Ep #235: All Things Weight Loss Part 1 - Why is it so Hard?

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Episode #235: All Things Weight Loss Pt. 1 – Why is it so Hard?

In today’s episode of the podcast, I start a 4-part series on all things weight loss.

Coach Jenn joins me, and we discuss why most of us believe weight loss is hard.

I believed it was hard because I thought something was wrong with me.

I learned the physical weight was heavy, but the mental weight was the heaviest.

The mental aspect of weight loss is often overlooked but plays a crucial role in achieving long-term success.

It is possible for you to lose your weight, to lose the mental weight, and to do something different in easy and simple ways.

In this episode…

≫[3:57] Who I was.

≫[4:37] We get a lot of messages on social media that are fat-shaming.

≫[6:21] What mental weight is.

≫[10:31] Emotions fluctuate.

≫[10:55] I think women, we feel exhausted, we feel run down, we feel burnt out, and it’s not the physical part of it.

≫[11:37] The diet roller coaster is on and off.

≫[13:47] No matter what you weigh, the mental part of this, you have to do the work on.

≫[14:18] How you think now is how you will think once you lose the weight.

≫[17:23] Nothing is broken with you, and it is possible to lose your weight.

≫[18:42] The opposite of restriction is binging.

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You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christiansen and Jenn Taylor, episode number 235. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen. Hello love. I’m so happy that you’re here.

We are kicking off a four part series on all things weight and I wanted to do this for a while and I’m really excited. We are gonna dive into the why and why it’s been hard and the tools and the good and the bad. And then we’re gonna talk about like how to create long-term weight loss. I think who’s listening to this right now,

that’s what you want. You want the freedom, you want the freedom in your mind and the freedom in your body. And so that is what we’re gonna do. And we’re gonna talk about the solution too. And again, we’re doing this in four different parts. Over the next four episodes, we’re really gonna dive into all the things. You know,

we get questions all the time. Also, we work with clients and so we see where they struggle. And you know, this first part, part one is all about why has it been so difficult? And when I think about this, why it’s been so difficult, there’s many, many reasons and we’re gonna talk through some of those reasons today. But before we get into that,

if you’ve listened to the podcast before you’ve heard her, she is a regular, her name is Jen Taylor and coach Jenn, say hello to the ladies and give a little brief intro to what you do for Transform Boss. And then anything else you wanna add. Hi ladies. Jenn Taylor. I have been with Transform since 2020. I’m like, where has time gone?

I’m a coach in Transform. I help kind of develop all of our coaches in Transform. Of course, along the way they teach me so much too. I get to take care of our clients, our ladies, make sure that they are taken care of, that we try to always overdeliver for them in all the ways. And I’m trying to think what else.

I don’t know what else, Shan? All the things I, my hands are, She does all the things. A little bit Of everything. Yeah, she does, she does. Jenn. So this first part I really wanna talk about why it’s been so hard because I used to think why it was so hard was because something was wrong with me.

I truly, honestly, if I had to like take it all down, I really believed that something was wrong with me. And whether that was something was wrong with my body, my genetics, something was wrong with my personality, meaning like I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t be successful at it. And so for me, I always thought that it was me,

that something was wrong with me. Jenn, when you were on the diet rollercoaster and going through all of that, when you think about like why you thought it was so hard, was it similar or, or something different? Yeah, I think a lot of, for sure I thought genetics, like I was the big sister. My other sisters are more petite,

so for sure genetics and comparing. Also, I thought that I just, I had this belief that I just couldn’t commit, right? Like I just really could not show up for myself when it counted. Like I just almost didn’t believe in me, I guess is what it came down to. Yeah. That I couldn’t resist the temptation because that’s just who I was.

Ooh, who I was. Yes. It reminds me too, I thought I was a person who was either all in or all out. And I labeled myself with this in so many areas of my life. Not just weight loss, actually. I’m like, ooh. I mean they’re all in or all out. And two, I also, I labeled myself kind of as a failure in weight loss.

And like this was just, you know, again, back to this who I was. And so I really love that because, and I wanna say this because I don’t think that is why folks carry extra weight. I don’t believe actually any of that. But I think that’s what I believed. And I think too, we get a lot of messages and the media and socialization,

a lot of fat shaming really. I mean there’s just so much of it, right? If you are not a certain body type, and again, that body type changes throughout the decades and years. So good luck if you’re trying to do that. But I think too, we just get all of these different messages that we’re lazy. We can’t control ourselves.

Just why can’t you just eat less? You know how many times, I mean even if you go onto social media, I don’t recommend it ’cause I think it’s not serving anyone. But if you do see, you’ll see where people are like, I just dunno why you can’t just eat less. I don’t know why you can’t just exercise more. It’s just like this very judgmental shaming,

you have a problem, I’m better than you. Kind of attitude and socialization that we’ve gone through. And so what happens over time, I think, is that for many women who have put their worth in their outer packages and what they look like in their bodies, it really just wreaks havoc with your confidence, your self-esteem, the way that you feel about your worth.

And it leads to just feeling really bad. And I always felt like I had this like 200 pound sack on my back and that is the mental weight of it. It was not the physical weight, the physical weight of course uncomfortable. I, you know, didn’t like how I fit my clothes, you know, all the things. But it really was this mental weight of all of it.

And so I wanna talk a little bit about what mental weight is. And so when I think about mental weight, I think about this nonstop conversation that is in the back of your head. And even if it’s in your subconscious, it’s still going on. It’s just this chatter, it’s this noise about when you should eat, what you should eat, how you should look,

how you’re not enough. You know, the mental weight causes you to do some things like looking for the next diet all the time. Scrolling, looking at, you know, skinny women and putting pictures up on your vision board of women with, you know, some sort of body type that you want. You know? Two, I think also like feeling bad every time that you eat something.

So if you eat something quote unquote unhealthy, it’s like you shame yourself. And I’m not saying I know many of you have been shamed by other people for eating, right? Especially when probably you were kids if you were overweight as a kid. For sure. I was. So if I ate something, it just was programming. You know, if I ate a piece of cake or if I ate chocolate or if I ate lasagna,

whatever it was, it’s like, ugh, why are you eating this? You shouldn’t be eating this. You need to do better. So you know what we’re gonna do better on Monday. Some form of that, right? And so it’s just this constant kind of looping, looping, looping, looping that just went on and my brain over and over and over again.

I think too, it’s walking by like a mirror or seeing a picture and just feeling disgust for my own body and disappointment. That is the mental weight it is for me. It was the heaviest part of all of it. And the physical weight, although uncomfortable, I didn’t like it. It actually fed like the mental weight that was going on. So Jenn,

as I was talking, what kind of came up for you as you’re thinking about the mental part of this? I think at one point too, I even experienced that even if it wasn’t what quote unquote bad foods, I would find some way to beat myself up as long as I had the extra weight on. Like I just wanted to continue to prove that story true.

That it was always gonna be a struggle that I couldn’t figure it out kind of thing. I think also for me, mental weight was having to put on a smile and be outgoing and be happy and all the things when internally you just felt horrible. I’m comparing myself all along the way with other people and, but I’m gonna put on that smile and then I’d come home and just be exhausted.

Almost just like a mask, right? I think that, I don’t know what kind of some kind of drug commercial that they’re like walking around with the mask and then behind it, they’re like sad, right? And just putting on this persona of, and ladies, my life was never like horrible. But when you feel that way internally, it just is that constant loop that you’re talking about Shannan,

right? That like never quiets down. Yeah. And it’s always there. Like you could be having like the best moment of your life really. Like you could like, I’m not kidding, you could like be having the best moment. I remember getting married and I loved my wedding dress. I mean, oh my gosh, I felt so great in it.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt so great in it, but I have a lot of loose skin. And so I had like some stuff that was kind of overhanging the dress. And I remember thinking, oh, people are gonna see it. People are gonna know. People are gonna like see that I have all this extra skin. They’re gonna see that I have this fat,

you know, all of these things. And the crazy part is again, the best day of my life really. Like, I mean outside of having my son. And so like I think about this and I just think it just is always there no matter like what is going on, you could again be happy. Emotions fluctuate. So I was like having the best day of my life and still these thoughts were there still these thoughts were like,

oh, check, make sure everything’s tucked in. Make sure, oh wait, camera pose, oh, is everything okay? Don’t turn to the side. Don’t you know, it’s just this constant loop. And I don’t know that we as women really understand how heavy that is. I think women, we feel exhausted, we feel run down, we feel burnt out.

And it is not the physical part, it is not the to-do list. It is the constant chatter in our brains of you’re not enough. You need to lose weight, you need to lose weight, it’s not enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not young enough, you’re not all of these different things. And especially as I age too, now being in my fifties,

I’ve gone through menopause and ah, you know, all the different pieces that come with that and not feeling like yourself and you know, it’s just all of this and it’s heavy. It’s heavy. And so I wanna talk about the diet roller coaster. To me, the diet roller coaster, is this on off? It is binging, restricting. It is being all in or all out.

I think what happens is over time it creates this trauma in our bodies where, you know, we are all in and we’re excited. We’re not gonna really talk about Oprah. But you know, she’s so excited right now because she’s done the weight loss drugs and she’s so excited and I see it in her and I’m like, oh yes, I felt that too,

right? All of us, right? Where we’ve lost weight and we’ve felt so good and we’re just like, yes, yes, this is it. Right? And so we feel so good and then something happens in our life or you know, we can’t keep doing whatever we were doing, right? Something changes and then we start to gain a little weight back.

And then it’s like a balloon has been popped. You’re just like, oh my gosh. And then what happens? You start panicking, you start feeling like, oh my gosh, I’m gonna gain the weight back. And you start having a lot of fear and then suddenly you go back to the one thing that comforts you that has always comforted you. And it’s food,

the diet roller coaster and the diet trauma. I think it’s just, it’s this like constant, not enough. No matter what you weigh. This is an important point I wanna make, ladies, it does not matter what you weigh. It doesn’t, I promise you this. There’s always like this little, like, I like to call it like the ecstasy period,

right? When you first lose some weight, you’re feeling very excited. But that is temporary. It is a temporary feeling. If you’ve ever lost weight, it’s not that you don’t feel good and have, you know, again, emotions ebb and flow. But I want to say this because suddenly then old thoughts will come in, oh, I have this loose skin,

or I’m getting older. Or you have this really big fear that you’re gonna gain it back. And so you start to like, you know, start to see certain patterns because you’ve never healed your relationship with food or relationships start to change and you don’t know how to handle that, right? Because you have not dealt with a mental weight. And so hear this,

no matter what, you weigh the mental part of this, you have to do the work on. You have to start to think differently, feel differently, start to do differently by changing your thinking. And this trauma too, and I see this a lot when someone starts a new diet or starts a new thing and whatever it is, and they’re like,

well, I’ll take care of the mental part later if I just lose the weight now, I’ll take care of that later. But it doesn’t work like that because how you think now is how you will think once you lose the weight. That doesn’t change by eating differently or trying a tool like weight loss surgery or medication or whatever it is. The mental part does not change.

Your thinking does not change. You’ll just be the same brain in a smaller body, right? And then all the fear and all the things will still be there. So Jenn, I know I, I said whew a lot there. Tell me what you think. Also good. I mean, I’ve been in that smaller body with all the thoughts. I was there and it just,

it wasn’t enough. I would always find, you know, 10 more pounds, maybe I could just get 10 more pounds or define this muscle a little bit better. And really what that comes down to is just not me seeing my worth and my value and thinking that it comes at some number on a scale, some pant size. And yeah. And I think too,

you know, the diet rollercoaster that on and that off. I think there’s so much shame that can come along with when the weight comes back onto, right? Whatever your method is, it’s, oh, I should have known better. I should have done differently to keep it off. And there’s just so much shame associated with it that keeps us just distant and not wanting to even step into it,

right? Yeah, it is. Think about, I can’t tell you ’cause I’ve gained and loss, you know, all the weights, all the times I’ve been, all the sizes, all the things. And you know, I think about when you do start to gain that weight, that shame, it is almost paralyzing. Suddenly you’re like, I’m not going to that event.

I’m not doing that thing. I’m like, I’m wearing big baggy clothes. It can affect just even how you dress, how you take care of yourself, because the shame is just so paralyzing, actually. I mean, it is. And so I think about this whole, like why has it been so hard? The purpose of this episode, and it really is about the mental piece of our weight,

our body image, how we think about ourselves, our capabilities, all of those pieces, our past, right? All of that to me is the biggest part, and it is the part of the whole diet industry that is missing. And if you look at all the tools out there, that piece is mostly missing. There are some pieces in some of the tools,

but mostly it’s missing. And so what happens is women are just left feeling like, I’ve lost the weight, or I can’t lose the weight. Or I’ve been on this diet roller coaster for 10, 20, 30, 40 years and really something is broken with me. And I wanna say to everyone who is listening to this, nothing is broken with you. And that it is possible for you to lose your weight,

to lose the mental weight, to do something different than what you’re doing now in really easy, simple ways. And all hope is not lost on you. And I know that it can feel so hopeless and so frustrating. And I know you don’t wanna think about food anymore and you don’t wanna think about what to do and all the things. And that’s why I wanted to do this four part series because I wanted to be very specific on why it has been hard,

what are the tools, the good and the bad, and then what to do. And I know there’s hope, because I was on the diet rollercoaster for almost 38 years and I’m off. And you know, it was interesting, we were just kind of having a, a coaches meeting, you know, they were talking about different things that they had been hearing and you know,

people coming to them saying, Hey, I’m trying this and whatever. And it immediately, I just thought, oh, I never want to go back to this very restrictive thing. I, I don’t, because it’s such a trigger for me, the restriction. Because the opposite of restriction is binging. And it just is that it’s, you know, it’s the,

in the ang you restrict for any period of time or you think you’re going to restrict. Then the opposite of that is just, you know, eating all the things in whatever capacity that is for you. So it’s hard because of the mental part of it. And there is a different way, Jenn, when you think about the mental part of it and what you’ve been able to do,

like with the mental part of it, what do you think has been easy about that for you? Because I think we think it’s so hard. Like when I talk about losing the mental weight, people are like, oh my God, it’s just so hard. I don’t know. Right. You know, it takes time. But I think what has been easy is just coming back to self-love believing in myself and choosing,

making a decision that no, I’m no longer talking to myself that way. Yeah. And then over time, as I would come into awareness that I was talking negatively or you know, all the things that I just put a like, Nope, stop. We’re not talking. And it just built over time. And it just really, I think, spread into so many other branches in life because I think when you can feel confidence,

your worth, self-assurance, all these things, you then feel better to step into something new, to try something different, to be okay with failing, right? To do all these things. And so that for me, I think probably in retrospect was like one of the easiest things. Once I just made that decision, I just kept applying it and it just kept becoming easier and easier.

Hmm. That’s awesome. No, it’s so good, right? This part of like the mental work, it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t. That’s what we teach, you know, in Transform Boss. And I just wanna reiterate one more time, it is not you. And what I mean by that is we have been told that everything is in a food plan,

a diet plan, all the things. And it’s just, it’s not the truth. When you start to work on the mental weight, when you start to find yourself the noise quieting, it’s just easier to do the things that you want to do. Jenn talked about making decisions. It’s easier to be in a head space where you can make those decisions for yourself when you can start to show up for yourself when you’re not so overwhelmed trying to be perfect on a diet.

And it doesn’t have to be a part-time job either. Our next episode is all about the tools of weight loss, the good and the bad. We’re gonna talk about diets, weight loss surgery, weight loss drugs. We’re gonna talk about all of them in everything in life. There’s good and bad. And so we’re gonna talk about it and just have,

you know, a real honest conversation about what we believe about them and all the things. Hmm. I know it’s gonna be good. I can’t wait. All right, my love. Now, if you are ready to do this work and you want to make it easy, then come join us. Go to jointransformboss.comn. You can go there and you can check it out and see all of the amazing things that are in Transform.

Boss. Yeah. Good. All right. Thank you, Jenn. All right, bye. My loves. See you next week. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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