My Story

Shannan Christiansen

I think I was around 8

when I first remember hating the way I looked and feeling like I was fat. I remember wanting to be like the “skinny” girls. As I write, this it gets me emotional thinking of how most of my life this “one” thing kept me from being my best self. It kept me in hiding, I have felt so much shame about this struggle, I felt like something was wrong with me.

When I was in my late teens I went on a diet and got down to the lowest weight I had ever been. I still felt fat. I still felt like I was not good enough.

In my early twenties I went through a divorce and piled on the pounds. I would continue going up and down for the next 5 years until through another failed relationship, I gave up. I put on over 100 pounds over the next 5 years.

I felt hopeless. I felt like I was doomed. I had tried every diet, hired personal trainers, and I did not know what to do. I decided to get the gastric bypass surgery. I had hope. I thought this was the answer. I did lose 105 pounds. I did feel better for a while.

But I still was not at my goal weight. I still had 45 pounds to lose. All those old thoughts were there. I still did not love my body. I still wanted to overeat. I just found other ways to do it. I could eat all day and still binge. Over the next 5 years I would gain and lose the same 30 pounds over and over. . .

Then my mom got really sick and I started to gain weight. Then she died. It broke my heart. I continued to gain weight. I was now 80 pounds from my goal weight. 80 pounds, I was so mad at myself, so frustrated, so sad that this is where I was. I could not believe I was here again.

I just could not do another diet. I knew that was not the answer. I knew that the diet industry had filled me full of quick fixes and false promises. I found the secret. I found that it was all inside of me and that I could lose weight and never gain it back.

I have lost 80 pounds (150 from my highest) and I will never gain it back.

I love my body, no really, I love it. I have come back home to it.
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