Ep #240: How is Sabotage Showing Up

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Episode #240: How is Sabotage Showing Up?

Sabotage. It’s such a big word.

I think all humans do it in some way.

It’s almost normalized.

Everything is going good and then boom, the other shoe drops.

You’re in this repetitive cycle that seems to never end.

In today’s episode of the podcast, we talk about sabotage and we give you tips on what to do when you start to sabotage yourself.

In this episode…

≫[2:53] I think all humans sabotage in some way, form, or fashion in their life.

≫[4:03] Change is danger.

≫[4:54] Your results come from your thinking.

≫[6:00] The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.

≫[8:20] Sabotage comes up in so many different areas.

≫[12:14] Perfectionism.

≫[13:37] You’ll have these guardrails and these things in place that will help you move forward.

≫[14:05] Sabotaging in weight loss shows up in many ways.

≫[15:49] We prevent ourselves from having success and from reaching our goals and dreams.

≫[18:26] Be aware of when you’re doing it.

≫[19:12] Shine a light on it because fear loves to live in the dark and hidden spaces in your brain.

≫[21:03] You will never take positive action from a negative thought.

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Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen . Hello, love. So happy to be back with you. And I know I announced if you did not listen to last week’s episode,

you for sure want to because I announced a couple big things. One, we have a limited time pricing where you can get in for $39. I mean, come on, it’s a no-brainer. Ladies, come join us and Transform Boss. And then two, this is our new biweekly episodes. And I’m so excited I have Coach Jenn. Hi, coach Jenn.

Hi, she, she’s so great. She’s gonna come and join me. And you know, I, I really added Jen because she brings different perspectives. She’s coaching our weight loss clients and you know, she has her own journey too. And so it’s so fun to just hear a different perspective on the podcast. And so if you ever have anything that you want us to really talk about on the podcast,

you can always email us at support@bflycoaching.com. We wanna hear from you. We wanna know that you’re loving it. And we wanna know if there’s anything that we haven’t addressed or that we could address in a future topic. Now, today, I have to say I’m really excited. We just finished our live event, which we plan for a whole year, and it goes so fast and I can’t even believe it.

So as this drops, we are gonna be in a high because we are gonna be just leaving our event. And I tell you this because Transform Boss, there’s just so many good things. And I love our, once a year we do an in-person event. And I just love seeing our ladies in person and hugging each one of them and then also watching them just blow their own minds.

And I’ve watched ladies, as you know, we’ve done in-person events four years now, Jenn. Yeah, I think four years, right? Yeah. This is our fourth one. And I tell you, I’ve watched ladies who we of course have ladies who’ve gone to every single one, and I’ve watched them just transform. And that to me is just a gift.

And so again, if you’re not in transform boss, I just wanna say, come join us. It’s the best. So today we’re gonna get into sabotage. I think sabotage is a pretty big word, and I think it’s very easy for us to just say, oh, I’m sabotaging my results. I think we’ve almost normalized it because it is very normal.

I think all humans sabotage in some way form or fashion in their life. But I wanna kind of make it feel less overwhelming because I think, think when you think of sabotage, you’re just like, Ugh, how do I even start to approach that? How do I even, you know, handle that? And so Jenn, when you think of the word sabotage,

like what comes to your mind As you said that it is just like this explosion, right? Everything’s going good. And then you’re like, boom, okay, here I go again. Starting over. Like why am I doing this again? Just this repetitive cycle that you feel like in the moment you can’t break, you don’t know how to break. Yeah,

I love that. That’s, yes, you explained it so great. It’s like this, I’m doing great. And then I just eat all the things. I regain weight and then I’m like feeling again, like I’m starting over. Ooh, it’s so good. I think we’re wired to actually sabotage our results. And I think this has a, a couple things to do with how our brain is wired and how,

you know, our brain is always looking for danger. And so because of that, you know, change is danger. Doing something different is danger and there’s a lot of fear there. And so, and so much of our fear is illogical. And I like to know that like I have all of these thoughts that things are gonna go wrong or this isn’t gonna work out.

And I’m always surprised at how often it’s just not the truth. Things work out might be a little different than what I thought, but everything becomes okay. And so I think so much of our thinking, this is so much of the work that I watch myself, our ladies, you Jenn, do, is this work on really looking at the thoughts that are driving your feelings and your actions.

Because we think it’s outside of us. We think it’s like all these things that are outside of us, but your result, and I want you to hear this, are coming from your thinking. This is the mindset part of this. And you know, I think it’s lost in every single diet that’s out there. Every single pill, potion, shake,

whatever it is, physical trainer, they’re missing the mental part. And I think even if they try to bring in some of the mental part, they’re not trained, they haven’t researched the brain, they haven’t done all the things to really even understand it themselves because it’s so complex. And I think about, I’ve been researching this work for 10 years at least,

probably longer than that. And I still am learning all of the time. And so sabotage happens because of the way we were socialized or brought up our influences that we’ve had throughout our life. We have these limiting beliefs. We have this sort of belief ceiling that I like to think of it. And you know, in May in Transform Boss, we are,

my workshop that I’m doing with all my ladies is on sabotage. And then we’re doing a book club by Gay Hendricks and it’s called The Big Leap. And I love that book because he explains it really well. And every time I read it, I get something different from it. And there’s lots of books on sabotage, but I think he does the best job at it.

And again, sabotages, we hit these sort of upper limits, these belief ceilings. And so we have a belief like, I can only be so happy. And this is the crazy part, it’s all in your subconscious, like in your subconscious thoughts, you don’t even, you’re like, why am I eating behind my own back? Why is this even happening?

And it feels like you’re like going against yourself. That’s what ends up happening. You’re just like, I want something different. But I keep doing this. I have ladies who will say to me like, Shannan, I just, I want to stop doing this one thing. I want to stop overeating. I want to stop sabotaging my success. And I think you have to one,

take the the buzz out of sabotage. And I think you gotta break it down to simple really simple steps. And so Jenn, we’ve done a lot on sabotage and Transform. Boss, I mean, may is all about sabotage in Transform Boss. When you think about your own work or your client’s work, what do you think about like sabotage and hitting upper limits and why?

Why we just keep kind of hitting our head against that wall? Hmm. I think so much of it is fear-based, like you said, right? And it can be, I think often when I thought about sabotage before it was all negative, right? This is new and scary, but also it can be, like you said, I only deserve this much joy or I only deserve this much.

It can also be these positive feelings or experiences that we sabotage because we just believe we only deserve so much. Yeah, it’s kind of like, it always reminds me of like in relationships, like if you’re feeling a lot of love or things are going good, then suddenly you pick a fight and you think it’s the other human. This is to me,

is like the craziest part. I’ve watched this show up in my own life. This can show up not just in weight, but in money too. Maybe you’re saving and you’re doing really good and the next thing you know you’re purchasing something on the credit card and getting back in debt. That is just how you’re sabotaging yourself. And so sabotage just comes up in so many different areas.

And again, the underlying core of it is because we believe that we only deserve so much happiness and we don’t believe that we’re worthy or enough. If you had to ask me at the core of everything, I’m not enough. Like it’s the human condition. It’s the human condition. And I, again, when I say, I mean we, you can see it too with public figures for sure.

They had this great career, everything’s going, I always use Tiger Woods, right? Because he had this beautiful life, family, all the things, this beautiful career. And then he just, man, he sabotaged it. And it took him a long while to like get his mindset back. It wasn’t his golf game, it was his mindset because he had sabotaged his success.

And you think, well, why would he do that? We always ask that, like, why I see this too. I have to say this. So my husband and I watch the Phoenix Suns. I mean I don’t really watch it, but he does. And it is just so interesting to watch because they need a life coach. They really do.

Because I am not kidding. They have some mindset problems. They will be doing so good, make it to the playoffs. And then when I say they like lose like all time history losses, it’s almost like they, you can just physically see them mentally just give up. And so somewhere, this team, this is what I find so interesting too.

This team has taken on these self-sabotaging behaviors. It’s not even just one of them. It’s like the team. And so I just see it in so many different areas. So one, I just wanna say, you’re not alone. Humans. We do it and we do it. Two, I think our role in our family or our role in what we play in life.

So for example, I am the eldest and I had a role, my role was to be the good girl. My role was to, you know, do the things. I also had the role of struggling with my weight. It was an identity that I had taken on that I was gonna struggle with my weight that I was the really, you know,

had a pretty face. But you know, she just can’t get that weight under control. And so I had that identity. And so for me, it was part of who I thought I was. I was that girl who was on off in, out, you know, all the things. So Jenn, when you think about yourself as I’m talking,

ha what do you think? You saw my brain light up through my eyes after. Yes. I also am the oldest and I was told always like be the example, right? I never thought of like be the good girl. ’cause I was always a bit of a rebel in, in sorts. But like, yes, be the example for your younger sisters.

Like so much pressure it equated to perfectionism in my brain because if I failed or if I made a bad choice, and this is all my thoughts, not my parents, but if I made a bad choice that I then was being a bad sister. Yeah. And I took it into all my roles, not just in my sibling. I took it into work,

I took it into friendships, all the things. Yes, for sure. My role in being the oldest and being the example, right? Yeah. Because this is it ladies, for me, it translated into being the good girl because my mom’s scared of the je. Some people are like, it’s your dad. Like, no, it’s my mom for sure.

But Jenn, your inner rebel was like, I don’t wanna be the example. I don’t want all this pressure, I don’t want all these things. And so you’re in a rebel. So again, this ladies, it’s all like your own way that you interpret things, then you then have thoughts about it, and then you have feelings and then you act.

And bottom line, I think, Jenn, for you and for me was this perfectionism, I have got to be perfect. I have got to do everything the right way. And I did too. I mean, oh man, I still have to really do a lot of work around when I feel like things are not perfect or I’m not doing. And perfect is a lie,

ladies, there is no perfect, there’s no scale out there that says something is perfect or not. But I do a lot of coaching with my coach around like this ideal that I’m not doing enough, that I’m just need to do more, that I, you know, need to do it perfectly. And so again, this leads to sabotage because when you think you have to be perfect,

what happens is for most humans, they just stop doing it. They freeze and overwhelm and you know, feel like we are paralyzed. And you know, when you feel like that you do nothing. There are so many of you right now who want to join. There’s some piece of you that wants to come and join us in Transform Boss. But this fear and this overwhelm of like,

oh, I have to do something now and then I’m gonna do it, and then I’m not gonna do it perfectly. And what if I fail? And I just wanna relieve that from you because you won’t do it perfectly. But you’ll have these guardrails and these things in place that will help you move forward. And I watch this with ladies all the time.

Everyone struggles. Just so you know, I still struggle to this day with many things. And although my mind is quieter around food and my mind is quieter around my body, I have lots of acceptance and love for it still. It shows up in different areas of my life. But I have the guardrails. I know what to do, I know how to manage through it.

So I would say ultimately I feel better and I sabotage my success less because I think about some of the examples of sabotaging in weight loss. It shows up in many ways. For me, one of the biggest triggers for me was 200. So anytime I would get below 200, it was just a trigger in my brain. Like, whoa, hey,

you’re the fat girl, what are you doing getting under 200 pounds? Like Uhuh, get back up over there. And so I would sabotage and I would do the thing, right? But it shows up in lots of different other ways. Jenn, any other ways you think it shows up in weight loss or that you’ve seen? What I’ve seen too is just even success in just a personal venture,

right? Maybe even at work. And you start to have success, and then imposter syndrome can come in of like, do I really deserve this? And you start kind of like backing off, bringing yourself back to where you think you should be, Bringing yourself back where you think you should be. Yes. Oh, I see this too. Like when ladies,

they join transform, they start to feel good, they start, they’re like, oh my gosh, I’m losing, I’ve lost 10 pounds, I’m feeling really great. And then crickets, you don’t hear from them for a while. And what they do is they start disconnecting because they’re having success. And I’m gonna do an episode, Jenn and I on success pain.

And so I’m not gonna go into it today, but I’ve really, oh man, I really researched this and watched this in my own life and in my client’s life. And we sabotage, which means, right, we basically do something to harm ourselves. And I don’t mean harm as in physical harm, but mental harm. And it can be physical too.

I don’t wanna breeze over that, but it just is something that we do to prevent ourselves from having success and from reaching our goals and dreams. And so I see this because they just start to have that fear, that fear of who they’re gonna become. And you know, ladies are afraid of loose skin. Ladies are afraid suddenly they’re gonna go out there and be,

you know, a different person. They’re gonna suddenly, you know, leave their spouse or partner. They have all, you know, all these things, right? Like if I lose weight, then suddenly I’m gonna become this different person and have to do all these things. And so instead of like, okay, I’m not gonna go become a different person,

I’m still gonna have my life. I’m just gonna do it in a body that feels like freedom versus a body that feels like a prison. And that’s why I think you need support and coaching because ladies, there are women out there who will struggle into the day. They leave this planet with their weight, with their thinking about their weight, with their thinking about their body.

Because they can’t just take the step to overcome the fear of doing something different. And changing it is my mission to help women and make it so easy and so simple because I don’t want that for any of you. I want you to know that you can live in a body that you love. You can create a life that is your best life and your best self.

And all that fear, all of those illogical thoughts like, oh, I’m gonna have loose skin. Yes. Okay. And why is loose skin worse than a body that has a hundred extra pounds on it or 50 extra pounds? You just have to like start challenging those illogical thoughts. Oh, I can’t have loose skin. I know, but you can’t tie your shoes,

you can’t get up with your grandkids. I’m gonna tell you the hard stuff because you’ve gotta start like challenging that. You’ve gotta start saying, well whoa. Like, okay, I’m gonna look older. Okay? And you have physical pain, you are constantly the mental pain, you don’t feel good, you’re cranky, you’re picking fights with your spouse and your kids and your,

you know, all the things. Like ladies, this is your life and you get one, one great life. And so sabotage, how to start to do this work. I think it’s deep work, but I’m gonna give you a couple things and then Jenn, you add any tips? I think the first thing you have to do is just be aware of when you’re doing it.

You have to know your triggers. Is it I lose five pounds? ’cause for many of you, that’s what it is. Any weight loss, you start sabotaging and you’re like, Shannan, I don’t know, I keep gaining and losing the same five pounds. And it’s because again, you’re just sabotaging your success. And I think about this too, just being aware of your triggers,

what they are. And there’s so many different triggers because again, we’re all different. Shining a light on it. That’s how gay speaks of it. Hendricks from the big leap, shine a light on it. Jenn, what are some other ways that they can like, I guess too, like just get out of this perfectionistic mind. Yeah, I love Shine a light on it because fear loves to live in like dark and hidden inside your brain.

And as soon as you start to speak it out loud and you really put a voice to it and challenge, is it true? It really dwindles away, right? It becomes quieter, you know, a big piece. When I think about sabotage and overcoming it, I love the saying feel fear and do it anyway, because fear is gonna be there.

It will be, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t move forward. And really what’s on the other side of fear is just so different than what our brains like to create. The story about it actually most of the time is amazing. Yeah, the first time Shannan’s like, Hey, we’re gonna do the podcast and we’re gonna be on YouTube. I was like,

okay, yay. Okay. I love, like I get to be here with you ladies, right? It’s just all these false thoughts, we call it future puddling in transform, right? These stories that we tell. I would say too that the awareness, but then taking a pause, taking that moment, because we think that we always have to just keep going and going.

And I think really just pausing. And I love to ask myself what are, what are the positive consequences that could come from this, right? Because yeah, there’s loose skin, but also I might feel better. I can tie my shoes, I can be with my grandkids, and those outweigh the loose skin, right? You get to go live your life.

And so really just breaking it down, I think, into bite-sized pieces allows our brain to just take that moment to really see what the true story is there. Yeah. Ooh, I love all of that. And I think too, just having some self-compassion. Yeah, right? Just you know, again, having some self-compassion and kindness to yourself, you will never take a positive action from a negative thought.

Just really important for you to know we grew up in the bootcamp days, I’m gonna have some guy yelling at me, get it done. You might do that for the short term, but for the long run it’s damaging. And you know, we do need positive reinforcement and it starts with us. Now, when you have a community that supports you,

I think about our community and you have that, it’s amazing. And you also have to show it to yourself too, because ultimately at the end of the day, with ev, all of this work, it’s what you think about yourself. It’s the thinking that you have that actually creates your results. And so I’ll say it a thousand times because I just never was taught that.

I never believed that. I used to think everything was outside of me, outside of my control. I used to have all the reasons of why I couldn’t do this, that the other. And I just have to continually immerse myself in this work to remind myself that anything is possible. Anything is possible. Because it starts with my own thinking. And you can lose weight and you can quiet the noise and you can do something different.

You can, and like Jenn said, everything is on the other side of fear. I just like to say fear is always gonna be with me. It’s like, you know, sitting in my passenger seat, I just like to be the driver. Fear used to be my driver. Now I’ve kicked it over to the passenger seat and I’m driving the bus.

I don’t want fear driving the bus because then I do nothing. The bus just stalls out and I wanna drive the bus. I wanna move forward. It’s good. Jenn, anything else you wanna add? Sabotage. I mean, ladies, you wanna keep doing sabotage work is, I think it’s some of the best work. We’re doing it in May and Transform Boss all month long.

I think just awareness and being honest with yourself, right? Recognizing your cycle. What is your cycle? What are your triggers? ’cause as soon as you can start to notice those, that’s when you can change it. You get to take that control back instead of feeling out of control. All right, my loves. We’ll see you in two weeks.

Yes. Every other week, two weeks. And you know, in two weeks I’m so excited. We are going to talk about emotional eating. My favorite. And even if you’re like Shannan, I don’t emotionally eat. You gotta listen to this episode, especially if you think you don’t. Emotionally, I want you to listen to the episode. Alright,

my loves. Have a beautiful couple of weeks and we’ll see you soon. Bye. My loves. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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