Ep #79: Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss – Awareness

This episode of the podcast is the beginning of a four-part series on the Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss, and each week for the next four weeks I am going to introduce you to one of the pillars.  Today, we will really be diving into the first pillar, Awareness.  For so long we thought weight loss was about the food. But honestly, the more I do this work, and something you will learn too, it’s something I see in my clients, it is not about the food at all, but about our mindset. Through my program, Transform Weight Loss Program, I teach you how to change your mindset, and of course throw in brain hacks along the way. I see so many of my clients being successful, losing weight, having better relationships, really becoming these amazing women, all due to changing their mindset and coming into awareness.

For so long, we have been like robots, just walking around our lives on autopilot. Listen in today as I talk about to how to break this cycle, and just become aware. Aware of our thoughts. Aware of our feelings. Aware of how food feels in our bodies. How becoming aware of all our thoughts, feelings, and actions can lead to our success. I challenge you today to start with one thing to be aware of. What will you decide to start paying attention to? A thought, feeling, your hunger?

And here are this week’s transformational questions:

  1. How can you become more aware?
  2. How will you set yourself up for success?

Ladies, Transform Weight Loss Program is now open! If you are ready to have a supportive community and invest in yourself and learn to live in a body you love. If you are ready you can come and join at bflycoaching.com/join

You can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

What You’ll Discover:

  • The first pillar of the Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss – Awareness
  • How becoming aware – of our feelings, thoughts, actions, can lead to success
  • How to get out ourselves out of the autopilot mode

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen episode number 79. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello Love. So happy to be back with you. I’m so excited about today’s show.

In today’s show I am going to introduce you to the Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss, and I’m going to do a four-part series and each week for the next four weeks I’m going to introduce you to one of the pillars. And today we’re going to really dive into the first pillar. I know I love it, right, but first as always, I want to give a listener shout out.

And this is where I read a review of the podcast. This week’s listener shout out is to Anita Marcum. She wrote, I loved the podcast and look forward to the freedom of this new thinking. Ah, short and sweet. I love it. Anita. Anita is one of our new Transform ladies too, so whoop Anita, and thank you for leaving the review.

And if you love the show, please rate and review it. It just really does help other women find us. And then who knows you might be on the podcast. I mean, so fun. Right? So, Oh my goodness love. I have to tell you about our little Emma. She is so tiny, but she is just the sweetest. She is doing so good.

And it just makes my heart so happy. She is the tiniest little peanut. You do really forget how small they are, but she is doing so amazing. And so are all my other grandchildren, they’re doing really good. You know, I think they’re just like, okay. I mean, you know, this is the fifth, so they’re like, okay, we got it. And I think about my granddaughter, Belle. She’s at that perfect age where she just wants to take care of her and wants to be a little helper. So, so fun.

Ladies, I am getting so excited. In Transform in my membership community, we do a biannual virtual event. Now it’s a one-day event where I teach, coach, we give awards out, my family comes on. It is amazing. And I’m in full preparations right now. It’s happening on April 17. And I am just so excited. I love this event. It is going to be like phenomenal. These events are just part of the Transform membership. And to be honest, I love watching my clients’ minds. They kind of melt, maybe explode.

And then I love watching all of their successes. It makes me so grateful and appreciative for all the beautiful women in Transform. So I want to tell you ladies what I’ve been working on. So I am updating our Transform Weight Loss Course, and it’s an amazing course, but I always am learning and researching, and I’m going to make some updates that I’m going to roll out this summer.

And I’ve been working on frameworks and milestones and making it really simple for ladies. I really want to, you know, just help ladies have more success and just reach all of their dreams, including of course, weight loss, but relationships, even money. And so I’ve been just doing a ton of research and I’ve been creating things. And one of the frameworks that I’ve created is this cheat code.

And these are really honestly the basics of weight loss. And I really dive deep into them of course in Transform in my current course. But I wanted to share this with the public and talk about these four pillars. Now there are four pillars to the cheat code, and today I am going to go into the first pillar, which is awareness. And the other three pillars are planning, immersion, and success. I know, I mean, they’re so good, they’re so important on this weight loss journey, because I think for so long, we’ve thought losing weight is about the food. And honestly, the more I dive into this work, the more I work with my clients, honestly love, it’s all in our mindset and, you know, throw in a few brain hacks and some tools that I teach and you really can find success. I mean, I’m watching ladies in Transform lose weight, live better lives, have better relationships. I’m watching them transform their minds. You know, they’re really becoming these amazing women who are the bosses of their life.

So this first pillar, awareness, you know love, we have just become like robots. We’re going through our lives. We’re checking off things on our to-do list. I mean, do you, like is this you, am I talking to you? Like, I mean, I tell you, I remember so clearly, so many times in my life, I was just doing all the things for my family. Working, you know, taking care of children, you know, getting home from working 10 hours and driving another two and cooking dinner. And then by the end of the night, just feeling exhausted. I remember this so clearly when, you know, this was before I found this work, this was probably 10 or 11 years ago. I was pretty newly married to my husband and we were blending families.

My son was a teenager, you know, they’re not that fun, but I mean, I love him. He’s amazing. And you know, I had stepchildren and we were blending a family and I was working and I was getting my Master’s degree. And I have to tell you ladies, I really felt like I was drowning. I mean, do you ever feel like that?

Like you’re just under water. And I remember just trying to get it all done. And I really was kind of coming from a place of being a robot. And then at the end of the night, when I was exhausted, when I had given it to everyone, like all my energy to everyone else, in my bedside table I would have Reese’s and peanut M&Ms and I would sit at night watching TV before I’d go to sleep and just eat.

And I was just really pushing down all of the emotions, all of the emotions of the day. And I just have to ask you, have you lost really the joy and pleasure in your every day life? Do you eat food to relieve stress? And is it your comfort. And love, I remember this for so long and I was just living in autopilot.

Part of our brain is the automatic brain and between the automatic brain and Lizzie, I mean, they’re in charge like 90 to 95% of the time. And so it does feel like we’re robots, like we’re on autopilot, but if we can just come into aware awareness, just 1% more in your day, it will change your life. And awareness is really starting to become aware of our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings, our hunger, right. And just choosing one and then starting there. One of the first parts that I teach in Transform is for ladies to just start to become aware of what are they thinking and what are their beliefs. We have years and years of diet beliefs, years of what we should and shouldn’t do. We have years of believing that weight loss is hard and difficult and that we can’t do it.

And we’re just failing. We have years of believing that weight loss is our struggle and we’re never going to overcome it. And being aware on a daily basis of when those thoughts come up, because so many of them are just, you know, record players playing in the back of our subconscious, and starting to just come into awareness a couple times throughout the day.

And what I recommend is that you just start to pay attention. You know, when you want to, you know, overeat or when you want to eat something that’s off your realistic plan. When you want to, you know, you find yourself standing in the pantry eating a bag of M&M’s right. What’s happening. And how you come into awareness is just by asking yourself a question like, okay, why am I in the pantry? Like what just happened? Like what emotion am I feeling right now? Just that awareness of what is happening. Oh love, it’s so life-changing.

There’s some other things that you can do too. You can just, you know, put some reminders on your phone, like come into awareness just for you to start to question, what am I thinking? What am I believing today? What am I feeling today? It’s just this process. And it sounds, you know, I know ladies who start this work because we’ve lived in autopilot for so long, they think, Oh, this is going to be difficult. But you know, just coming into awareness, even if it’s once or twice a day, it really does start to change. And then over time, your awareness starts to grow. You start to notice like, Oh yeah, I’m having this thought, Oh, this is just Lizzie. Okay Lizzie, we got this. And then you can start to choose to think something different and you can start to choose to make different decisions. And this is how the process of changing your mindset begins.

And it all starts with awareness of your thoughts and your beliefs and your feelings. Because loves, we’ve been so disconnected from our body. You know, the next kind of level is starting to feel your hunger, starting to feel what food feels like in your body. But what I want you to do right now is just focus on one simple thing a day.

What are you thinking? What are the thoughts? If you’re overeating or you find that you’re resisting, right? Oh, there’s a podcast a couple podcasts ago on resisting. And so if you start to notice that you’re resisting, right, making your realistic plan or eating on plan, just asking yourself why? And I tell you, it is just, the awareness will get you out of the automatic brain into that prefrontal cortex, into our thinking, our higher level brain. And I tell you love, 1% makes a huge difference. So just doing this starting out once or twice a day will change your life. I’m serious.

So the transformational questions are one, How can you become more aware? Number two, How will you set yourself up for success?

So will you put a prompt on your phone? Maybe you have a, you know, a friend or an accountability partner or, you know, setting up some triggers like meal times, right? So if you notice around meal times that that’s when you really disconnect, you really go into autopilot, try one meal where you’re going to be really present and aware.

Ooh love. And if you need help implementing the tools that I teach and going deeper on this work, I invite you to join Transform Weight Loss Program. This program is based on three elements, coaching, community, and a weight loss course. This program will help you implement the tools so you can live your best life in a body you love. Go to bflycoaching.com/join.

And you will not want to miss next week’s cheat code. I am going to talk about the second pillar of the Cheat Code to Weight Loss. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

 

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Facebook Live 42: Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss Part 2

We are continuing tonight in the Cheat Code. Last time I talked about the first two pillars, which are Awareness and Planning.  Those are kind of the foundation, the basics, along with these other two. Tonight I will be talking about the pillar number three and four, which are Immersion and Success.  

Pillar three, I think this pillar is so important, because we have this automatic brain, we have all these old habits. We just get pulled in 10 different directions. And immersion is so important because it is like soaking yourself in the material and the community. Just doing all the things to teach our automatic brain new habits that will help us to be successful in weight loss. Join me as I dive into this pillar and teach you how you can immerse yourself in this work. How our community of ladies can help you when you are struggling, whether it is weight loss or something else in your life.

Pillar four is success. How many times do we show up for everyone else, only to quit on ourselves? We say we don’t have the time or we aren’t worth it. We break commitments to ourselves without even thinking about it or even realizing it. I will teach you tonight ways to keep commitments to yourself so you can be a better wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter.  Having success is like compound interest, it can just keep building on itself.  We have to look for and acknowledge our success. Even our little successes add up to bigger successes! And even if we have failures how we talk to ourselves can determine whether we have more success.  Are you ready to find your tribe?

Ladies, you can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

If you’re new to the podcast and have been loving it, I invite you to check out my free podcast guide! It can feel overwhelming and confusing when you have so many episodes to choose from, so I’ve cultivated a shortlist that includes my 4 Fundamentals and the top 10 episodes, so you can easily get started!

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course, where I share my experience and the 3 tools that I used to get off the diet roller coaster. All you have to do is click here to learn more!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How having a tribe can help you stay immersed and be successful
  • How to keep commitments to yourself
  • How changing the conversation with yourself after a failure can lead to having success

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

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Ep #78: Why Change Can Feel Hard in Weight Loss

Now ladies, I have to tell you, as this episode opens, we are closing the doors to Transform on March 26, and I don’t want you to miss out. So make sure if you’re listening before March 26th that you get in. We have so many amazing things like our virtual event in April and you know my love, I don’t want you to miss out. So go to bflycoaching.com/join.

Today I am talking about the brain. You know I love talking about the brain. I’m a little bit of a nerd for sure, but I love talking about the brain and how we’re wired. Our primitive brain, I call mine Lizzie, is wired to keep us safe, wired to keep us from danger. Think about the cave days, there was a lot of danger. Danger of the elements, lack of shelter, food, water. Lizzie is just responsible for our fight or flight response. But in today’s world Lizzie gets bored and so change has become danger. Whenever anything changes our Lizzie brain tends to go to this worst case scenario and we resist the change.

Join me today as I dive into why we are resistant to change, and I give you 3 tips to lose weight for good and get off the diet roller coaster. Why we are so resistant to feeling our feelings. How we are all just playing in the puddle because we don’t want to do the work to lose weight for the last time. I want you to get out of that old way of thinking and stop listening to that record player playing over and over in your brain. All these thoughts are just words and sentences in your brain. You get to decide today to believe it or just let it go.

This weeks transformational questions:

  1. What change are you resisting right now?
  2. What successes have you had?
  3. How have you already changed in the last 5, 10, 15, 20 years?

Ladies, Transform Weight Loss Program is now open! If you are ready to have a supportive community and invest in yourself and learn to live in a body you love. If you are ready you can come and join at bflycoaching.com/join

You can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How our brain (Lizzie) makes us think that change is danger
  • Just because you think a thought does not make it true
  • Even though our brains are wired to resist change does not mean that you can’t change

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 78. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. I am so happy to be back with you.

Oh ladies, I am so happy to be back with you. I am excited about today’s show. On today’s show we are going to talk about change and why it can feel hard to start or continue your weight loss journey. But first I want to give a listener shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast every week. This week’s listeners shout out is to Marcy Richie.

Hello Shannan. I am so excited to finally be able to get off the diet coaster. I am very excited to listen to your podcast and apply the lessons to myself. Thank you so much. Well, thank you so much Marcy. She’s a new Transform lady and I’m just so excited for her and her journey, and all of my Transform ladies. And just a reminder, if you love the show, please rate and review it. It really does help other ladies find us.

So my love, we just finished a five day challenge. I love challenges. I really do. I love introducing ladies to this work. I know that we’ve been told that diets are the way and that to lose weight we have to cut a food group, go from eating all the things to chicken and salad. But it’s just not the way. Diets do not work long term. They are just quick fixes with lots of false promises. I love watching women and their minds explode because they start to feel some hope. That they can lose weight. But more importantly, they start to feel better and they start to see that maybe they can even start to have some love, some grace for themselves.

Now ladies, I have to tell you, so if you’re listening to this today, as the episode opens, we are closing the doors to Transform on March 26, and I don’t want you to miss out. So make sure if you’re listening before March 26th that you get in. We have so many amazing things like our virtual event in April and you know my love, I don’t want you to miss out. So you can always go to bflycoaching.com/join. And whenever you’re listening to this and it’ll give you all the scoop.

So spring is here. Spring is here. I see it everywhere. I see all the ladies posting about spring. But I have to say, here in Arizona, we have had the best winter. It has been nice and mostly warm, and we have been enjoying it for a good bit. I mean, this weather this year is so beautiful. So wherever you’re listening to this, I just wish you a whole bunch of sunshine.

So today, Oh, love, we are going to talk about the brain. You know I love talking about the brain. I am a little bit of a nerd for sure, but I do love talking about it and how we’re wired. So, our primitive brain, also known as Lizzie, was wired to keep us safe, wired, to keep us from danger. So let’s for a moment just go back to the cave days. There was a lot of danger. Danger of the elements, danger that there was a lack of shelter, a lack of food, water. Our ancestors were focused on survival, getting their basic needs met. Now our primitive brain, Lizzie, is responsible for our flight or fight. So if someone broke into my house right now, Lizzie would give and go and direct all the hormones that I would need to take action. And there’s a really important reason for our primitive brain and really responsible for important things.

But Lizzie gets bored because for most of us, there’s not real danger present. most of the time. Most of us have our basic needs met, so she gets a little bored and change has become danger. Most humans who have not done this work do not like change. I mean, we want to love it, but mostly we don’t. I’ll give you an example.

Let’s just say your boss comes in and tells you about a new change. Suddenly you will find Lizzie will take over. Suddenly you feel a little resistant. You start to have thoughts about, worried about this change. You don’t like it. What will happen? You start going to worst case scenario. You start talking about, well, back in the good old days. I mean, I have been there. And it’s not that you don’t get there or that you won’t accept the change, but mostly your first thoughts are all about resisting the change. When I was losing my weight for good. One of things that I resisted at first was feeling my feelings. And I have to say it was really difficult in my brain. It was just thoughts that I had about really stopping and coming into awareness and feeling my feelings.

I was pretty good at making my realistic plan at first and mostly eating on it. But I had been so disconnected with my feelings that it felt hard. It was a change. Lizzie served up all kinds of thoughts, like you can lose weight without feeling your feelings. What is feeling your feelings? You don’t need to breathe. You don’t need to go into your body.

Then I started to think that I was confused and it was hard. And love, I was just playing in the puddle. I wanted to play in the puddle because I didn’t want to do the work. And it was change. And my brain, Lizzie, was kind of freaking out. I always think of it kind of like a toddler, you know, when you want them to do something and they don’t want to, and they just kind of have a little meltdown. That’s what was happening in my brain because I knew that doing this work, really going all in was change. And I was growing. I was learning and Lizzie at first was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, no way. Let’s be comfortable. You don’t want to do this work. But love, I did want to do this work.

I really wanted to learn how to feel my feelings. And I really wanted to change, even though Lizzie was kind of throwing a little bit of a tantrum. Think about all the diets you’ve started and how it can start to feel hard. You have all of these thoughts about why you can’t do it. You go into your past, you go into all the stories you have about why you can’t or don’t want to.

But mostly, Lizzie is just putting up a fight because change equals danger. But change is just part of the process evolving past where you currently are. And love, it’s possible. To live your best life in a body that you love you must become aware of how you’re wired. That just because you have a thought does not make it true. And you have to allow the thoughts that your primitive brain, also known as Lizzie to me, serves up without taking action on them.

So what do you do? Number one, know that you’re wired to resist change. But that does not mean that you can’t change. And I want to give you an example. You have changed. You have grown. You have evolved lots of times in your life. Think about how much you’ve changed and evolved in the last 5, 10, 20 years, and just know that you’re capable of it. And number two, allow yourself to think about your successes. Have evidence on hand of how you’ve changed, how you’ve grown. Because when you want to quit on yourself, you want to play that story instead of the one of where you’ve quit on yourself before. Take a few minutes and just think about how you’ve evolved over even the last 5 to 10 years. Number three, this is an important one my love. This is the one. Talk to yourself more than you listen to yourself. You have a fully stocked library, fully stocked, I have one too, of records playing in the back of your head. And it’s just old stories that don’t serve you any longer. Most of them are not even true.

We still have stories that we’re the same person as we were when we were 15, 20, 30, but it’s just not true anymore. We get stuck in the past and it keeps us in old thinking. When an old record or story starts playing, just allow the thought, allow the record, and then just remind yourself that it’s okay. You got this now, you’re learning.

You’re growing, you’re changing, you’re capable. And I always love to tell Lizzie, we got this. Sometimes I just say, not today Lizzie. We’re good. And just remember, you have evidence. You’ve already changed lots in your life and although you’re wired to resist it, it’s just a thought. It’s just words, a sentence in your brain. You get to decide today to believe it or to just let it go.

So the transformational questions are number one, What change are you resisting right now? Number two, What successes have you had? Number three, How have you already changed in the last 5, 10, 15, 20 years?

And if you need help implementing the tools that I teach and go deeper on this work, I invite you to join Transform Weight Loss Program. This program is based on three elements: coaching, community, and a weight loss course. This program will help you implement the tools so you can live your best life in a body you love. Go to bflycoaching.com/join. So much love. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Facebook Live 41: The Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss

I love my ladies in Transform and I am always looking for ways to help them. How can I make things easier and simpler. I am updating my weight loss program which I will roll out this summer. Join me in today’s live as I talk about the Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss. There are four pillars in this, and today I will be talking about the first 2 pillars – Awareness and Planning. I will be back in a few weeks and talk about the last two pillars.

Listen in as I dive deeper into these first two pillars in the Transform Cheat Code to Weight Loss.

71% of Americans are overweight. If weight loss were simple, that number would not be so high. We won’t lose weight for good on another “food plan” or diet.” We have to learn how to manage our mind. This is where Awareness comes in. What are you thinking, what are your diet beliefs, what is keeping you stuck? We have to learn to be able to have these thoughts and feel the feelings without taking negative action. And if we take that negative action, we just need to ask ourselves one simple question. Why? And also being aware of how food feels in our body, aware of when we are hungry, aware of when we are full.

The second pillar is Planning. Planning is really just a brain hack because you are coming into awareness. I have this brain hack I use and teach in Transform that I call the Realistic Plan. It is just a way to keep commitments to ourselves. No counting points, calories, fat grams, none of that. Just realistically what you are eating. Just making a decision ahead of time and no beating yourself up if you eat off plan, just ask yourself why and move on, take the next best action. It is so simple!  

Ladies, you can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

If you’re new to the podcast and have been loving it, I invite you to check out my free podcast guide! It can feel overwhelming and confusing when you have so many episodes to choose from, so I’ve cultivated a shortlist that includes my 4 Fundamentals and the top 10 episodes, so you can easily get started!

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course, where I share my experience and the 3 tools that I used to get off the diet roller coaster. All you have to do is click here to learn more!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings is the first step in long term weight loss – how we can feel our feelings and not take negative action
  • Planning is freedom!
  • How the realistic plan is just a brain hack that helps you keep commitments to yourself

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Ep #77: Resistance vs Allowance

I am so happy to be back with you. I am getting excited for an event we will be having for my Transform ladies, called Unstoppable Live. We are doing it in August, and I am doing something extra special for my ladies. I am doing a drawing, a prize package for one of my ladies to come to the event live here in Arizona with me and spend a couple days with me. Yes, in August, probably the worst month to come here, but I reassured them that they could handle it. I have AC everywhere, and she will be treated like a queen.

I love this concept I’m going to teach you today. We are going to get into and dive into allowance versus resistance. Ooh, it’s going to be so good. You do not want to miss it.  Resistance is just a killer of dreams. We resist our thoughts, our dreams, our feelings, and even our bodies, all because we think they should be different. Resistance is the opposite of love.  Now allowing is the opposite of resistance. Allowing is freeing. It is allowing a negative thought without acting on it, without thinking something has gone wrong. 

You will not want to miss this episode as I teach you 2 steps to turn your resistance into allowing. How allowing is really freedom. It is up to you to decide to let the thoughts of resistance go and allow new thoughts, feelings, and abundance to come into your space. 

This weeks transformational questions:

  1. What are you resisting?
  2. What do you want to allow? Pick one thing and practice your new thoughts around allowance.

Ladies, Transform Weight Loss Program is now open! If you are ready to have a supportive community and invest in yourself and learn to live in a body you love. If you are ready you can come and join at bflycoaching.com/join

You can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How resisting just keeps us stuck
  • How allowing is freedom
  • That you do not have to act on negative feelings

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 77. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello Loves. So happy to be back with you. I am extremely excited about today’s show. Oh, I love this concept I’m going to teach you today. We are going to get into and dive into allowance versus resistance. Ooh, it’s going to be so good. You do not want to miss it.

But first, I want to give a listener shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast, and this week’s listener shout out is to Sharon Spohn. Shannan, this podcast pulled at my heart string. My relationship with my mom has not always been rainbows and sunshine. You have coached me on this and I know that my mom is who she is and I can’t change her. I threw away my manual for her. I know she loves me and I love her. Thank you for doing this podcast. So much love for you.

Oh thank you Sharon, my Love. I know she’s referencing episode number 75. If you haven’t listened to it, it’s all about moms, and it was a really emotional episode for me. By the end it was really difficult. I was holding back the tears to finish recording and, you know, I love my mom and our relationship was amazing and it was complicated. And so, if you have not listened to that, for sure you will want to listen. If you have a mom, if you are a mom, a step-mom, you have a mother-in-law, you for sure will not want to miss that. But thank you so much Sharon. So much love for you. And of course, if you love Weight Loss for Successful Women, please rate and review it. It really does help other women find us and find this work.

So Love, I am hoping that all of you who are listening who are in the colder states are getting some warmer weather. I know it’s been a little tough lately and I hope that you have some hope of spring. It is just gorgeous here in Arizona. It’s going to be 85 today and I cannot wait to get out in it. If you have listened to me for any time, you know I love the heat. I was thinking that I can’t wait to get out and start sweating. As I’m recording this, I have a blanket wrapped around me and yes, I’m freezing inside the house. So speaking of weather, we are doing an event in Transform called Unstoppable Live, and we’re doing it in August. So I wanted to do something extra special for my Transform ladies, and so I’m doing a drawing, a prize package for one of my ladies to come to the event live here in Arizona with me and spend a couple of days with me. And yes, it’s in August.

It is really the worst month to come here. But I promised my ladies that they could handle 110 and that it was a dry heat, wink, wink, but probably not the best month. But we have AC everywhere. And I am going to treat her like a queen. I mean, photo shoot, we are going to like have amazing food and fun. And we are also looking at some venues because more of my ladies want to come. Yes, they want to come to Arizona in August. I mean, I love these Transform Bosses. They are so amazing. I hope it all works out. We’re still working out all the details of bringing more. You know, we have to make sure we’re following all of the COVID 19 and that we have everything in place, but I think we’re going to work it out because I just can’t wait to hug them. I want to hug all of them. So I’m very excited. For sure, we have the prize package where we’re going to pay for someone to come to my home and you know, have fun one of my Transform Bosses, but we’re seeing if we can expand that too.

So today I want to dive into resistance. Ladies, resistance is the killer of all dreams. I was thinking about resistance and how it still comes up for me. Resistance looks like this. We resist our thoughts because we think they should be different. We resist our feelings. We push them down with food. We resist what is, what is happening. We resist how the humans are. We, you know, know somewhere that humans are imperfect. Yet we have these manuals for them and we think they should be different.

And Love, we resist our bodies. We resist how they look, how they feel, what they do for us. We are at war with them. This makes me think of when I was resisting my body. I would not look at it. I dressed in frumpy clothes so they would not hug my body. I would not even really touch it other than to clean it. I was so disconnected from my own body. I had no appreciation or gratitude for all the things my body did for me every single day. I was resisting thinking about it. I did not want it to be.

I wanted to hide. I wanted to put a pillow over it while I was sitting on the couch, or put my chair all the way down to the floor so I could put myself under my desk. Or I would hide behind someone in a picture. I did not want any part of it. Resistance is the opposite of love. It kept me at war with my body. It kept me not paying attention to it, not loving it, not taking care of it. It kept me in a drive-thru ordering sugar cookies and then fast food and shoving it down before I got home to my husband, because I had so much shame of what I had eaten.

I want to ask you this really important question. What are you resisting? Is it your body, your thoughts, your feelings? Are you pushing them down with food, with social media? Are you buffering, shopping? Are you resisting feeling hunger? So scared that you might have a touch of hunger? I remember Love. I would take food on the airplane when I was traveling because, heaven forbid, if I, you know, went a couple hours without food. I had this resistance to feeling hunger.

So what to do my Love. This space of allowance is everything. Allowing is the opposite of resistance. Allowing is freeing. Allowing a negative thought without acting, without thinking that something has gone wrong. Allowing feelings, all of them, to wash over your body. You can feel any emotion. It will not kill you.

A feeling washes in for 30 to 90 seconds. Allow it, breathe through it, and then release it. I was coaching one of my Transform Bosses on the feeling of anxiety, and when she was resisting it, it increased the feeling of anxiety. But when she allowed anxiety to be in her body, it actually decreased the feelings. And then it passed through quicker.

I want to offer you that you don’t need to act from a negative feeling. You can allow it to be in your body. And Love, allowing the humans. Allowing them to be whoever they are, do whatever they want because you can’t change or control them anyways. I want you to really let sink in. Allowing the humans to be the humans. It does nothing for them really. But it gives you so much freedom to love. Freedom from your pain and suffering, when you just allow the humans to be. Allowing what is without resisting it.

I love Byron Katie’s quote, when you argue with reality you lose, but only a hundred percent of the time. Allowing what is to be there and not arguing that it should be different. Allowing ourselves to take this space, to stop trying to be small, to allow ourselves, our voice, our bodies, our thoughts, our feelings, all of it. Living in a space of allowance. I no longer hide. I take up space. I allow my voice to be heard. I allow my feelings, all of them. I know what real physical hunger feels like because I’ve allowed it.

I allow abundance. Abundance of time, freedom, love, money. When I allow myself to feel abundant, I don’t need to worry about the last two cookies in the container, or carry food wherever I go, because I know that there is an abundance and I no longer feel the feeling of resistance. In my reflection work that I do every day I ask myself, what a m I resisting? And then I practice thoughts of allowance and abundance.

The first step in allowing is awareness to what you are resisting. The second step is deciding what you want to allow. Pick one thing. Maybe you want to allow your body. You want to allow your thoughts to be there without making them mean anything about you, or that anything has gone wrong. Or maybe you want to practice allowing your feelings. You get to decide to let the thoughts of resistance go and allow new thoughts, feelings, and abundance to come into your space.

So the transformational questions are, one, What are you resisting? And number two, What do you want to allow? Pick one thing and practice your new thoughts around allowance.

And if you want help allowing feelings, maybe physical hunger, thoughts, or that beautiful body of yours, come check out Transform. Transform is my weight loss program, and you can become a client of mine. Go to bflycoaching.com/join to check it out. All right Love. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Facebook Live 40: How to Stop Giving Up

On today’s live I am talking about stopping quitting. I have quit on myself so many times. I have started and stopped dieting a hundred times. So, I definitely understand those feelings of frustration and guilt, failure, and all the shame and pain that goes right along with it. When we quit, we just reinforce the neural pathways in our brain and it just becomes a habit. So quitting becomes a habit, something we have done without even looking at why. And of course we don’t label it as quitting. It’s the holidays, or it’s my birthday. This is a really stressful time. And the biggest lie we tell ourselves is I’m just too busy.

Join me tonight as I teach you some tools you can use to stop quitting on yourself. A way to lose weight so you don’t have to beat yourself up or feel deprived. No mind drama. By learning not to quit on ourselves we create new neural pathways in our brain which will help you and support you, that actually make it easier for you. What small steps will you take today to stop yourself from quitting and just commit to yourself? Remember all these small steps lead to success.

Ladies, you can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

If you’re new to the podcast and have been loving it, I invite you to check out my free podcast guide! It can feel overwhelming and confusing when you have so many episodes to choose from, so I’ve cultivated a shortlist that includes my 4 Fundamentals and the top 10 episodes, so you can easily get started!

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course, where I share my experience and the 3 tools that I used to get off the diet roller coaster. All you have to do is click here to learn more!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How the Realistic Plan is a tool to help you stop giving up on yourself
  • How small commitments lead to big success
  • How to remove quitting as an option

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

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Ep #76: I Have So Much to Lose

So I want to start today’s episode with a story. And this is way back when I was starting to lose my weight for good. I had really dug in. I had been doing the work and feeling pretty good. I had lost about 15 pounds. And then these little thoughts started creeping in: I have so much to lose, and it’s going to take so long to lose my weight. I started feeling discouraged and I totally went off plan. It started with chocolate lava cake, and I ate it, and then all the “forget its” came in, I will start again on Monday. You ladies feel me on this. 

See, these two little thoughts – I have so much to lose and it’s going to take so long – made me feel discouraged. I started playing in the puddle. You know what that is, when you start having these sneaky little thoughts, and then beating yourself up for having these thoughts, and you find yourself playing in the puddle, and acting like a toddler having a tantrum.  Join me today as I offer you three tips on how to help you when you have these thoughts on your weight loss journey. Are you ready to challenge yourself that these thoughts are not true?

This weeks transformational questions:

  1. What tricky thoughts are leading you to give up or quit on yourself?
  2. What do you want to believe about how long and how much weight you have to lose that will serve you?

Ladies, Transform Weight Loss Program is now open! If you are ready to have a supportive community and invest in yourself and learn to live in a body you love. If you are ready you can come and join at bflycoaching.com/join

You can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How to believe that just because you have a thought does not make it true
  • How to be curious when it comes to your weight loss journey
  • How to get off the diet rollercoaster for good

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 76. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello Love. I am so happy to be back with you, as always. I love spending this time with you and I am excited about today’s show. Today, we’re going to dive into two tricky thoughts and you for sure will not want to miss this.

But first, I want to give a listener shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast and this week’s listener shout out is to Dana Hageman-Allen. And she wrote hi Shannan. This new way of thinking about failure as being data has just changed my whole life. Of course, we as humans are going to have failures, it is inevitable. My old way of thinking was I’d start a diet and be good for a day or two, and then I’d overeat way too much of something, feel sick to my stomach and feel lethargic. And then my thought was, well I blew this diet again. I’m never going to lose any weight. I’ve tried so many diets and failed at all of them, I’m just going to be fat for the rest of my life. Then I met you. Now I know I will fail over and over, but I now have new thoughts about asking questions and when I fail, I’m in control and know that my failures are lessons for me. And I’m learning so much about myself. Thank you Shannan. Oh Dana, I love it. Dana is one of my Transform Bosses. She has lost 30 pounds now, she’s lost so much weight, and you know, she’s at the lowest weight since before her adult child was born. And you know what I love about Dana is that she just keeps showing up my Love, and she just keeps, like she’s so, I can see it in her face. She’s just so excited about learning and failing and challenging herself. And I love you Dana, and I love this work. So thank you Dana. So much love for you.

Again, if you love the show please rate and review it. It really does help other women find us. So our grandbaby, Emma, is here. She’s finally here my Loves. She was born at 36 weeks. She is perfect and tiny and sweet. You know, she for sure gave all of us a good scare. She gave her mama some trouble, for sure, but she is here and she’s perfect. And she was a little jaundiced when she was born, but you know, did the photo blanket, and now she’s doing perfect and gaining a little bit of weight and Oh, she’s so beautiful. You can go to bflycoaching.com and I’ll post a pic there just cause she’s so beautiful. Mama and the whole family are doing so good.  So, you know, it’s all good.

But ladies, I have to share a little story with you. So I have to tell you, when she went into labor, she went into labor, her water broke at about 2:30 in the morning and, of course you know, Paul and I, we were on, you know, on-call to go and get our grandbabies so Taylor could go to the hospital of course, and be there with her. And so we had our grandbabies, all four of them, for three  days. And I have to tell you, it was amazing. And it felt a little crazy at times. I mean seriously, I have so much appreciation for any of you who have more than one. I only had one and then my step-kids. I, you know, got them when they were seven and nine, so they were a little older. So I have to tell you, four babies, I mean, you know they’re not babies, my oldest grandson is 10, but they really do, you know, want your attention and they need something. And at times it was a little overwhelming, but honestly, since they’ve gone home, I’ve missed them so much. And they’re all at such different stages and it’s so fun to watch them. But again, I really do, I have appreciation for my son and daughter-in-law, I really do.

So I want to start today’s episode with a story. And this is way back when I was starting to lose my weight for good. I had really dug in. I had hired a coach and I was ready to do it. I was ready to lose the weight. So I had been doing the work, feeling pretty good. I had lost about 15 pounds. Now I was still over 230 pounds, and these little thoughts started to creep in: I have so much to lose and it’s going to take so long to lose my weight. I started calculating how long it would take and how much, and I started to feel discouraged. Then that weekend I totally went off plan. It started with a chocolate lava cake. No, for real, like, I remember this so vividly. I had negotiated in my mind about this chocolate lava cake and then I wanted it and that, you know, and again, it all started from these two little thoughts. And then I ate the chocolate lava cake and then a whole bunch of forget its came in. I will start again on Monday, you know, all of these different thoughts.

So see, these two simple thoughts – I have so much to lose and it’s going to take so long – made me feel discouraged. I started having doubts and then I started playing in the puddle. You ladies know what that is, right? It’s when you’re just playing in the puddle. I think of it like I visualize it as like me out in a puddle of mud, and it’s really my thoughts, and I’m just playing around in them. Have you ever done this? Where you just start going down a long spiral of bad thoughts and then you’re eating all the things.

See I was learning at the time, I was learning how to show up for myself. I was learning how to lose weight for good. I was learning how not to be scared of food, learning how to feel hunger, learning that I was in control and that I could actually eat whatever I decided. I see this with my clients. These sneaky little thoughts come in and they think that they should be farther along than they are.

They think they should not have these thoughts. They start to play in the puddle of, I want it right now. This is how our brain works. I think of a toddler who is throwing a little tantrum because they want it. They want it all and they want it right now. I want to lose weight and I want it to be gone. And I want it off right now. And this tantrum starts with these two little thoughts. Because I was having success. I was feeling good. I was losing weight for the last time. I was learning how to get off the diet rollercoaster. But these two little thoughts just kept creeping in.

See, nothing had gone wrong, it was just part of my learning. I was learning that sometimes my brain is going to go into a tantrum, just like a toddler. I did not have to give into it. I can allow it. I can allow those thoughts. I can watch those thoughts, have fun with the thoughts, and then my Love, just move on.

So I want to offer three tips to all the ladies who are not my clients yet on how to help you when you have these thoughts on your weight loss journey. Number one, these thoughts are tricky because they’re not true. Whether you have 20 pounds or 150 pounds to lose, every pound you lose you will start to feel some relief. You will be moving into the next version of yourself. You will feel successful all the way down with each new milestone, new failure, and learning. It will be amazing. And the journey is always the best part. We think when we get “there” it will be better, but Loves, what I teach my clients, and what I’ll teach you is that the journey is the best part. And when you learn to love the process it makes it so much easier.

And I want to challenge this whole, it’s taking too long. I’m going to ask you a question. Ready? How long have you been on the diet rollercoaster? I really want you to think about this. I was on it for almost 38 years. It took me a process of probably two years and a bit to lose it for good. Two versus 38. Two was the fastest I had ever lost it because I lost it for good. If you lose it all in six months or a year and you gain it back, you didn’t lose it. I want you to sit with that for a moment because I hear ladies, I hear even my clients, they like to play in the puddle of like, Oh this is so slow and I want it to come faster. And again, those are just limiting thoughts, because I am telling you, when you follow my process, you are learning to lose weight for good. You’re learning to lose it in a way that when you finally reach your natural weight, whatever you decide that is, that you don’t gain it back.

So it will actually become the fastest you’ve ever lost weight in your life. So just call yourself out of the puddle thought that it’s taking too long and you know, just know that it’s there, allow it and then just move on.

Number two, if you overeat and have failures, perfect. Get curious. Why? Why did you overeat? Why did you eat off plan? Then have some grace and love for yourself and move on. Nothing has gone wrong if you’re moving forward. So many times I would completely quit for months at a time after a weekend binge. While I was losing my weight for the last time, if I went off track, I just got curious and I did not let a day or two turn into a week or a month or a year. Love, hear me when I say this, just don’t quit. Don’t give up on yourself and don’t throw in the towel.

And number three, when you start failing in your future, you know that you’re playing in the puddle. You’re just throwing a tantrum in your thoughts. Your future, my Love, it is amazing. You don’t have to worry about it. All you can think about is how your future self is amazing, and just make a decision today on how you want to show up today and leave it right there.

So the transformational questions are number one, what tricky thoughts are leading you to give up or quit on yourself? Number two, what do you want to believe about how long and how much weight you have to lose that will serve you? And if you need help implementing the tools that I teach and want to go deeper on this work, I invite you to join Transform Weight Loss Program. This program is based on three elements: coaching, community, and a weight loss course. This program will help you implement the tools that I teach so that you can live your best life in a body you love. Go to bflycoaching.com/join.  So much love. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Facebook Live 39: How Our Old Diet Beliefs Keep Us on the Diet Roller Coaster

I am excited to be with you ladies today. On this Facebook live we are talking about diet beliefs. We have so many diet beliefs. We’ve done all the diets and all the things. Counting calories, counting carbs, counting fat, you have to eat 3 meals a day plus snacks, exercise more. How many times have you been in the grocery store looking at the nutrition label to see how many calories or fat grams there were?

Join me tonight as I teach you a different way, a better way. I lost all my weight without counting a thing, but actually just reconnecting with my body and learning what foods fueled my body.  Diet beliefs just keep us so disconnected from our body. We don’t even know when we are hungry or when we are full. All this does is just keep us stuck. Listen in as I teach you how to get away from all these diet beliefs and start learning a better way. A way where you listen to your body and figure out what fuels you.  What fuels you could be different than what fuels me. How to reconnect with your body, how to love the body you are in.

Ladies, you can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

If you’re new to the podcast and have been loving it, I invite you to check out my free podcast guide! It can feel overwhelming and confusing when you have so many episodes to choose from, so I’ve cultivated a shortlist that includes my 4 Fundamentals and the top 10 episodes, so you can easily get started!

If you love this work and want to go deeper, take my free course, where I share my experience and the 3 tools that I used to get off the diet roller coaster. All you have to do is click here to learn more!

What You’ll Discover:

  • That the latest fad diet out there is not the answer to lose weight, there is no magical food plan
  • That each of us our different, our bodies have different needs, not a one-size-fits-all plan
  • Losing weight for good is about shifting your mindset and eating in a way you can always do

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Ep #75: Moms – A Special Episode for Anyone Who is, or Has a Mom

We are at episode 75. Can you believe it! Every 25 episodes I like to talk about relationships, leaderships, something that helps support our weight loss journey. Today, I am talking about moms. This episode is going to release on the anniversary of my mom’s passing, and I want to dedicate this episode to her. So if you are a mom, have a mom or a mother-in-law that is hard for you, you will not want to miss this episode.

In today’s episode I will be talking about our relationships that we have with our mom’s, mother-in-laws, step-moms, and also has a mother.  Ladies, we are human, and we are complicated. One of the most complicated relationships we have are with our mothers or mother-in-laws. They can go from being to the best to being the worst to everything in between. And no matter the relationship it can be complicated.  We put mothers – all mothers – on a pedestal, for either them to live up to our expectations, or for ourselves to live up to as mothers.  Join me today as I teach you how to change your thoughts and what you believe about your mother and about yourself as a mother. You have the power to decide what to think and feel around this relationship.

It all starts with us. When we can love ourselves and forgive ourselves, then we can forgive and love them. I choose love. What will you choose?

Ladies, Transform Weight Loss Program is now open! If you are ready to have a supportive community and invest in yourself and learn to live in a body you love. If you are ready you can come and join at bflycoaching.com/join

You can now text me! I’ve rolled this out in my Transform program, and all the ladies are loving it, so I wanted to let you in on it too. Once or twice a week, I’ll send you an inspirational tip or reminder to keep you going, so text 480-605-3506 and I can’t wait to hear from you!

What You’ll Discover:

  • How to get rid of the manual you have for your mother or mother-in-law, and for yourself as a mother
  • How changing your thoughts around your relationship with your mom, mother-in-law, step-mom, or with yourself as a mother can change everything
  • How to take your power back and stop being the victim in your relationships

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen episode number 75. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello Love. I am so happy to be back with you. I am excited about today’s show. Can you believe episode number 75. I can’t believe it. Every 25 episodes. I like to talk about relationships, time leadership, something that helps support our weight loss journey. Today. I want to talk about moms. This episode is going to release on the anniversary of my mom’s passing, and I want to dedicate this episode to her. So if you are a mom, have a mom or a mother-in-law that is hard for you, you will not want to miss this episode.

But first, I want to give a listener shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast every week. And this week’s listener shout out is to Andrea Abeln. Andrea says, in December 2019, I was introduced to Shannan, her podcast and her program for the first time. I am so thankful for that. I did not like myself at all and thought I was a failure, especially when it came to weight loss. I had been on the diet roller coaster for over 40 years. Through listening to Shannan’s podcasts and participating in her program, including her free mini course, I’ve learned a way to lose weight for good, in a way I can do forever. Joining Transform has not only shown me how to lose weight, but more importantly, it has taught me how to love myself for the first time ever. I now know I’m worthy and treat myself accordingly. Investing in myself by joining Transform was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Thank you Shannan for changing my life forever. So much love to you and all the wonderful ladies in Transform.

Oh Andrea, I loved your review. I mean ladies, these reviews are just amazing. I am so appreciative of every lady who just takes a moment and spends her own time rating and reviewing the show. It really means a lot to me. And you know Love, if you love the show, if you rate it and review it, again I read every single one of them and I would just be so appreciative.

So ladies, I can’t believe it is March already. I mean this is how time flies. I am so excited about Transform this month. We are doing our annual book club on Gay Hendricks book, the Big Leap. I love this book. It is all about how to stop sabotaging your success. We do this every year in Transform. We go deep on how to stop quitting on yourself, how to have more success in your life. If you’re not in Transform, you can join us now and jump into the book club with us, go to bflycoaching.com/join to check it out.

So today’s show is all about relationships as a mother and the one we have with our moms. Today I’m going to dive in on our relationship with our mothers, mother-in-laws, and then I’m going to talk a bit on being a mom or a step-mom. Ladies, we are women and human. We are complicated. And one of the most complicated relationships we have are the ones with our moms or mother-in-law’s. Relationships with our moms and mother-in-laws can go from they are the best, most amazing to we don’t even speak, and everything in between.

My relationship with my mom was no different. Throughout the years, we went from the best relationship to some months not talking, and everything in between. Most of my relationship with my mom I didn’t have this work. There were times that my relationship with my mom was really good and amazing, and there were times where it was so hard and difficult. My mom was really ill and addicted to pain pills the last five years of her life. I, as her daughter, had all kinds of thoughts from empathy to resentment. I wanted her to be different. I wanted her to be the mom of my youth.

See, no matter the relationship with your mother or mother-in-law, it’s complicated, because for most of us, we put mothers, all mothers, all women on pedestals. We believe they should be smarter, more loving, perfect, better, supermom, like our friend’s mom or the one on TV. We have all of these expectations of them. We are so critical of them. We want them to be better. Then we tell ourselves, how could they be like that? How could they think that or do that? But Love, they are just humans with their own suffering, pain and trauma. They too did not get a manual on how to be a mom or how to be a human. This is so important because no matter where you are in your relationship with your mom, you get to decide to love them.

Even if they’re not in your life. You get to forgive them. You get to think about your story with your mom any way you want. Because when you believe thoughts like, they don’t love me, they should be different, they are judging me, they expect perfection, I can’t believe they did that, it causes you pain, you suffering. Not because of what they did, but because of the way you are thinking about it. You get to decide. If you want to feel the pain and suffering you get to, you can. If you want to believe something else, you get to do that too. When we believe that someone treated us in a way or did something to us, it takes all our power. We become victims. But Love, you are powerful, and I want you to take your power back. What do you want to believe? What do you want to feel about your mom or your mother-in-law or your stepmother?

I choose love. This is so important. I coach in Transform on this a lot. My mom said this, my mom did this, or I have guilt because I should be a better daughter. When we have a thought about our mom, our brain goes to work and finds the evidence to support it. If you think my mom does not love me or my mom is so critical of me, then that is what you’ll see. She could show you a million other ways that she loves you, but your brain will look for the evidence that she does not. Our brains are biased, so biased. They are consistently scanning for evidence to prove ourselves right. We love to be right.

What you think and believe will also drive how you show up in the relationship. If you think that your mom doesn’t love you, or that she should be different, then you will feel something like sadness or frustration. Then you will act from those feelings. You might distance yourself or show up with a chip on your shoulder. Has your mom ever said something and then you just like totally lost your mind. She standing there like, I was just hoping you’d come over, but I guess you don’t have to. I mean, I might have done this.

Love, we have built all of these expectations, this manual for how moms should be. I’m just saying let’s let them go. Not because it will serve your mom or your mother-in-law, but because you want to feel better, you want to show up differently.

I want to talk to all the moms and step-mom’s for a moment. We have placed a lot of pressure and expectations on ourselves for being a “good mom.” We have these expectations and manuals again for how moms should be. If I were just a better mom, if I spent more time, if I had helped more with their homework, if I get them into sports, if I, shoot, if I had chosen a better father, I mean, we have a lot of thoughts. We then take our judgments that we have for ourselves about being a good mother and we judge other women on their parenting. We shame them. They should be different. We do this because we want to feel better about ourselves. When we judge someone else we feel better for a moment, superior, but then Love, it comes back to us.

In our subconscious we actually start to beat ourselves up because we have those same judgments about ourselves. I just want to offer a thought I practice for myself. I love my son and stepchildren. I love them so much. I am the best mom I know how to be, back then and now. I was an imperfect mom and step-mom. I failed. I did things I wished I had done different. But when I decided that I was the best mom I could be, gave some forgiveness to myself, asked for some forgiveness from them, and just chose to think thoughts that produce the feeling of love, then I show up different, different for them and different for myself.

See, it starts with us. When we can love ourselves and forgive ourselves, we can then forgive and love them. I love my mom so much. I feel so lucky that I was chosen to be her daughter. She loved me so much and nothing else really matters.

If you want to learn more on how to get off the diet roller coaster for good and go deeper on this work, I invite you to join Transform Weight Loss Program. This program is based on three elements, coaching, community, and a weight loss course. This program will help you implement the tools so that you can live your very best life in a body you love. Go to bflycoaching.com/join. So much love for you. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more come on over to bflycoaching.com.

 

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