Ep #174: I Feel Out Of Control When It Comes to Food

Ep #174: I Feel Out Of Control When It Comes to Food

T-BOSS TAKE 4: How this thought “I am not in control around food,” is sabotaging your weight loss journey. How to think that you are in control and make decisions for your best self. You will learn a decision that I made that is one of the core decisions that has helped me keep my weight off.

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 174. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. As I’m recording this, it is rainy here in Phoenix. We’ve had a really rainy winter. It’s been a colder winter, but I’m never gonna complain about it. I know some of you have had really snowy and cold winters.

 

So today’s Take is about control. When I was losing my weight, I had to change what I thought about control. See, I’d always thought that I was out of control when it came to food. I thought if it was there, I was going to eat it. I remember telling myself that I could not have certain foods in my house because I could not control myself around them. This came from years of dieting, restricting, and then overeating and binging. Being on the diet rollercoaster kept me thinking that I was bad, that I could not control myself, and that one day in the future I would suddenly be good and be one of those ladies who only ate chicken and salad, and exercised all the time.

 

This story that I did not have control was just that – a story. See, I was always in control. I was the one who was eating and making the decision. The thought, I am out of control, kept me eating all the things. I remember when one of my coaches, Brooke Castillo, she said, I have Oreos in my kitchen, and I don’t even want them. It was an aha moment for me because it was always my choice whether I could eat it or not. I wasn’t out of control. I was making decisions from a place of I can’t have them rather than a place of I don’t want them.

 

We think that it’s about food, but one thing I know for sure is that when you start to change your mindset, when you start to talk to yourself differently, that is when you start to lose weight for good. I wanted to release the thought that I could not control myself around food, because see, I had built a lot of evidence that it was true, because I did not eat myself to a higher weight.

 

I did stop eating. So whatever weight you are now, you could weigh more. You could weigh more than what you do today. That is the truth. No matter what that number is, you could weigh more. But at some point you stop eating. At some point, you have control. You have done things that you have decided to no longer do.

 

For me, I used to drink all the sugary drinks, like chocolate milk, Coke. I’ve not had one of them in like 30 years. One day I decided with this thought, I don’t wanna drink my calories. That thought has kept me from drinking sugary drinks. It was, I don’t want to, not I can’t. Some of you have stopped smoking, drinking over shopping, or even stopped eating certain foods because you’ve decided to. You are in control, and when you start saying that, when you start to see what you’re doing right, you will have more success.

 

One of the earliest decisions as I was getting off the diet roller coaster that I made for myself was that I was not going to binge. I was not going to overeat in large portions. Binging made me think that I was out of control. I would tell myself, look, you can’t control yourself. You just ate a pizza and four cookies. So I decided that I was not going to do it any longer because I could always eat what I wanted. There were no off limit foods.

 

I was not dieting, so I no longer needed to do that. I was not going to last supper it and eat all the things. That if I overate, I would just take the next best action. I didn’t make it mean that I had to go on a week-long binge fest because at some point I was gonna be good again. If you think I can’t have that in my house or I’ll eat it all, maybe that is true today. But what if you brought it in your house and you started to really pay attention when you ate it, and then you practiced a different thought about it? We all have “trigger foods” as they’re called, and when my T-BOSSES first join Transform Boss, I tell them that if it’s easier at first, sure, you can not have them in the house. But as you do this work, it’s important to lose the fear of food, to know that you decide what you eat and the food does not have any control over you.

 

So my take on control is one, decide that you are in control. Two, bring a trigger food into your house, and then make a plan for when and how much you will eat of it. Three, as you’re eating, take breaths in between each bite. Really savor it. Really pay attention to it. If you’re a T-BOSS, you can do, do the Do I Really Like It? Worksheet in the course workbook. And number four, find the evidence that you have decided to have less of something or stopped something altogether. You have that. You have done that. You do it all the time. Now, just pay attention and acknowledge it. Over our lifetime, we lose our desire for things that no longer serve us, and we decide what that is because we are always in control. You are always in control. You have lots of evidence of it. When you tell yourself, I can’t control myself, it’s just a way that you’re sabotaging your success.

 

If you’re ready to learn how to think differently and how to stop sabotaging your success, then you have to check out Transform Boss Weight Loss. It’s my monthly membership where we take losing weight for the last time to a whole new level so you can get off the diet rollercoaster for good. Go to jointransformboss.com.

 

Next week. I’m gonna give you my T-BOSS Take on what I’ve learned about exercise and how it affects weight loss. You for sure, don’t wanna miss it. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Ep #173: How to Stop the YOYO of the Diet Roller Coaster

Ep #173: How to Stop the YOYO of the Diet Roller Coaster

T-BOSS TAKE 3: How allowance and restriction have played a part in your weight loss journey. How restriction has kept you on the diet roller coaster and how the only way to lose weight for the long term is through allowance. If you have ever thought “I will be good tomorrow when I start my diet”, then this episode is for you.

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 173. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you.  How is your new year going? Mine is so good. I love this time of year. It is time to get to work. I had a lot of rest at the end of December, and I hit January running. We have so many fun and life-changing things going on in Transform Boss. I’m watching ladies invest in themselves and show up for themselves.

 

We are doing a two-part workshop this month where my ladies are setting goals, celebrating success, and learning how to have more success. It is so good. This week’s TBoss Take is all about the food and what has kept you on the yo-yo of the diet rollercoaster. Do you ever find yourself overeating and not able to reach your weight loss goals? This can be very discouraging, but there is a way to manage it.

 

Restricting food intake and overeating, it goes hand in hand. When we restrict ourselves, it often leads to overeating when we give into our cravings. We go on a new diet, restrict by cutting calories or food groups. Then we can sustain it for a period of time, but then we end up binging and overeating. We may even start out by just eating a little off plan, but then it keeps growing, because we keep telling ourselves that we’ll be good tomorrow. We tell ourselves that if we can just restrict long enough to lose weight, that everything will be okay. We’ll eat normally when we lose the weight. It’s one of the most sabotaging thoughts that we have.

 

Restriction brings out our inner rebel. Our inner rebel will show us, by overeating. When we think we can’t have it, then we just want it more. Allowance is the opposite of restriction. It’s being intentional and eating foods you enjoy. It’s learning how to pay attention to how your body is feeling so you can feel fullness before you overeat. It’s eating in a way that you can always do.

 

Instead of saying, I can’t have this, allowance is saying I can have it, and I decide if I want it or not. This is how you start to feel in control. You will also learn through this process how much food your body needs, and it will leave you without feeling guilty or deprived. Losing weight for the last time involves allowing yourself to enjoy food.

 

Eat when you’re physically hungry and stopping when you’re starting to feel satiated or satisfied, when you’ve had enough. Restriction just leads you to overeating. You know this. You’ve done this for as long as you have been on the diet rollercoaster, my love. Are you ready to do something different? I can’t tell you how many times I last suppered. I’d buy all the food, clean it out by eating it because I was gonna be good and eat clean. Yes, I’m using air quotes. Anytime you start thinking, I’m going to be good tomorrow, I need to start my diet tomorrow, I better eat this before I go on my diet, know that you’re setting yourself up for failure.

 

But maybe it’s how you’re failing ahead of time. Hmm. Just sit with that for a moment. You know restricting does not work. You know that you want a good relationship with food, but you keep trying to restrict it. Do you really want to lose weight? If you do, but you have some fear around it, write it down my love.

 

Understand what you’re fearful of. Then decide is the fear of losing weight worth carrying the extra weight, or are you ready to release it for the very last time? My take on allowance versus restriction: one, restriction has never worked for the long term. Two, allowance through eating your favorite foods while paying attention to hunger and fullness is the way. Three, pick one meal; allow the restricted foods and then enjoy them, savor them, and stop when you’re feeling satiated.

 

Next week, I’m gonna teach you how to feel in control around your favorite foods and you will not wanna miss it. Where you can have Oreos on your kitchen counter and not want to eat them. If you want to take this work deeper, then check out Transform Boss. It’s my monthly membership program where you will learn how to lose weight for the last time and get off the diet roller coaster. It’s based on coaching, community, and coursework. You can learn more at jointransformboss.com. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Ep #172: Why You Can’t Stop Eating & Dopamine Hunger

Ep #172: Why You Can't Stop Eating & Dopamine Hunger

T-BOSS TAKE 2: What dopamine hunger is and how it shows up in your weight loss journey. If you have ever felt like you just can’t stop eating or that you can’t resist certain foods? Then this episode is for you. I will teach you what dopamine is and how it relates to hunger and food.

I will give you 4 tips on how to overcome it.

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 172. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. We are almost half over with January. I can’t even believe it. I’m getting ready to leave for California. I’m excited to get away for a few days. I’m going for work, but then Paul and I are staying over to have some fun. I love the ocean. So are you having fun? I add joy and fun in my everyday life. I laugh every single day. You know, this has helped me create the life of my dreams. When I was on the diet roller coaster, I did not prioritize fun and joy. If it happened, great. But when I learned to be more intentional about it, I started having more of it. So plan it, don’t wait for the weekend or vacations. Have fun and joy be a part of your everyday life.

So on today’s show, I wanna ask you a question. Do you ever feel you start eating and just cannot stop? This has happened to me thousands of times. This one time, one of my friends, she had made me a Texas sheet cake, which may be one of my all-time favorite desserts. So I started eating it, and before I knew it, I had eaten half of the sheet cake. I mean, these are in baking sheets, so pretty big. I felt sick, but I just could not stop. This is what I like to call dopamine hunger. In this week’s TBoss Take, I wanna teach you about dopamine hunger and what to do.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter which functions as the primary reward center of the brain. It plays a role in motivation, and it’s also associated with pleasure, movement, and addiction. When dopamine is released in the reward center of the brain, it signals that an action taken was beneficial to survival or goal attainment. Eating certain types of foods, especially those that are high in sugar, have the sugar, flour, salt combo, or highly processed, can cause a surge of dopamine release. This encourages us to eat more than we need and can lead to overeating. Your brain wants more reward and thinks if you keep eating it, you will get more reward, more pleasure.

I like to call this dopamine hunger. It’s a craving for the dopamine hit. When you eat foods that are highly processed, have a high sugar content, then you’re getting a rush, which can overstimulate your reward center. So your brain will compensate by giving you less of a dopamine hit, which is why you then want more. And over time, you’ll need more of it to get the same dopamine hit. So in my example of the Texas sheet cake, the first bite was amazing. It gave me a big old rush. Then I kept eating, wanting that same taste and rush, but nothing is as good as the first bite, because your brain will compensate for the overstimulation. Listen to that part again. Your first bite is the best, so take your time with it, savor it.

Ladies all the time tell me they just love food. They just love it. I just love it, Shannon. But so much of the time, we don’t even pay attention when we’re eating. My love, we eat when we’re scrolling on the phone, cooking dinner, standing at the kitchen counter, while driving, watching tv. We can’t do two things at once. Multitasking, it’s a lie. You can look at the research on it, I promise. So if you’re doing something other than eating, you’re most likely, you’re not even tasting or enjoying the food you’re eating.

So what’s my take on dopamine hunger. Number one, the first bite is the best bite. So enjoy it, savor it. Number two, pay attention when eating. Be intentional and mindful so you can actually enjoy what you’re eating. Three, get up halfway through your meal, change rooms. Do something else for a minute. It will help disrupt thoughts around what you’re eating and help you come into awareness. And number four, I love this one. Eat dessert first. Mm, I said it. I do this so I can eat it, enjoy it, and then I eat some fuel food. It helps with the craving because the fuel food fills me up.

Next week is the main reason why we stay on the diet rollercoaster. And it may not be what you think. You don’t wanna miss it. If you wanna take this work deeper, then keep your eye out for the opening of Transform Boss. You can learn more about Transform Boss at jointransformboss.com. Bye for now Love.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #171: How to Handle Hunger with T-BOSS Take 1

Ep #171: How to Handle Hunger with T-BOSS Take 1

 

T-BOSS Take 1: How to Handle Hunger. In this episode I will show you how emotional eating shows up and how it has left you feeling numb. I will teach you a 3-step process to handle your hunger with a quick tip that takes less than 30 seconds.

If you are an emotional eater, you will not want to miss this episode.

 

 

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 171. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. I hope that a wonderful holiday and new year. It’s 2023 and I am excited. I love the new year because it’s a point in time, a time where I reflect on the amazingness of the past year and get excited about what is to come in 2023. This year I challenge you to find your successes, your boss moves. You may find it hard at first, but every week this year, write a couple boss moves you have done, AKA successes.

This year I am turning 52 years old and I am excited about it. I love getting older actually. Every year I have more wisdom, more experience, and I go deeper into my purpose. I know that our bodies change and they creak a little more for sure, but I would not trade what my mind experiences for a younger body. To celebrate 2023 and me turning 52, I’m gonna start a 52-week long journey called TBoss Take. It’s where I’ll bring you 52 weeks of tips and things that I’ve learned that have helped me get off the diet rollercoaster and have amazing relationships and live my best life in a body that I love.

I’ll do this in email, our social channels, you can follow me on Facebook at BFLYCoaching and on Instagram at Shannan Christensen. I also have a YouTube channel, which if you’re watching this, you’re already there, and we’ll put all of that in the show notes for you. And of course, TBoss Takes will be right here on this podcast every Wednesday. Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss any of the weeks.

Is this gonna be the best year of your life? If it is, then tune in and decide that this is the year that you show up, become a boss, and live your very best life in a body you love. I had been on the diet rollercoaster for so long that I had no idea what real physical hunger even felt like. I just knew I was longing for something. I was trying to fill this deep hole with food. I kept eating and eating until I weighed 315 pounds. And then I lost some weight, but my mom passed and I gained 55 pounds in nine months. I was eating because I didn’t wanna feel the emotion of what was happening. I didn’t wanna feel the grief.

I had always used food to comfort myself, and I didn’t know any other way to cope. I also did not know the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. I just knew that I didn’t wanna feel bad. I didn’t wanna feel this negative emotion, and I thought that eating would make me feel better, and eating did make me feel better for a few moments.

Physical hunger is when your body needs nourishment. You need food to live. Now, emotional hunger is when you want food to fill an emotional need. You want the food to make you feel better, and mostly it can for a moment. It’s a way that you use food to cope with emotions. You might be sad or stressed, anxious, bored, happy or lonely, and turn to food to comfort yourself, or as a distraction from your emotions. Emotional eating tends to involve overeating and eating more non-fuel food. I didn’t wanna feel negative emotions because of so many thoughts that I was having. Thoughts like, you don’t have the time to feel this way. If you feel the grief, you’ll never recover. I need to be happy or positive all the time.

See, these thoughts led me to distract myself by overeating or just disconnecting. I wanted to feel numb. Not that I ever consciously said that to myself. It was just the subconscious thoughts that would then lead me to overeating and then feeling numb and disconnected. See my love, a cupcake can never feel the need of a broken heart, loss, not having joy or fun in your life,  the longing for something more or not fulfilling your purpose, no matter how many you eat.

Here’s my take on what to do. The first step is to become aware of when you are emotionally eating by asking yourself this question: what would a bowl of salad do right now? If only a cupcake will do, then you might be emotionally eating. Two, the second step is to disrupt the pattern or the thought. Once you become aware that you are wanting to eat emotionally, just take a piece of paper and start writing just all the thoughts. This act of writing will disrupt the thoughts that are causing you to emotionally eat. You can also just get up and move rooms. Go to the bathroom for a few minutes.

The third step is to allow yourself to feel the negative emotion. Just breathe and allow it. Feelings last about 90 seconds if you allow them. The quick tip is really just ask yourself this simple question: would a salad do? Just that question can disrupt and bring you into awareness enough that you can decide on what to do next. Sometimes you’ll emotionally eat. Don’t beat yourself up. Just keep doing this three-step process and you’ll be amazed at what a difference it can make.

Next week, I’m gonna dive into dopamine hunger, what it is and how to get a handle on it. You will not wanna miss next week’s TBoss Take. You’ll find it here on the podcast and all of our social channels. And if you wanna take this work deeper, keep an eye out for the opening of Transform Boss. You can learn more about Transform Boss at jointransformboss.com.

All right my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #170: How Regret Keeps You From Losing Weight

Ep #170: How Regret Keeps You From Losing Weight

In today’s episode, you will discover:

How Regret keeps you from losing weight. Regret is a powerful emotion, when most ladies feel it, they want to shut down and disconnect. We cannot change our pasts, even what we did yesterday, but we can do something different in this moment. In today’s show, I teach you how regret shows up and what to do to double down on your success. 

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 170. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with wait for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. We are in a two-part series on regret. You know, I think for many of us, we’ve felt this emotion before. There are things that we have thoughts about that we should have done something different, or if things would’ve happened differently. Some of y’all might think like if I had different parents, right? We have all these thoughts, right?

We’ve had them probably our whole lives. I did an episode way back, episode number 128, about your past and regret, and then last week in episode 169, I talked about loss. Today, I wanna just talk about weight loss and how regret shows up in your weight loss journey. This time of year, you know, here we go. I know 2023 is gonna be here. I can’t even believe it, right? You might be listening, and it’s 2023. One of the things that I do throughout the year, but especially at the end of the year, is I start to plan for 2023. And part of that process is looking at my successes.

For so many of us, we focus on our challenges, what we should have done instead of what we did right. And I bet if I asked most of my ladies who are listening, you would very easily be able to tell me the things that you should have done, the things that you wish you would’ve done different. But really looking back and seeing what we’re doing right, looking at our successes, it’s so important. See, we have this regret about our past and what we should have done, but it doesn’t move you forward. It actually keeps you in inaction. It keeps you not doing anything.

See, in weight loss, we have failed for so many times. I think about, I don’t know, I failed so many times in weight loss until I didn’t. So every time I would go to start something new, I would look back at my past and think, oh, if I would’ve just done something different, my life would be different. I would be different. And what happens is we have these thoughts and they’re circling. So when we start something, because we have failed in the past, we start with too many things.

So since I’ve failed before to be successful, I need to do it all perfectly. And I need to change so many things. I see this when new ladies come into Transform Boss, they have a lot of diet mentality, as did I. They’re trying to do all the things. They wanna do the course, they wanna come to all the calls, you know? And then their brain starts to get confused. And I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know where to start. Because we want to be perfect. Because we believe, we really believe if we can just be perfect and lose all the weight, then everything will be better.

And the real path to losing weight for the last time is starting to slowly show up for yourself and choose one to two things that you can have success with. Start to build upon that. You know my loves, I see this so much in weight loss. We think if I would’ve been thin or never gained the weight, that our life would be better. But life is 50 50. Whatever life you think you might have had, or if you think things would’ve been different if you were thinner, I just wanna offer you a different thought that you still would’ve had problems. You still would’ve had challenges. You still would’ve had loss and grief, and all the things, because that is life. That is our human experience.

We say things like, if I would’ve just lost the 10 pounds this last month then I’d feel better today. But last month is exactly as it should be. It turned out just the way you wanted it to. And you know why that’s true? Because that is how it happened. I understand that not everything is in our control, but we always get to control how we think, feel, and act. I love this quote from Byron Katie. I’ve said it on the podcast before. When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time.

See, we set these weight loss goals and then we don’t hit them because we’re so focused on that singular point of data, the number on the scale. We’re not focused on who we’re becoming, our successes, how we’re changing our habits. So what happens is we just keep failing harder. We double down on our failures instead of doubling down on our successes.

We keep telling ourselves that we should have done this, we should have done that. And then we feel regret. When we feel regret, we’re just puddling. We’re just playing in the puddle. It’s one of those very indulgent emotions, and we’re just playing in the puddle. We’re not doing the things that we want to do. We’re just telling ourselves what we should have done. We’re making ourselves wrong. And when you do this in weight loss over and over again, eventually you just tell yourself, I don’t wanna do this anymore. I’m fine. And then you live in this indifference. Indifference to yourself.

It’s not that you’ve accepted and have love for yourself, it’s that you’re indifferent to yourself. It’s not that you can look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself and love that body you’re in. You’re just indifferent to who you are. Regret is just a trigger. When you’re feeling regret, when you’re having thoughts that you should have done things different, that things would’ve been better if you would’ve lost that 10 pounds. Or I should have done this, I should have done that. I didn’t come to the call, I didn’t do this, you know, all the things we tell ourselves. My love, all that you need to do is one to two things. That’s it. You start today. You can do nothing about yesterday. You cannot change yesterday. All you can do today is decide what is the one or two things I can do for myself today.

Regret is puddling. It’s buffering. It’s a way that you secretly beat yourself up. See, regret sends you into a tailspin of should, what you should be doing, which in turn leads to perfectionistic thinking and no action. Yes, no action. And then your last suppering. And you’re eating all the things because you tell yourself you’re gonna be perfect on Monday. So today, decide you don’t have to change everything on January 1st, 2023. All you need to do is today. What are the one or two things I can do for myself? And when those old, I should have done this, come up, just replace it with, but I am doing this today. Here’s my one to two things. I like to teach this concept called the next to best action. What is the next best action that you can do for yourself? When you start focusing on the actions instead of the one data point, the number on the scale, you start focusing on the habits that you’re creating. Then what happens is you have a different feeling in your body. You have a feeling of commitment. Maybe you have a feeling of confidence. Maybe you have a feeling of excitement that is very different than the feeling of regret. So today, decide one to two things that you can do for yourself. What’s your next best action?

You got this, my love. And if you want to take this work deeper, then take my free course. Go to freebosscourse.com and take my free course. All right, my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #169: How Regret Shows Up In Loss

Ep #169: How Regret Shows Up In Loss

In today’s episode, you will discover:

How regret hides the real emotion that you are feeling which can keep you in the puddle and overeating. My mom passed and I miss her so much. The holidays are full of amazingness and sadness. I want to feel all of it. When my mom first passed, I had a lot of thoughts about what I “should” have done, I had regrets. The regret turned into a way that I could push down sadness, and then that turned into overeating. In this episode I share a simple way to allow the sadness and not play in the puddle.

 

 

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 169. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. We are in the holidays. We are in the thick of it. We are, you know, Christmas is this Sunday and I’m pretty ready for it. I kind of breezed right in this year. I did all of my shopping online. The last few years I’ve just kind of been paring down all the things that we do. And so it’s been pretty simple. It’s just been fun. I’ve been able to celebrate. Usually we go and look at lights. We’ve done a van and we all get in.

 

Last year we went through like a maze of lights. And this year I was like, oh, all these grandbabies they wanna get out. So we went to this, Hallmark channel put on this thing called Enchanted here in Phoenix, and we went with the grandbabies and my dad, it was super fun. We got to walk through the maze and look for reindeer and it was pretty cool. And they had someone singing and they had a, a ballerina on the ice skating rink. It was a pretty cool experience, you know, we’re just enjoying it. And here we go, right?

 

We’re coming down to the last couple weeks of the year, and then we’re gonna get ready for 2023. So as I’ve been thinking about, you know, what do I wanna talk about on the podcast? I’ve been thinking about this emotion of regret. You know, I’ve done a previous episode, 128 on regret, and really when we regret things in our past, but these two episodes are gonna be a little bit different. I’m gonna zone in on a couple parts, and this first part is gonna be on loss. And then part two is going to be on weight loss. You know, as a human, we have regret.

 

We think about things in our lives and think if we would’ve done things differently, then we would be happier, right? Or better humans, have a better life. And the more I do this work, I just think of regret as a useless emotion. It’s just almost an indulgent emotion as my coach calls them. It’s just, it keeps me, when I’m in this kind of regret, from feeling the powerful emotions. The one that I want to feel, the one that I want to process.

 

I think regret is a buffering emotion, allows me to play in the puddle of should, S H O U L D. It’s how I should S H O U L D, all over myself. I should have done this. I should have been this, I should have done all of this, right? It just keeps us almost beating ourselves up, punishing ourselves. Today I wanna talk about regret and loss. This episode is for all of you ladies who’ve had a loss, any type. It could be someone who’s no longer with us, or maybe you’ve lost relationships.

 

It’s the holidays. And you know, I love the holidays. I love October, November, and December. It’s my favorite time of the year. They are amazing, and they are full of negative emotion too. I’ve lost my mom, and she was my bff, my biggest cheerleader. I miss her all year. But around the holidays, it feels a little harder. There are more memories, more traditions that she created that she was a part of, that, you know, she celebrated with us.

 

And my mother, she was ill the last seven to 10 years of her life. Really ill the last five and almost unrecognizable her last year. There are so many times that my brain goes to, if you would have done this, you should have done that. If only you would’ve done this, then maybe she would’ve gotten better or things would’ve been different. But it really boils down to if only you were a better daughter for her.

 

When I think these thoughts, I immediately feel regret and it feels heavy. I start puddling and buffering because I don’t wanna feel regret. I buffer with regret. It’s a beat down in my own mind that I don’t share. It can just be puddle thoughts going around in my brain while I’m watching TV or driving or scrolling social media. It’s a way to make myself wrong instead of allowing myself to feel the sadness and grief of the loss. To feel the intense emotion of missing her, the intense emotion of sadness. Regret is a way that I buffer, probably like you, to not feel the real emotion that is lying underneath at all.

 

See, it’s easy to beat ourselves up, make ourselves wrong. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I would overeat when I felt regret. I would eat all the things. I would do everything. I think about that first year after she was gone. I would do everything to not feel the sadness of her being gone. See, regret, it’s a tricky emotion. We tell ourselves that it makes sense. If we would have done something different, then it would be better now.

 

But it is a lie that we tell ourselves. See, it all worked out the way it was going to, and we know that because that is the way that it happened. We can’t do anything to change the past. Over the holidays, I will experience joy, laughter, and intense sadness that my mom is not here. Her favorite song, Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire. I mean, I don’t know if that’s the name, but most of you know what song I’m talking about. We’ll listen to that song and we’ll all be in tears. This actually just happened. We were at Enchanted and they had this girl and she was there and she started singing. It was awesome. She had the most beautiful voice.

 

And of course, the first song she sang was this one. And I looked at my dad and you know, he had tears in his eyes and it just woo, you know, still right? And it just happened. And this is the things, my love. I don’t regret a thing about my mom. I did everything I could. I did my best and most importantly, I loved her so much. My mom was beautiful, kind, funny, brilliant. She could talk you into anything and loved with all of her heart. And she was also frustrating, irritating. She’d call you 10 times a day. And she was the best. So if you have loss, allow yourself to feel it over and over again. Allow the emotion to wash over you and then release it over and over again.

 

And then feel love and appreciation for the time that you had with them, even if they’re still here on this earth. I wish all of you my loves the best holidays, and I have so much love for you. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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Ep #168: 3 Things That Have Helped Me Be Successful

Ep #168: 3 Things That Have Helped Me Be Successful

I teach a concept in Transform Boss Weight Loss called C work with your best effort. This is about getting out of perfectionism and focusing on the process not the external number. You have to learn to focus on your success rather than your failures.  Failures are just stepping stones to your success.  Join me in this episode as I talk about the core steps that have helped me be successful in getting off the diet roller coaster for good.

 Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 168. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. I have been doing reflecting. I love to look at my past year and celebrate my successes and see how far I’ve come. And I was thinking back to what have been the core things that have helped me to be successful in getting off the diet rollercoaster for good. And so today I’m going to share some of that with you. I mean, it is December. I know. Can you even believe it, ladies? I always say this, but I know you’re, if you’re anything like me, you’re always surprised when it comes and how fast it goes. And you know, I’m just excited. I’m excited for all the fun things and family and rest and really celebrating 2022, and then getting excited about 2023. And I really am excited. I feel very blessed and I love this life. And even though there’s challenges, and of course everything is 50 50, you know, I love the blessings of it all.

 

So today’s show, let’s get into it. There are three things that I want to talk about that I think have been core fundamentals of what have really helped me get off the diet rollercoaster. Now, you know, I have my four basics and my four fundamentals that I teach in long term weight loss. But this that I’m gonna talk about today is more around the process and ooh, they’re good. So number one, you know, as you’re on this journey to losing weight for the last time, you start to create habits.

 

You have thousands of habits,  really, honestly, I don’t even know how many, right? We do habits all the time. And in that, it’s so amazing, right? You’re creating new things. You’re starting to maybe make your realistic plan or get your water in, or you’re starting to practice your one better thought and thinking differently, and that’s amazing. But doing it with C work with your best effort. So I teach this concept called C work with your best effort. This is about getting out of your perfectionistic mind and focused on the process, not the external number, not one data point.

 

You know, we like data, we like black and white, concrete things. But moving forward, having success, there’s a whole bunch of gray, and it’s doing things one, and not seeing the results right away. And also understanding that these new habits that you’re creating, you’re not going to do them a hundred percent of the time. Yes, not a hundred percent of the time. You know, there’s only a few things in my life that I do 100% of the time. I mean, off the top of my head, it’s like I do brush my teeth every single day. I don’t miss a day of that. That’s probably like the one thing that is 100% of the time. I mean, I eat, right and drink water, but like self-care things, brushing my teeth, right? And taking a bath, I’m probably 98% of the time.

 

Most habits that I have are anywhere from 70 to 95% of the time. When I think of that, I think of it as a success. So I make my realistic plan, and I say I do it every day, but there are days that I don’t, and there are days that I don’t do it until after I eat lunch. And then I’m like, oh, shoot, I gotta get going. I gotta, I haven’t done my reflection work today. I haven’t done my realistic plan. And again, ladies, I say this because, but in my brain, how I think about it is that I do it all the time. See, doing it all the time is subjective. What does all the time mean? A hundred percent, 98%, 97%. It’s what you make it mean.

 

See, you can make it mean that if you don’t do it 100% of the time, that you’re a failure. And for most of us, that’s how we think about things. If I’m not doing this 100% of the time, then I’m a failure. But I tell you, if you want more success, it’s opposite of what you think and what you, your brain wants to believe. But if you start focusing on, you know what, I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to be perfect. When you think you have to be perfect, you just don’t even start. You don’t even do the things that are gonna make your life amazing, because you think you have to do it a hundred percent of the time.

 

But when you start to realize that by doing something 50, 60, 70% of the time that it’s gonna lead to massive results, that you’re gonna start seeing amazing progress. If you keep focusing on your failures, then that’s what you’ll have. No action. Living in automatic robot mode. One of the things that have been key to my success is see, work with my best effort. Some days I’m all in. Some days I get it all done and I’m like, Woohoo. Other days I’m like 50%. And I say this because this is so important in your journey, if you keep not doing things because you think you have to do them perfectly, you will live just this life of automatic, just doing the things, doing things for other folks, not working on yourself so that you can live the best life and live in a body that you love.

 

The second thing is, I focus on my successes. I have learned to find all of my successes and focus on them. And this is a big part. I tell you ladies, I would say in the last five years, I just keep getting better at this over and over and over again. Again, no perfectionism, but I really do every day try to think about what am I doing right? How is it working? And you know, last week’s episode was all about the Gap and the Gain. And you know, I loved, I just read that book this year, but I’ve been doing this for a long time, focusing on what is working, what is successful?

 

And you know, losing this, you know, ideal that it has to be perfect. And also not comparing myself to other people. You know, anytime I start comparing myself, it’s just a trigger that I need to do some reflection work, or I need to get coached. Because that, to me, anytime I’m comparing, it’s just negative thinking and it’s not helpful. It doesn’t one, make me do anything different. It just makes, kind of shuts me down. It makes me feel like I’m failing. And so most of what I try to think most when I’m doing my reflection work and different things every day I write what I’m successful at, what’s working, what am I doing?

 

And it’s not that I never, of course, look at my challenges. I, of course, I look at them, but I look at them so that I can see, is this something I wanna focus on? Is this something I want to change or is this just part of the process? I just ask myself, what am I learning from it? I don’t make it mean that anything’s gone wrong. Ladies, when we focus on this number, this number, right, this weight, when every day we get on and we beat ourselves up, and if it’s good, we’re good. If it’s bad, we’re bad. Instead of just, it’s a number, it’s one data point. And while I was losing my weight, I tell you these, I started to become just so disconnected from that number.

 

I had a goal in my mind, but I wasn’t even quite sure what it was gonna totally be. I just thought, you know what? I’m gonna focus on the process. I’m gonna focus on my success. And when I started focusing on the process and what I was doing right, I started to have more success. Ladies, I say this a lot in Transform Boss, we just had a workshop, the part five of healing you. And you know, I told ladies, learning this, learning to focus on your success, learning how to see what you’re doing right is so important because if not, if you keep focusing on what you’re doing wrong, if you keep focusing on your challenges, then you could be 90 years old still worrying about 10 pounds that you thought you should have lost because it was some number you weighed when you were 20 years old.

 

And that is the truth. When you focus on your successes, what is working? When you start loving the body you’re in now, it’s all thoughts. When you start feeling comfortable in the skin that you live in now. You start loving the skin that you’re in, you start appreciating it, that it’s moving, that it’s working, that you start focusing on the process. Like, what is the thing I can do for myself today. Ladies, that is when you’re gonna start having success.

 

Number three, putting things in small, simple action steps. I learned this a long time ago, probably 20 years ago. It was from this book, I was all, you know, I was in corporate world and I really wanted to focus on my productivity. And I read this book called Getting Things Done by David Allen. And I loved this book. I still use so many of the concepts today. I think it’s the best time leadership, time management book out there. And one of the things he talked about that just, ugh, I do this now in every part of my life, is that our brains think of things in projects, like big things.

 

So like you might say to yourself, I need to lose weight. Well, there’s about a million action steps in losing weight, right? I mean, think about it. There’s all these little tiny actions that you have to do. And so when you think of things in big projects, it just makes you feel overwhelmed, and then you keep putting them off because it feels overwhelming, right? When you think, oh, I gotta do this coursework in Transform Boss. But you think you have to do the whole course instead of like, Hey, I’m gonna do this, you know, three minute course video today, right?

 

So it’s all about taking these big things like losing weight or doing the coursework, getting coached, whatever it is, and putting it into a small, tiny action step. So I do this in all parts of my life, and I just focus on one to two things at a time. Because if I just focus on one to two things, then I can start to up level and I can continue to build on them. When I was losing my weight, I focused on my realistic plan and reconnecting to my body. And reconnecting to my body was just simple questions I asked myself like, am I physically hungry? How is my body feeling? I didn’t expect perfection. Every day, this has turned into what I like to call my top three. Every day I have a top three. These are three actions that I’m gonna do. I have them for work and for my self-care. Just three simple actions, not big projects. And then when I accomplish them, I take a moment and I celebrate.

 

It could be a high five to myself or just a deep breath. And I say to myself, nice work Shannan. And I tell you ladies, that celebration, it goes back to number two, focusing on my successes. It just helps me continually build on my successes by doing simple steps. I tell you ladies, we think we need to do all the things. I did this for so long. When I was on the diet rollercoaster, I was like, okay, I’m gonna lose weight, I would tell myself at the beginning of the year, I’ve gotta do all the things.

 

I see ladies that come into Transform Boss, or like, I gotta do all the things. It’s like no, one to two things. I say this, so many, one to two things, focus on one to two things. And I tell you ladies, because when you do, they start compounding, you start having more success. Ugh, it’s so important. So number three is just putting things in simple action steps.

 

So the three things that have helped me in so many areas of my life, get off the diet roller coaster, have a successful career, bettered my relationships are creating habits, but doing C work with my best effort, focusing on my successes and the process. And number three, putting things into simple action steps. To change your life you just need to focus on this moment and today. What is the next best action that you can do for yourself right now?

 

And if you wanna take this work deeper, take my free course. Go to freebosscourse.com and you can then sign up there. All right my love, bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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EP #167: What I Learned From The Gap & The Gain

Ep #167: What I Learned from The Gap and the Gain

In today’s episode I share what learned from the book The Gap & The Gain by Dr. Benjamin Hardy & Dan Sullivan. Goals are just guideposts, meant to help us focus on who we are becoming, not if we hit the goal in the timeframe we set.  Instead of living in the past, and focusing on all you have done wrong, what if you focused on what you are doing right – what is working? What if you lived in the gain?

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 167. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with Wait for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen. Woo, Ladies. Hello, love.

So happy back with you today. Today I wanna share what I’ve learned from a book that I have read called The Gap and the Gain. It’s written by Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, and I loved it. You know, I love learning ladies, and I love to, sometimes even when I’m learning, it’s just reinforcement of things that I might know or were taught.

But this is why I love learning from different people and different authors and different business experts and life coaches and all the different things, because as I learn, you know, they always teach it in a little different way or give different examples, which I absolutely love. So I am getting excited. You know, it’s December, I know, I can’t even believe it,

ladies. We always say that, right? But here it is. Here we go. 2023 is almost here and getting ready for Christmas, and I’m 98% done with my Christmas planning and shopping. So I feel pretty excited. And this week my leadership team and I are having an in-person meeting here in Phoenix on Friday and Saturday. We’re just so excited for all of the amazing things that are going to happen in 2023 and transform Boss weight loss.

And you know, we really are gonna look at our member experience from the moment they become members through their journey and our client experience, and just really look to enhance what we’re already doing. You know, I love making things easier, simpler, and then also fun and exciting. I like to blow my lady’s minds. I do love to overdeliver. I for sure do.

So that is this weekend. I cannot wait. And on top of it, I’m going to Colorado. I know I’m leaving actually in a couple hours. The weather’s not too bad. I’m not even gonna complain. I mean, it will be cold, but nothing that I can handle, for sure. So let’s get into today’s show. I read this book and well,

I’m just gonna say we are gonna do it. We’re gonna do this book as a book club in Transform Boss next year. I love this book because over time I have watched myself, as I’ve learned, as I’ve had more success, become more focused on the gain, and it really has led to amazing success. When I get into my head and I start puddling around and I start focusing on my challenges,

my failures, then I mostly either do nothing, disconnect, or I start to sabotage and go backwards. So here are three lessons that I learned from the Gap in the game. So the first thing is this quote, I’m gonna read a quote from Dan Sullivan. The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.

See, we all have this goal that we’re trying to attain, but we keep moving the goal post. Think about that for a moment. Think about how many goals, whether it’s weight loss goals, financial goals, career goals, relationship goals. We set these goals, but we keep moving the goal post. We start to achieve it, and then we move the goal post.

We start to compare ourselves with other folks. We’re not thin enough, we’re not rich enough, we’re not educated enough. Our career is not enough. You know, we’re not good enough mothers or wives. We keep moving the goal post. We are focused on this external reference point that we measure our success with. I think about this with weight loss,

how many times I would lose weight, but it still was not good enough. I had this number, this number in my head that until I reached it, I was not good enough. Not only was the weight, but I then related it back to myself and how I felt about myself. Even though I was making progress, even though I was losing weight,

even though I was feeling good, I still had these sabotaging thoughts that it wasn’t good enough. I did not work out enough. I did not eat good enough. You know, I was not small enough. And really what it did was just keep me on the diet rollercoaster. I was not celebrating my progress, how far I had come. I wasn’t celebrating the new habits that I was creating.

I was just thinking that I needed to hit this goal, and I didn’t celebrate the journey along the way. And the second thing that I learned was all about the gap and how the gap impacted my success. Here’s another quote from Dan Sullivan. Your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways you measure yourself against an ideal,

which puts you in what I call the gap and against your starting point, which puts you in your gain, appreciating all that you have accomplished. Ladies, the gap is consistently measuring yourself against this ideal. So until you reach it, it’s not good enough. Even though you’re making progress. This leads to frustration, overwhelm in weight loss. You don’t love the process.

You don’t do it in a way that you can always do it. You tell yourself things like, I can just restrict for six months. Then once I reach my goal, I’ll be normal. I’ll eat normal. But then you lose some weight, it comes and you’re still puddling. You’re still thought looping. You don’t enjoy the process. You’ve been restricting.

You haven’t learned how to lose weight in a way, eating, enjoying your favorite foods, living your life. And you have this thought it’s not good enough because you’re moving the goal post. And so you start gaining it back. But the gain is looking backwards to measure your success from where you started and appreciating the progress you have made. In the book,

Dr. Benjamin Hardy, he tells this story of a person who weighed over 400 pounds. She’s like an Instagram person, and she weighed over 400 pounds and she lost 240 pounds. But of course, you know, social media, she had haters. She had folks saying she was not thin enough, she had loose skin. And what she realized is that she had to focus on what success meant to her and look at the progress she made.

Because if she didn’t, then the 240 pounds that she had lost, that she had taken off her body would not have been good enough. I just want you to think about that for a moment. She lost over half of her body size, and it still would not have been good enough if she did not change the way that she thought. I mean,

crazy, right? When we compare ourselves to others, it will never be good enough. But when you focus on the process, not the external ideal, not just one data point, you start to find your success and then you compound it. Success is like compound interest over time. As you build on it and you focus on the successes that you have,

it starts compounding. And then you start feeling better. You start feeling happier. My love. What you focus on is what you will do. I want you to hear that. What you focus on is what you will do, what you think will become your results. So if you focus on the gap, what you have not accomplished, the challenges you’re having,

then that is what you’ll get. If you focus on the gain, what you have achieved, the success that you are having, what is working, then you will get more of that. And the third thing is that living in the gain can transform everything and always measure backwards. Here’s a quote from Dr. Benjamin Hardy. The gain is the antidote. The gain creates immediate happiness.

The gain connects you to yourself and your own progress. The gain transforms everything. The gain gives you power over the direction in your life. The gain gets you out of the gap. We live in a goal orientated society where tons of pressure to be perfect to live this perfect life that doesn’t exist. I love goals, but I really think of them really as just guidepost.

I teach ladies and transform boss how to set impossible goals, but it’s never about the goal. It’s on who they are becoming the next version of themselves. It’s about the process. It’s about focusing on their successes. It’s not about the goal. And in some arbitrary timeframe they set, we often overestimate what we can do in a short period of time and underestimate what we can do in a long period of time.

I learned this from one of my coaches, and it’s so true. We think in, you know, three months we can lose a hundred pounds, but we don’t think in five years what we can do. And what happens is we set unrealistic short-term goals, and then we expect to change everything overnight. When you measure yourself by how far you’ve come,

what successes you’re having, what parts of the process is working, you have more success. If you focus yourself on these short term unrealistic goals and just one data point, you have more challenges, more failures. One more piece of this is how we look at the past. For many of us, we’ve looked at the past as a way to beat ourselves up for challenges or mistakes that we’ve made.

But when you use the past to celebrate how far you’ve come, how you are such a boss, how you have gained wisdom, experience that you’ve overcome, pain, suffering, loss, and you’re still here doing the work, what if you focused on what you’re doing, right? What is working, what successes you are having? What if you lived in the game?

I love this book and there’s so much more. If you’re in Transform Boss, don’t worry. We’re gonna do this book club in the first half of next year. And if you wanna take this work deeper than take my free course, go to free boss course.com. Ooh, I can’t wait. And next week I’m gonna share three things that have helped me have success.

All right, my love. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. That’s BFLYcoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #166: What I Learned From Mel Robbins

Ep #166: What I Learned From Mel Robbins

In today’s episode I share what I love about the book, High Five Habits by Mel Robbins. In this book, Mel shares a simple 2-minute daily practice that can help you start to see yourself differently. I share 3 things I love about this book and how you can start implementing them into your daily routines.

Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 166. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. Today, I’m gonna share three things I love from Mel Robbins, her newest book actually, The High Five Habit. I love Mel Robbins and her stories. In the High Five Habit, she teaches this simple process of giving yourself a high five in the mirror and really looking at yourself and doing this every day. We did this as a book club earlier in the year in Transform Boss Weight Loss, my membership program, and the ladies loved it. So did I. I love the High Five Habit. There is some good science behind it too. And for me, I love doing it, and I love when I watch other ladies doing it. I realize I do high fives a lot. I do it with my grand babies all the time.

You know, I think about as I was growing up and in school, even at work, you know, when someone does a great job, I’m like, woo-hoo, high five. And so this thought of giving yourself a high five, ooh, I like it. So I wanna share with you just three things that I love about it, and you know, relate them back to finding some love for yourself and weight loss.

So, number one, she says this, this is her quote, “the relationship with yourself is the foundation for everything else in your life.” Ooh, I love it. You know, the relationship with yourself, I believe, is the most important relationship that you’ll have on this earth. And because everything else stems from the relationship that you have with yourself. And for many of us, we just get so busy with everyone else. We get so busy with life. We get so busy pleasing others. We get so busy trying to make folks like us. We are worried about our families and all the things we have to do that we forget about ourselves.

This thought that the relationship with yourself is the foundation, it’s the beginning of everything else. Ooh, I love it. You know, to believe in yourself and to celebrate yourself is everything. You know, I think somewhere along the way we start to believe that, you know, our needs, our dreams, ourselves, we don’t matter that much, and that celebrating ourselves is conceited or boastful. But honestly, for 99% of the women, you don’t have that problem. We have the exact opposite. We don’t celebrate ourselves. We don’t even look at ourselves in the mirror. We don’t even take two minutes for ourselves. Everything becomes about all the other people.

Or we get so lost in buffering. Buffering with, you know, these things so we don’t feel feelings, you know, buffering with social media and Netflix and overeating. And you know, when you start to show up for yourself, when you start to build that relationship with yourself, oh, ladies, it just changes so much for you. I think about this exercise we did. So every year, once a year, I do this big event in Transform Boss, and it’s called Unstoppable Live, and it’s an in-person and virtual event. And we did this mirror exercise where they had a mirror and they really had to look themselves in the mirror, and it was a small, it was just their face, and they just really, and it brought up so much emotion. Because we, we don’t even look at ourselves anymore.

When is the last time you really looked yourself in the eyes in the mirror and you had a moment of celebration, a moment of love for yourself? This simple habit of high fiving yourself and looking yourself in the mirror every day, I think it’s a good one. I love it. It seems a little quirky. She talks about that a lot in the book. I think some folks are like, Hm, but I tell you my love. Ooh, it’s good.

Number two, another quote from Mel. “If you look in the mirror and don’t see a person worth celebration, it’s time to change that.” I think for many of you, especially because we’ve dieted for so long, and bootcamps and restriction and punishment, we think if we just could beat ourselves up, if we can just tell ourselves, you’re so, you know, ugly, fat, blah, blah, blah, that you will then motivate yourself. But the exact opposite happens. You cannot beat yourself up to motivate yourself.

Ladies, just take a moment and think about how many times that you’ve created these negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. The more that you repeat negative things about yourself, the more your brain goes to thinking that is who you are. And then you start building this evidence that you can’t do anything, that you’re not good enough, that you can’t lose weight, that you’re not pretty enough, you’re not this enough, and it just continues to keep compounding.

But when you start to look at yourself and you start to see your worth, because you’ve always been a hundred percent worthy, you’ve always been a hundred percent beautiful, and nothing about this earth like the things, the socialization, or the thing that person said to you in the third grade, none of it matters. It’s about you looking at yourself and seeing the beautiful soul and person that you are. And I just wanna say it again. You cannot beat yourself up to motivate yourself because the exact opposite happens.

Number three, another quote from Mel. “Your dreams are your responsibility. No one is coming.” Ladies, I teach this. I talk about this, because I believe in this so hard. I think we were taught, especially I grew up in the seventies, eighties, and there was a lot of, you know, chick flicks, and we watched a lot of things where the man was coming to be the hero. I think about Pretty Woman, you know, it was one of my favorite movies. And Richard Gear comes in the limo, and he has the flowers, and he’s coming to be the hero of her story. But that’s not how it works. No one is coming. You are the one that’s coming. You are the hero of your story.

Your life is your responsibility, and your dreams are your responsibility. No one else’s. It’s not the job of someone else to make you feel great. It’s not the job of someone else to love you. We put this responsibility on other people like, Ugh, they don’t love me. They don’t accept me. No. Right? Because you don’t love you. You don’t accept you, but you tell yourself that it’s them. My love, when you start to love yourself, when you start to become the hero of your story, it will matter less and less what the other folks do. Because you are the hero. You’re showing up for you. You’re doing the work. You’re the one who is coming. Mm. Ladies, just listen to that again. I know it’s my favorite. It’s my favorite.

Try it my loves. Give yourself a high five. Look at yourself right in the eyes. Then allow yourself to celebrate you just for being you, for the beautiful soul you are. Mm, so good. And if you wanna take this work deeper, then go to freebosscourse.com and take my free course. All right my love. See you next week. Bye for now.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and wanna learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

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Ep #165: 2 Simple Steps to Help You With Holiday Meals

Ep #165: 2 Simple Steps to Help You With Holiday Meals

In today’s episode, you will discover how to use my simple 2-part process so you can eat without the shame and guilt this holiday season.

In this process you will learn how to decide ahead of time and what to do when you are facing challenges – like a food pusher or feeling grief and loss during this time.

Holidays are meant for fun and joy but for many of us they bring a whole lot of baggage and overeating. You won’t want to miss this episode as I also share simple tricks to help you during your holiday meal.


Featured on the Show:

You are listening to the Weight Loss for Successful Women Podcast with Shannan Christensen, episode number 165. Welcome to Weight Loss for Successful Women, a podcast for women who are ready to break the diet cycle and end their struggle with weight for good. Here’s your host, fortune 100 executive, and certified life coach, Shannan Christensen.

 

Hello love. So happy to be back with you. I wanted to do this show today cause I wanted to talk about holiday meals, and I wanna give you just a really simple two-step process. I did this the other day in a coaching call with my bosses and I just love this very simple process to really come into awareness and planning. So much of this work and so much of living your best life is just being aware of your challenges and planning for them. I can’t wait my love.

 

So I wanna tell you this story about how Thanksgiving used to be for me. This is not that long ago, but a few years ago. And I would, you know, cook for days. You know how it is ladies, if you’re the one who does the cooking, if you’re lucky and you don’t have to, you know, be really grateful for that. But if you’re like me, I cook. My mom used to always cook. And then the last couple to few years before she passed, I kind of took it over. And Thanksgiving for us is lots of family recipes and a lot of cooking. And I would start the day before Thanksgiving and of course cook all day, and then of course on Thanksgiving.

 

And what it left me feeling was exhausted. And then the meal comes and it lasts, you know, really about 10 to 20 minutes, but we’ll give it 30 minutes. And I would overeat. I would be eating all throughout cooking. So by the time the meal was over and we had dessert, I was just exhausted. My body would hurt, my legs would ache, and I would just wanna take a nap. And I didn’t have a ton of energy to really celebrate and have fun. Now I would, you know, fake it ladies, this is what we do. But it wasn’t the authentic self that I am now when it comes to how I want to feel on Thanksgiving. One of the things that I started was I asked for help.

 

I know ladies, before I get into the two-step process, I just want to share this with you. You know, I used to think I had to do all the things and now I ask for help. And my daughter-in-law and son, they’ll come over on Wednesday and my grand babies too. It’s so fun. They help me prepare the meal and do the cooking and I don’t have to do it all by myself.

 

And so if you have someone in your life that can help you, ask them. You’ll be amazed at the response. And when you get help, it helps you to one, have fun and share that with your family or friends. It also, again, is just another tradition that you can create. I just wanted to share that cause I love that. Now what I do, there’s a two-step process and I took some of my bosses through part of this process in the coaching call, but I wanna expand on it and talk really about some of the challenges that you might face and give you some tips on what to do.

 

So the first part of the process is awareness. And this goes to awareness of what the holiday really means to you and how you want to feel during and after. Just taking a couple minutes and deciding what is important, what do you want to feel? So Thanksgiving is the closest holiday. We celebrate it. For me, I want to feel joy. I want to feel excitement, celebration, and it means just a time for my family to get together and celebrate. It’s also my birthday and my daughter-in-law’s birthday and we always celebrate it on Thanksgiving, and it’s a time for me to celebrate my daughter-in-law, and have fun and you know, laugh and play games and go outside. It’s gonna be gorgeous here. So that’s what the holiday means to me. It really means love and family.

 

And I want to feel amazing, energetic, I wanna feel joyful. I wanna laugh and have fun. And after I want to feel just excited and content. And what’s important about it to me again, is just the family piece, the love piece. But I wanna add one more thing. I also wanna show up for me. I wanna take care of myself. I want to eat foods that feel good to me. I wanna enjoy some of my favorite Thanksgiving or holiday treats, but I don’t want to overeat them. I don’t want a stomachache. I don’t want to feel stuffed.

 

And so as I go into this holiday, I just took five minutes and just asked myself three questions. Number one, why is this holiday important to me? Number two, what challenges could I face? Number three, how do I want to feel during and after? These three questions are so powerful because they’re simple and they take about two minutes to answer.

 

The second part of the process is planning. I ask myself these three questions and then I got into the second part of the process, which is planning and deciding. Planning is an important part of the process because you’re using your thinking brain, your prefrontal, instead of your automatic habit brain or Lizzy. And then you’re deciding, what do I want to eat?

 

And things like, how many leftover meals will I have? You’re deciding this ahead of time. And what this does is allows yourself to be in an abundant mind and allowance instead of restriction. And when you’re planning and deciding, this is so important, don’t do it with your diet brain. Really think about what do I want to eat? What do I want to enjoy? What’s important to me? When you’re doing that, do that with allowance.

 

And the next part is what challenges will I face? You know, there’s lots of challenges that you could face. One, you might, when the food is there in front of you, want to overeat it even if you’ve planned ahead of time. So I wanna give you a couple tips during the meal time, what to do, or even as you’re, you know, making the meal, you know, for sure I like to taste things as I’m cooking them because I wanna make sure they’re good. And so what you can do is grab a small plate and put the things on it as you’re cooking, and then you just continue to put that on your small plate so you can just see what you’re eating.

 

Again, this is about awareness. So if I eat a bite of stuffing, I take that same portion and put it on a small plate. That way I can just be aware of what I’m, you know, that old saying, I think it’s bite licks and taste or something like that. It just gets you into awareness of what you’re eating throughout the day. And then at the meal, I like to actually put smaller portions on my plate, and on my realistic plan I actually on holiday meals, I’ll say, and you can have two plates, two servings. And why I do that is because I start with the smaller portions and then I get up. I get up, I walk around, I maybe start to put some things away, I check in with my family. You know, I just, sometimes I just even get up and just go to the restroom.

 

That disruption allows me to decide, do I want to go back for the second plate? Now if I did, if I was still hungry, I would allow myself. Sometimes there’s like, oh yeah, I’m a little still a little hungry. I might put a couple more scoops of whatever, stuffing is my favorite, on my plate. But again, it’s allowing myself to be in that awareness and to again, stay in my thinking brain. And it allows me to enjoy myself and enjoy my holiday meals without all of this guilt and shame.

 

Now, another challenge that I face is I have lots of feelings. Normally on the morning of Thanksgiving, I always feel some sadness and it’s because my mother has passed and it’s usually around my birthday time. And so I feel sad and I allow myself to feel it. I allow myself to feel sad. Usually I’ll write about her and allow myself to cry. And then I go into why I’m grateful that she was my mom and why I’m so grateful that she was in my life. And then it just changes the feeling for me and how grateful I am that she gave me all of these beautiful skills and all these beautiful recipes that I get to share with my family and my grandkids. And what it does is I don’t have to eat and push down the feelings of the loss or the sadness.  And for you, you might be missing family members, you might be missing someone that you love. You might have relationships that are strained right now. And so just allowing yourself to feel it without trying to avoid it.

 

The third challenge is food pushers. So maybe you’re one where you’re like, oh, I’m going to someone’s house and they want you to eat all the things, right? My solution for food pusher, I am actually one, so is my mom. So I totally understand from the food pusher side, and being on the other side of it, I think it’s just easy to say, oh my gosh, as you’re eating it, I love it. This is so good. And then if you start to feel full, just saying, Hey, I’m feeling so full. Can I take some of this home with me? You know, just helping them to see that you’re enjoying the food that they cooked, and you don’t need to make it a big deal.

 

I think sometimes we wanna, you know, make it mean that something’s wrong with them or how they’re always trying to push this food on me. You know, all the things we have, all the thoughts we have, and really it’s just they want you to enjoy it. So my simplest trick is really just to tell them how much you love them and you love the food and tell them the truth. You know, I’m feeling full. I know we wanna make it this big deal and come up with stories and all the things. And really you can just say,

 

you know, I’m feeling so full right now, but I’ll take some home for sure.

 

My love, in any holiday meal, in any situation, you can eat with abundance and love without restriction, guilt and shame. You can eat until you start feeling satiated or satisfied. You don’t need to cut out your favorite foods. You will also eat this meal again, right? I think sometimes we have these scarcity thoughts like, you know, I’m gonna eat all the things because I’m never gonna have pie again. And just allowing yourself to eat with abundance and love, and check in with your body. Check in with your body and see how you’re feeling. Because it goes back to the first part of the process. How do you wanna feel during and after?

 

Holidays, for you and me, I have a feeling are just so much more than the food. They’re really about love and enjoyment and being able to spend time with families and friends and folks that we love. So allow yourself to enjoy them. Allow the fun and joy. And I wish you the best holiday season, and I hope that you just laugh and have fun and joy and feel all the other stuff too.

 

And love, if you wanna take this work deeper, then take my free course, you can head on over to freebosscourse.com and take my free course. All right my love. Bye for now.  Thank you for listening to this episode of Weight Loss for Successful Women. If you love what you heard today and want to learn more, come on over to bflycoaching.com. See you next week.

 

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