Ep #219: Overcoming the Negotiation with Food

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T-BOSS TAKE #49: Overcoming the Negotiation with Food

Have you ever felt food noise in your head “I want this, I need to have this, I have the urge to eat this” is constant.

It can be overwhelming, and you just want it to stop. Maybe you tell yourself that you are going to do everything right today, but halfway through the day, you start thinking thoughts or having the urge to eat something you didn’t want to eat.

Maybe you’ve done this cycle like me. I had done this cycle for so long that I was sick of it and I just wanted the food noise to quiet.

I didn’t want to have the feeling of being hungrier or the urge to eat or think about food.

It was a constant negotiation in my head.

The constant record of noise and negotiation is a way that we sell ourselves on something that our best self doesn’t want.

Diet culture gives us extreme measures and it just keeps us suffering.

In today’s episode, I give you my take on how to stop the negotiations, take control, and do the things that your best self wants.

In this episode…

≫[4:15] Negotiation is a way that we sell ourselves on something that our best self doesn’t want.

≫[5:45] There is a primitive part of ourselves that wants us to stay the same.

≫[6:40] Diet culture keeps us suffering in a way that is not for our best selves.

≫[9:02] My take on it.

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You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 219. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello, Love. So excited to be back with you.

Here we are in the final month of 2023. Oh, what a year it has been, right? I tell you, this year for me has been full of all of it as if I look back at all the years, I have had amazing, wonderful things, and I’ve also had hardships and, you know, struggles and challenges and failures and all the things.

And, you know, as we are in this last month, I always like to look back at, you know, what have my successes been? Where have I grown? How am I different from a year ago? Every year, I just kind of go into that next version of myself as I get coached, you know, with my coach, as I do my own work,

as I heal certain parts of me. I don’t know, I’m so proud of myself, and I hope that you can feel proud of yourself too, and find where you have really gone and stepped into that next version of yourself. You know, today’s podcast is about this negotiation with food, and I think food noise and negotiation with food, we can have thoughts that we’re not successful,

that we’re failing. And I know that you may have some of this still, and as you’re learning, as you’re going through this process, maybe you’re in Transform Boss and you’re like, oh, I just wanna lose it. And today, what I wanna talk about is how to really start to heal that noise. And I would say quiet it. You know,

I believe that old automatic thoughts will be there, and all of us are different. So as we he heal our relationship with food, heal the relationship with ourselves as we lose the mental weight and the release, the physical weight. I think it’s just this process. And for me, I think for the rest of my life, I’ll be on this journey of healing and believing new things and releasing more and more of the mental weight.

And so, maybe I wanna ask you a question, actually. Have you ever felt like the food noise in your head, right? I want this, I need to have this, just this constant, I have the urge to eat this. I want to, and then you, right? It’s so overwhelming, and you just want it to stop.

And maybe you tell yourself, you know, you start out the day and you’re like, I’m gonna do everything right today, right? You’re just like, come on, come on. Today’s the day I’m gonna do everything right today. And you start out and halfway through the day, you know, someone comes up with donuts, or you start feeling like,

right? You start thinking these thoughts, and then you start feeling this urge to just, you know, eat something that maybe you didn’t want to eat, and maybe eating more than what you wanted. Or you start to eat and you just, you kind of, you know, you’re just like, oh, I can’t stop. I just need to eat more and more and more.

Or maybe just eat a plan. You know, maybe you’ve done this cycle like me, right? I had done this cycle for so long that I just got to the point where I was just so sick of it, I just wanted the food noise to quiet. I didn’t want to have this feeling of being hungrier, this urge to eat or thinking about food.

And really what happened was, it was this constant negotiation in my own head, has that ever happened? You know, the negotiation in your head where you’re like, should I eat this? Should I eat that? Oh, I should be good. Oh, that’s not good. Oh, but I want that. Oh, but this time I’ll just eat it now and then I’ll be better tomorrow.

And it’s this constant, it almost feels like you’re at war with your own self. And it’s just this thing that is just, and for many of you, you do it so much that you’re not even totally conscious of it. It’s this negotiation with yourself, this constant record of noise and negotiation is a way that we sell ourselves on something that our best self doesn’t want.

So I would say mostly, mostly it, it, it does happen. But mostly when we’re in negotiations, it’s not for the better choice. We’re in a negotiation for the worst choice. So let me give you an example of that. So you have decided that for lunch, you are going to have, you know, some fuel food, and you’re like,

you know, I really want to eat a tuna sandwich and I’m gonna have some chips, and I feel really good about it, and that’s what I’m going to eat. And then lunch comes, and then suddenly you’re just like, oh my gosh, I have that leftover pizza. And then, you know, I, oh my gosh, you know,

I have that candy in the cabinet. And then suddenly you’re just like, in this negotiation, like, should I eat what I planned? Or this other stuff sounds really good? And it’s just this back and forth of should I, should I not dah, dah, dah. And then this negotiation, we start giving the excuses, the reasons why to eat the things that we didn’t intend to eat.

So we start telling ourselves, we’ll be better tomorrow. It’s okay, this one time you need to eat it, it’s gonna go bad, dah, dah, dah, dah. This is it. You know, you’re new year, you’re all in, right? You start this just telling yourself and giving yourself a way out to go against the things that you want.

Going back to our brain and the science of us being a human, there is a primitive part of ourselves that just wants us to be the same, wants us to be comfortable, wants us to take the easy path. You know, this is how we’re wired. We are wired for this. We don’t wanna feel negative emotion. If we start hearing the food noise,

we wanna just stuff it down, right? We just push that emotion down. We get a little dopamine hit with, you know, whatever the food is. And so this is just, you know, it’s a cycle, really. And I lived this cycle for most of my life. And so I understand it from a really primitive place in my own body,

as I’m sure most of you who are listening can relate. It is this cycle of I’m all in, I’m all out. Sometimes I’m in the middle, but then something happens it’s holiday time, or I’m feeling a lot of negative emotion. I’m feeling sadness, so I go against what I want for my best self. And you know, I think it’s just part of diet culture.

You know, we were told to only eat fuel, food, and exercise, you know, every day. And we’ve been given these extreme measures. And what’s happened is it just keeps us suffering and, but suffering in a way that is not for our best selves. We have associated food and comfort, and so we make food mean more than what it is.

We think it’s going to solve the problem of discomfort. Again, this is subconscious. You’re not thinking this consciously. Your subconscious is like, oh, I wanna feel better. That Kit Kat’s gonna make me feel better in the moment. I’m gonna get a dopamine hit from it. And so we’ve associated food and comfort, and, you know, even smells,

visuals, a commercial habit. Eating is what I like to call it. I, I think I teach it in another episode for sure. If you’re a Transform Boss, I have a a course on it. But, you know, different triggers can happen, right? So it can be every night I need to eat a certain thing, or on the weekends I need to celebrate,

you know, because I’ve been good. I deserve it. You could drive by the Krispy Kreme and just like, I gotta stop the red light’s on, right? And so all of these is what I like to call, you know, this food noise, and it, and it, it’s this back and forth negotiation. Should I stop? Should I stop at the drive-through?

Should I not? Ooh, you know, I already have dinner or planned, but you know, I can just stop and get a little cheeseburger and fry, and no one in my family will know. Hmm, I know I, I’m speaking from experience, right? And so all of this is just this noise that’s just in the back of our head.

And a lot of it’s not conscious. A lot of it is automatic. It’s in our subconscious. I think it comes from this disordered way that we have been taught to eat through diet culture, this binge and restrict cycle. This, I’m gonna overeat and eat all the things, or I’m going to restrict, even if maybe you don’t restrict. Hmm,

you think you should restrict, you think you should eat better? You think you should eat more healthy? You think, oh, if I just ate like, you know, so and so, ooh, who’s, you know, I don’t know. You look up some celebrity, what is she eating? You know, I wanna look like her, right?

Or what’s the new diet? What’s the new fat, right? It’s just this, I think I should do something different than just, you know, eating what I normally eat and paying attention to my hunger and fullness. So here’s my take on it. Number one is just this awareness that you are negotiating with yourself. And so this awareness that you’re having,

some of this food noise awareness that you are telling yourself that you’re gonna do better, that you need to restrict, that you need to do something different, but in a negative way, right? I need to do, I should, I, I should, is, you know, anytime I say I should S-H-O-U-L-D something I know, ooh, that’s not maybe coming from my best self.

And so really this process of one, becoming aware of it. And then the next part of number one is just asking and starting to get curious about like, why, why am I negotiating right now? Why do I have this food noise? Is it emotions? Is it the time of day? Is it, you know, I smelt donuts and now I,

you know, need it? Did I see a commercial? Did I see something on a reel or Instagram? Or I did a memory come and you know, or am I feeling sad? Right? Just number one, is this all about why getting curious and the awareness. And then number two, I think as you go through this journey and you’re,

you know, with me and you’re following with me, or you’re in Transform, Boss is starting to challenge diet culture and becoming aware of the things that you’re consuming through social media, TV through family, friends, right? Just what you’re consuming. And when you know, someone’s like, oh my gosh, I’m trying the new thing. Just be aware of what that triggers in you,

because it might trigger, oh, I’m not doing enough. I’m not good enough. This is not working right? And then you feel this immediacy of like, oh, I need to change. I need to do something different. But not in a positive way, in a very scarce way. It doesn’t come from abundance, or it doesn’t come from I’m in this,

you know, I’m gonna spend this time working on the mental weight so that I could release the physical weight it comes from. I need to get it off now, and what I’m doing is not right. And number three, listen to podcast, episode 1 0 6 and 2 0 7. This is all about a tool that I have called the Realistic Plan, healing your relationship with Food through Abundance and Not Restriction.

Meeting yourself where you’re at, starting to use your prefrontal cortex, your thinking brain, rather than your automatic and primitive brain. It’s gonna help you lose weight with allowance and not restriction. You know, I work with so many ladies and clients and myself, and I tell you this binge restricts cycle. This, I should be doing something different. I need something,

I need to get it off. This immediacy, this scarcity, this is what’s keeping you with weight that you don’t want on your body. And it is the mental weight that is weighing you down. And so if you’re ready to lose weight for the last time you wanna continue, wanna make it easier on yourself, you wanna feel better, then one,

follow this podcast. Hit the little plus sign. Follow me every Wednesday I release a new episode. Number two, get on my email list Every Wednesday I send a beautiful email and also announce the podcast that’s been released. So get on my email list. You can go to bflycoaching.com/email.And then number three, when you’re ready to go deep, like heal your relationship with food and release the weight,

like release it through your work on the mental weight, then go to jointransformboss.com and come join us. Mm ooh ladies, I know. Here we go. 2024. Oh my ladies, I cannot wait. I love you. And bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more,

come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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