Ep #72: Overeating Does Not Equal Failure

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen episode number 72. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach Shannan Christiansen.

Hello Love. So happy to be back with you. You know ladies, I’m always excited about today’s show and today, I mean, do you feel like a failure because you keep overeating? Well today I am going to really, I’m going to talk about it. We’re going to talk about it today. You are not going to want to miss today’s show because overeating is an important trigger that will actually help you lose weight, help you.

So as always, I want to give a listener shout out before we get into this show. And this is where I read a review of the podcast every week. And this week’s listener shout out is to Vibha. Shannan, everything you said in today’s podcast about not using food to push your emotions down is so inspiring.  In your other podcasts I’ve also heard you talking about listing your successes and everything that went right each day. That is truly a wonderful and positive way to look at our life on a daily basis. Thank you so much for your inspiration. Well, thank you Vibha. She’s one of my Transform ladies and I appreciate the review Vibha. I love it. And I always read every single review. So ladies, if you have not rated and review the show yet, please leave a review. Wherever you listen to podcasts. It just helps, you know, this message get out there.

So ladies, I know so many of you have been in a winter wonderland, but I have to say it has been beautiful here in Arizona. I know, I don’t want to brag, I’m just wishing you so much sunshine. We have had the best winter. Last winter was really cold and this winter just has been really beautiful. This week it is 70 degrees all week and gorgeous. So I’m sending you lots of sunshine wherever you are.

So ladies, I have to tell you, if you’re one of my Transform ladies, you kind of have gone through this with me, but today on the podcast, I’ll share briefly. So my daughter-in-law is pregnant with my fifth grandbaby and she was 32 weeks and a couple of weeks ago, little baby Emma decided she wanted to come, and it was super scary. Luckily they were able to stop her labor. And of course, you know, they gave steroids to baby Emma to help her lungs progress.

And now she’s 34 weeks. She’s gonna hit 35 weeks this week. So by the time this airs she’ll hit 35 weeks on Thursday. And you know, luckily fingers crossed, baby Emma has stayed inside. But it has been, I think it’s been super tough, on my daughter-in-law and my son. You know, my daughter-in-law has had a ton of contractions. She’s been on medications to stop the contractions and mostly bedrest, which is not easy with four other children. So, and you know of course, my son is always helping and taking care of all the things so she can rest and keep that baby in there.

So I appreciate all the thoughts. And I know all my ladies have known and they’ve been sending lots of prayers and great thoughts, but she’s still in there. And we’re really hoping that she stays in there until at least 36 weeks. So that was, that was super scary. We’ve been so blessed and so lucky that all of our grandbabies have just been healthy and beautiful, and you know, come at the right time. So this was a little bit of a shock to all of us, but she’s doing good. And I’m just praying that she stays in there until 36 weeks.

So, you know, ladies that’s life, you know, I think we always think that life is just this even keel or we wish for it, I guess, to be, but it’s not. It’s 50/50. Some weeks are amazing and wonderful, and some weeks are for sure super scary or painful. We have loss. I mean, you know, it’s all the things. And so I just like to, you know, appreciate those times when it’s really good and then find some appreciation and some gratitude, even in the times where it’s really difficult and my brain wants to go to worry mode and, you know, do this work that I teach. Yeah. The thought work.

Yes, it does. It really does help you get out of kind of the worry and the thought looping so that you can put your energy in a better space.

So, you know ladies, 50/50. I know when I first heard it, I was like, no way I’m 70/30. But you know, as I go through this more, I really do believe, and don’t get me wrong, some weeks are 70/30, but some weeks are 30/70, and in the end, I think it all balances out.

So this week let’s get into the show ladies. So I used to be all in or all out. And if you’ve listened to the podcast, you’ve heard me talk about it.

And I think any woman who has been on the diet roller coaster, I mean, you can feel me on this, right? You’ve either been all in restricting, you know, being on the diet or completely out overeating, bingeing, eating all the things. And, you know, ladies, I remember so much of my life, I was just this all out or all in.

And I had the hardest time finding moderation. I really believe that it didn’t exist. And I used to have these thoughts around any time I would overeat that I was bad, a failure, that I could not control myself. I mean, I believe that food had power over me, that I was addicted to sugar, and I had all of these different beliefs and thoughts.

And then I would go down the path of how I was always going to be overweight. I was always going to overeat. It was always going to be my struggle, and really all of those thoughts, they were, you know, some of them in my subconscious, some of them just kind of rattling around in the back of my brain, but those thoughts kept me stuck.

Those thoughts kept me in this kind of what I like to call a thought loop over and over again. And then what would happen is when I would think those thought I would feel frustrated or I would feel overwhelmed. And then when I feel frustrated or I felt overwhelmed, I would either completely shut down or I would overeat. And so it was just this pattern and this cycle that I was in.

And I really want to challenge all of you with this episode around what overeating really is. Love, overeating it’s part of life. It’s part of the process of losing weight. No one, I mean no one on this planet, well I don’t want to say on this planet, but probably mostly in America, adults who have the means to, you know, have food around, we all overeat. At some point in time, we all overeat. Whether it’s on our birthdays or Thanksgiving, or on the weekends or at night, it is part of the process. But because we’ve carried extra weight, we’ve made it mean something about who we are instead of just an action that happened. We make our bodies having extra fat to mean I am fat.

Well, ladies, I just want to tell you, you also have bones, skins, joints, you know, hair, and I don’t see anyone going around going, well, I’m bones. Yep, I’m bones, I’m skin. I have so many joints. I mean, I know it sounds so ridiculous when I say it, but that’s what we do. We go around saying, I’m fat. I just want to tell you you’re not fat. That’s not who you are. Fat is just something that’s on your body and fat actually, you need it to survive. Everybody has some sort of fat on their bodies.

And you know, I wanted to give you just kind of this outlandish example because we have just accepted the way that we talk to ourselves about overeating, about carrying extra weight on our bodies. Our thoughts about our weight, the way in which we eat, is what keeps us overeating or completely restricting. When ladies first join Transform, right away, I tell them, let’s start with the realistic plan and I want you to place all of the things on it. I want you to make it realistic, not idealistic.

I want you to put the pizza, the cookies, whatever it is that you’re eating. I just want you to put it on your plan. They struggle. They’re like, wait, I just joined Transform Weight Loss program. I want to, you know, diet because that’s what we’ve done for so long. But Love, the first step is just noticing.

They also want to start exercising and doing all the things that we’ve done on all the diets. I tell my clients do not start a new movement routine for the first few months. I want them focused on awareness. Awareness of when they overeat, how food feels in their body, how they talk to themselves. See Love, breaking the diet brain, it takes work.

We have these automatic responses in our brain. Think about it. We’ve been dieting so long, right? Some of us, 10, 20, 30, 40 years. And we’ve been talking to ourselves in a way, a really bad way for a really long time. And because of this, it’s just automatic in our brain. And so we need some time to allow ourselves some grace, some love, some food, some time allowing yourself to overeat so that you can notice what it really feels like in your body. So you can see all of the triggers. So you can watch how, when something happens, something frustrates you, and then you go and you’re sitting in the pantry. Just learning all of those different triggers, that’s the first step.

And then allowing yourself to overeat and then not beating yourself up. Part of this process is learning how to have a different conversation with yourself. Overeating is a great teacher because it’s just data. When you overeat, you’re not failing. You’re just eating more than what your body needs for fuel. If a five-year-old overeats a bowl of ice cream and gets a tummy ache, we don’t tell them they’re fat, they’re a failure, how could they do that. We just say, well, maybe next time let’s pay attention to when you’re getting full. No beat down. We don’t make it mean anything about them. Just because you tell yourself that you’re fat, a failure, it doesn’t make it true. Failure is not a fact. And I am fat is not a fact.

Fat is a substance on all human bodies. We need it to survive. Yes, we may have more than we want, but it doesn’t mean anything about who we are. It is just data. I teach my ladies about data, about how looking at things through data, instead of making it mean something about them.

When you overeat, it’s just a trigger, an alarm bell saying, Hey, what’s going on Love? It’s the little girl inside of you saying, Hey, I’m here, pay attention to me. When you overeat mostly it’s unconscious, you’re not paying attention. Overeating is a trigger to become more aware, to pay attention to what you’re really craving, what you’re missing, what are you desiring. And love, it is not a cupcake. It could be real connection and love. And mostly we are desiring it from ourselves. Our little girl inside of us, she is begging us to pay attention, to love her, to accept her. When is the last time you really looked at her and really appreciated all that she is and shown her some love, some attention.

Love, overeating is a gift. It is a trigger to let you know that you’re not paying attention, that you’re not feeling your feelings, and you’re desiring more joy and pleasure in your life. You are not a failure. You are smart, capable, funny, lovely, beautiful, hardworking. That is who you are, and Love, know the difference.

So when you overeat, just be curious, ask yourself why. Then decide what you want to do next time that scenario presents itself. Then Love, just let it go. Move on. No beat down. Actually give yourself a little love and grace.

And the transformational questions this week are when is the last time you overate, and why did you do it? What are the facts? And number two, what conversation have you been having with yourself after the overeat? It makes all the difference.

If you want to learn more on how to get off the diet roller coaster for good and go deeper on this work, I invite you to join Transform Weight Loss program. This program is based on three elements, coaching community, and a weight loss course. This program will help you implement the tools that I teach so that you can live your best life in a body that you love. Go to bflycoaching.com/join.  

So much love.  Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.