Month: December 2020

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, Episode number 66. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women. A podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host Fortune 100 Executive and Certified Life Coach Shannan Christiansen. Hello love. So happy to be back with you.

 

I’m excited about today’s show. I’m so excited because I am going to talk about reflection and 2020, and then how do we move forward in 2021? I want to help you start 2021 with the best plan on how to achieve the goals and the successes you set for yourself. Last year, I did an episode on how to bust a New Year’s resolutions, that’s at bflycoaching.com/15. And this year I just want to go a little bit deeper on reflection and then setting yourself up for success in 2021.

 

But first I want to give a listener, shout out. This is where our reader review of the podcast. Every week, this week’s listener shout-out is to Shelby Lazeren. She wrote is “Shannan, that will help me out so much. Thank you for always being there for us and for me, you are the best.” Well thank you, Shelby. And if you liked this show and you want to rate and review it, please leave me a review. Wherever you listen to podcasts, I would so appreciate it. I really do read every single review.

 

Can you believe Christmas is over? I mean, I can’t believe it. And we’re a few days away from 2021. I hope you had a wonderful holiday. I did for sure. I had a lot of fun with my husband and did a lot of relaxing, a lot of binge-watching Netflix, a lot. I also spent time creating. I love creating. I love business.

 

I have found that I love working in the business. It is not work to me. It feels like love. I love learning about it. And tip ladies do more of what you love. When you have more joy and pleasure, a cupcake just does not have the same appeal. Okay. But back to the show, rest was important for me this past week, but so was creating and learning.

 

I thought about where I had been in 2020 transform my day job, my relationships, including the one with myself. I looked for my successes. I looked for the things that went right. I wanted to know exactly what my starting point for 2021 is. I thought, and I wrote a lot about my Transform Bosses, about how could I help them achieve their goals? How can I help them be more successful? How can I make weight loss easy for them?

 

And yes, my love, I do believe weight loss can be easy, but I want to go back for a moment back to years ago. See, I used to set tons of goals and go through this whole New Year’s resolution process. I mean, have you done this ladies? I know you have. I would seriously do a 30 page document on goal setting for the year. Weight loss was always on there. I would set 52 impossible goals.

Then the new year would go on and I would quit on most, if not all of them. I did not take the time to look at where I had been. And if I did look, it was to beat myself up for not doing it right, or to make some excuse about why it did not happen. I didn’t spend enough time in reflection and thinking about what did go, right? What were the challenges? Not from a beat down excuse, but from a place of curiosity and love. I do still love the new year.

 

I love goals. I love thinking about success. I love thinking about my future self. And if you’re in the Transform Weight-Loss Program, we’re doing a Future Self-Workshop. It’s coming January 6th. I mean, that’s how much I love future self-work, but my process is different. And the way that I think about my goals are different.

 

When I look back at 2020, I looked back at my challenges, the loss, the hard things. I feel the pain of it, the disappointment. Not at a way to beat myself up or think that something had gone wrong. Ooh, I need to say that again my love, not a way to beat myself up or think that something had gone wrong, but to honestly find the love in it.

 

And then I look for my successes. I decide what I want to think about 2020. What was good, shoot, what was wonderful about it and what was hard about it? And I write all of this down. I love the process of reflection, the process of getting it all out on paper, not even to look at it again, but just to let it out of my brain. And then I am clear, I know exactly what I want for 2021. And then I can create the success I want.

 

Where do I want to grow? Where do I want to learn? I don’t make it complicated. I for sure do not set 52 goals. I set a handful of successes I want. The handful, instead of changing everything about me, my family, my career, my body, my finances. I really make a realistic plan and not idealistic. As one of my ladies would say, then I make a plan. I make a plan for failure. I look at all the ways I could fail. And I put a strategy in for each one. I have my ladies do this. So here’s an example.

 

So, if the success that they would want is to lose 25 pounds, then they would put one of the ways that I can fail is not making my realistic plan. So, a strategy for every time I realize that I’ve not made my plan for the day. I make it right then and there. Even if it’s on a napkin, even if it’s on, you know, a post-it note. I just make it right then and there.

 

And then I simply asked myself why, just to be curious about why did not make my realistic plan, no judgments or beat downs. The secret to success is by learning how to fail and then having a strategy because love, this is how the weight loss journey goes.

 

We think that we’re going to be perfect and that we’re going to do everything perfect. And then when we don’t, we beat ourselves up and then we quit, and it happens over and over again. And a really important thing to do is to plan out your failures. Know that you’re not going to do it perfectly, but you have a plan for when you go off plan, you have a plan for when one of the challenges or failures come up. You know exactly what you’re going to do.

 

I tell you love, this strategy of knowing and planning my failures and having a strategy has helped me in so many areas of my life. And it really has helped me to have more success. So, the process is one, reflect on 2020, look at all the pain and challenges, process the emotions of it, and then look all your successes, write it all down.

 

And number two, what success do you want in 2021? And then, make a plan for your failures and a strategy to take the next best action. Now, if you’re one of my transformed bosses, no worries. Love. We’re going to do all of this in the workshop on January 6th. I mean, so fun. My goal of 2021 is not to be happy, but to feel all the emotions and to continue to serve, grow and learn. Every success and failure will come from that.

 

So, the transformational questions are number one, what success and challenges did you have in 2020? And number two, what successes do you want in 2021? And number three, how are you planning to fail? Oh, so good. My love, join me next week as I discuss the secret to weight loss, the three C’s, yes, the letter C.

 

And if you want to work with me and take this work deeper and learn how to lose weight in a way that feels easy, then join us in Transform Weight Loss Program. Transform opens again on January 13th, we are going to welcome in a whole group of ladies. You can get on the wait list to be the first to know about all the fun and amazing things that will happen around the launch. You can get on the wait list by going to bflycoaching.com/waitlist.

 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen Episode number 65. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women. A podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 Executive and Certified Life Coach Shannan Christiansen. Love. I am so happy to be back with you.

 

I’m excited about today’s show because I want to talk through the holidays. This episode is going to be released a couple of days before Christmas, and I know right now you might be in the thick of it, and I really want to help you handle the holidays without all of the normal exhaustion and overeating. But as always first, I want to give a listener shout out.

 

This is where I read a review of the podcast every single week. And this week’s listeners shout out is to Theresa Sterling. She wrote, I love to listen to this episode over, and over again. It reminds me not to beat myself up. If I eat off plan and to recognize my daily successes, these podcasts are so helpful. Thank you.

 

Thank you so much, Theresa. You know, I love these reviews. I really do read every single one of them. And you know, we do have a giveaway going and it’s for a $150 gift card, and I am going to draw on episode number 67. So, we’re almost there. We’re only a couple of weeks away. So, if you like the show rate and review it on Apple iTunes, and then just send me an email at support@bflycoaching.com.

 

Again, must be on Apple or, or iTunes. And then, you know, you will be in the drawing again, make sure you write a review because we are going to draw an episode number 67, which is only two weeks away. Thank you so much ladies for leaving the reviews. I really do love them and appreciate you taking the time to do so.

 

So, I had the best weekend. We did our Christmas early with everything happening. We’re kind of doing multiple Christmases with different parts of our family. And so I did my son and daughter-in-law and my grandbabies, and we had so much fun. My husband and I just love them to pieces.

 

And we baked cookies and had a really great dinner and of course opened up gifts. And, you know, my grandbabies were just the cutest and you know, it, it really put me into the holiday season and I love our traditions that we do, and I loved baking cookies. And even my son got in the kitchen, which was lovely.

 

He rolled out all the sugar cookie dough, and I don’t know, it was just a really fun Christmas event. And it just kind of started our holiday season. And I just, I love it. And I know that this year is different. It for sure is different for me and our family, but, you know, I’m just going to enjoy it.

 

And I, we have a really fun daily challenge going on right now in our Transform a group it’s the 24 days until the New Year. And so that has been super fun too. Every day. I’m doing it with the ladies, this challenge, every day. And, oh my gosh, so many of my ladies are just doing it. They are showing up and I love it so much.

 

I just think loves at the end of the day, we do get to decide what we want to think and what we want to do and how we want to feel. And I’ve just decided in the last couple of weeks of 2020, I am going to focus on all the many blessings and how grateful I am for all my ladies and my family and all of you.

 

And, you know, I have so many blessings in my life and I just want to, you know, really take the time to appreciate all that I have and really enjoy the season and what it’s about and for me, and just love it up for real. So, let’s get into this show and, you know, and part of the next couple of weeks, my team and I, we have been working on all the things that we’re going to do in 2021.

 

We actually have the entire year planned out and we are going to roll out some amazing things and Transform Weight Loss Program next year. I mean, I always over deliver. And I think about my ladies all the time, I think about how can I help them lose weight?

 

How can I help them live their best lives? How can I just help them feel better? And how can I research? You know, I love research. I love learning new things. And so this is one of the things that I do for my ladies. I really look for the best tools, the best things to really help them lose weight.

 

And so I am super excited about 2021 and excited about all of the amazing things that are going to happen in Transform next year. So love let’s get into this show and I want to tell a story. So this was probably, I don’t know, maybe seven or eight years ago. And I was living in Utah with my husband and we, I had a really amazing job and I had this amazing team and I had just finished my master’s degree, my MBA, and I wanted to do something amazing for my team.

 

And I had around 60 leaders and, you know, this was team leaders and department managers. And I thought, you know, I’m going to bake cookies, Christmas cookies, and use all my mom’s recipes and put them in really cute containers. And, you know, I just really wanted to show them how I appreciated them.

 

And, you know, I knew it was going to be a big task. It was going to be about 1200 cookies, which is no small feat for sure. But, you know, again, I was just coming out of my MBA and I had just finished my last class and I was getting ready for graduation because I graduated actually in December. And I really kind of had a half-baked plan.

 

I really didn’t fully think it all through. Plus, you know, I was eating all of the things, you know, I was, you know, not making realistic plan back then. I had not really done this work yet. And, you know, I was, you know, just kind of winging it. So, this weekend came that I was gonna put it all together and I was going to create the cute containers, bake all the cookies, pack them all up.

 

Yes. In a weekend, yes. Bake 1200 cookies and pack them up by Monday. And you know, it was overwhelming, I would say to the least. So, I want to paint the picture for you. I was 230 pounds. I had just graduated with my masters. So again, completely, extremely busy time. I was already depleted and exhausted before even going into this weekend.

 

We were living in Utah at the time and going back and forth between Utah and Arizona and love, I was just physically and emotionally exhausted, but I had my mind made up and I was going to get it done. Have you ever felt like this where you’re so exhausted mentally, that you feel like you’re drowning and you’re so physically tired and your body just hurts all over?

 

So, I started Friday night after work with getting everything ready, laying out all of the ingredients, prepping my kitchen. So, Friday night I started making all the containers. And you know, that feeling when you start to realize that this is a bigger task than what you thought it was going to be, and it was going to take you way more time and you start feeling panic, like, how am I going to get all this done?

 

It hit me that Friday night. So, I worked late into the night and then I was back up at four or 5:00 AM to start to make the first batch of cookies. It took longer than I expected to make the dough and bake by 10:00 AM on Saturday. I was so behind. I wanted to cry.

 

My back was hurting. My body was hurting. My mind was like, how am I going to get this done? And I had no plan for eating back then. So, I was eating cookie dough, you know, at the same time. And as cookies came out of the oven, you know, I had to test them. So, I was eating them too.

 

So, on top of just, you know, feeling panicked, feeling overwhelmed, thinking, why did you get yourself into this? I was also feeling physically sick. And, you know, I was just pushing down all the feelings. I was pushing down my feelings of overwhelm and frustration at myself.

 

And then I was also feeling so much pain, like physical pain in my body, but I had my mind made up. I was going to get it done and thank goodness Paul stepped in on Saturday and really helped me. And we worked all day, Saturday and Sunday. I was so exhausted. I mean, ladies, do you know that moment when you’re just so tired?

 

You’re just like you’re almost like a robot that has no energy left, but I did it. And of course, I put on the happy face on Monday and brought the cute containers in, you know, like it was a breeze not talking about the horrible experience of the weekend. I really did not enjoy it. And this leads me to, I just didn’t have a good plan, not on how to get it done and also how not to overeat through it all.

 

I didn’t know how to handle the urge to overeat. When I was feeling negative emotion, I was just pushing it all down with the cookie dough and a massive amount of work. Yes. Work is a buffer too when it has a negative consequence. And this is for me, one of the ways that I know, when I’m overworking, it’s just another way that I’m pushing down my emotion.

 

I was going through that holiday season, like a robot, just doing all of the things I thought I should do. And I should “for sure” do. Fast forward years later, I wanted to do the same thing, but I had learned the process I teach. I knew how to make a plan, how to handle an urge and how to feel my feelings instead of pushing them down. The whole holiday season was different.

 

I was not eating against my own wheel. Have you ever felt like that where you feel like you’re just eating on automatic pilot against your own will? I had a good plan. I reduced the number of cookies. I made the dough a weekend before and put it in the fridge. I had a plan also that included a couple spoonfuls of dough, not, you know, 20 spoonfuls. I made the containers weeks before the baking. And when it came to the weekend of baking the cookies and packing them up, it was a breeze.

 

I turned up the Christmas music and really enjoyed what I was doing. I was not physically and emotionally burnt out. I mean, isn’t that what we want? We want to feel better. There were three things that were so different between those years, that helped me to enjoy it instead of feeling exhausted and completely overeating. So, I want to share with you the three things that really changed it for me.

 

Number one, I had a plan. I had a realistic plan, so that was a food plan. And if you go to blfycoaching.com/6 so, episode six of this podcast, I really go into depth on the realistic plan, but I also use the realistic plan for planning out things that I do too. And so, I had a plan on how, and I had really thought through the holiday season, not just my baking, but everything I wanted to include my traditions, spending time with family. I had really had a plan again. I used my prefrontal, my thinking brain instead of Lizzie instead of my automatic brain.

 

And because I had this going through the holiday season, it helped me to, you know, overcome when I wanted to overeat or when I wanted to buffer by overworking. And so, if you’re in my Transform Weight Loss, if you’re one of my Transform bosses, go to stage one on the membership site, Making Decisions Ahead of Time and Triggers to Overeat, you can also do workbook pages, 41 and 42. This concept of making decisions ahead of time and planning.

 

We think planning is like handcuffs. Like it’s going to take more time, it’s going to slow us down. But what I have found is planning his freedom, making my realistic plan every day, knowing what I’m going to eat, knowing that I have lots of food that fuels me, but also, I plan non-fuel food. I plan cookies. We just baked this weekend and I had a couple spoonfuls of the dough and also cookies on my plan. So I didn’t have any mind drama. And I knew that I, you know exactly what I was going to do. So I wouldn’t feel this feeling of overwhelm and dread.

 

So number two is I’ve learned how to allow urges, allow the feelings of urgency or wanting to overeat without taking action against myself. And to learn more, you can go to episode number three so bflycoaching.com/3. This concept of learning how to sit with an urge and sit with, you know, this wanting, right. We want to eat a cookie, or we want to eat a bag of chips or we want, right. This comes in and I like to call it an urge and I have this really simple three step process.

 

And so anytime that you are aware that you want to overeat, or you want to eat off plan, then you’re just going to stop right, be aware of it. Then you’re going to disrupt the thought by counting back from 30. I know it sounds like what Shannan, but seriously, it’s life changing. You’re going to disrupt the thought, count back from 30 and then just take a breath. Because love, there are three ways that you can handle this urge to overeat.

 

You can fight the urge and resist it and tell yourself how bad you are if you eat it, or you can sit there and thought loop over and over, like, should I eat it? And can I eat it? I want to eat it. Well, if you eat it, if you’re going to be bad, I mean, you can just, I mean, how many times ladies, I want you to think, have you been sitting there thinking about what you want to eat and want to eat off plan, right? You are thinking about, you know, wanting to eat the bag of M&Ms or wanting to eat, you know, even, you know, trail mix or something healthy, but you’re just kind of obsessing about it. I’ve done this so many times. And so, what happens is when you’re fighting or you’re resisting the urge, you are really trying to push down those feelings, but they keep popping up. And so, you just are in this endless thought loop.

 

And number two, we can give into the urge and eat off plan or overeat where we just, you know, again are overeating or we can allow it. And allowing an urge is just allowing the feeling, the urgency or the feeling of wanting, right. The feeling of desire for it. Right. We desire the food. And so, you can feel it. And again, you’re just going to stop, disrupt the thought, count back from 30 and then breathe. And you can do this as many times and then will happen as you’ll notice, the thought will disappear. The feeling of urgency, the feeling of desire will dissipate. Yeah. It’s an amazing process.

 

And then number three, how it was different for me was learning how to feel a feeling. And so, you can also go to episode seven, I’ll really dive deep into this. So again, bflycoaching.com/7. And you know, this is important in this work. You know, I used to believe that I was overweight because, you know, I didn’t have wasn’t eating the right foods or I wasn’t exercising enough. And what I’ve learned is that the reason why I overate was because I was buffering, I was pushing down emotions that I didn’t want to feel with food.

 

And then on the flip side, when I ate or overeat, especially something that was highly processed or highly, you know, had sugar, I would get this one to two minute dopamine hit. I would get this feeling, this positive feeling. So, I would push down the negative feeling and I would get this one to two minute positive feeling.

 

This was every day for me, this was over and over again. I didn’t want to feel negative emotion. And I was buffering with food. And as I learned this process and what I teach all of my bosses, my Transform Bosses is that learning how to feel a feeling is one of the most powerful things that we can do. We have been so disconnected from our bodies, that we don’t even know what feelings feel like in our body.

 

And we have this automatic brain. This is why have you ever felt like you are literally eating against your own will? Like you said, only notice that you’ve eaten the bag of the chips. Are you, you know, eating the bag of M&Ms, and you’re like, what has happened? Like I’m eating against myself. And this happens because we have this automatic brain and this are because our brains like to be very efficient.

 

And so, you know, we want to overeat or eat off plan because we believe the food will make us feel a certain way. We think it will take away the negative emotion. And it does for just a moment. The best way to identify what urgency wanting or desire feels like in your body is to just one, notice it, notice the feeling and start to go down all the way from the top of your head, through your body and just see what that feels like. What does desire or urgency or wanting feel like in your body is your, you know, your, does it give you like a little headache?

 

Does it feel like anxiety where your heart might be racing a little bit, or you have a little pit in your stomach or your legs or your shoulders feel really tight, or you get a little, you know, tweak in your back. What does it feel like in your body and go through your body and really identify consciously what the feeling feels like in your body. That is how you’ve processed a feeling. It’s no more complicated than just being aware of what it feels like. It doesn’t need to be complicated. It doesn’t need to be anything more than processing the feeling in your body and naming what it feels like.

 

It takes about 90 seconds to processing an emotion, 90 seconds to identify the emotion that you’re having. And when you allow the feeling, when you allow the negative emotion, it’s the most amazing thing. When I am coaching my ladies in Transform, we have coaching calls and I will take them through processing an emotion. It’s amazing. They’ll start, and they’ll feel, you know, whatever, negative emotion they’re feeling, maybe it’s frustration or fear, or, you know, discouraged, whatever it is. And I walk them through and all they do is just identify what it feels like.

 

And what’s so interesting is you just can, I can hear and see if they’re, if it’s, if they’re on camera, I can watch and watch them processing emotion right before my eyes, or I can hear it. You can hear it in their voice. At first, they feel, you know, you can, you know, see or hear the frustration. You can see the tenseness in body, and then you will see it process through, and it will become this lightness. And they’ll say, Oh, my shoulders feel lighter. After they process the feeling. Feelings will not kill us.

 

And we are everything we do is because we want to feel a certain way. So, learning how to identify how feelings feel and then processing them through our entire bodies. That is the way to really honestly, end overeating. And I know it’s like Shannan. And I’m like, I tell you the more that I even myself, do this work, everything I’ve ever done is because I want to feel a certain way.

 

And when I can feel negative emotion without taking negative action against myself, it just changes everything. I want to say that again, because it’s so powerful when I can feel a negative emotion, like frustration, anger, disappointment, shame without taking a negative action, like overeating shutting down, right? When I can feel the negative emotion without taking a negative action against myself, it changes everything, everything my love.

 

So, to recap, there were three things that I did differently between my very first holiday season seven or eight years ago to the one, a few, a couple of years ago. And this is how things can be different for you and how to begin to end eating against your own self.

 

Number one make-up plan. Number two, allow an urge to overeat or eat off plan and three process your feelings, become more conscious and aware. And the transformational questions are number one, what is causing you to feel overwhelmed and frustrated right now? And number two, what triggers you to overeat or eat off plan? So good my love.

 

Are you ready to get off the diet roller coaster, feel better and lose weight, then get on the wait list. My love Transform is opening on January 13th, go to bflycoaching.com/waitlist. Ooh. So good. My love. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen Episode number 64. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women. A podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host Fortune 100 Executive and Certified Life Coach Shannan Christiansen. Hello love. I’m so happy to be back with you. I am excited about today’s show.

 

Welcome back to the three-part, a series that I have been doing on love and how it affects your weight loss. Today, we’re going to dive into love with others, and this is all about our capacity to receive and give love. But as always, I want to give a listener, shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast every week.

 

This week’s listener shout-out is to Tanya Carter. She wrote, thanks, Shannan. This podcast is fuel for our intellect. What about eating? Because you liked the taste of food or snacks. That’s been an issue for me. Thank you, Tanya. Thank you so much for leaving a review. I really do read every single one of them and it is not too late to get in the drawing for $150 Amazon gift card.

 

And I’m going to do the drawing and episode number is 67. So, post your review on iTunes or Apple podcasts, and then shoot an email to a support@bflycoaching.com. And we will get you with the title of your review and we will get you into the drawing. So, my loves Christmas is coming.

 

I know it is we’re in December and I know for so many of us, we are getting ready for Christmas or the holidays and we’re preparing for year end at our jobs. And it’s just a very, you know, again, busy time of the year and, you know, loves, I really have been thinking about this, even for myself, just making sure that through this month that I really focus on my own self-care and continuing to show up for myself.

 

One of the things that we’re doing in the Transform Weight Loss Program is this 24 day challenge. You know, we want to finish the year strong in Transform, and it is so fun. I, myself and my daughter-in-law actually created these little mini advent calendars. And we mailed them to all of the ladies who are in transform and every day they get to peel off a new challenge.

 

And again, it’s just super fun and it’s just something to keep us involved in our own self-care while everything is happening. And I am going to do it myself. I think it’s going to be super fun. And I’m going to do the challenge along with my ladies. And you know, this is one of the things I think for so many years I did is when it came to the holiday season.

 

I just forgot about me. I was thinking about others and thinking about doing for others and, you know, serving and you know, which is all amazing. And I know for so many of us, it’s very important, but if we forget about us, if we forget about our own self-care, if we don’t take care of ourselves, the way in which we will show up will not be to our best selves.

 

We just won’t, we’ll be tired and exhausted and maybe even a little bit grumpy. And so, doing this work and showing up for yourself, I see so many of my ladies in Transform. I mean, you know, here we are in December and you know, they’re coming to coaching calls and they’re coming to study halls and you know, they’re showing up for each other in the community and they’re doing amazing things because they know how important it is to show up for themselves.

 

So, you know, ladies, I announced this last week, but Transform is opening again on January 13th, that January 13th, 2021 Transform opens. And you know, some ladies are like, Hey, Shannon was Transform? You know, it is a monthly membership community. And it’s where I teach and coach ladies on how to lose weight and get off the diet roller coaster.

 

It is a mix of community coaching and my signature four stage proven weight loss course. I mean, it’s pretty phenomenal if I say so myself, okay, ladies. So, let’s dive into it today. So, I want to talk about how our relationship with others affect our weight loss.

 

Our life is full of relationships to others. I mean, I’m a mother, a wife, a Mimi, a leader, a CEO, an employee, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I mean, so many of us ladies, we play so many different roles and we have lots of different relationships in our life. And you know, I want to tell a story as we get into this episode, I want to talk about a relationship that I had.

 

This was in between my first husband and my current husband, Paul. And this was a very, I would say negative relationship. It, it wasn’t a very healthy relationship. It was a relationship where, you know, I did not feel loved and there was also lots of other stuff going on and I continued throughout relationship to have these thoughts.

 

So I thought I could do more, be more lose weight. And then I could have more love. I thought that if I did this, he would love me more. But what ended up happening was the more I thought I was unloved, the more weight I would gain. I see this in so many of my clients. They believe that if they lose the weight, they will become more lovable.

 

They believe that they are less because of the number on the scale. They believe people treat them worse. Don’t love them as much and that if they could just be more, be perfect, then they could feel more love from others. This thought would, you know, even when I was in that relationship. And I know so many of my ladies and my clients and my friends and family,

 

they have this thought that runs through their head. If I had more love from X insert, whoever that is, then my life would be better. And then my love on the flip side, we have these other beliefs about other people. If they could just do what we needed them to do, when we needed them to do it, we wouldn’t be as stressed or overwhelmed or frustrated.

 

If they could follow our manuals, our expectations, then everything would be great. I mean, right. If he just did or she did what I needed her or him to do, then everything would be great. And then I wouldn’t be so stressed and I could lose my weight.

 

I remember love, I tell you, I lived in this constant state of thinking that my weight was caused by something outside of me, whether it was Mother or my family or my ex or whatever the situation or thing was. I always had some person that if they would have just been different, I would have been different, but love, there are three things I know for sure.

 

Number one, you are a hundred percent lovable and worthy and no number on the scale means anything about who you are. You were born that way and nothing about this life changes it. We believe that if we were thin, if we were loved, if we had different parents, if we were brought up differently, then things would be different. We would be thin. The only thing between you and your dreams are your thoughts and beliefs. You could decide today that you were good enough, that you were beautiful enough, that your body was beautiful, that you were enough lovable. The only reason you believe something else is because of your thoughts. I really want you to let that sink in. You could decide and think today that you were enough.

 

And number two, my love, we cannot control anyone. Not anyone. We, the only person or thing in this life that we truly control is ourselves. When we expect someone to be different and we expect that things should be different than they are. It causes us to suffer our own thoughts are what cause our suffering, not someone else. I know when I learned this, I couldn’t even believe it. And if you want to learn more on the manual and more on another thing that I teach in relationships, go to bflycoaching.com/25.

 

I talk about the manual and how we expect others to be different. And you know, loves, we do have these expectations. We have these expectations of other people and when they don’t meet them, then we have a feeling and it’s usually a negative one. And then we go and eat cupcakes or chips or whatever it is to feel better. Maybe it’s even just something healthy that we’re overeating, like, you know, whatever it is for you trail mix, yogurt, something that wasn’t on your plan. We cause our own suffering, the other person doesn’t. And I know I coach ladies on this all the time. We believe others cause our suffering. And I am just here to say, one of the biggest things that I have learned is that no one causes my suffering only my thoughts.

 

And I want to give you an example of this. So, I think about my husband, Paul, and when I have the thought that he loves me, then I feel love. It has nothing really to do with him or what he does when I think how amazing he is. And I think that he loves me. I feel love and you know nothing about what he does or doesn’t do matters.

 

I can always choose the thought of thoughts that cause the feeling of love. You know, I really did this work in my marriage a couple years ago, really deep work on my thoughts and our marriage has changed. Not because he changed because my thoughts about him changed. And I practice those thoughts every single day. I am just here to say my love that we do not control how others show up and how, what they do.

 

The only thing we control is how we choose to think about it. And more often than not these expectations that we have of others are manuals for others. That is what causes our suffering. Number three someone’s capacity to love, to give you love or for you or to receive love from you has nothing to do with you. I want to say it again.

 

Someone’s capacity to give you love or to receive love from you, has nothing to do with you. It is their ability. Their capacity for love was formed from their own self-love or lack of self-love. It was formed from their own experiences as yours. My capacity to give love is really high. I can give love. I can tell people I love them.

 

I can hug them. I can give love very easily. It is something my own self-love is very high. One of the things that I had to work on was my ability to receive love early in my life. I had learned to put up a wall between me and others. And so, though I could show love to others. It was difficult for me to receive love.

 

And it was one of the things that I really myself and my own work had to work on. Receiving love from others. Why I say this to you? My love is because often if we believe that someone is not loving us or they don’t love us, or they haven’t loved us enough, we think that something’s wrong with us, but I’m just here to say, nothing’s wrong with you.

 

My love someone’s capacity to love you has nothing to do with you. And really understanding this concept can help you understand that. You know, I see this and even myself, we have these things that happened to us when we were a kid or a teenager, someone said something, maybe it was a parent or a friend or a kid at school or an aunt or a grandparent.

 

And we just took that and we held onto it and we made it mean something about us, nothing that anyone says or does has anything to do with you. If someone says you’re X, you’re not beautiful enough, you’re not good enough. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with their own thoughts and feelings about themselves.

 

And so, you know, I love this saying it was from, I always forget who it’s from, but I think it’s like Kat Von D maybe or something like that. But you can be the juiciest, most delicious peach. But if someone doesn’t like peaches, well, it has nothing to do with the peach. The peach is still beautiful and delicious and juicy. And I just want to say, you can be the most juiciest peach.

 

And if someone doesn’t like peaches again, it has nothing to do with your lovability or your worth. I say this and I practice this a lot. Whatever anyone thinks of me is none of my business. And mostly it has nothing to do with me. If someone said, Shannon, you’re ugly, you’re getting too full of yourself.

 

It has nothing to do with me. It’s how they feel about themselves. And it’s really important to really understand that. Now, if someone is like Shannon, you’re amazing. And you’re wonderful. Again, I don’t really take that on either because that has nothing to do with me. It’s how they feel. It’s how their perception is and why this is so important is because the only opinion about me that matters is the one that I have with myself.

 

I think about this. I’ll tell you, we have this dog, a little puppy. Her name is Gracie. And we got her from kind of a really rough place. And she was the runt of the litter. And I think she had been, you know, in her little life before she came to us, had been kind of bossed around, I would say, maybe not treated very well.

 

And so she’s very anxious and very, she needs some power for sure. I’ve tried. And she just, you know, she’s just, she struggles with other people. And when it comes to the grand babies, she, when they’re little, so until they hit about six or seven, she just barks at them.

 

And she’s very nervous around them. Why I say this is because when Gracie sees little Jaxie, we’ll use Jaxie. She’s three. When she sees Jaxie and she starts barking and she starts, you know, feel, you know, getting nervous. It’s because of fear, it has nothing to do with Jaxie. It’s just, Gracie has this fear. Gracie has her own problems.

 

So she barks at my little Jaxie. And again, it doesn’t mean anything about Jaxie and that’s such a simple, simplistic example, but I’m saying it because I think we have taken on other people’s opinion and we’ve made it mean something about us. And I just want to say someone’s capacity to give and receive love has nothing to do with your lovability. We carry extra weight because we don’t want to feel a negative emotion.

 

We have all of this drama, negative beliefs in our head about other people and ourselves. This work, the work I do and Transform it’s life changing, learning that you and you alone can change your thoughts and beliefs about yourself, about food. About other people will change your life. It’ll change your relationship with food and your body. And if you want to take this work deeper and you really want to get off the diet rollercoaster again, Transform is opening on January 13th.

 

So, get on the waitlist @bflycoaching.com/waitlist. It’s so good my love. All right, bye for now. Love. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week!

 

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan. Episode number 63. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women. A podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, Fortune 100 Executive and Certified Life Coach, Shannan Christiansen.

 

Hello, I’m so happy to be back with you. I’m excited about part two in our three-part series on love and how important it is in weight loss. And today we are going to get into food. Love my love. But first I want to give a listener, shout out. This is where I’ll read a review of the podcast every week. And this week’s listener shout-out is to hoopsmama14.

 

She wrote “Another amazing podcast. Every time I listened to one of her podcasts, I feel as if Shannon is speaking directly to me. She always seems to know just what I’m struggling with and how to face it and in a way that’s easy to do. As I’ve been struggling to do it all, she reminds me that I don’t have to. I can make decisions ahead of time on what I want to do, what will serve me and make me happy. She reminds me to keep things simple, don’t overwhelm myself with trying to do all the things. As I’m feeling discouraged that my progress isn’t as fast as I’d like, she reminds me not to compare myself with others and that as long as it takes it’s okay, because it’s the last time I’ll have to lose those pounds. I know I’m learning to transform my thoughts, but sometimes I slip back into my old way of thinking. For sure Hoopsmama14. Listening to Shannan makes me pause to reflect on my thoughts and feelings. She brings a sense of calm to my life and makes me feel as though I can conquer anything. I’m so thankful that I joined the Transform Society and can’t wait to see where this journey takes me.”

 

Hoopsmama14, I loved that review. It was so thoughtful, and you know, really did nail so many of the concepts that I teach and I just loved it. And I really appreciate it. Now, my loves if you have not left a review of the podcast, please do so. You can leave one anywhere that you listen to podcasts.

 

Now, if you listen on Apple or iTunes, if you leave a review, just make sure that you email support@bflycoaching.com because we are doing a giveaway for $150 gift card. Ooh, so good. So, love as I’m recording this it is Thanksgiving weekend. It is Saturday. And I have to tell you, my birthday landed on Thanksgiving this a year and I had the most fantastic Thanksgiving and birthday. I received so much love from all my ladies, my family, my friends and I just, my heart could not be more full.

 

You know, a couple of weeks ago, I had a lot of mind drama around Thanksgiving because it was going to be different and I was going to miss some of my family, you know, in person that I always spent it with.

 

But it was so interesting because you know, in doing this work and changing my mindset, I went into Thanksgiving Day, just full of gratitude and love. And, you know, I did FaceTime my family.  And you know, my grandbabies and my son and daughter-in-law, they came over for dinner and we had this beautiful dinner and I really enjoy cooking. I do most of my cooking the day before and prep. And so that   Wednesday I spend the whole day really prepping and cooking and just having so much fun with it. When I do those things, it reminds me of my mom, and I spent many years in the kitchen with my mom prepping Thanksgiving dinner.

 

And I have to tell you, it brought back so many good memories. And when I went into Thanksgiving, I just, honestly, my heart was just bursting the whole day and it was the best time. And even though this year was a little bit different and my fingers are crossed that next year, me and my family will be all together again, under one roof, I have to say, I just really counted all the many blessings that I have and my birthday was fantastic. I love my birthday. And I had an amazing birthday and I celebrate it. My daughter-in-law’s birthday is the day before mine and so we kind of always blow out candles together. And, you know, we did it again this year and it was just so fun.

 

So, I hope that all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, even if it was a little bit different this year. Because you know, love it’s all in the way that we think about it and everything that I have learned in my own journey and my own growth is that so many things will happen that I can’t control that I can do absolutely nothing about.

 

And the only thing that I have control over is me and the way that I think and the way that I show up. And I just, you know, I’m a human too. I have to remind myself of it, but loves, It’s just one of those things that I think we just have to keep reminding ourselves of that we can control the way that we think about whatever is happening in the world.

 

So today is the second part of the three-part series on relationships really. And the first part was on your relationship with yourself and self-love and how important it is in weight loss. And today we’re going to get into our relationship with food and we have, you know, if you’ve been on the diet rollercoaster, you have a long history with food.

 

And I remember very early on tying emotion to food, thinking that food brought me comfort, that food brought me love that I loved food that I know I’ve said this, you know, like food’s always around, no

 

matter what happens, food is there for me. I remember thinking that and believing that, and, you know, so many times I would, you know, put food above all my other relationships.

 

Now I know loves, that’s hard to even think that we do that. But when I was in the throes of pushing my emotion down, the throes of, you know, obsessing over what the next food thing I was going to eat, it really did outweigh my other relationships. This relationship that I had with food was a love, hate relationship because I would love it and I would want it, I would desire it. And then I would just beat myself up. I would feel so guilty about what I ate. And then I would just say, I hate it. I hate food. I hate sugar. I hate cookies. And the next thing you know, I was looking for my next fix, and this was really the epitome of the diet roller coaster.

 

It was just this, you know, very difficult relationship with food. And, you know, I have to say my loves learning, how to have a different relationship with food is very important in your transformation to lose weight. Learning what food really is that it’s an innate object and it doesn’t love us back. And it only brings us about 30 seconds of relief of comfort.

 

And it’s a false pleasure and learning how our brain, how dopamine works in our system and how, you know, we get this quick dopamine hit, but then it’s gone and then we need to eat more, desire more so that the dopamine hits can have the same impact as they did before. And so I really want you to think about your long history with your relationship with food and you know, what have you desired about food?

 

When have you put, you know, getting food or thinking about food or just feeling horrible above all of your other relationships? I remember so many times being so sick. I mean, physically sick because I had eaten so much and I was just feeling so horrible and I would get grumpy. I would take it out on my husband or my family.

 

And again, because of my relationship with food. So, I just really want you to think about it because I’m going to give you some key things on how to start to change your relationship with food. And you can have an amazing relationship with food. And I’m going to give you a few of those steps. So, the first thing to do when you want to start to change your relationship and how you think about food is knowing what your food history kind of has been. What has your relationship with food been?

 

The second piece is to start to eat when you’re physically hungry, not emotionally hungry and learning to reconnect with your body, learning what physical hunger actually feels like in your body. And, you know, starting to stop eating when you’re satiated, instead of stuffed, these are the tips that will start to change your relationship with food.

 

Now, the fourth one is starting to enjoy the food that you’re eating. We say, we love food, we can’t wait to eat it, and then when we’re, you know, eating it, we’re standing at the counter, eating out of an ice cream container with a spoon, and we’re not even paying attention. We’re on our phone or we’re watching TV.

 

We’re doing everything, but enjoying the food that we’re eating and to change the relationship with food, paying attention to what you’re eating, how it feels in your mouth to make a beautiful table setting, eat out of a really beautiful table setting or a beautiful glass when you’re drinking. It’s really starting to change the way that you think about food.

 

If you’re going to enjoy it, especially in non-fuel food, you want to pay attention. If I’m going to eat Tiramisu, for example, I love it. I want to enjoy it. I want to see how it tastes in my mouth. I want to feel it. I want to really enjoy it. And for so long, I can tell you, I would like eat a bag of Reese’s and not even really pay any attention.

 

And then be like, Whoa, I just ate like 10 Reese’s. And I would be so shocked. Or I’d be at the end of a bag of chips and I would have eaten the whole bag and not even not enjoyed one bit of it. So again, the fourth tip is really to stop and enjoy the food that you’re eating, pay attention to it.

 

And then the fifth tip really is to eat more fuel food than non-fuel food. I want you to really stop and think about how food fuels your body and what it tastes like and change your thoughts about fuel food. I love food that fuels me. When I, you know, eat a good salad with a beautiful piece of protein that is seasoned well, and that tastes really good. And my body just comes alive.

 

Or, you know, when I eat, one of my favorite meals is from this company and it has like chicken and rice and veggies and every time and we put a little cheese over it and every time I eat it, I feel so good. My body it just loves it.

 

And really as much as I think about a sugar cookie, I think more about food that fuels me when I go to eat that meal with, you know, the rice and the veggies and you know, the piece of protein, I love it. And I really have changed the way that I think about food that fuels me. I love the feeling of eating, feeling satiated and feeling energized.

 

I can’t tell you how many times I ate food and had to go and take a nap. I wanted to lay down because I felt physically sick. I no longer, I don’t love that feeling. And I’ve paid a lot of attention to not loving that feeling. And because of that, I’ve put more attention to loving fuel food, loving the feeling of feeling energized.

 

When you’ve been on the diet roller coaster for so long, you have really stopped paying attention to food. And I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it is true. You really are eating so fast and you’re, you’re trying to push down your emotion and you’re in this swirl of worry and guilt and all the things. But now when I sit down to have a meal like Thanksgiving, I really enjoyed all of it.

And I enjoyed a birthday cupcake, and I enjoyed a piece of pie and I ate until I felt satiated. I didn’t eat until I was so stuffed I couldn’t move. I really enjoyed it. And so, changing your relationship with food, you will actually enjoy food more. You will actually start to change the way that you think about food.

 

This is how you lose weight for good. Again, it’s all about stepping into the next version of yourself. So, I want to give you the five tips again. So, number one, you want to really look at what your relationship with food is right now. Number two, eat when physically hungry, not emotionally hungry. Number three, stop. When satiated instead of full. Number four, really enjoy the food you’re eating, pay attention, slow down and really taste how it feels in your mouth and how you feel after you eat. And then number five, eat more fuel food than non-fuel food and start to change your thoughts around fuel foods. Ooh, my love. So, changing your relationship with food, it really is how you get off the diet roller coaster.

 

So, the transformational question today is, there’s two of them actually, number one, what is your relationship with food like today? And number two, what do you want your relationship with food to be? Ooh, so good. My love.

 

Oh my goodness. You can text me. Yes. My personal number. I am so excited about this. I have just rolled this out and I am a loving at texting my ladies. I really do text and my ladies text me. So, all you have to do is take out your phone right now and you can send me a quick hello text at (480) 605-3506 and then add to your contact list. And then I’ll add you to my address book. And then at least once a week, I’ll send you a weekly inspirational text.

 

I mean, so fun. Right? So, grab your phone and text me. Hello at (480) 605-3506. Bye for now. Love Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bfly.coaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.