an honor to watch them be vulnerable and open.

I know how hard that can be. I will never forget the first blog post I wrote with the story of my weight loss. I actually put the number, the scale number, out in the world. I had never publicly put the number out before. I mean, I felt open, like an open scab, so vulnerable. It was so uncomfortable.

I remember feeling so sick that night. But now, I say 315 pounds or 247 pounds or 280 pounds like it’s nothing. I just don’t make it mean anything about me. It was just part of my story.

But you know, loves, I know how difficult it can be to be vulnerable and to be open. I mean, we’ve been hiding the secret for so long and even though people can see that we’re overweight, boy, we have a lot of secrets there.

So, becoming an entrepreneur has got me feeling all kinds of things; good and bad. But I have noticed that I can feel worried or confused a lot; a lot, ladies. The tech part of this job is new to me, and I have just been learning so much.

But, loves, sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. And then, my lizard, also known as Lizzy, is suddenly confused or worried, that everything will fail. And when I feel confused or worried, loves, I actually do nothing. I feel paralyzed. I start making reasons why I want to stay in bed and watch Netflix and not get to work.

So, today on the show, I want to talk about indulgent emotions. These are emotions that, honestly, I could live without them. They don’t do anything for me, and mostly, I don’t take action when I’m feeling any of these emotions.

Indulgent emotions are emotions like confusion, worry, and self-pity. When I think about worry, it is just such a useless feeling. If I worry about something that could happen, that might happen, I am just wasting my brainpower.

I think about this when I was losing weight, I would worry that I had so much weight to lose and that it would take forever, and what if I failed again? And, loves, worrying about how much I had to lose did not change the fact of how much weight I had to lose.

Worrying about failing did not help prepare me to succeed. I mean, my brain was worrying about failing. I worry about my children and grandchildren. I mean, it sounds loving, right? I mean, when we worry, it sounds like it’s something that’s serving us. But it just isn’t. It’s an indulgent emotion that causes inaction and mind chatter.

When I worry about things that I’m making assumptions about or that I cannot control, it just does not do anything for me. It truly is a waste of my brainpower.

Confusion is another. I mean, I would sit around for weeks thinking about what diet I was going to try and acting like I was confused. Should I try the Blood Type diet, give up carbs, go back to Weight Watchers? I mean, I really knew each and every time what I was going to do. But I let confusion take up brainpower and waste energy thinking about it.

Confusion is a way we stay in indecision. I see this all the time with my clients. They’re not making their realistic plan because they are, quote unquote, confused about what to put on it. when you just put realistically what you’re going to eat, and if you’re going somewhere that you do not know exactly what’s on the menu, you just put protein, starch, or veggie.

I mean, there really is never anything to be confused about. But our lizards love to be confused. Again, it just gives us a reason to stay comfortable. It keeps us from changing. It is one of the biggest dream-stealers out there. I see this all the time in my day job.

I see someone who wants to take on a new assignment or they want to change a job or careers. But, loves, they will stay in confusion about it for years. I’ve seen it even a lifetime.

Self-pity is another one. I used to be in this all the time. I would think, why me? Why do I have to struggle with this weight? Or, why did this happen to me? I have the worst luck.

I mean, loves, it was all nonsense. Again, it just kept me from taking action, taking accountability, and moving forward. It kept me stuck on the diet rollercoaster for almost 38 years.

Watch your brain when you’re in indulgent emotions. We think those thoughts are true, but they’re not. They’re just a way for us to do nothing, to stay comfortable, to do the same thing we’ve always done.

A trigger for me is when I’m not getting the result I want. Like, when I was losing weight and I stopped losing weight. I would ask myself, what thoughts are causing me not to lose weight? And so many times, it would be a thought causing confusion or self-pity, or worry.

The way to stay clear of indulgent emotions is watching your thoughts and notice when you’re feeling them. And then, ask yourself these transformational questions; is what I’m thinking right now true? Number two, what would I need to thin to stop feeling confused, worried, or self-pity? And number three what would I need to feel to take action right now that serves me? So good, love.

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free course. It’s a free mini course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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