Ep #203: Who You Are vs. Roles You Play

Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast is Available to Watch or Listen Here:

T-BOSS TAKE #33: Who You Are vs. Roles You Play

In today’s episode, you will discover how we have defined ourselves by our role instead of who we really are.

We have forgotten what we want for ourselves.

I give you my take on how to decide and create what you want for your life.

In this episode…

≫[2:58] When we start recognizing who we are, when we start seeing our capabilities, our talents, that starts to turn into desires.

≫[3:42] I didn’t really think about curating my life, about creating the life of my dreams, the life that was meant to live on purpose.

≫[4:22] Until you realize what really gets you fired up, you just keep living this life that you don’t recognize.

≫[5:11] You carry extra weight because of how you think and what you feel.

≫[6:05] If you have not worked on your thinking and how it creates feelings in your body, you will live a life that doesn’t look like yours.

≫[7:40] Don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

≫[10:31] What gets you going? What gets you excited?

≫[10:57] We might be overeating foods that we don’t even really like that much.

≫[12:30] I was eating all the things because I was looking for a dopamine hit.

≫[12:56] Getting curious and starting to decide, who am I?

≫[14:38] You deserve to take on the role of being your biggest cheerleader, your biggest advocate.

≫[14:55] Food is such a cheap substitute for the life of your dreams.

Featured on the Show:

· Click here to learn more about my signature weight loss program, Transform Boss Weight Loss Membership.

·   Follow me on Facebook @bflycoaching

·   Follow me on Instagram – @shannanchristiansen

·   Follow me on YouTube @shannanchristiansen

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 203. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello and love. So happy to be back with you.

The last four episodes, I mean, they have been amazing, right? We had all of our coaches, so if you’ve missed the last four episodes, I highly recommend going back and listening to them. Our coaches came on our Transform, Boss, weight loss coaches. They were amazing. Every episode was just packed full of tools and tips, and you get to hear their stories.

And there was a really great one on maintenance too, which I haven’t. I realized I don’t, I’m like, have I done a maintenance podcast? I don’t think so. So it was so great to have ladies who are maintenance stars join us. It was so great, so I highly recommend it. Ladies, this leads me into hot. It is hot.

Oh my goodness. I don’t know if you ladies are having, I know you’re from all over the country, but in Arizona, it has been hot, hot, hot. I think July was maybe the hottest on record. We’re in August now, and today actually was the first day that it’s only gonna be 102 today, I’ll believe when I see it.

But this morning was gorgeous, and so I’m gonna take it. I’m so excited because I tell you ladies, it has been hot. So this episode today, I’m excited about because for so many of us, we define who we are by the roles that we’ve played in our lives. And I’ve done this too. So if I coach someone, or I ask someone,

I see this a lot in my coaching. I’m like, well, tell me who you are. Tell me your qualities, the things that are amazing about you. And they immediately, well, I’m a wife. I’m a mother, I’m an aunt. I’m a my puppy owner. I work, I’m this, that, and the other. Rarely do they say,

well, I’m smart. I am talented, I am beautiful. I am giving. We’ve defined ourselves by the role instead of who we really are, the core of us, the soul of us. And if I ask you, and I want you to think about this right now, who you are, what comes to mind. This isn’t judgment for yourself,

it’s just to be aware. You know, we’ve played all of these roles in our lives, and I love the roles that I play. I do. I love the roles that I’ve played. I love being a mother and a Mimi, and I love being a coach. All of those things. I love them. And I also love who I am.

I did this work many years ago, and I’ll tell you why it’s important. When we start recognizing who we are, when we start seeing our capabilities, our talents, they that starts to turn into desires. For many of you who are listening, you haven’t really sat down and thought about, what do I like? What’s important to me? What food do I even really like?

What do I enjoy doing? What makes me laugh? What is fun? What do I wanna do with the next 40, 50, 30, 20, however many years you may have left on this planet? What does that look like for so many of you? And I was like this for so long, life just happened to me, and I had these roles that I was playing,

and I didn’t really think about curating my life, about creating a life of my dreams, the life that was meant to live the purpose. And again, I love all the roles. I still play them. They’re a big part of who I am. But I also love creating a life that looks like mine. Knowing what I desire, knowing what excites me,

knowing what you know really drives me. What the contributions I wanna make in this world. I love serving. I love helping. I love supporting people. It’s foundation. It’s why I love being a coach, but my love. Until you realize what really gets you fired up, you just keep living this life you don’t recognize. And you know, for many of you,

you’ll wake up one day, maybe you already have, and you’ll look at the life you’re living and you’re like, wow, is this it? Is this it? And I just wanna offer to you that whatever your life is, amazing, beautiful, painful, sad, all the things that a life is, you get to today, decide what your life will look like.

You get to decide how you want to show up. You get to curate the life of your dreams. Now, you may be asking Shannan, how does this relate to weight? See, carrying extra weight, although it shows up in a physical way on our body, you carry extra weight because of how you think and what you feel. Your body,

the physical part of it, it’s compensated, right? It’s you eat extra food than what your body can burn for fuel, then it stores it for you. That’s just how our body works. But food and carrying extra weight and using it as a coping mechanism, using it as a way to numb yourself, well, that is your thoughts and your feelings.

And this is important because we will want to do all the things you’re like, if I just do all the things, if I just eat this or eat that, or exercise more, or do the things, you know, all the things, then I’ll live this amazing life. And I just wanna tell you, you can have a body that you want.

You can have all the muscle, all the thinness, all the things, but if you have not worked on your thinking and how it creates feelings in your body, and you haven’t learned how to feel emotion, you will live a life that doesn’t look like yours. You’ll live a life that most likely you’ll put the weight back on. We’ve all done that.

And it’s because your thinking is what contributes it is the main thing that has contributed to why you carry weight, extra weight that you don’t want, or why you’re not doing the things that you want to do. It is the way that you think and the way that you feel. This is so important because I watched this, I’ve watched this with myself,

I’ve watched this with clients. We have this thought that if I just do more, if I just take more action, if I just, you know, do the things I’m supposed to do, if I’m just perfect enough, all of those things, and you know, it leads to a life that feels one is not the life that you want, and also just leaves you feeling frustrated.

It leaves you feeling many times just out of control, like a failure. You know, your self critic just really starts talking, right? That self-critic that’s in every human on the planet plays a really big part. And so I just want you to take a moment. I want you to think about who are you? What are the amazing, wonderful talents and capabilities?

What are the contributions that you are making to the world, or that you want to make to the world? And your desires? What do you desire in this life? And don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Don’t think, right? What do you want? I use this example for me because I had a lot of fear about riding bikes, and I,

you know, had a hip problem. So I walking became more painful. So I was like, okay. But I love being outside for me. I know that about myself. I love being outside. Exercising in a gym is just not my thing. I don’t like it. Now, some of you may like it. I do not. I love being outside.

It’s my favorite thing. It’s one of the reasons why I will forever in my life live in a climate where I can be outside most of the year. I love being outside. So I was like, okay, I’m gonna get a bike. I’m gonna overcome this fear. Now I am realizing that I’m a bike rider. Like this is another role,

another thing that I’ve taken on in my life. Like I’m a bike rider, and I love it. I love being outside. I like a little bit of the adrenaline I get when I get a little scared and I’m going too fast. I love the wind in my face. I like looking around and seeing all the beautiful things in nature. You know,

if you would’ve asked me five years ago, would I become a bike rider, I would’ve told you no, because I didn’t even know. I knew as a kid, I kind of liked it, but I had no idea that I really like it. I really enjoy it. And so, as you are coming into deciding what you like to do,

I just wanna offer you kind of my take on it. One, you’re just more than the role that you’ve played, all the roles that you’ve played in your life, you get to decide what roles you now want to take on. Who do you want to become? And this does not matter about your age. It really doesn’t. It doesn’t matter if you are 75 or 45 or 25,

you get to decide right now today, who do I want to be? What do I want to try? What makes me laugh, right? This is about becoming curious so that you can decide, what do I wanna add in my life? What are the things that, you know, I really don’t like doing that this month. You know, for me,

I’ll give you an example. I really don’t like walking on a treadmill. I don’t like it. I don’t, it’s not my gig. I learned that a long time ago. I could give you a hundred things that I just don’t like doing. And I’ve decided now I don’t do things that I don’t like to do. And I, and don’t get me wrong,

of course, there are things in lives that, you know, we just moved. Movie is not that fun. But you know, so I get that. I’m not talking about that. I’m just talking about choosing in your life, what you wanna add, and then starting to find thoughts around how can I enjoy this more? And just being curious about like,

what gets you going? What gets you excited? What have you maybe had a fear about that you’ve decided like, you know, I’m gonna be a little uncomfortable and I’m gonna try this and I’m gonna see this. And this also is with food. When we are, you know, binging, overeating, we grew up in a family, and these are the foods that we ate,

we might have no idea what we really like. We might be eating foods, overeating foods that we don’t even really like that much. And I’ve done this, you know, I mean, oh my gosh, I talk about like Hershey bars, you know, I used to just like, whoa, eat them. And you know, to me, now,

when I slowed down and I really paid attention, I realized like I didn’t really like it. I like a little darker of a chocolate. And I didn’t know that until I slowed down. I’ll tell you another one, green bean casserole. I know it’s such an odd thing, but I used to think that I just loved it, loved it, loved it.

And as I slowed down and I started to eat it, I realized I like a plate of green beans. Way more than I like it juiced in all the sauce, but I wouldn’t have known that until I slowed down. So this exploration of not only who you are and what you like also comes to food. What kind of foods do you want to try?

There’s so many foods on this planet. There are so many things to try. People do it in all different ways, depending on their culture and different things. And guess what? You get to go out there. I mean, with the internet and all the, you get to go and explore and decide what you like. And it’s an important exercise as you’re starting to heal your relationship with food so that you can start to eat foods that you enjoy.

You know, disordered eating, which is what many of you who are listening have. I have this too, where I binged restrict, binged, restrict. You know, it was just the cycle diet roller coaster that I was on, and I had no idea the foods that I actually enjoyed. I just was eating all the things because I was looking for a dopamine hit.

I was trying to numb with food. And so through exploration and healing my relationship with food, I realized the foods that I really enjoyed and I explored. I tried things that I had never tried. I decided things that I liked. I decided things I didn’t like too, like, you know what? I just don’t like the taste of it. And so I don’t eat it anymore.

This is part of this, just getting curious and starting to decide like, who am I? What do I even like? Who do I want to be? Become these questions. Ladies, I love questions. I love to sit down with a piece of paper and just ask myself questions because I like challenging these old thoughts and beliefs that I’ve had, these old thoughts and beliefs of who I was and who I really believe I am,

and who I want to become. Lastly, you deserve more than a cupcake. I’ve said it so many times. You know, a lot of times, you know, it’ll be Friday night and you’ll worked hard all week and rolls that. Maybe you’re, maybe you wanna change a little bit or you want something different. And so you tell yourself that this cupcake,

this slice of pizza, whatever it is, this is your reward. And I want to offer to you that there’s so much more. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything that you desire. You have all of these roles in your life. And so I wanna challenge you to take on the role of being your advocate, of being your best friend,

of being your cheerleader. When is the last time that you talk to yourself and you told yourself, ah, great job. Wow, I love who we are. I love who you’re becoming. Wow. Look at all the things, all the successes. Look at who you are. Ugh. I’m just so in love with that. When is the last time you did that for yourself?

You do it for everyone else, but when is the last time you did it for yourself? You deserve to take on the role of being your biggest cheerleader, your biggest advocate. You deserve a life that you want. You deserve your desires. All the desires and my love. Food is such a cheap substitute for the life of your dreams. And if you wanna take this work deeper,

go to jointransformboss.com. You can learn all about it. You can see you know what’s going on. If we’re open, if we’re closed. Also, if we’re closed, you can take my free course because this work, this thinking, feeling work is the work of your life. You can try to do more. You can, but if you don’t change the way that you think about yourself,

if you don’t calm the inner critic, you’ll just end up at a place that you don’t recognize. Yeah. Even if your body’s smaller. And then you’ll sabotage your results and you know, do what you’ve always done. It’s like this vicious circle. What I’m offering to you is a way to get out of the circle and start to become the hero of your own story.

Ooh, so good. My love. Next week I’m gonna talk about the inner critic and how you know, your inner critic, how she’s showing up and what to do about it. I know. So good. All right, my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more,

come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

Join my Jumpstart Your Weight Loss
FREE Challenge!

X