Ep #217: I Just Keep Telling the Same Old Story

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T-BOSS TAKE #47: Telling the Same Old Story

Do you find yourself telling the same old story?

If so, this episode is for you.

Telling yourself the same old story is like replaying a familiar tune on a broken record, stuck in a loop of repetitive narratives.

You can be having success, but then something comes up, and the old story comes back into your mind.

Your story became a safety mechanism.

There’s a certain allure to the familiar because your brain likes to keep you comfortable.

While your story has been relevant at some point, clinging to it can hinder your progress.

Coming into awareness and wanting to change is powerful.

To change, you have to get uncomfortable.

You have to do something different.

I’m going to give you my take on how to change your story.

In this episode…

≫[1:40] I had this story that I played over for a long time.

≫[2:39] I had a belief that was connected to the story.

≫[3:51] It comes from a belief for me that ultimately, I’m going to struggle.

≫[4:45] How the same old story shows up in weight loss.

≫[5:29] Your brain is very powerful and it’s constantly pulling you backwards.

≫[7:20] It’s in your control. The fact that you’re aware you have the same old story and that you want to change is powerful.

≫[7:47] To change, you have to get uncomfortable.

≫[8:13] I talk about your identity.

≫[8:57] We have cognitive bias or negativity bias.

≫[9:53] Here’s my take on what to do.

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You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 217. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello, my love. Welcome. I’m so happy to be back.

And as I’m recording this and this is dropping, it’s going to be Thanksgiving. Yeah, tomorrow. I love this time of year. It really is my favorite time of year. I love all the things. I love all the things. It’s my birthday month and my daughter-in-law’s birthday month and my grandson’s birthday month. And I love the holidays and the family and getting together.

I love it. And so I wish everyone who’s listening just a really blessed and amazing Thanksgiving. So in today’s episode, you know, I wanna talk about telling the same old story, and maybe you’ve had a story or a thought about it, and you start telling yourself like, oh, I just keep telling the same old story. It’s almost like even you are like tired of it.

Like you get to a space where you’re just like, I don’t wanna hear. It’s like a broken record. I see this sometimes with my coaching clients. They come to be coached and they’re coached on the same thing and they’re just like, oh, why does this keep coming up? And you know, I think about back to my story, and I had this story that I had played for a long time,

and it was a story about being divorced and overweight, and I didn’t finish college and all of these different things. And it was interesting because I still anchored into this story, even when I was married, had my master’s degree, had lost the weight, and it was just a story. And I had this story and it just was this old record.

I like to say this story that I could not lose weight was a story that just kept playing in my head that it was a struggle, that it was always gonna be a struggle. And maybe you’ve had that story like, oh, maybe you’re, you know, starting to do this work, or you’ve been doing this work for a while, and you just find like,

why do I keep running into challenges? Why do I keep telling myself I’m gonna do this and then I don’t. I’m gonna eat on plan and then I don’t, and I’m snacking too much at night, or I’m eating too much on the weekends. You know, all of it plays into this belief that is connected to the story. So for me,

the belief was weight loss was always gonna be my struggle. That I could be successful in lots of areas of my life as I was, but weight loss, even though I had moved mountains, really, I had done so many, many amazing things in my life, even when I was on the journey to lose the weight for the last time through this process.

Even then, and even now, and I say this because in times where, you know, I’m doing this business and things get stressed, this old story will come back, different pieces of it depending on where I’m at in my life. So this story, the first story I told you that I’m not enough overweight, didn’t finish college, you know,

all this stuff will keep coming back. This story. And it’s interesting because now I’ve had a really amazing life. I feel extremely blessed, and I feel really great about where I’m at, my weight, like lost it, been maintenance for years, all the things. And still I’ll find that this pieces of this story is here. And it comes from a belief for me that ultimately that I’m gonna struggle.

You can put anything before that. Weight loss, owning my own business, career, family, relationships, weight loss was a struggle, was a, a belief. But if I really get down to it, it was this fear that I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t enough to do it, and that I was always gonna struggle. I think that this story that I had,

I like to call it my little blanket, you know, it was this safety mechanism that I had created throughout my life, and it was easy to fall into it. It was easy to give myself all the reasons why I couldn’t, all the excuses. So ultimately, I could go back to familiar ground. So let me put this in. Weight loss,

you’re really trying to lose weight. You keep struggling, you keep eating things you don’t want to eat. You, you know, lose a few pounds, and then you gain a few pounds. And it’s like this cycle, you keep telling yourself, right, the same old story, I can’t do it. Why do I do this to myself? And what’s happening is you start to lose some weight,

you start to feel some success. And then your primitive brain, the flight response, the safety mechanisms, all the things start sounding the alarm bells. And then it’s like, we wanna go back to what’s familiar to our comfort zone. This is important to understand that this is what happens. This is your brain. It’s very powerful and it’s constantly pulling you backwards.

It’s constantly telling you like, let’s go back here to comfort, to safety. That’s what it relates comfort to. Now, this is interesting because some of the greatest pains in my life have come from not showing up for myself, not being the best version of myself, not, you know, carrying so much weight on my body that I felt horrible,

but it was familiar. So I was overweight a good part most of my life. I mean really overweight. And so it’s interesting because that was so familiar. So my primitive brain had latched on that, Hey, that’s comfort, that’s familiar. And so my brain was like, all right, let, this is what we wanna do. And so it was constantly trying to pull me back there.

And I think it’s just important to know the mental side of this. You know, you can follow a food plan or you can, you know, white knuckle anything for any good bit of time, but ultimately your brain, that primitive, that automatic part of your brain, if you don’t start, and I’m gonna give you some my take and some steps to do,

but if you don’t start challenging it, if you don’t start changing the story and doing the work, you know, I think about this, and I mentioned this, but you know, we have coaching clients in Transform Boss, and we have some who are private coaching members and some who coach with me, and then we have group coaching, and I can see,

and they, they tell us like, oh, I’m just bringing the same old thing. Why do I have the same old story? You know? Or they post in the community and we take this as something that is negative, that is out of our control. And I just wanna say to you, it’s not, it’s in your control. And the fact that you’re aware that you even have the same old story and that you want to change that is so powerful.

Again, this story, this old identity that you’re holding onto, a lot of it comes from this fear of change that is very deep. Because to change, you have to be uncomfortable. I know. Hear that. It’s true. Fact to change, you have to get into uncomfortableness. You have to do something different. You have to confront, you have to get coached,

you have to start to work on the mental way. You have to do something different, which is not familiar, and it’s not comfortable. And because of that, you are going to want to just do the things you’ve always done. Your brain’s gonna pull you back there. The next piece, I think, is your identity. You have an identity of who you are.

We all do. We have a self identity. The qualities we think we are who we are. For me, a long time it was that I was an overweight person. I had this identity, and I had to do the work to start to lose that identity. And I don’t wanna say lose because it’s not really the right word. I had to change how I viewed myself.

I didn’t lose her because she’s still with me. She’s parts of me. I have all these different pieces of me. So she’s still with me. I just had to change how I viewed her and how I view myself today and challenge the story when I started to tell myself an old story. Now, we also have cognitive bias or negativity bias. And this is where it’s really easy for our brains to focus on the negative.

This is where we focus on what we’re not doing, right? That it’s too hard. Why does this have to be my struggle? And that whole record that plays in your brain, right? Just important to know that that is playing. And again, that you could be doing 22 things, right? I see this with my clients all the time,

really. And then there’s like one thing that they really wanna do that they’re like having some struggle with, and that is the only thing they focus on. And then I’m like, okay, well tell me what you’re doing, right? And then they tell me, I’m like, oh my heck, this is what happens. Again, this is just how we’re wired.

This isn’t to make us wrong. This isn’t to beat ourselves up or judge ourselves. This is how your brain, my brain, all our brains work. And so here’s my take, come into awareness. When you start to know that this is the story I tell you, I have a coach, and there are many times where she’s coaching me on the same thing over and over and over again.

And it’s okay because every time we coach on a little bit something different, or I have a, a new aha, or I have a new thing that I can go out and work on. And so understanding like, oh, this is the story, it’s real deep, and that’s okay, because I’m gonna keep learning about this story. And then two,

challenge the story. It’s okay to say, Hey, brain, like we’ve had this, and you know, I’m ready to start to change the story. I’m ready for something different. And talking back to yourself, challenging that in a really loving and kind way. Hmm, it’s so good. And then seek support. You know, I think support with people who are going through what you’re going through is so important.

I have lots of humans in my life, and there’s many who have no idea. Like currently I am, right? I’m running a business and I, I’m an entrepreneur and I only have a few of those folks in my life. And so I just have to know that. So if I go to someone who’s never been an entrepreneurial with the things that I’m talking about,

they don’t understand. They can’t. And so if you’re struggling with weight, and this has been something that you’re just really struggling with, and you go to someone who has different challenges, who has different, you know things. I mean, as humans, we all struggle. They can’t relate. And they might take you sideways, give you some advice.

Well, you know, if you just did that keto, if you just did that thing, oh, I heard, you know, Betty Sue, she’s lost all her weight with, you know, you know what I’m saying? So just be really careful and surround and get yourself some support with people who can support you. And this is for all the ladies who are my ladies,

who are my bosses, because I find this too. So let’s say that you have a community, a wonderful community, but you start having challenges. And then what happens is you start hiding. You start not showing up, you start disconnecting. And you do this because of shame. And I don’t want anyone who is listening to this, especially my bosses,

to ever feel that shame. This is about releasing that shame about your weight and about challenges and having failures, because we all do. I fail all the time so much actually. And I’ve learned to really laugh about it, embrace it, learn from it, grow from them, instead of beating myself up and hiding in shame. There is no worse feeling.

I mean, maybe there’s worse feelings, but it’s pretty bad than hiding in shame. I have done it so much in my life, and I just wanna offer you that there is a different way than hiding in that shame. And so get support, seek it out with people and women who are going through the same thing that you’re going through. And then the last thing I wanna leave you with is celebrate the changes and the successes that you’re having.

You have to be intentional with this because again, remember that cognitive bias, that negativity bias, your brain’s always gonna go, look, none of us think that we’re negative. I know PSA for everyone. We all think we’re positive. And I mean, we might know a little bit about it, but a lot of times we don’t see the negativity bias.

It just comes out. And we think that that’s just the truth. And so that us, you know, telling about our failures is okay. We just like, oh yeah, we’re just telling the truth. I just wanna tell you, really watch the negativity bias and how you’re looking at your failures and you’re beating yourself up. We do this so subconsciously that we,

I have heard, I’ve been coaching ladies, and they start to beat themselves up right in front of me, and I’m like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And they don’t even realize that’s how powerful it is. So be intentional and celebrate the changes and successes that you’re doing because this, talking back to yourself, celebrating yourself, Hey, I had a win today.

It’s, ugh, do this way more. It is so powerful, and it’s something that we just, were not taught to do. I mean, we celebrate a little bit, but this is a every day, Hey, I am gonna mark down a win every day. I am gonna look at the things I’m doing. Right, right? It’s not this,

Hey, once every six months, I’m gonna talk to myself in that way. And, and I know you’re like, Shannan, that’s extreme. Just really look at how much you’re celebrating yourself. We have a difficult time with it, ladies. And I just wanna say like, let’s go, let’s celebrate this story. You know, I said lose,

but I, I really wanna emphasize this. It’s just about changing the story and recognizing the story that you have, and knowing that those versions of yourself, all of them are beautiful and amazing and part of your journey. And now you just, you want a different journey. You want your future self. The ver next version, the 2024. I know,

ladies, I say this because that future version of yourself is waiting for you. She’s waiting for you to give her a gift today. I’m gonna leave you with that. So if you want to take this work deeper, you’re ready to like, let’s go a little deeper. You can always go to jointransformboss.com and check out our membership to come and join us.

Also, make sure you follow this podcast. So you can just click the little follow sign and then you can get on my email list too. Just go to bflycoaching.com/email. Mm. So good. I wish all of you a blessed Thanksgiving. If you’re listening to it before then, if not a blessed day, and talk to you soon. All right,

bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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