Ep #205: How Denying Yourself Has Kept You Overweight

Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast is Available to Watch or Listen Here:

T-BOSS TAKE #35: Denying Yourself

In today’s episode, you will discover when we deny our favorite foods or we start labeling food as good or bad, we create a disconnect in our brains.

You may have created a story in your mind that eating everything, whatever you want, is freedom.

I am going to give you my take on the magical combination and what true freedom is.

In this episode…

≫[1:43] I’ve got to lose X amount of weight in X amount of time.

≫[3:45] You are not alone in denying yourself and restriction.

≫[4:26] Psychological Reactance is where you have a natural tendency to resist or react against perceived restrictions or limitations on their freedoms.

≫[6:36] If you ever think to lose weight, you have to restrict, then you’re going against your story of what freedom is.

≫[7:17] Going against your autonomy and your freedom will cause you to rebel against it.

≫[8:21] Very early, I attached that sweets, desserts, were a bad food.

≫[9:15] If you’ve equated eating anything you want or eating large amounts of food to freedom, you’ll keep finding that you’re on the diet roller coaster.

≫[10:15] If you eat more than what you’re burning for fuel, then your body will carry it as fat.

≫[11:00] You have this story that freedom equals eating everything you want in whatever quantity you want.

≫[11:57] I teach them how to start finding their own physical hunger and fullness when they are physically hungry.

≫[12:30] You don’t have to deny yourself the piece of cake or pizza.

≫[12:50] I don’t teach diets and short-term fixes. I want ladies to learn how to heal their relationship with food.

≫[13:53] What freedom is to me.

≫[14:25] The physical weight will never be as heavy as the mental weight.

≫[15:13] My take.

Featured on the Show:

· Click here to learn more about my signature weight loss program, Transform Boss Weight Loss Membership.

·   Follow me on Facebook @bflycoaching

·   Follow me on Instagram – @shannanchristiansen

·   Follow me on YouTube @shannanchristiansen

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 205. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello, Love. So happy you’re back with you.

It’s raining today. I know we have a little rain. I love it. It is monsoon season here a little bit. We’re getting a little bit of rain and I like it. And luckily I’m in the East valley of Phoenix and we get a good amount of rain and so I like it. It does cool. The temps a little bit, although it brings the humidity,

which is not that fun when you’re at 105. It’s not. But all good. Okay, so here we are. I know you can’t even believe that we are at the end of August. I know, I can’t even believe it either, but it’s all good, right? I’m gonna be right here with you through the end of the year and we are gonna finish strong.

Yes. So I wanna give you a scenario because I think this is important. Let me give it to you so you have some thoughts. You start thinking and you convince yourself that you must lose X amount of weight, right? So maybe it’s 10, 20, 50, a hundred, whatever it is for you. And then you think, oh, I’ve gotta lose it in this much time.

And maybe you have an event or Christmas or you know, whatever it is coming up. Maybe it’s a wedding or whatever it is. And then you’re like, okay, I’ve gotta lose X amount of weight and X amount of time. So then you start looking on the internet and you start finding the newest thing. And then you decide you’re gonna restrict food in some form or fashion,

maybe no carbs, whole 30 plant-based. I mean there’s a million different ways to do it, or calorie restriction, whatever it is. And then you’re like, okay, I’m gonna start exercising, I’m gonna start moving my body more. And then you start, you know, deciding this is what you’re gonna do. And so then you’re like, okay,

today’s day one, it’s Monday I’m starting. And then you restrict yourself. You tell yourself you’re not going to eat your normal foods. Maybe you’ve cleaned out your pantry, maybe you’ve meal prepped, maybe you went to the grocery store and you bought all the veggies and this, because this is what you’re gonna do. You’ve looked up all the Frankenstein, you know we’re gonna make chocolate chip cookie dough out of cottage cheese,

whatever it is, ladies, you’ve gotten all your things, you’re ready to go. And then you start to restrict, you start to deny yourself your normal foods that you eat. Even sometimes it might just be a meal, one meal, you make it through. And then what happens after you restrict for whatever time period, maybe it’s a meal, maybe it’s a week,

maybe it’s it’s a month, maybe it’s six months. And then these other thoughts start creeping in like, but I want it. I deserve the cookie. I don’t wanna live a life that doesn’t have carbs. And you start and you’re like, well, I’m just gonna have one or I’m just gonna do this. And then you overeat, maybe even binge.

And then the next step you start to tell yourself how worthless that you can’t lose weight. That it’s your struggle. How you have no self-control, you have no motivation. And then last but not least, we’re gonna finish up this scenario. You tell yourself you’re gonna start again tomorrow. Does that sound familiar? I know it does. Oh, you are not alone denying yourself and restriction.

I really want you to hear what I’m about to say. Denying yourself and restriction leads to wanting and craving it more. And there’s actually a term for it, and it’s called psychological reactance is the word. Hopefully I said it right. I don’t know. But you get where I’m going with this. This is where individuals like yourself, myself, we have a natural tendency to resist or react against perceived restrictions or limitations on their freedoms.

So I wanna say this again, psychological reactance is where you have a natural tendency to resist or react against perceived perceived restrictions or limitations on their freedoms. I said the word perceived over and over again because you might be like, Shannan, I keep saying I’m gonna start, but I never start. I don’t actually even restrict. You don’t actually even have to restrict for this to come into play.

You can just perceive that to lose weight, you need to restrict. And so you keep like Shannan, I can’t even get started. I keep trying to get started and I can’t even get started. That’s how that plays in. Now what I just described is the diet rollercoaster. When we deny our favorite foods or we start labeling food as good or bad,

what happens is we’re creating this disconnect in our brains. We want the thing, but we keep telling ourselves we can’t have it. And so then all we want is that we want it. You may even have created a story in your mind ready for this, that eating everything, that eating all the things that that is freedom. This is really important to know if you believe this.

I did. I remember thinking like, I think I probably even said this, like, ooh, in heaven, you know you’re gonna be able to eat whatever you want, not gain a pound. I know maybe even you’ve dreamed like there would be a miracle pill that you could just eat whatever you want. Or maybe you’ve even went, I’m not saying I’ve ever had this thought,

I don’t think I have ’cause it creeps me out. But maybe like get a tapeworm. You’re just like, oh my gosh, I know it sounds crazy. Maybe not that part, but maybe you have, I don’t know, no judgment if you have, but you just thought if I could just eat whatever I wanted and still be thin, like that would be a miracle.

Like you’ve been wanting it. So what’s happened over time is that you have attached your story of what freedom is to eating whatever you want, eating all the things. This is just important to know that you think this way because if you ever think to lose weight, you have to restrict, then you’re going against your story of what freedom is. I know,

I’m gonna say it again ’cause it’s so important. This is like aha, aha, aha. This is like what, this is why diets don’t work long term. This is why 71% of the population is overweight. This is why, because again, if you have a story that you have created that freedom is eating all the things, and then you go on any sort of diet where you label food as bad or you deny yourself or you restrict,

then you are going against your autonomy and your freedom and then you will want to rebel against it. I know, I know. It’s just so important to understand because these thoughts are what’s creating the resistance, which is what’s creating you feeling like you’re eating against your own will. You know, this also can show up too. Like maybe as a kid,

your mom never let you have sweets, right? I remember like my mom, sweets wasn’t her thing. She had struggled with her weight as an adult. So sweetss wasn’t even her thing. So I remember her like us never having dessert and never, right? It was like a big deal if we had dessert. So I remember gonna, my grandmother’s and she always had dessert and my grandmother was never overweight a day in her life.

And for lunch she always had like made these sandwiches and she always had these cookies. But again, I know she just grew up different, different thinking. And so, you know, my mom like sweets were off limits. So I learned very early, I attached that Sweetss desserts were a bad food. You know, this isn’t about my mom. My mom was amazing and did the best that she could,

but this is just important to know where did you make the tie that this food was bad or this was bad? And you know, we’re socialized, you know, oh my gosh, pizza’s the worst thing on in the world and all these different things. And what happens is we just start to believe that this food is bad. And so what happens is we go to restrict and we restrict for only so long ’cause that’s all we can do.

Our inner rebel comes up and then we overeat and we overeat on these quote unquote bad foods. This is the work, what I’m talking about right now is understanding your relationship with food, your thoughts of freedom, what is freedom to you? Because if you’ve equated eating anything you want or eating large quantities of food to freedom, you’ll keep finding that you’re on the diet rollercoaster.

I did. I really, you know, I would say that there was this thin person who ate whatever they wanted. She could eat dessert, she could do whatever she wanted, and I wanted to be that person. And so I equated with eating large quantities of food, even though I don’t know that I knew a person ever. I mean, young may,

when you’re young, you’re, you’re just, it’s different. But like an adult that could just, you know, eat everything in large quantities. ’cause if you watch someone who just never struggled with their weight, you will notice that when they start to get full, they actually stop eating. I know this is so important because we have these stories and you’ll be like,

but this one person, Shannan, look, there’s outliers and everything, but most of the population, this is just not how our bodies work. If you eat more than what you’re burning for fuel, then your body will carry it as fat. Now are there the humans who have really high burners where they’re just like burning everything? I always think of that swimmer,

I can’t think of his name right now. Famous Olympic swimmer. I know, I don’t know why, but he was talking about how when he trains, he eats 10,000, but he’s literally in the pool all day. And so he needs that amount to sustain his muscle and to sustain his energy. But you can’t compare. That’s not, look ladies,

we’re not out there who wants to do that one? That’s just not what we’re doing. And so again, I say this because we have this story in our head. You just need to know, do you have this story? Because I have a likely inkling that you do somewhere in the back of your head, you have this story that freedom equals eating everything you want in whatever quantity you want.

And this is just not one how our bodies are made. And two, this is not freedom. We all know this because if you’ve carried extra weight on your body, that is not freedom carrying weight. So you can’t physically move as well or you can’t do the things that you wanna do. Or you start to have health issues that then restrict what you’re able to do.

That is not freedom. But we have this story that it is freedom. So this is what I teach my clients. I have three basics, brain basics, body basics, and eating basics. These three basics work together to help my clients lose weight for the long term. When my clients first come to me, I me, I say, you can eat whatever you want.

I’m never gonna give you a food plan. And then I teach them how to start finding their own physical hunger and fullness when they’re physically hungry. And so how to start identifying when they’re emotionally hungry, and then also how to just start to stop when you’ve had enough. And then we start working on how they’re thinking and what they’re believing. These old beliefs that are really keeping them on the diet rollercoaster.

This is the magic combination. This is freedom. Learning that food is not good or bad. That you don’t have to deny yourself the piece of cake or pizza, that you don’t have to com give up carbs or I don’t know, just restrict yourself in a way where you’re not eating to sustain your body. That my love, that is not what I teach.

I don’t teach diets and short-term fixes. I want ladies to learn how to heal their relationship with food. And then what happens over time is you just start working on these stories like what freedom actually is. You stop equating it to like, freedom to me is not eating anything I want in every quantity. I have the freedom now, right now to eat whatever I want.

I’ve always had that freedom actually. So have you. I’ve always eaten whatever I want, even though sometimes I’ve been on a restrictive diet or whatever. But that was my choice too. So I’ve always had that freedom. That’s just a story that isn’t the truth. I like to tell myself when I tell myself stories that are just not the truth. Now,

this whole thing about eating it in whatever quantities, the crazy part is when I eat things in large quantities, it gives me a bellyache. It makes my legs hurt. I don’t feel good, I don’t have energy. That is not freedom to me. So I’ve started, you know, through this work to tell myself the right story. The story is freedom is living in a body that I love,

healing my relationship with food and myself, learning how to show up for myself. That is freedom. And so I had to rewrite the story. This is what I do for my clients. Freedom in your body, your mind. You know, ladies, some of you have lost weight or you are on your path. Maybe you know, you’re doing the new,

all the, there’s always new gimmicks and the pills and potions and all the things, but this is the thing. The physical weight will never feel as heavy as the mental weight. I just need you to hear that The physical weight will never feel as heavy as the mental weight. And when you start to learn how to heal that relationship, learn what freedom really is.

When you don’t step on the scale for a month, not out of fear of the number, but because you’re focused on the process, you’re focused on caring for yourself, you eat all the foods, and you’re learning how to stop when you’ve had, you know, eaten enough, when you’ve had enough. That is freedom. When you say, I can eat it,

I can have whatever I want to eat, but I’m just not hungry for it right now, that is freedom. So my take, number one, telling yourself no restricting, denying yourself does not work long term. It actually creates the exact opposite. It creates the rebel inside of you. It creates the need and want for more. Two, allowance and healing your relationship with food by becoming the scientist of your own body.

Finding your hunger and your fullness, and to stop labeling food as good or bad, allowing yourself to eat any food. And then pairing that with knowing like, oh, I’m satisfied. I’ve had enough. It’s powerful. And number three, this is, oh, this is a good one. Telling yourself a new story around what freedom you are creating and starting to repeat the new story about what freedom really is to you.

And replacing that with the old story. That freedom is doing whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, because you already do this. Freedom to me is living an intentional life that I plan, that I create that is in my best interest for my best self. That is freedom. And if, ooh, you wanna take this work deeper,

check out Transform Boss. If you wanna learn how to start to change your thinking and your beliefs to start creating a life of freedom for yourself, then go to jointransformboss.com. You can check it all out. I have free resources on there. And then if we’re open, you know, you can come and join us in Transform Boss.

So next week, I know next week is just a special episode. It is. This is just where I’m gonna dive into why I do the podcast and really it’s gonna be kind of my love letter to you. There’s a reason why I show up every week and there is, and it’s because of you. So join me next week. I know it’s gonna be a good one.

All right, bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

Join the Transform Boss
Weight Loss Program

X