Ep #170: How Regret Keeps You From Losing Weight

Ep #170: How Regret Keeps You From Losing Weight

In today’s episode, you will discover:

How Regret keeps you from losing weight. Regret is a powerful emotion, when most ladies feel it, they want to shut down and disconnect. We cannot change our pasts, even what we did yesterday, but we can do something different in this moment. In today’s show, I teach you how regret shows up and what to do to double down on your success. 

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 170. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with wait for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. We are in a two-part series on regret. You know, I think for many of us, we’ve felt this emotion before. There are things that we have thoughts about that we should have done something different, or if things would’ve happened differently. Some of y’all might think like if I had different parents, right? We have all these thoughts, right?

We’ve had them probably our whole lives. I did an episode way back, episode number 128, about your past and regret, and then last week in episode 169, I talked about loss. Today, I wanna just talk about weight loss and how regret shows up in your weight loss journey. This time of year, you know, here we go. I know 2023 is gonna be here. I can’t even believe it, right? You might be listening, and it’s 2023. One of the things that I do throughout the year, but especially at the end of the year, is I start to plan for 2023. And part of that process is looking at my successes.

For so many of us, we focus on our challenges, what we should have done instead of what we did right. And I bet if I asked most of my ladies who are listening, you would very easily be able to tell me the things that you should have done, the things that you wish you would’ve done different. But really looking back and seeing what we’re doing right, looking at our successes, it’s so important. See, we have this regret about our past and what we should have done, but it doesn’t move you forward. It actually keeps you in inaction. It keeps you not doing anything.

See, in weight loss, we have failed for so many times. I think about, I don’t know, I failed so many times in weight loss until I didn’t. So every time I would go to start something new, I would look back at my past and think, oh, if I would’ve just done something different, my life would be different. I would be different. And what happens is we have these thoughts and they’re circling. So when we start something, because we have failed in the past, we start with too many things.

So since I’ve failed before to be successful, I need to do it all perfectly. And I need to change so many things. I see this when new ladies come into Transform Boss, they have a lot of diet mentality, as did I. They’re trying to do all the things. They wanna do the course, they wanna come to all the calls, you know? And then their brain starts to get confused. And I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know where to start. Because we want to be perfect. Because we believe, we really believe if we can just be perfect and lose all the weight, then everything will be better.

And the real path to losing weight for the last time is starting to slowly show up for yourself and choose one to two things that you can have success with. Start to build upon that. You know my loves, I see this so much in weight loss. We think if I would’ve been thin or never gained the weight, that our life would be better. But life is 50 50. Whatever life you think you might have had, or if you think things would’ve been different if you were thinner, I just wanna offer you a different thought that you still would’ve had problems. You still would’ve had challenges. You still would’ve had loss and grief, and all the things, because that is life. That is our human experience.

We say things like, if I would’ve just lost the 10 pounds this last month then I’d feel better today. But last month is exactly as it should be. It turned out just the way you wanted it to. And you know why that’s true? Because that is how it happened. I understand that not everything is in our control, but we always get to control how we think, feel, and act. I love this quote from Byron Katie. I’ve said it on the podcast before. When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time.

See, we set these weight loss goals and then we don’t hit them because we’re so focused on that singular point of data, the number on the scale. We’re not focused on who we’re becoming, our successes, how we’re changing our habits. So what happens is we just keep failing harder. We double down on our failures instead of doubling down on our successes.

We keep telling ourselves that we should have done this, we should have done that. And then we feel regret. When we feel regret, we’re just puddling. We’re just playing in the puddle. It’s one of those very indulgent emotions, and we’re just playing in the puddle. We’re not doing the things that we want to do. We’re just telling ourselves what we should have done. We’re making ourselves wrong. And when you do this in weight loss over and over again, eventually you just tell yourself, I don’t wanna do this anymore. I’m fine. And then you live in this indifference. Indifference to yourself.

It’s not that you’ve accepted and have love for yourself, it’s that you’re indifferent to yourself. It’s not that you can look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself and love that body you’re in. You’re just indifferent to who you are. Regret is just a trigger. When you’re feeling regret, when you’re having thoughts that you should have done things different, that things would’ve been better if you would’ve lost that 10 pounds. Or I should have done this, I should have done that. I didn’t come to the call, I didn’t do this, you know, all the things we tell ourselves. My love, all that you need to do is one to two things. That’s it. You start today. You can do nothing about yesterday. You cannot change yesterday. All you can do today is decide what is the one or two things I can do for myself today.

Regret is puddling. It’s buffering. It’s a way that you secretly beat yourself up. See, regret sends you into a tailspin of should, what you should be doing, which in turn leads to perfectionistic thinking and no action. Yes, no action. And then your last suppering. And you’re eating all the things because you tell yourself you’re gonna be perfect on Monday. So today, decide you don’t have to change everything on January 1st, 2023. All you need to do is today. What are the one or two things I can do for myself? And when those old, I should have done this, come up, just replace it with, but I am doing this today. Here’s my one to two things. I like to teach this concept called the next to best action. What is the next best action that you can do for yourself? When you start focusing on the actions instead of the one data point, the number on the scale, you start focusing on the habits that you’re creating. Then what happens is you have a different feeling in your body. You have a feeling of commitment. Maybe you have a feeling of confidence. Maybe you have a feeling of excitement that is very different than the feeling of regret. So today, decide one to two things that you can do for yourself. What’s your next best action?

You got this, my love. And if you want to take this work deeper, then take my free course. Go to freebosscourse.com and take my free course. All right, my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #169: How Regret Shows Up In Loss

Ep #169: How Regret Shows Up In Loss

In today’s episode, you will discover:

How regret hides the real emotion that you are feeling which can keep you in the puddle and overeating. My mom passed and I miss her so much. The holidays are full of amazingness and sadness. I want to feel all of it. When my mom first passed, I had a lot of thoughts about what I “should” have done, I had regrets. The regret turned into a way that I could push down sadness, and then that turned into overeating. In this episode I share a simple way to allow the sadness and not play in the puddle.

 

 

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 169. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. We are in the holidays. We are in the thick of it. We are, you know, Christmas is this Sunday and I’m pretty ready for it. I kind of breezed right in this year. I did all of my shopping online. The last few years I’ve just kind of been paring down all the things that we do. And so it’s been pretty simple. It’s just been fun. I’ve been able to celebrate. Usually we go and look at lights. We’ve done a van and we all get in.

 

Last year we went through like a maze of lights. And this year I was like, oh, all these grandbabies they wanna get out. So we went to this, Hallmark channel put on this thing called Enchanted here in Phoenix, and we went with the grandbabies and my dad, it was super fun. We got to walk through the maze and look for reindeer and it was pretty cool. And they had someone singing and they had a, a ballerina on the ice skating rink. It was a pretty cool experience, you know, we’re just enjoying it. And here we go, right?

 

We’re coming down to the last couple weeks of the year, and then we’re gonna get ready for 2023. So as I’ve been thinking about, you know, what do I wanna talk about on the podcast? I’ve been thinking about this emotion of regret. You know, I’ve done a previous episode, 128 on regret, and really when we regret things in our past, but these two episodes are gonna be a little bit different. I’m gonna zone in on a couple parts, and this first part is gonna be on loss. And then part two is going to be on weight loss. You know, as a human, we have regret.

 

We think about things in our lives and think if we would’ve done things differently, then we would be happier, right? Or better humans, have a better life. And the more I do this work, I just think of regret as a useless emotion. It’s just almost an indulgent emotion as my coach calls them. It’s just, it keeps me, when I’m in this kind of regret, from feeling the powerful emotions. The one that I want to feel, the one that I want to process.

 

I think regret is a buffering emotion, allows me to play in the puddle of should, S H O U L D. It’s how I should S H O U L D, all over myself. I should have done this. I should have been this, I should have done all of this, right? It just keeps us almost beating ourselves up, punishing ourselves. Today I wanna talk about regret and loss. This episode is for all of you ladies who’ve had a loss, any type. It could be someone who’s no longer with us, or maybe you’ve lost relationships.

 

It’s the holidays. And you know, I love the holidays. I love October, November, and December. It’s my favorite time of the year. They are amazing, and they are full of negative emotion too. I’ve lost my mom, and she was my bff, my biggest cheerleader. I miss her all year. But around the holidays, it feels a little harder. There are more memories, more traditions that she created that she was a part of, that, you know, she celebrated with us.

 

And my mother, she was ill the last seven to 10 years of her life. Really ill the last five and almost unrecognizable her last year. There are so many times that my brain goes to, if you would have done this, you should have done that. If only you would’ve done this, then maybe she would’ve gotten better or things would’ve been different. But it really boils down to if only you were a better daughter for her.

 

When I think these thoughts, I immediately feel regret and it feels heavy. I start puddling and buffering because I don’t wanna feel regret. I buffer with regret. It’s a beat down in my own mind that I don’t share. It can just be puddle thoughts going around in my brain while I’m watching TV or driving or scrolling social media. It’s a way to make myself wrong instead of allowing myself to feel the sadness and grief of the loss. To feel the intense emotion of missing her, the intense emotion of sadness. Regret is a way that I buffer, probably like you, to not feel the real emotion that is lying underneath at all.

 

See, it’s easy to beat ourselves up, make ourselves wrong. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I would overeat when I felt regret. I would eat all the things. I would do everything. I think about that first year after she was gone. I would do everything to not feel the sadness of her being gone. See, regret, it’s a tricky emotion. We tell ourselves that it makes sense. If we would have done something different, then it would be better now.

 

But it is a lie that we tell ourselves. See, it all worked out the way it was going to, and we know that because that is the way that it happened. We can’t do anything to change the past. Over the holidays, I will experience joy, laughter, and intense sadness that my mom is not here. Her favorite song, Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire. I mean, I don’t know if that’s the name, but most of you know what song I’m talking about. We’ll listen to that song and we’ll all be in tears. This actually just happened. We were at Enchanted and they had this girl and she was there and she started singing. It was awesome. She had the most beautiful voice.

 

And of course, the first song she sang was this one. And I looked at my dad and you know, he had tears in his eyes and it just woo, you know, still right? And it just happened. And this is the things, my love. I don’t regret a thing about my mom. I did everything I could. I did my best and most importantly, I loved her so much. My mom was beautiful, kind, funny, brilliant. She could talk you into anything and loved with all of her heart. And she was also frustrating, irritating. She’d call you 10 times a day. And she was the best. So if you have loss, allow yourself to feel it over and over again. Allow the emotion to wash over you and then release it over and over again.

 

And then feel love and appreciation for the time that you had with them, even if they’re still here on this earth. I wish all of you my loves the best holidays, and I have so much love for you. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Ep #168: 3 Things That Have Helped Me Be Successful

Ep #168: 3 Things That Have Helped Me Be Successful

I teach a concept in Transform Boss Weight Loss called C work with your best effort. This is about getting out of perfectionism and focusing on the process not the external number. You have to learn to focus on your success rather than your failures.  Failures are just stepping stones to your success.  Join me in this episode as I talk about the core steps that have helped me be successful in getting off the diet roller coaster for good.

 Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 168. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. I have been doing reflecting. I love to look at my past year and celebrate my successes and see how far I’ve come. And I was thinking back to what have been the core things that have helped me to be successful in getting off the diet rollercoaster for good. And so today I’m going to share some of that with you. I mean, it is December. I know. Can you even believe it, ladies? I always say this, but I know you’re, if you’re anything like me, you’re always surprised when it comes and how fast it goes. And you know, I’m just excited. I’m excited for all the fun things and family and rest and really celebrating 2022, and then getting excited about 2023. And I really am excited. I feel very blessed and I love this life. And even though there’s challenges, and of course everything is 50 50, you know, I love the blessings of it all.

 

So today’s show, let’s get into it. There are three things that I want to talk about that I think have been core fundamentals of what have really helped me get off the diet rollercoaster. Now, you know, I have my four basics and my four fundamentals that I teach in long term weight loss. But this that I’m gonna talk about today is more around the process and ooh, they’re good. So number one, you know, as you’re on this journey to losing weight for the last time, you start to create habits.

 

You have thousands of habits,  really, honestly, I don’t even know how many, right? We do habits all the time. And in that, it’s so amazing, right? You’re creating new things. You’re starting to maybe make your realistic plan or get your water in, or you’re starting to practice your one better thought and thinking differently, and that’s amazing. But doing it with C work with your best effort. So I teach this concept called C work with your best effort. This is about getting out of your perfectionistic mind and focused on the process, not the external number, not one data point.

 

You know, we like data, we like black and white, concrete things. But moving forward, having success, there’s a whole bunch of gray, and it’s doing things one, and not seeing the results right away. And also understanding that these new habits that you’re creating, you’re not going to do them a hundred percent of the time. Yes, not a hundred percent of the time. You know, there’s only a few things in my life that I do 100% of the time. I mean, off the top of my head, it’s like I do brush my teeth every single day. I don’t miss a day of that. That’s probably like the one thing that is 100% of the time. I mean, I eat, right and drink water, but like self-care things, brushing my teeth, right? And taking a bath, I’m probably 98% of the time.

 

Most habits that I have are anywhere from 70 to 95% of the time. When I think of that, I think of it as a success. So I make my realistic plan, and I say I do it every day, but there are days that I don’t, and there are days that I don’t do it until after I eat lunch. And then I’m like, oh, shoot, I gotta get going. I gotta, I haven’t done my reflection work today. I haven’t done my realistic plan. And again, ladies, I say this because, but in my brain, how I think about it is that I do it all the time. See, doing it all the time is subjective. What does all the time mean? A hundred percent, 98%, 97%. It’s what you make it mean.

 

See, you can make it mean that if you don’t do it 100% of the time, that you’re a failure. And for most of us, that’s how we think about things. If I’m not doing this 100% of the time, then I’m a failure. But I tell you, if you want more success, it’s opposite of what you think and what you, your brain wants to believe. But if you start focusing on, you know what, I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to be perfect. When you think you have to be perfect, you just don’t even start. You don’t even do the things that are gonna make your life amazing, because you think you have to do it a hundred percent of the time.

 

But when you start to realize that by doing something 50, 60, 70% of the time that it’s gonna lead to massive results, that you’re gonna start seeing amazing progress. If you keep focusing on your failures, then that’s what you’ll have. No action. Living in automatic robot mode. One of the things that have been key to my success is see, work with my best effort. Some days I’m all in. Some days I get it all done and I’m like, Woohoo. Other days I’m like 50%. And I say this because this is so important in your journey, if you keep not doing things because you think you have to do them perfectly, you will live just this life of automatic, just doing the things, doing things for other folks, not working on yourself so that you can live the best life and live in a body that you love.

 

The second thing is, I focus on my successes. I have learned to find all of my successes and focus on them. And this is a big part. I tell you ladies, I would say in the last five years, I just keep getting better at this over and over and over again. Again, no perfectionism, but I really do every day try to think about what am I doing right? How is it working? And you know, last week’s episode was all about the Gap and the Gain. And you know, I loved, I just read that book this year, but I’ve been doing this for a long time, focusing on what is working, what is successful?

 

And you know, losing this, you know, ideal that it has to be perfect. And also not comparing myself to other people. You know, anytime I start comparing myself, it’s just a trigger that I need to do some reflection work, or I need to get coached. Because that, to me, anytime I’m comparing, it’s just negative thinking and it’s not helpful. It doesn’t one, make me do anything different. It just makes, kind of shuts me down. It makes me feel like I’m failing. And so most of what I try to think most when I’m doing my reflection work and different things every day I write what I’m successful at, what’s working, what am I doing?

 

And it’s not that I never, of course, look at my challenges. I, of course, I look at them, but I look at them so that I can see, is this something I wanna focus on? Is this something I want to change or is this just part of the process? I just ask myself, what am I learning from it? I don’t make it mean that anything’s gone wrong. Ladies, when we focus on this number, this number, right, this weight, when every day we get on and we beat ourselves up, and if it’s good, we’re good. If it’s bad, we’re bad. Instead of just, it’s a number, it’s one data point. And while I was losing my weight, I tell you these, I started to become just so disconnected from that number.

 

I had a goal in my mind, but I wasn’t even quite sure what it was gonna totally be. I just thought, you know what? I’m gonna focus on the process. I’m gonna focus on my success. And when I started focusing on the process and what I was doing right, I started to have more success. Ladies, I say this a lot in Transform Boss, we just had a workshop, the part five of healing you. And you know, I told ladies, learning this, learning to focus on your success, learning how to see what you’re doing right is so important because if not, if you keep focusing on what you’re doing wrong, if you keep focusing on your challenges, then you could be 90 years old still worrying about 10 pounds that you thought you should have lost because it was some number you weighed when you were 20 years old.

 

And that is the truth. When you focus on your successes, what is working? When you start loving the body you’re in now, it’s all thoughts. When you start feeling comfortable in the skin that you live in now. You start loving the skin that you’re in, you start appreciating it, that it’s moving, that it’s working, that you start focusing on the process. Like, what is the thing I can do for myself today. Ladies, that is when you’re gonna start having success.

 

Number three, putting things in small, simple action steps. I learned this a long time ago, probably 20 years ago. It was from this book, I was all, you know, I was in corporate world and I really wanted to focus on my productivity. And I read this book called Getting Things Done by David Allen. And I loved this book. I still use so many of the concepts today. I think it’s the best time leadership, time management book out there. And one of the things he talked about that just, ugh, I do this now in every part of my life, is that our brains think of things in projects, like big things.

 

So like you might say to yourself, I need to lose weight. Well, there’s about a million action steps in losing weight, right? I mean, think about it. There’s all these little tiny actions that you have to do. And so when you think of things in big projects, it just makes you feel overwhelmed, and then you keep putting them off because it feels overwhelming, right? When you think, oh, I gotta do this coursework in Transform Boss. But you think you have to do the whole course instead of like, Hey, I’m gonna do this, you know, three minute course video today, right?

 

So it’s all about taking these big things like losing weight or doing the coursework, getting coached, whatever it is, and putting it into a small, tiny action step. So I do this in all parts of my life, and I just focus on one to two things at a time. Because if I just focus on one to two things, then I can start to up level and I can continue to build on them. When I was losing my weight, I focused on my realistic plan and reconnecting to my body. And reconnecting to my body was just simple questions I asked myself like, am I physically hungry? How is my body feeling? I didn’t expect perfection. Every day, this has turned into what I like to call my top three. Every day I have a top three. These are three actions that I’m gonna do. I have them for work and for my self-care. Just three simple actions, not big projects. And then when I accomplish them, I take a moment and I celebrate.

 

It could be a high five to myself or just a deep breath. And I say to myself, nice work Shannan. And I tell you ladies, that celebration, it goes back to number two, focusing on my successes. It just helps me continually build on my successes by doing simple steps. I tell you ladies, we think we need to do all the things. I did this for so long. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I was like, okay, I’m gonna lose weight, I would tell myself at the beginning of the year, I’ve gotta do all the things.

 

I see ladies that come into Transform Boss, or like, I gotta do all the things. It’s like no, one to two things. I say this, so many, one to two things, focus on one to two things. And I tell you ladies, because when you do, they start compounding, you start having more success. Ugh, it’s so important. So number three is just putting things in simple action steps.

 

So the three things that have helped me in so many areas of my life, get off the diet roller coaster, have a successful career, bettered my relationships are creating habits, but doing C work with my best effort, focusing on my successes and the process. And number three, putting things into simple action steps. To change your life you just need to focus on this moment and today. What is the next best action that you can do for yourself right now?

 

And if you wanna take this work deeper, take my free course. Go to freebosscourse.com and you can then sign up there. All right my love, bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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EP #167: What I Learned From The Gap & The Gain

Ep #167: What I Learned from The Gap and the Gain

In today’s episode I share what learned from the book The Gap & The Gain by Dr. Benjamin Hardy & Dan Sullivan. Goals are just guideposts, meant to help us focus on who we are becoming, not if we hit the goal in the timeframe we set.  Instead of living in the past, and focusing on all you have done wrong, what if you focused on what you are doing right – what is working? What if you lived in the gain?

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 167. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with Wait for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen. Woo, Ladies. Hello, love.

So happy back with you today. Today I wanna share what I’ve learned from a book that I have read called The Gap and the Gain. It’s written by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, and I loved it. You know, I love learning ladies, and I love to, sometimes even when I’m learning, it’s just reinforcement of things that I might know or were taught.

But this is why I love learning from different people and different authors and different business experts and life coaches and all the different things, because as I learn, you know, they always teach it in a little different way or give different examples, which I absolutely love. So I am getting excited. You know, it’s December, I know, I can’t even believe it,

ladies. We always say that, right? But here it is. Here we go. 2023 is almost here and getting ready for Christmas, and I’m 98% done with my Christmas planning and shopping. So I feel pretty excited. And this week my leadership team and I are having an in-person meeting here in Phoenix on Friday and Saturday. We’re just so excited for all of the amazing things that are going to happen in 2023 and transform Boss weight loss.

And you know, we really are gonna look at our member experience from the moment they become members through their journey and our client experience, and just really look to enhance what we’re already doing. You know, I love making things easier, simpler, and then also fun and exciting. I like to blow my lady’s minds. I do love to overdeliver. I for sure do.

So that is this weekend. I cannot wait. And on top of it, I’m going to Colorado. I know I’m leaving actually in a couple hours. The weather’s not too bad. I’m not even gonna complain. I mean, it will be cold, but nothing that I can handle, for sure. So let’s get into today’s show. I read this book and well,

I’m just gonna say we are gonna do it. We’re gonna do this book as a book club in Transform Boss next year. I love this book because over time I have watched myself, as I’ve learned, as I’ve had more success, become more focused on the gain, and it really has led to amazing success. When I get into my head and I start puddling around and I start focusing on my challenges,

my failures, then I mostly either do nothing, disconnect, or I start to sabotage and go backwards. So here are three lessons that I learned from the Gap in the game. So the first thing is this quote, I’m gonna read a quote from Dan Sullivan. The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.

See, we all have this goal that we’re trying to attain, but we keep moving the goal post. Think about that for a moment. Think about how many goals, whether it’s weight loss goals, financial goals, career goals, relationship goals. We set these goals, but we keep moving the goal post. We start to achieve it, and then we move the goal post.

We start to compare ourselves with other folks. We’re not thin enough, we’re not rich enough, we’re not educated enough. Our career is not enough. You know, we’re not good enough mothers or wives. We keep moving the goal post. We are focused on this external reference point that we measure our success with. I think about this with weight loss,

how many times I would lose weight, but it still was not good enough. I had this number, this number in my head that until I reached it, I was not good enough. Not only was the weight, but I then related it back to myself and how I felt about myself. Even though I was making progress, even though I was losing weight,

even though I was feeling good, I still had these sabotaging thoughts that it wasn’t good enough. I did not work out enough. I did not eat good enough. You know, I was not small enough. And really what it did was just keep me on the diet rollercoaster. I was not celebrating my progress, how far I had come. I wasn’t celebrating the new habits that I was creating.

I was just thinking that I needed to hit this goal, and I didn’t celebrate the journey along the way. And the second thing that I learned was all about the gap and how the gap impacted my success. Here’s another quote from Dan Sullivan. Your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways you measure yourself against an ideal,

which puts you in what I call the gap and against your starting point, which puts you in your gain, appreciating all that you have accomplished. Ladies, the gap is consistently measuring yourself against this ideal. So until you reach it, it’s not good enough. Even though you’re making progress. This leads to frustration, overwhelm in weight loss. You don’t love the process.

You don’t do it in a way that you can always do it. You tell yourself things like, I can just restrict for six months. Then once I reach my goal, I’ll be normal. I’ll eat normal. But then you lose some weight, it comes and you’re still puddling. You’re still thought looping. You don’t enjoy the process. You’ve been restricting.

You haven’t learned how to lose weight in a way, eating, enjoying your favorite foods, living your life. And you have this thought it’s not good enough because you’re moving the goal post. And so you start gaining it back. But the gain is looking backwards to measure your success from where you started and appreciating the progress you have made. In the book,

Dr. Benjamin Hardy, he tells this story of a person who weighed over 400 pounds. She’s like an Instagram person, and she weighed over 400 pounds and she lost 240 pounds. But of course, you know, social media, she had haters. She had folks saying she was not thin enough, she had loose skin. And what she realized is that she had to focus on what success meant to her and look at the progress she made.

Because if she didn’t, then the 240 pounds that she had lost, that she had taken off her body would not have been good enough. I just want you to think about that for a moment. She lost over half of her body size, and it still would not have been good enough if she did not change the way that she thought. I mean,

crazy, right? When we compare ourselves to others, it will never be good enough. But when you focus on the process, not the external ideal, not just one data point, you start to find your success and then you compound it. Success is like compound interest over time. As you build on it and you focus on the successes that you have,

it starts compounding. And then you start feeling better. You start feeling happier. My love. What you focus on is what you will do. I want you to hear that. What you focus on is what you will do, what you think will become your results. So if you focus on the gap, what you have not accomplished, the challenges you’re having,

then that is what you’ll get. If you focus on the gain, what you have achieved, the success that you are having, what is working, then you will get more of that. And the third thing is that living in the gain can transform everything and always measure backwards. Here’s a quote from Dr. Benjamin Hardy. The gain is the antidote. The gain creates immediate happiness.

The gain connects you to yourself and your own progress. The gain transforms everything. The gain gives you power over the direction in your life. The gain gets you out of the gap. We live in a goal orientated society where tons of pressure to be perfect to live this perfect life that doesn’t exist. I love goals, but I really think of them really as just guidepost.

I teach ladies and transform boss how to set impossible goals, but it’s never about the goal. It’s on who they are becoming the next version of themselves. It’s about the process. It’s about focusing on their successes. It’s not about the goal. And in some arbitrary timeframe they set, we often overestimate what we can do in a short period of time and underestimate what we can do in a long period of time.

I learned this from one of my coaches, and it’s so true. We think in, you know, three months we can lose a hundred pounds, but we don’t think in five years what we can do. And what happens is we set unrealistic short-term goals, and then we expect to change everything overnight. When you measure yourself by how far you’ve come,

what successes you’re having, what parts of the process is working, you have more success. If you focus yourself on these short term unrealistic goals and just one data point, you have more challenges, more failures. One more piece of this is how we look at the past. For many of us, we’ve looked at the past as a way to beat ourselves up for challenges or mistakes that we’ve made.

But when you use the past to celebrate how far you’ve come, how you are such a boss, how you have gained wisdom, experience that you’ve overcome, pain, suffering, loss, and you’re still here doing the work, what if you focused on what you’re doing, right? What is working, what successes you are having? What if you lived in the game?

I love this book and there’s so much more. If you’re in Transform Boss, don’t worry. We’re gonna do this book club in the first half of next year. And if you wanna take this work deeper than take my free course, go to free boss course.com. Ooh, I can’t wait. And next week I’m gonna share three things that have helped me have success.

All right, my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s BFLYcoaching.com. See you next week.

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