Ep #36: But I Want It

But I Want It

Do you ever have moments where you’re maybe going out to a restaurant, you’ve planned what you’re going to eat, and then the breadbasket comes out and the urge to eat off-plan is so strong that you find yourself negotiating with your brain? The simple thought, “But I want it,” is one that has kept many of us on the diet roller coaster and it makes us forget what we want long-term and choose what we want at that moment instead.

This is something we do with food over and over again, and it becomes harder to move past the urge to eat something off-plan when we reinforce the behavior by giving our brains the reward of what it wants. We say, “But I want it,” or some version of that, and we give in to our urges, which keeps you in the habit of overeating and indulging.

Join me on the podcast today as I show you how to disrupt the hostage negotiations you have with your own brain in these moments, and how you get to choose to keep your commitments to yourself and be in integrity instead. Doing this work will make the urges less urgent, and this is how you build new habits.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. What thoughts cause full hostage negotiations in your mind?
  2. Are there certain situations where you find yourself giving in to the urges more?
  3. How can you notice the thought and disrupt the urge?

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.

I am opening the doors to The Society for only six days in June, so if you want to come join our community of amazing ladies, make sure to click here to be put on the waitlist. I’m creating a new course called The Transform Weight Loss course that will be housed in our Society membership too, so you don’t want to miss out!


What You’ll Discover:

  • How we negotiate with ourselves and create drama in our own brains. 
  • Why the urge to eat off-plan or to keep eating after you’re full can feel really strong.
  • How the thought, “But I want it,” takes you out of alignment with what you really want. 
  • A technique I teach my ladies that will disrupt the negotiations happening in your brain.
  • How, “But I want it,” creates a habit of overeating and indulging in the moment.


Listen to the Full Episode:

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Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 36.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves. Welcome back. I am so excited to be with you ladies today. Today, we are going to talk about another thought that we have that just keeps us stuck on the diet rollercoaster.

So before we get into the show, one of my favorite segments. We are going to give a listener shout-out to Sonia Kirkham. She wrote, “Amazing. I want to say thank you so much for what you do. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to mess up and not get down on myself, and to pick myself up and start again. That it’s okay to fall as long as I don’t give up. I don’t have to be on the diet rollercoaster to lose weight. I sometimes hear your voice in my head when I’m about to eat off-plan or eat more than I should. LOL. I can hear you saying that it’s on your plan. LOL. I’m still learning to love myself as I know that’s a process itself. I love the support and inspiration you give. Thank you for letting me find your group. Stay safe.”

Sonia, that was the sweetest review. Thank you so much. And thank you to all you ladies who are listening and all you ladies who have taken the time to leave a review. I really appreciate it.

So loves, another great weekend in the books. My littlest grandson turned two this past weekend. He is such a cutie. I can’t believe he is two. The time, it just goes so fast. I honestly wish all my g-babies would stop growing. No seriously. I want them to freeze.

We had a little party for him on Saturday and then went swimming with the older three. My son was not actually feeling well and so they took my littlest g-baby Wyatt home. He was so tired.

So it was my husband, myself, and my three oldest grandbabies. We were swimming, we had so much fun, but it was starting to get chilly. I know, I live in Arizona and when the pool is only about 85 or 86, it gets cold after a while. I know, some of you from the east coast and the north are like, Shannan.

But it was time to get out. So all my g-babies, they tried to negotiate a little more time in the pool. I always give them a timeframe like, five minutes and just tell them, “Okay, in five minutes we’re getting out.” So it was time and we needed to get out of the pool and our little Jaxie, our three-year old, she looked at me and told me no.

She said she did not want to get out. Now, we swim almost every weekend with them, so I knew if I gave in in that moment, every time she would throw a tantrum. So I just told her it was time and she would swim again, but today she was getting out right now and she did.

Now, if I would have given in, given her a reward by more time in the pool, it would be this constant battle to get her out of the pool. No thank you. I want more part of that. I love spending time with them and just want it to be the best. I do not want to enter into negotiations every time they come to swim.

I tell you this story because it is so similar to our own brains. We want the cupcake or something off our plan and we have this thought, “But I want it. I deserve it.” Some sort of this thought. Our primitive brain wants the reward and because we’ve given in to the reward so many times, the urge is pretty strong.

Sometimes it feels just like an automatic impulse, but it is not. You always have a thought that tells your hand to reach for the cupcake. It’s like we have a three-year-old, like my Jaxie, running around in our brains. And when the three-year-old is in charge, it’s trouble, ladies.

It looks like a tantrum in our own brain. We start negotiating with ourselves to eat off-plan or to keep eating even though we’re full. It becomes all this drama and it all takes place in our own head. It makes us feel frustrated and honestly, exhausted.

It’s like when your child does not want to do something, and you just cannot tell them one more time to pick their clothes off the floor. I know you ladies feel me on this. So loves, this is what it looks like. You go to a restaurant, you’ve looked at the menu, and you know exactly what you’re going to eat.

You’ve made your plan, you feel good about it. Then you go to the restaurant and they bring over the breadbasket. It smells so good. You know, like those Red Lobster rolls or the Texas Roadhouse rolls. You start thinking about what it would taste like.

You didn’t put it on your plan but what if you just had a piece of it? And then loves, the negotiations begin. Well, I’ll just do a swap. I placed a baked potato on my plan, so I’ll just eat the bread instead. So you start eating the bread and you give your brain the reward.

And then the meal comes and of course, the baked potato is there. And you go into negotiations again. This whole time you’re just going back and forth in your brain about what you should or should not do. Maybe just half of the baked potato, just a few bites.

But you’re really not hungry anymore because you ate a lot of bread. I’ve been there, ladies. But it’s there and it looks so good. This whole time, everyone is talking, and you are having full hostage negotiations going on in your head. You are the hostage and the negotiator, and it’s all going on inside of that beautiful brain.

Then when you’re tired, you’re feeling stressed, or you’re just over it, you say, “Just forget it. Forget my plan. Forget all of this. Forget me. This reward of the bread is more meaningful in the moment than my goal of losing weight.” You forget it, you forget you, you forget your dreams, your goals. You choose the bread in that moment because of a simple thought, “But I want it.”

I just want you to sit with that for a minute. We say forget it or some version of that in the moment and we let all of our long-term goals and plans, go for a reward in the moment. For a five-minute bread splurge, we give into our urges. It creates habit of overeating and indulging in the moment.

Our brains say, “But I want it,” and then we give it a reward. So we reinforce the behavior, just like my granddaughter who wanted more time in the pool. If I would have reinforced it, given her the reward, next week, it would have been 10 times harder to get her out of the pool.

But we do this with food over and over again. We reinforce the behavior by giving our brains a reward. And love, we do this over and over again. To change this, we have to notice the thoughts that are causing the urge. Then, disrupt the thought.

I teach my ladies in The Society to count back from 30. This will disrupt the negotiations. Then they choose a different thought like, “Not on my plan today, but if I want to put it on my plan next time, then I will.” Just like my granddaughter, this is not the last time she’s going swimming. She’s coming over again next weekend.

You will eat bread again. You will eat a cupcake again. You get to choose in the moment to be in integrity with yourself, to keep commitments to yourself. And then love, you build resilience. And loves, the urges, they do come less often because your brain knows that you’re not always going to give into the urge.

Practicing this over and over again is how you build a new habit, how you learn to be the one in control, instead of your primitive brain. Your three-year-old. If you want to learn more about handling urges, you can also listen to another episode. Go to bflycoaching.com/3 and I’ll teach you all about urges and over-desire.

This simple thought, “But I want it,” has kept so many of us on the diet rollercoaster. We choose the moment over the long-term goal. When I see ladies in my membership group, The Society, who have the most success, they learn how to notice the thoughts that are causing them to overeat.

They are disrupting their urge and then creating new thought habits. This is one of the secrets to weight loss. We think it’s the food or some exercise plan, but love, it has never been about the food. It all lies within us. To transform, we must do something different.

So, the transformational questions today are number one, what thought causes full hostage negotiations in your mind? Number two, are there certain situations where you find yourself giving into the urges more? Number three, how can you notice the thought and disrupt the urge? So good loves, bye for now.

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #35: The Number

The Number

Today, we are talking about the number. I spent most of my life obsessing over the number on the scale that I thought would make me good and happy, and I know that so many of my ladies have the same experience. I thought that if I could just weigh 120 pounds, then everything would be good. I could then achieve all my goals and dreams if and when I weighed this number.

One thing that I teach all my ladies to do is to get on the scale and look at the number. We’re terrified of the scale because we think it makes us good or bad, but it actually doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a number. You are good enough and 100% lovable, no matter what the number on the scale says.

Listen in this week as I show you why there is so much power in learning that the number on the scale doesn’t matter and that it doesn’t define you as a person. I’m also sharing what your natural weight means, why this is something I tell my clients to aim for, and how learning to love the process is what will help you love yourself and the life you create.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. What do you make the number mean about you?
  2. How can you create a life you love today?
  3. What is the very first step?

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.

I am opening the doors to The Society for only six days in June, so if you want to come join our community of amazing ladies, make sure to click here to be put on the waitlist. I’m creating a new course called The Transform Weight Loss course that will be housed in our Society membership too, so you don’t want to miss out!


What You’ll Discover:

  • Why the number on the scale doesn’t define you or have the ability to make you feel better or worse. 
  • The power of learning that the number on the scale doesn’t matter.
  • Why I teach my ladies to get on the scale and look at the number. 
  • What natural weight means. 
  • How believing you’ll only love yourself when you get to your “number” keeps you on the diet rollercoaster. 


Listen to the Full Episode:

>


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 35.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves. Welcome back to the show. Again, so excited to be back with you ladies today. And today, we are going to talk about the number. I love talking about the scale, the number, but as always, before we get into the show, I want to give a listener shoutout to Gee Schaub

She wrote, “Shannan, I love everything about this. I’ve known you since 1996 and have seen you go through many of these stages. So it’s fabulous that you’re sharing your journey and can help other women. You are a female advocate and we need more women like you. Cannot wait to listen to every episode. Thank you for your support during my cancer journey in 2018 to 2019. It meant a lot.”

Thank you so much, Gina. It means a lot to me that you are loving this and listening. Thank you to all the ladies who have taken the time to listen and leave a review. I cannot express how much I appreciate it. And I love women, that is for sure. I love watching the ladies grow and transform.

I was just in our private messaging channel in Slack where the Society’s accountability teams are. And loves, I just have so much love for these ladies. The Society is my private membership community and we have the most amazing, beautiful ladies.

We have accountability teams and it’s where they can get extra support and communities from ladies just like them. It is unconditional, no judgment. Just support, kindness, and love. I am just so inspired by these ladies, how they show up for each other, how they are creating these amazing friendships. My heart is just so full for them.

The Society membership is closed right now, but I am in the process of creating a new course. It is going to be amazing. The name of the course is The Transform Weight Loss course. It hands down will be the best weight loss course out there.

I’ve taken everything I’ve learned from my transformation, my clients’ transformations, and what ladies struggle with to simplify and enhance it so the ladies can transform their thoughts and beliefs so they can lose weight, feel better, and ultimately, change their lives.

It will be a four-stage process that takes you through the first stage, the how, how to lose weight, all the way through the fourth stage, living your transformation, going into the maintenance phase. Seriously, I am so excited about it. It will be housed in our Society membership so of course, my Society ladies, you will get it first.

But we are going to open the doors for six days in June. If you want to be the first to know about it and receive a brochure in your mailbox with all the details, go to bflycoaching.com/waitlist to learn more. I am just over the moon about it. I just love helping the ladies. I love watching transformation. And I just can’t wait for more ladies to come into the membership.

So loves, let’s talk about the number. I have obsessed about the number for most of my life. I wanted to weigh 120 pounds. This was the number. If I just weighed this weight, then everything would be good. I could achieve all my goals and dreams if I just weighed 120 pounds.

I remember this one time walking on the Ocean City Maryland Boardwalk with my friend. We were in high school. And I had these green pants on and I was feeling so good. I had wanted these pants for a long time and I was excited to be wearing them.

And then loves, a group of boys walked by and made comments. They called me fat, they made fun of how I looked. I was devastated. I wanted to cry. I didn’t at that moment. I pushed it down. But I did have the thought, “If I just weighed 120 pounds.”

I then made one of my many commitments to get down to 120 pounds. I was so tired of being overweight. So, I went on one of many restrictive diets. I did not get to 120 pounds. I got to 167 pounds. I still thought I was super fat. I still had all of these thoughts around it not being good enough.

So eventually, I started to gain weight and got back over 200 pounds. This was a random number that I had been maybe when I was seven or eight. I’m not sure. I thought this is what I needed to weigh, and if I did not weigh it, that I was not good enough. My body was not good enough.

When I coach my ladies, they all have a number. A number that if they hit it, everything will be okay. Everything will be perfect. But loves, the number on the scale does not define you or have any relevance to you feeling good or not.

The number on the scale is just a number. It’s a neutral piece of data. Nothing more. It does not define you. It doesn’t make you better or worse. It’s just a number. We’ve created so many stories in our minds around this number.

We hate the scale. We hate the number. When we say we hate it, we’re really saying we hate our bodies. We’re saying that we’re not good enough. Loves, this is where the war began. It’s when we think the number on the scale means something about who we are.

It just does not. It does not mean you are a good or bad mother. It does not mean you are a good or bad human. That number does not mean anything about you. It is just a number. Love, you are good enough and 100% lovable no matter what the number on the scale says.

I teach my ladies in The Society to get on the scale and look at the number and then see all the thoughts that come up. Notice all the thoughts and then change the thought. That is where the real work comes in. Learning that the number on the scale means nothing, that you can love yourself at 250 pounds.

Because if you learn to love yourself today, learn that you’re good enough today, the number will not matter. And when you decide or if you decide that you want it to be lower, it will go lower. That is the power.

Learning that you’re good enough, building a life that you love, that is how you lose weight. It’s not about dieting and restricting to reach some number you weighed when you were 14 or dreamed of weighing when you were 14.

I teach about natural weight. This is a weight that you feel good at physically. You feel strong. You feel good in your skin, in your body. That number is different for every person. I have clients who love how they feel at 200 and feel good physically and mentally.

I have clients who are at 150 and feel amazing at that number. Natural weight is about you, your body, what feels good physically. The number, actually, it means nothing. We obsess about the scale, getting on it, hoping we lose weight. And if we lose weight, then we say we’re good. And if we don’t, then we say we’re bad.

Loves, this is why so many of us have been on the diet rollercoaster for so long. We’ve not learned to love the process, to love ourselves and our bodies right now, today. We don’t spend time creating a life that we love. We think when we get to the number, then we will love ourselves, then we’ll create the life we love.

But it doesn’t work. When we get on the scale, feel bad about ourselves, we then use that as an excuse to overeat, to not pay attention to our hunger because we hate our bodies, we disconnect from them. And then loves, we buffer. We overeat. It is a vicious ride. It is the diet rollercoaster.

Loves, you have a choice, a decision. You can decide that that number on the scale means nothing about you. And that you are going to spend your time and energy noticing the thoughts and then changing them, and then creating a life that you love.

What if you could get on the scale and just look at that number as data? That it does not mean anything about you? What if you could love yourself today, love your body, and create a life that you love today? Love, it is the only way.

So, the transformational questions today, what do you make the number mean about you? And how can you create a life you love today? What is the very first step? So good loves, okay loves, bye for now.

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #34: How Perfectionism Shows Up in Weight Loss

How Perfectionism Shows Up in Weight LossI remember a time when I wanted the “perfect” body, and to be honest, perfection in everything I did, everywhere in my life. We are all taught this idea of perfection as kids when we’re taught to strive to be the best student or the best child, so it’s no surprise if this pattern of perfectionism exists for you in your life.

You’ve probably experienced starting a diet, telling yourself you were going to do it perfectly, and then you slip. One day turns into a week, and you find yourself beating yourself up for not being perfect and quitting. Loves, perfectionism is a lie we tell ourselves, and it only leads to self-sabotage when we inevitably fall off track, and it’s what will definitely keep you on the diet rollercoaster.

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you why the lie we tell ourselves about being perfect keeps us stuck in any area of our lives. Learning that failure and mistakes are part of anything you do will help you take more courageous actions and get you on your way on your weight loss, and I’m laying it all out for you here today.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. How is perfectionism showing up in your weight loss?
  2. What are you not doing right now because you do not want to feel uncomfortable?
  3. What can you do today to start your transformation?

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • How the lie we tell ourselves about needing to be perfect keeps us stuck. 
  • What happens when we pursue perfection in anything we do. 
  • Why you have to lose weight by transforming your thoughts and beliefs. 
  • How to change the way perfectionism is showing up in your weight loss. 


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 34.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves. Welcome back to the show. So excited to be back with you today. And today we’re going to dive into perfectionism and how it shows up in your weight loss journey.

But as always, before we get into the show, I want to give a listener shout-out to hrielly21. She wrote, “I really enjoy these podcasts. They are really great tidbits when I need something quick to help me with my mindset. Five out of five, recommend.”

Thank you so much, hrielly21. I love this review. I love all the reviews. I appreciate all the ladies who take the time out to leave a review. And if you like this show, leave a review. I would really appreciate it.

Loves, I had the best weekend. I finally saw my grandbabies. I had not seen them in a while. I think maybe almost a month, and it was killing me. I missed them so much. They came over and we had the best day. We swam in the pool. My two granddaughters did a fashion show for me out of my own closet. It was fabulous.

So ladies, I shared this story with my Society ladies last night and it got me feeling emotional. I remember so well how I used to hate my body. I always thought about how I was not thin, how I had stretch marks, loose skin, wrinkles, brown spots. I mean, all the things.

I spent so much energy at most of my life hating it, being at war with it. Through this work, I’ve learned to love it. Truly love it. To feel strong and free in it. It amazes me. I had this moment on Saturday where I was just hanging out in my bathing suit, getting the kids ready for the pool, walking around without any thoughts about my body.

Feeling free in my bathing suit, and then loves, I caught my reflection in our patio door. And my thoughts were, “You look good.” I felt beautiful. Loves, I had this moment when I was telling this story last night with my ladies, like wow, I still can’t believe how much I’ve transformed, how much I’ve let go of all of the negative feelings about my body.

Loves, it is possible. I know because I had all the hate for my body. And now, I just don’t. I used to have this image about what it was supposed to be. I wanted my body to be perfect. But now, I have appreciation, gratitude. I can feel beauty in this body without apology.

Wanting the “perfect body” and yes, I’m doing air quotes right now, was just one way that I would sabotage my weight loss. This idea that we must be perfect is a lie that we tell ourselves. We think that the lie keeps us safe, but it doesn’t. It just keeps us stuck. It keeps us on the diet rollercoaster.

I learned this idea of perfection when I was a kid. Whenever I was a good girl, I was rewarded. When I was the best student, the best daughter. I thought I was getting more love, so I equated perfection to love. So this pattern of wanting to be perfect continued to show up for me most of my life.

I would start a diet and make promises to myself that I was going to be perfect, that I was going to eat exactly what was on the plan. I was going to exercise all five days. I was going to journal, meditate. I was going to do all the things.

But then love, I would start to slip. And then you know what happens next. Start to beat myself up. It was painful. I would tell myself that I was a failure and that I was never going to be able to do it. Then loves, I would quit.

I learned that if I could not be perfect, then I would not do it at all. This showed up in many areas of my life. I did not want to feel the shame, the uncomfortableness of mistakes, of failure. So I would do the things that were comfortable.

I learned early in my career that I was not going to be perfect, that I was going to make lots of mistakes. I learned that the only way to achieve my goals was through feeling uncomfortable. This helped me to take on projects and roles that scared me. I learned that failure, mistakes, it was all part of it.

But I was still trying to have the perfect body and lose weight perfectly. I just wanted the weight gone. I wanted to be living in this perfect body now. So I kept sabotaging my success. Because I did not want to feel uncomfortable. I did not want to feel deprivation.

I kept looking for the magical pill. You know the magical pill that we’re all looking for. The magical diet that would be easy, that I could do perfectly. But it was a lie. It doesn’t exist. I had to learn that I would have plenty of overeats during my weight loss transformation. I had to learn how to love the process of losing weight.

There is no perfect. I had to learn to love my body at 240 pounds, 220 pounds, 200 pounds, all the way down. We think that when we just lose the weight, everything will magically change. We’ll love our bodies and everything will be perfect. We have these perfectionism fantasies.

But loves, if you don’t lose weight by transforming your thoughts and beliefs, it will never be good enough. You will lose the weight, and then all the negative feelings will be there. It will never be perfect, good enough. You’ll always be chasing some number and it will keep you stuck on the diet rollercoaster.

I know loves, I was there for almost 38 years. Perfectionism is one of the lies we tell ourselves to stay safe, stay comfortable. When we think we must be perfect, we do nothing. We just stay stuck. I see this with my ladies. We have group coaching calls in The Society and I know some of them so badly want to raise their hands to be coached.

But then they have the thought, “I have to be perfect. What if I say something wrong? What if others judge me?” Then they don’t raise their hands. Then they beat themselves up for not doing it. I know this because I have found this in my own group coaching program, the one that I am the coach-ee.

I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to show my coach that I was doing the work. So I didn’t raise my hand until I did. Even though my voice was a little shaky, I knew that real transformation comes from being imperfect, from being uncomfortable.

I have so much love for my ladies in The Society. I watch them continue to show up for themselves, to be imperfect, to reach out when they need community and support. These ladies are braver than I am in so many ways. They inspire me every day.

The way to change how perfectionism is showing up in your weight loss journey is to first notice, where is it showing up? What thoughts are you having around perfection? Then decide on purpose that you will make mistakes. You will have overeats, and create a strategy for them.

I have never coached a client who has lost weight who did it perfectly. They have had plenty of overeats along the way. When I see my ladies who are the most successful, they have a plan for when they overeat or start to get off-track. They reach out to others in our Society community. They get coached. They don’t let one day of eating off plan turn into a week.

Loves, perfection, it is a lie. It’s something we learn when we were children. But it’s just not true. There is no such thing as perfect. No perfect life, body, relationship, career, children. When we can see the beauty in mistakes, failures, when we expect them, then we can begin the transformation.

We can begin to learn to love the journey we’re on today. Not someday when we get there. So today’s transformational questions are how is perfectionism showing up in your weight loss? What are you not doing right now because you do not want to feel uncomfortable? And what can you do today to start your transformation?

So good loves. Next week, we’re going to talk about the number. So join me and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, so I’m there every Wednesday morning. Bye for now, loves.

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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Ep #33: When You Think You Can’t Lose Weight, You Don’t

When You Think You Can’t Lose Weight, You Don’tI’m sure you, like me, have tried a whole bunch of quick-fix diets and different food plans with hopes that it was going to be the missing piece to your weight loss journey. We all know they don’t work, that they keep us stuck on the diet rollercoaster and in the cycle dieting and binging, which I am so familiar with.

I remember when I was losing weight and I would stumble, my brain would say, “See, I told you, Shannan, you can’t lose weight.” What you think and what you say to yourself matters so much, and when you decide to stop dieting on purpose like I did, it’s time to take a closer look and be intentional about what you’re telling yourself about your weight loss journey.

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you why telling yourself that you can’t lose weight leads to just that: not losing weight. Working on your mindset is so important, and it’s really the secret to your weight loss. It’s not some magic pill or secret food plan that you’re missing, and I’m sharing what I used to practice telling myself when my brain would tell me I couldn’t lose the weight.

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. How often do you have thoughts that you can’t lose weight?
  2. How is thinking you can’t lose weight manifesting in your weight loss journey?
  3. What do you want to think instead of, “I can’t lose weight?”

If you love this work and you want to go deeper, take my free mini-course. Click here for more information.


What You’ll Discover:

  • Why allowing negative emotions helps you feel better quicker. 
  • What happens when you push down negative emotions. 
  • How thinking that you can’t lose weight keeps you from losing weight.
  • What I used to tell myself when my brain would tell me I couldn’t lose weight. 


Listen to the Full Episode:


Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 33.

Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello loves, welcome back. Ladies, so excited to be back with you again today. And today, I want to dive in on why when we think we can’t lose weight, we don’t. But before we get into the show, I want to give a listener shout-out to MTFiddler68.

She wrote, “These podcasts are so life-changing. Your podcasts are so inspirational and I love learning everything you are teaching. You have shown me a better way, not only to lose weight, but in just so many areas of life. I have learned so much from you and I’m so grateful to you.”

Thank you so much, MTFiddler68. I love this review. It was so thoughtful and sweet. Thank you to all the ladies who have taken time to leave a review. I just so appreciate it.

So loves, this past weekend was my dad’s 70th birthday. So we wanted to celebrate. I planned on sending him breakfast and having coffee with him. And then later in the afternoon, we were doing the first Brown-Christiansen-Jenkins Zoom party. Everyone would sign in, you know, I thought we would play a game, sing happy birthday, and have so much fun.

Loves, all of that happened, except it was a little weird. We had a little static on the line, it felt a little awkward. I’m so happy that we were able to celebrate with him, but I missed hugging everyone, socializing with everyone, and just interaction that happens when you’re all together.

I mean, for sure, it’s better than not celebrating, but I had to manage my mind around it. I was happy that I spent the morning with him on FaceTime, drinking our coffee together, and grateful I was able to have blueberry pancakes delivered to him. They’re his favorite.

But loves, it was different. I just missed being together. I had to feel the negative feelings Saturday night, and boy, did I feel them. After the Zoom had ended, I just felt a little disappointed and I missed everyone. I wanted to be sad. I missed my grandbabies and my family. Allowing myself to feel sad actually helped me feel better.

I mean, right, loves? When we actually allow the negative emotion, we actually feel better sooner. When you push down negative thoughts and buffer through overeating, then you actually have negative feelings for a longer time period.

We want to feel good and we’re always searching for it, but sometimes we just need to feel sad or okay. To feel that is important. We’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Feeling sad about not being able to celebrate in person was how I felt Saturday night, so I felt it.

And then I started to feel better. I had an amazing day on Sunday and was grateful for all that we had. And that my dad had a great birthday. And when I talked to him on Sunday, he was so excited that we all did get together, even if it was virtually.

So as we continue to manage all of our emotions, especially through this time, don’t forget to feel the hard ones. The ones that just don’t feel that great. You will actually feel better sooner if you just feel the negative emotion. And loves, feel it all the way through.

So let’s move to today’s topic. I was thinking about how we try all the quick fix diets. You know, loves, all the ones. The counting of the points and the macros and some food plan or exercise plan. And they never teach us how to manage our minds and feel our feelings.

This is why they don’t work. This is why so many of us have been on the diet rollercoaster for 10, 20, 30, 40, even 50 years. We believe that if we just cut out a food group, if we just exercise for long enough that it will work and that we will finally lose the weight.

But it doesn’t because something stressful happens, love. We don’t know how to manage our minds or feel feelings because we’ve been using food to do that. We’ve used foods to manage our feelings, to buffer. And so when we’re on a restrictive diet and something stressful happens, we don’t know what to do.

So we end up quitting. We end up binging. And then we’re back on the diet rollercoaster. This cycle of dieting and binging is one I am so familiar with. When we think we can’t lose weight, our brain then looks for all the reasons why we can’t.

It will tell us how we failed, how it’s difficult, how we have bad genetics, health concerns, our families, it’s our spouse’s fault. I mean, loves, our brains will tell us all the reasons why we can’t lose weight. I mean all the things.

Our brains are wired to look for confirmation of our beliefs, and whatever we focus on, our brain will go to work to find evidence that it’s true. This is called confirmation bias. I went in-depth on this concept on episode number 21, so if you want to hear more, go to bflycoaching.com/21.

So we have to understand that we have to stop thinking and saying that we can’t lose weight. I want you to stop what you’re doing. I mean right now, really stop what you’re doing and think about this. How often do you say, “I can’t lose weight,” or, “weight loss is hard. I’ll never lose weight?”

These thoughts keep you stuck. They keep your brain looking for all the reasons why you will not lose weight. When I decided on purpose to stop dieting, to find a different way, I had to change what I was thinking and telling myself.

I remember as I was losing my weight that I would literally stop whatever I was doing when my brain would say something like, “See, I told you, Shannan. You can’t lose weight.” I would stop and just say, “No love, I can lose weight. I have lost weight. I am losing weight.”

I would practice this over and over again. This is how I started to change my mindset. When I would say to myself, “I can lose weight. I have lost weight. I am losing weight,” my mind went to work. It started to look for all the reasons why I could lose weight, why I have lost weight, and why I was losing weight.

It’s strange to me sometimes to think how I always thought that there was some secret food plan, some magical pill where I would finally get it. But love, the magic is in our minds. The secret is in our thoughts. It is learning to talk to yourself more than you listen.

And deciding on purpose what you want to believe and think. Believing that you can lose weight, practicing the thought over and over again, and then love, watch what happens.

Today’s transformational questions are, how often do you have thoughts that you can’t lose weight? Number two, how is thinking you can’t lose weight manifesting in your weight loss journey? And number three, what do you want to think instead of “I can’t lose weight?” So good, loves. So fun spending some time with you. Until next time. Bye for now, love.

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course. You can learn more about it at bflycoaching.com/free-course. Bye for now, loves.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come over to bflycoaching.com. That’s B – F – L – Y coaching dot com. See you next week!

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