Ep #77: Resistance vs Allowance

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women podcast with Shannan Christiansen, episode number 77. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christiansen.

Hello Loves. So happy to be back with you. I am extremely excited about today’s show. Oh, I love this concept I’m going to teach you today. We are going to get into and dive into allowance versus resistance. Ooh, it’s going to be so good. You do not want to miss it.

But first, I want to give a listener shout out. This is where I read a review of the podcast, and this week’s listener shout out is to Sharon Spohn. Shannan, this podcast pulled at my heart string. My relationship with my mom has not always been rainbows and sunshine. You have coached me on this and I know that my mom is who she is and I can’t change her. I threw away my manual for her. I know she loves me and I love her. Thank you for doing this podcast. So much love for you.

Oh thank you Sharon, my Love. I know she’s referencing episode number 75. If you haven’t listened to it, it’s all about moms, and it was a really emotional episode for me. By the end it was really difficult. I was holding back the tears to finish recording and, you know, I love my mom and our relationship was amazing and it was complicated. And so, if you have not listened to that, for sure you will want to listen. If you have a mom, if you are a mom, a step-mom, you have a mother-in-law, you for sure will not want to miss that. But thank you so much Sharon. So much love for you. And of course, if you love Weight Loss for Successful Women, please rate and review it. It really does help other women find us and find this work.

So Love, I am hoping that all of you who are listening who are in the colder states are getting some warmer weather. I know it’s been a little tough lately and I hope that you have some hope of spring. It is just gorgeous here in Arizona. It’s going to be 85 today and I cannot wait to get out in it. If you have listened to me for any time, you know I love the heat. I was thinking that I can’t wait to get out and start sweating. As I’m recording this, I have a blanket wrapped around me and yes, I’m freezing inside the house. So speaking of weather, we are doing an event in Transform called Unstoppable Live, and we’re doing it in August. So I wanted to do something extra special for my Transform ladies, and so I’m doing a drawing, a prize package for one of my ladies to come to the event live here in Arizona with me and spend a couple of days with me. And yes, it’s in August.

It is really the worst month to come here. But I promised my ladies that they could handle 110 and that it was a dry heat, wink, wink, but probably not the best month. But we have AC everywhere. And I am going to treat her like a queen. I mean, photo shoot, we are going to like have amazing food and fun. And we are also looking at some venues because more of my ladies want to come. Yes, they want to come to Arizona in August. I mean, I love these Transform Bosses. They are so amazing. I hope it all works out. We’re still working out all the details of bringing more. You know, we have to make sure we’re following all of the COVID 19 and that we have everything in place, but I think we’re going to work it out because I just can’t wait to hug them. I want to hug all of them. So I’m very excited. For sure, we have the prize package where we’re going to pay for someone to come to my home and you know, have fun one of my Transform Bosses, but we’re seeing if we can expand that too.

So today I want to dive into resistance. Ladies, resistance is the killer of all dreams. I was thinking about resistance and how it still comes up for me. Resistance looks like this. We resist our thoughts because we think they should be different. We resist our feelings. We push them down with food. We resist what is, what is happening. We resist how the humans are. We, you know, know somewhere that humans are imperfect. Yet we have these manuals for them and we think they should be different.

And Love, we resist our bodies. We resist how they look, how they feel, what they do for us. We are at war with them. This makes me think of when I was resisting my body. I would not look at it. I dressed in frumpy clothes so they would not hug my body. I would not even really touch it other than to clean it. I was so disconnected from my own body. I had no appreciation or gratitude for all the things my body did for me every single day. I was resisting thinking about it. I did not want it to be.

I wanted to hide. I wanted to put a pillow over it while I was sitting on the couch, or put my chair all the way down to the floor so I could put myself under my desk. Or I would hide behind someone in a picture. I did not want any part of it. Resistance is the opposite of love. It kept me at war with my body. It kept me not paying attention to it, not loving it, not taking care of it. It kept me in a drive-thru ordering sugar cookies and then fast food and shoving it down before I got home to my husband, because I had so much shame of what I had eaten.

I want to ask you this really important question. What are you resisting? Is it your body, your thoughts, your feelings? Are you pushing them down with food, with social media? Are you buffering, shopping? Are you resisting feeling hunger? So scared that you might have a touch of hunger? I remember Love. I would take food on the airplane when I was traveling because, heaven forbid, if I, you know, went a couple hours without food. I had this resistance to feeling hunger.

So what to do my Love. This space of allowance is everything. Allowing is the opposite of resistance. Allowing is freeing. Allowing a negative thought without acting, without thinking that something has gone wrong. Allowing feelings, all of them, to wash over your body. You can feel any emotion. It will not kill you.

A feeling washes in for 30 to 90 seconds. Allow it, breathe through it, and then release it. I was coaching one of my Transform Bosses on the feeling of anxiety, and when she was resisting it, it increased the feeling of anxiety. But when she allowed anxiety to be in her body, it actually decreased the feelings. And then it passed through quicker.

I want to offer you that you don’t need to act from a negative feeling. You can allow it to be in your body. And Love, allowing the humans. Allowing them to be whoever they are, do whatever they want because you can’t change or control them anyways. I want you to really let sink in. Allowing the humans to be the humans. It does nothing for them really. But it gives you so much freedom to love. Freedom from your pain and suffering, when you just allow the humans to be. Allowing what is without resisting it.

I love Byron Katie’s quote, when you argue with reality you lose, but only a hundred percent of the time. Allowing what is to be there and not arguing that it should be different. Allowing ourselves to take this space, to stop trying to be small, to allow ourselves, our voice, our bodies, our thoughts, our feelings, all of it. Living in a space of allowance. I no longer hide. I take up space. I allow my voice to be heard. I allow my feelings, all of them. I know what real physical hunger feels like because I’ve allowed it.

I allow abundance. Abundance of time, freedom, love, money. When I allow myself to feel abundant, I don’t need to worry about the last two cookies in the container, or carry food wherever I go, because I know that there is an abundance and I no longer feel the feeling of resistance. In my reflection work that I do every day I ask myself, what a m I resisting? And then I practice thoughts of allowance and abundance.

The first step in allowing is awareness to what you are resisting. The second step is deciding what you want to allow. Pick one thing. Maybe you want to allow your body. You want to allow your thoughts to be there without making them mean anything about you, or that anything has gone wrong. Or maybe you want to practice allowing your feelings. You get to decide to let the thoughts of resistance go and allow new thoughts, feelings, and abundance to come into your space.

So the transformational questions are, one, What are you resisting? And number two, What do you want to allow? Pick one thing and practice your new thoughts around allowance.

And if you want help allowing feelings, maybe physical hunger, thoughts, or that beautiful body of yours, come check out Transform. Transform is my weight loss program, and you can become a client of mine. Go to bflycoaching.com/join to check it out. All right Love. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.