Ep #211: Building Inner Strength, How to Not Quit

Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast is Available to Watch or Listen Here:

T-BOSS TAKE #41: How Not to Quit

If you have been on the diet roller coaster, you have probably quit on yourself before.

In today’s episode of the podcast, I am going to give you different triggers and reasons that we end up quitting on ourselves.

In this episode…

≫[4:03] When you can start to see the triggers, then you can make different decisions.

≫[4:44] Lack of self-belief.

≫[6:36] Physical weight is just a symptom.

≫[7:05] We quit because of external pressure.

≫[8:54] We quit because we have fear of judgement.

≫[10:37] Perfectionism can cause us to quit.

≫[13:28] Perfectionism keeps you paralyzed; you don’t do anything.

≫[14:17] Burnout is another trigger.

≫[16:01] My take on what to do.

≫[17:44] To take actions that serve you, you have to think differently.

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You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 211. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello, love. So excited to do that with you.

I know it’s fall all over the country. Here we are, middle of October, and as this gets released, be October 11th and it will be my anniversary and my husband’s anniversary, our 15 year wedding anniversary. I know, it’s so fun. I’m a lucky girl, that’s for sure. So shout out to Paul Christiansen. Yes. Ooh, I love him.

We actually just went up north because one, we just wanted to spend a little time together. And when you go about two hours from the valley, it is gorgeous, especially this time of year. The leaves are a little bit starting to change, and I think it was like in the seventies, so it was gorgeous. We went up there, relaxed,

had some fun. We took our dog cookie with us. She’s something, actually, she came along. So let’s get into it. So, you know, if you’ve ever been on the diet rollercoaster, you’re gonna know exactly what I’m talking about. And maybe this has shown up in other areas of your life. But if weight is your struggle, this is something that perhaps you have done many,

many times. And for me, I had done it so many times, I really didn’t even recognize because I kept having faith and hope. But you know, when you start out, you get really excited. Maybe you found me, or some new program or some old diet that you’ve tried before. And at the beginning you feel so excited, you’re like,

this is it. This is the magical, like this is it, right? And you feel this excitement and you feel, even though you might have a little bit of fear, you feel really excited, and you feel strong, and you talk to yourself and you tell yourself, this is it. We’re doing it this time. And you start dreaming about when you lose your weight and you’re feeling so good,

and then slowly life happens. You haven’t really worked on the mindset, or even if you’ve worked on your mindset, while I was losing my weight, I had worked on my mindset and still, you know, all kinds of nonsense comes up. And so what happens is, because for me, and maybe this happened to you, I had built this habit of just quitting on myself,

and it was quiet, and it was slow, and it was eating a little more here, not making my plan, not doing the thing I said I was gonna do, and then giving myself lots of reasons, lots of excuses of why. And I think it just happens. You know, I think for most women, we have a lot of things on our plates and weight,

this thing and food, our relationship can be so disordered with it. And so it kind of happens, and sometimes it happens behind our own back. And I did this so many times, and what I want you to take away from this, because I, I do this podcast because I really want to help you. I want to share what I have learned so that you can really grow in this relationship that you have with food,

with dieting, and then with yourself. And it’s important to understand this because quitting, and again, a lot of times you’re doing this behind your own back. It’s not this front. I’m quitting today. I mean, maybe sometimes, but mostly it’s not that way. It’s just slowly over time, and then you start beating yourself up, and then you know,

you’re just in this downward spiral when it comes to weight. One of the things I want to explain are just some of the triggers, because when you can become aware, when you can start to see the triggers, then you can decide to make different decisions. It’s all about using the parts of your brain that is your thinking brain, the part of your brain that is like,

yes, let’s go. We see your dreams, we wanna go. A lot of times we’re in that automatic brain, the automatic part of our brain, the habit brain, and then also our amygdala, which is the very impulsive right Now, I’m going to eat it, and then later I’ll come back into my thinking brain and beat myself up. We quit on ourselves for a lot of reasons,

and I wanna just give you some reasons and then also some triggers so that you can, as you’re listening to this, see which one resonates with you. The first one is this lack of self-belief. And this goes to maybe you have been on the diet rollercoaster like I was for many, many years, 10, 20, 30, 40, however many years. And you have yo yoed so many times.

You’ve been up, you’ve been down, you’ve tried this thing, you’ve tried that thing, you’ve been excited, you’ve been in the best shape of your life, and then you haven’t. And because this has been a struggle, you have developed this belief that you fail in this area. I had this belief that this is where I struggled, this is where I failed.

And so then you start to believe, oh, this is gonna happen again. Oh, no. Oh, no. Right? And so when that happens, you just have this lack of self-belief. Again, a lot of this is just in your subconscious. It’s just like, I always think of it just like a record playing, like, oh,

you’re not gonna be able to do this. You’re not gonna be able to lose weight. And so what happens is you prove it, right? Our brain is powerful, and when we tell our brain, this is the way it is, it’s gonna go and help us, it’s gonna go prove it. Good or bad, right? So this is why our thoughts are so powerful.

I think when it comes to weight loss, my belief wholeheartedly is that it’s not a food issue mostly. It’s not a, I gotta move my body more, for sure. It’s not that. It’s the way that you think and believe. And when you start to change that, when you start to heal the thinking part of your relationship with food, with yourself,

then you lose what I like to call the mental weight. And when that starts to quiet, when you start to use lose that, then the physical weight. Physical weight is just a symptom. It’s just a symptom of something else. It’s a symptom of work that you just have to do on yourself. I know it’s, I think it’s the best work.

And I tell you, I love this work, and I love, I continue to do it on myself. I continue to learn things about myself. And when I believe in myself, when I start to talk back to myself, when I start to change that, oh, it’s so powerful, so powerful, I can see it. And not just wait,

but in so many areas of my life. The second reason I think we start to quit is this, it’s almost like this external pressure, right? This pressure comes from lots of things. Maybe it’s a demanding season for you at work. Maybe you have folks in your life who they’re not on the same path as you. And so they’re like, Hey,

let’s go get ice cream. And you’re like, I’m really, you know, I’m not hungry for it, but you feel tempted by it, right? And this isn’t to blame the other folks, right? This is important because when you take responsibility, when you take accountability, it’s so life changing. I mean, I used to be like, that’s this person,

my mother, you know, all the things. But that didn’t help me. It didn’t serve me. It didn’t help me, you know, live my best life in a body that I loved. It just kept me stuck. And so whenever I go into that sort of worry, doubt, blaming, I like to call ’em puddle emotions, I know like,

oh, it can be another trigger that I’m giving myself an excuse to quit on myself. And so, external pressure can come from lots of things. It also can come from, you know, maybe you are in a transition, maybe you know, you’re, something has happened with your health, or your spouses or partners or friends, or you’re taking care of your parents,

or there’s a million external pressures. And so in those times, because we have this habit of not showing up for ourselves, we’re like, oh yeah, put myself to the side, because that’s what you do, right? I mean, this is what I have done. I’m sure you have done right. When things get busy, we go into that automatic shut down mode of just,

I gotta get these things done. And you put yourself way to the side. The third trigger to why I believe we start to quit on ourself is this fear of judgment. We all wanna belong to the tribe, and we want love, and we want acceptance, and we want people to love us who, for who we are. It’s normal. We all want that.

And so, if we’ve been rejected, if we have also have past trauma, we might, I think most humans do actually. So if this is you, I think most humans fear this. We fear being judged, and we fear that people are gonna judge us for either doing things differently. You know, I see this with new clients who come and you know,

they go and tell their pride. I am working on my mind. And they’re like, okay. Like, you know, what’s that? What’s a coach? You know, what’s a life coach, right? And so this fear, right? Or this fear of like, you go out to a restaurant, everybody’s eating all the things, and you know,

you don’t eat as much. And then people start commenting on, oh, you’re not eating as much. Oh, what’s, oh, are you on another diet yet? What’s, what’s going on? Tell me all about it. You know? Right? This is just right. And so you don’t wanna be judged, so you wanna like do this in secret.

So this is a trigger. If you’re trying, you know, and this is for all my clients too, if you’re trying to do this in secret, it’s just a, it’s a good thing to know that you have this fear of being judged. It’s really just important. Again, this is just awareness. This is just to know your triggers, because this fear of judgment can actually lead you to quitting,

to quitting on yourself, to giving up on yourself, because you fear it so deeply that you’re just like, all right, I’m just gonna go and do the quote, unquote, normal thing I always do, because I don’t wanna lose the love, and I don’t wanna be rejected. The next one is perfectionism. My know for, I think most of us have a little bit of this in us,

perfectionism is just as I have learned, as I have washed it in my own self, it’s just really a lie. There is no perfect, where’s the scale? Go get me the perfectionism scale. What is perfect? It’s, it’s just a, you know, something that lives in our own brains of what we think perfect is, and everybody has their own version of it.

It’s really about, you know, feeling like if I make a mistake, this comes to really the fear of failure. So many things come from fear. Yeah, I know. It’s okay. It’s just knowing, hey, this is what it is, right? And because then you can start to get onto your own triggers and your own, I always like to say,

I like to be onto myself, right? When I’m kind of telling myself nonsense and bss, I like to be on to myself, and these are the triggers that you’re looking for. And so if we feel like we’re going, if we make a mistake, or we eat off plan, or we eat more than what we said we, or we said we were gonna do something,

we break a commitment to ourselves. There’s like this decision point, and you’ll have a million of them throughout your journey. And this decision point is, I let this mistake, or the thing that I didn’t wanna do, I let it lead to a full out binge, or me quitting on myself, or I take a breath and I do the next best thing for myself.

And this decision point will happen over and over and over again. And you just get to decide. This is when I say, like the decision point, you’ll always have a decision. I can stop, take a breath, and then take the next best action. Or I can go down the rabbit hole of, I’m a failure. I’m never gonna be able to do this.

You know, I have to be perfect. Here I go again. And you go down that rabbit hole, and then you give yourself the out the out of, I’m not gonna do this perfectly, so I’m not gonna show up at all. I see this, I see this with ladies all the time. They’re like, oh, I need to do all the things.

It’s like, no, we’re, I’m getting ready to do a challenge, and we’re getting ready to open. And I tell you, I love bringing new ladies in to Transform Boss weight loss. And I love this because I love watching them go from, I have to do it perfectly to learning how to fail, learning how to show up imperfectly, learning how to fit it all in,

and then have massive success. It blows my mind. I love watching the transformation of it all. I teach women how to stop quitting on themselves. And this is part of allowance and acceptance for yourself that you’re an imperfect human. I just did a workshop actually, with my, all my bosses, and it was all about the relationship with yourself. And it was so powerful because perfectionism,

what perfectionism does is it keeps you paralyzed, frozen, you don’t do anything. You don’t show up for yourself. You stay in this life and body and things that you don’t recognize, and perfectionism just keeps you stuck. It keeps you from going after all your dreams. When I say to me, it’s just such a lie. I remember thinking I wanted to be perfect.

Now I’m like, Ugh. I don’t want any part of it. I love failing. I want to fail. I want to learn. I wanna build resilience and other skillsets where I know I’m gonna have challenges. I know I’m gonna make mistakes. I know that I’m not perfect. I know that I’m, I am amazing, and I’m not, and I’m okay with all of it.

It has, that has been such a big, significant part of growth that I have seen in myself and in my clients. The last one is burnout. This is another trigger, and this is for all my ladies who are just working themselves. You know, everything is for everyone else. They’re doing all the things for all the other humans. They’re working tons of hours.

Some of you out there have two and three jobs, or doing all the things, or taking care of other humans, maybe parents, maybe siblings, all the things. And you just have neglected yourself. You’ve neglected yourself for so long that you just are so overwhelmed. You have put yourself off so long that you don’t know how to even get out of it,

and you’re so mentally and physically exhausted. And so, if this is you, I’m gonna give some techniques on just three very easy things that you can do. But if this is you, I want you to think, how can I take a breath? How can I take a breath? How can I give myself some rest? I too have been at times like this in my life where I just have felt burnt out.

And there are lots of resources and lots of things out there, but I think it starts with taking a breath. Just that breath of like, okay, I am feeling burnout. And then just looking at your life and then deciding, okay, I need to move here. Meaning move to the space where I’m, you know, resting and caring for myself.

So what is one thing that I’m gonna do, which leads me into my take on what to do? Number one is this work on belief, and this work on being aware of what your beliefs are, and then practicing new beliefs. This isn’t positivity, this isn’t, I’ve gotta put my affirmations up. This isn’t that. This is right now, today,

I feel like a failure. This is what I think, I think this thought I feel, which you can’t feel like a failure. You can feel frustrated and disappointed and discouraged, but we say that, we say that a lot. I feel like a failure. You can’t be a failure, just so you know. That’s just, you can’t, right?

You can’t take that on. You have this thought, you know, I’m failing. I’m not doing the things I wanna do. And then you say something, you take a breath, and then you decide, what do I want to believe about this? Do I have any evidence that I’m not, do I have any evidence? Oh, you know,

I, I drank a lot of my water yesterday. Okay, that’s some evidence. And then what do I want to believe? And I love practicing a thought. That starts with, I am learning. I am learning how to show up for myself. I am learning a different way. I am learning simple, easy steps. Because when you say something like that,

it’s so powerful. It changes the emotion in your body. When you say to yourself, I’m a failure. Oh my gosh, I can’t do this. I’m messing up, dah, dah, dah. You’re going down this rabbit hole of just nonsense. Then you start feeling discouraged, defeated, hopeless, right? And then you don’t take the actions that serve you.

And so to take actions that serve you, you have to think differently. So number one, start this work of mindset change. No matter what you’re doing, this is for all my ladies who are trying all the things, all the things out there, whatever you’re doing, this work of mindset change, of really talking to yourself more than you listen,

that is the most powerful work I believe you’ll ever do. And you will have the most change from that long lasting change. Number two, keep it simple. Keep it simple. Meet yourself right where you’re at. You know, in this challenge that I’m getting ready to do, I’m gonna talk about three simple steps. The challenge is starting on Monday.

Oh, so if you’re not in it, get in it. Go to bflycoaching.com/me. Me, we’re starting the challenge on Monday the 16th. And I’m gonna teach three simple steps, because when you can keep it simple, do one thing really, and you start to have success, and you’re not going extreme, and you’re not restricting, and you’re not trying to do all the things,

you will start to build on that success and you’ll have more success. Number three, and I think that this is just so underrated. I think it’s because as women, we like to believe that we can do everything. I know I do too. I do too, right? Or we can do it by ourselves, or we’re gonna overcome it, you know,

all the things. But I just wanna say, find support. This goes back to this fear of judgment and you know, all the fears that we have. If I’m left alone to my own brain, it’s not good. I need someone like a coach, women who are going through the same thing to say, oh, Shannan, you’re good. It’s all good.

You’re all good, right? And I need to see that they’re having the same thoughts. I tell you, we all think we don’t belong. That no one is like us, that we’re the only ones that are this bad in our heads. You know, all the things. And when you have this amazing support of women who are going through the same thing,

and you have also ladies who are a little further ahead than you are, you know, who’ve gone a little further, they’re a couple steps ahead of you. And they can share with you what they’ve learned and their mistakes and how they’ve overcome it. It’s so powerful. So number three, how to stop quitting. I believe this is just such a must to have a group of women who are going through the same thing.

And a lot of times we rely on folks who are not going through the same thing, or who are not at the same place we are. And maybe we’re further, or maybe we’re behind them. And because it’s not in a certain way, maybe it’s your best friend and they love you, they, you know, or they have envy or all the other things.

And so jealousy, you know, all the other things that play in our relationships because it’s so close. Sometimes you need a group of women who are going through the same thing, or maybe even further, but they’re doing the work so that they can change their mindset too. Because if you’re with folks, and I love, I have so many relationships,

all of that I love, right? All my personal relationships, my close friendships, and all the things. And again, we talk about this stuff because you know, I love this. I’m a coach, so you know, but I know some of you don’t have that. And you don’t have someone who’s talking to you about mindset change and talking to you about what you believe and telling you you know how to start to do this.

And so finding women who are going through that is so powerful. So I wanna tell you about two amazing things that are happening right now, and I don’t want you to miss out. So our last challenge, the finished strong challenge is back, we do it at the end of every year, and it is starting on the 16th. You wanna register for it,

go to bflycoaching.com/me. You wanna get in. And then also, we are opening Transform. Boss. We have not been open since June. I know. I can’t wait to let, I love bringing new ladies into this work. And we are opening on October 18th. We’ll be open, I think, five days, well, to the 23rd,

I think May six days. And then we’ll be closed until sometime in 2024. You wanna get in my love, because you want the support, you want the guidance. We’re doing amazing things over the holidays. We have holiday workshops and lots of different things so that you can start the new year feeling amazing, where you don’t even have to make a New Year’s resolution.

You don’t even have to go down that nonsense. ’cause you’ll know exactly what you’re doing that is possible for you. All right, my love. I’ll see you in the challenge, and I’ll for sure see you in Transform. Boss, yeah. All right. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more,

come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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